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May 4th, 2014
We all come to a crossroads in life. A choice, that has the potential to change your whole life. These events, fortunately are rare, as humans are creatures of habit; they thrive on things staying the same, and are apprehensive to try new things. Our body and minds are designed for cycles, and schedules. Major change scares us; so when faced with a major choice in life, it is very normal to be undecided, and can even have us put off doing things we know we should.

This is my crossroads; to walk away from everything I know, on a wing and a prayer. I have no idea where I am heading, living, working, etc. I made this realization in the summer of 2012, and just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, they did.


With all the other drama going on in my life, I was made homeless THREE TIMES in one & a half months!!

Toss in a few extremely failed attempts at dating, a dwindling district (Rainy River District), and I am watching as all my friends leave, one-by-one. Two years later, I am still here, and haven't followed through with the promises I made to myself; following my dreams, and living up to the potential and goals I know I am capable of. Truth is, I can't; my inner peace is shattered, my focus is elusive at best. Things I once took pleasure in, now seem like a chore; writing, reading, or even simply going for a walk. I'll admit, I've become seriously complacent, and had even found some purpose in life, but, it fell apart in the space of 48 days.

What's to say? If you haven't read my article entitled "Fire Bombed", you might take the time to do so. I lost my home due to fire, and was forced to move. I found employment AND a place to live, at the Makabi Motel on Scott Street; to make a long story short, they were shuttered after I was there for only three weeks. I found myself suddenly couch surfing, until the end of the month, where I was offered a shared accommodations. I eagerly paid my half of the rent, and began working on cleaning up some of the basement - it had flooded. The landlord suddenly stopped in to check on the cleanup of the flooded basement, and informed me that she received no rent from my roommate, and that there was no subletting of any kind! I tried to get my money back, but, it was spent by the time I realized what had happened.

I'm beat, battered, and broken.

I can't do this anymore; stay here, that is. I have to get out of here! I don't have much left, but, I'm determined that anywhere is better than here. I've decided to keep track of this journey, using my website, with daily (hopefully) entries. It helps me let my friends and family know what I'm up to, and how I'm doing. It might even be a little fun.

I worried, excited, scared, and cannot believe this feeling of a weight being lifted from my chest. I'm told that as things unravel, it will get even better. I hope so. Talk soon.


May 5th, 2014
I've gone through my clothes, and sorted them; keeping the good stuff, one pile for the Salvation Army, and one pile of clothes that I'm certain no one will ever want. I looked at the pile of clothing I was keeping, and realized there was no way I could take that much - Who needs 50 shirts, anyway?! (I'm always getting new shirts from bands, events, sponsors, not to mention gifts, and the ones that come in beer boxes) So, I went through my "keeping" pile and put half of that in the pile for Salvation Army. I groaned as I realized that even THAT was still too much to take with across the country. Frustrated I turned to other things; what to keep? My electronics comprise of years of cords, splitters, nicknacks and doohickies. I sighed, and dug in. A few hours later, I stood up, satisfied that I had eliminated much of the excess. I was wrong. As I chewed on my lip thinking, I realized that some of the items I own could be worth money; quite a bit of money, if I were to recal some of the purchase prices of the equipment I had in my collection.

I sat down at the computer and came to the dismal conclusion, that what I called treasured, valued equipment, was not barely worth listing on Ebay!

Clicking through the busing prices of shipping my stuff, it suddenly on me, that it was actually worth it to send everything I needed by bus. To be honest, the pricing is fairly reasonable. My mind swirled with ideas, possibilities and options.

East, or West?

I've got friends all over the country. Canada is quite big; it's the second biggest country in the world! The choices are endless! I really don't know what to do. I've spoken to many of my friends still in town, and they all agree on one factor - Get. Out. Of. Fort Frances! Every had great advice on both options, and it's making things seem much brighter already.

Which way?




May 6th, 2014
The choice is made. Drum-roll please?

