Broken Hearts and Shattered Dreams

The good news? Things can't possibly get worse.

On September 15th, 2000, I met a woman that changed my life. I fell in love in a way I never had before. There was one slight problem, however, I had a vasectomy in January that year, and couldn't sire any children for her; she left me, with my blessing, to find happiness and a family.

The "plan" was for her to have some children, and eventually we would get back together.

Years went by, and we both found other lovers.The idea that someday we would get back together seemed nearly impossible. Suddenly, 11 years later, after being hurt and abused by others, we met again; decided it was time to stop living in pain, and finally be together. She had her children now, and nothing stood in the way.

At first, it was great! I felt on top of the world!

Slowly, I began to notice certain problems. She was not the confident woman I knew, and had difficulty making decisions. I knew that she was physically and emotionally abused by her exes, so, I did my best to reassure her. She began to grow distant, and controlling. Things seemed like we were moving backwards instead of forward in our relationship.

Then I found out she was cheating on me with the man who had abused her and her kids.

She had ran back to him and his emotional, financial, and physical abuse; the fear of the unknown was too much. This is true of many abused people; they actually feel "normal" in such a setting after being broken down so many times. The thought of happiness and forever, was too foreign.

It hurts when you lose someone you love, but, when your dreams are shattered, it's an entirely different matter.

I have based every relationship I ever had, on the one I had with her. I have judged every woman I was ever with, to her. Now, I just feel stupid.......

...........I was living a lie. Love doesn't judge. Love doesn't control. Love is patient, and kind, love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

We were not in love.

The silver sheen in the proverbial cloud, is crystal clear; I can do better. It means letting go of preconceived notions and old beliefs. The women I compared to her, were NOTHING like her.

I feel good about this; I can move on now. It's just going to take some time...........

September 15th, 2000 - August 25th, 2013


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