EAST.

I am going to hold back some information on the actual final destination, however, I can tell you this much, Southern Ontario is going to be my first stop. There are many opportunities, and while I've been all over Canada, I haven't been to Southern Ontario. I'm made jokes about our geographically confused neighbours, and pouted when I heard about the weather. I feel better already! I know where I heading......

........I've been busy! I'm setting up a yard sale for this Saturday, and I've gone through my stuff again, eliminating even more from the now dwindling pile of "keeping". I've cried a few times. How is it possible to feel good and yet sad about something you are choosing to do? I'm flooded with a mixture of emotions, ideas, and memories.

I've been making arrangements to say goodbye to every I can. I know so many people! Truth is, I never, ever, want to come back here again.......


May 7th, 2014
I've ignored the whole day.

I went for a brief walk this morning, and said a few goodbyes. It's finally sinking in, that I'm leaving this place! As I was walking down the street, I could not help but giggle slightly, as I made the connotation of the famous "Lord of The Rings" concept of "leaving the Shire"; that's right nerds and nerdettes, this little hobbit is leaving the Shire. For good!  I've read the novels, and watched the movies, not-to-mention (ok, I will) my EXTENSIVE Dungeon & Dragons accomplishments. I keep feeling lighter and lighter, the more this becomes a reality.......

...I'm leaving.

After my walk, I went to my friend's house, where I've been making my final preparations. He looked at me and asked simply, "Are you playing Warcraft today?"

The question hit me like a shock! I suddenly realized how much I have been ignoring one of the things that brings me the most pleasure; my online, social, gaming, avatar. I mumbled some reply, and sat down at my computer. I logged on, and for the last four hours, the world has passed me by. I had the honour and privilege to partake in helping a long-time friend hit level 80, and even donned my tuxedo and tie to throw fireworks in Dalaran to celebrate!! Congratulations Kiande!!


After having gamed to my heart's content, and even forgotten the real world for a few brief moments, I felt the urge to put pen to paper. (Not true - We all know I'm typing this, but I'm not sure how to alliterate "fingering the keyboard". Heck! That even sounds dirty......I'm digressing...within brackets......) [Editor's note: Take out this drivel]

Here I sit. I want to repack for the seventh time, but, I'm tired of crying when I toss stuff I can't take. What story have you ever heard, where someone who did well, came back to disaster? Not a single one. Hell, even rats know enough to abandon a sinking ship. So, I cannot make any solid reasoning for keeping anything, in case "I might come back". Even thinking about limping back, tears at my soul!

Enough of the mushy shit!

I've been told that Southern Ontario is a great place to be; good weather, and lots of opportunities. I am planning on following my dreams, by finishing my book, and getting a talent agent! I want to get back into martial arts, and maybe, .......just maybe....find a decent woman. Some are big dreams, while others are going to be easy; I'll still to books, talent, and the arts, and THEN tackle the challenge of the opposite sex. One step at a time, right?

I've decided to keep this article in the same written form as my previous article entitled "Between the Bars of a Jail Cell". I'll be providing a detailed account of my thoughts, and the events that occur.

CHECK OUT (harmless plug, right?)
The Irony of a Jail Cell
Truthful Lamentations

And, just to validate my point, have a read of my thoughts at the fears
and excitement of a BLANK SLATE

On that note, I'm going to try and do something productive. Repack for the seventh time sounds good, as my heart flutters at the prospect of what I'm doing.......

.....is it ok to be scared?  Zz


May 7th, 2014 - Addition entry
I just changed my address on the dating site I frequent, and OMG!!!! Pages, and pages of women! Not sure why this is hard to describe; "sheltered, rural, country boy, seeks unknown"?!? My heart just did another 360. (sigh) How is a guy like me so damn shy?

This raises a very important question - What the hell am I doing?!?

ARGHH! I so badly want to throw in the towel and just stay here; all my stuff is here, and I can find someway of making ends meet........

.....I'm not going to. This is just a shell-shock-moment-of-weakness.

[Leans against the desk and sighs heavily]

Does everyone go through this? Well, not the homelessness, and suffering, but, the anxiety and worry that comes with such a major life choice....


May 8th, 2014
"You didn't even ask for my autograph!" The statement rolled out my mouth, as I walked away, and I didn't even pause to look back at my ex. The words hung in my ears. Why had I even uttered them? I quickly ran over the brief conversation I just had, and realized it was in response to the negativity and doubt that my former lover had expressed, when I was trying to explain my choice to move. "I am following my dreams", I tried to clarify, "Get back into writing, and even find a talent agent". She scoffed, dismissing any notion that my choice to move was based on bettering myself, and actually believing I have ulterior motives; running from problems, chasing some woman, and even possibly faking the whole thing. Again I was faced with the attitude that pervades this dying small town; looking for drama when there is none, and finding fault with opportunity. I kept walking.

"You didn't even ask for my autograph".  That very statement carries more weight than I realized; it is a bold declaration of my belief in myself. Someday, a simple signature, is going to be worth something, even if to be able to say, "I knew him when......" It proves in my heart, I believe I am making the right choice. It proves that my faith is not destroyed, and merely shattered. It proves, that I have hope.

I did more packing. It's starting to get easier to let go of things. My excitement is beginning to outweigh my fear. I've checked the weather network and compared; cold and wet here, while, bright sun and heat where I'm heading. Everyone talks highly of Southern Ontario. It's hard to not be happy about my choice.

I know there are going to be bitter individuals. Part of the reason I am leaving, is because of the negativity surrounding this place. It's like a blanket that hangs over everyone, and pervades their moods, and thought process. The more I pack and get ready for this change, the lighter my chest feels. It's akin to breathing in poison for so long, that you forget the taste of fresh air, only to burst through the surface of the smog and inhale deeply.

I'm still worried. I've made arrangements for a "garage sale" this Saturday, and no one seems to be taking it seriously. "This is the last time you will get to see me, and I would appreciate any financial help you can offer." I've had a few half-hearted replies, and some people just asking if I'll give away some of my possessions, that I'm hoping to sell. I can't even find someone that can promise me a ride in the morning! I know I have a few people promising to buy some of the more important items, but, without some real confirmation, I'm frustrated! I'm leaving. Not coming back. I want to get rid of things that will no longer be a part of my life, but, I've spent quite a bit of money and put alot of time into some the things I've got, and don't feel like throwing things away.

I really just want this weekend over with, so I can make the final preparations needed to get out of here. I'm ready to go now...............


May 9th, 2014
It's Friday morning. I woke up early, from the worry and concern I have about trying to raise funds for my trip. I can't shake this nagging feeling that somehow, this will all fizzle out, and I'll be trapped in this damn hell. To substantiate my disgust, it's raining. Again. It never stops being overcast, cold, and rainy lately; the last three summers have been hellishly miserable, and hard to plan any type of event for weather related cancellations. I've lost money on paintball events, and DJing events, just because the sun refuses to shine. I guess that's why they call it the "Rainy River District". It tears at your soul, when you are working so hard to accomplish goals, and have to call the event off on account of rain. I remember as a kid, when we were trying to hook up our TV antenna and booster (1980's) only to be told by the technician, that he has noticed a natural phenomenon that actually prevents clear reception; literately forces the major storms around us - North and South. This same phenomenon also keeps away the good weather too! Toss in some changing weather patterns, and even I can see the misery and gloom that is the future of this place. Perhaps it's the moods and attitudes of those that live here that perpetuate the misery. Could be a combination of both.

Who says God doesn't answer prayers?!

I had briefly stopped my writing, when I just received a message from mom. "so I will pick you up tomorrow Saturday at 8... bring you back to Fort Saturday night... I will pick you up at 12 noon Sunday and get you to the bus depot... " I can't stop crying. I'm sad and happy at the same time.  Once again, I can breath a little easier - I'm actually going to start over! After the fire, the anguish, and being subject to bare survival for far too long, the chance to make something of myself is becoming a reality!

I've finished packing. It would take me less than 20 minutes to be ready to go now. I've managed to whittle my belongings and clothing down to less than 200 pounds; not that I had much left, anyway. Now, I'm waiting for tomorrow to come.

Sunday. It's confirmed! I leave Fort Frances on Sunday afternoon, arriving in London on Monday night. It's difficult to plan anything based on the Fort Frances bus schedule - once again, scaled down to emphasis the degradation of this place. I remember how I used to call this place, "The Technologically Ignorant part of Canada".......it still is. Frustratingly, still is! Now, however, you can also add the moniker, "Where the citizens are abandoning the District faster, than rats off a sinking ship".

No more negativity!

I'm leaving! While it may hurt to see my home becoming stagnant and crippled, there is nothing I can do now. I had hopes and aspirations of the Rainy River District, as there is so much it COULD offer, but, the ruling powers at all levels of government are destroying what's left; tourism, industry, utility companies, and private / small businesses, are all taking a heavy hit from terrible leadership. No more for this little mammal; I've sold my companies, and I'm moving on.

I went through my social media sites, and unblocked / unbanned several people. I'm going to start fresh, with a new attitude, and harbouring such negativity can only hold me back. I am looking forward to new friends, and a chance at new love.

                The sky isn't even the limit; I'm reaching for the stars!!!


So, here's my schedule........Saturday, I sell everything (hopefully) in a big yard sale in Devlin. Sunday at 1 pm, I board the bus to Thunder Bay. I arrive in Thunder Bay at 6:15pm (ish) and wait to board the bus to London at 9 pm. A short 25 hour bus ride to Toronto, with a switch-over for London, and I should be arriving in the London bus terminal at 9-10 pm on Monday night.

So there! The date is set. I'm ready to go...........


May 10, 2014
I started writing this entry with exuberance; I had a really great day! I ended up writing one sentence, then got a visit from Eric Keast. (Check out his fashizzle - cool stuff!) My partner-in-crime who has helped me realize my potential in many ways, as an art teacher, co-host of "The Zzorhn & BingoRage Show", and shamanistic guide. ..... Just don't tell him that.....

..I digress.

My yard sale was quite successful. Two factors; first, I didn't realize I had that much stuff, and second, I didn't receive that many visitors. So, while I made some money, I ended up giving most of it away at the end. Not that I minded......It was odd, that after cleaning up the paintball park with a few good friends, and the yard sale was over, I turned an announced, "Alright guys. Any thing left is now yours. Come and take what you want." Well, they slowly, and reluctantly shuffled over and half-heartedly started looking at what was left. I took a long look at the place I had worked so hard at for 23 years, and couldn't hold back the tears. Excusing myself, I walked away and composed myself.

"Who wants movies? Lincoln, does your wife need an ironing board? Tyler, take that whole case of wires and cords. Dirk, do you need towels? A really great comforter? Don, did you want to talk about that paintball gun?"

It's weird, but, the more stuff that disappeared, the better I felt.

 hadn't really noticed that fact, until "Jimminy-cricket" Dunn looked over at me and asked a very simple question, "You feel pretty liberated, don't you?!"  I did a double take, and agreed, "Yea, actually, I do!".

"It feels better than Christmas"

I looked around, and realized I have nothing left. It felt good, for some reason. About the same time, my mom asked me a question regarding the park, and I beamed as I announced, "Don't ask me! Talk to Lincoln now!" I. Can. Breathe. This feeling, cannot be described.........

.....but as I sit here, I'm crying. I can't stop being flooded with these waves of sadness that rushes over me. I cannot come back here again..... 

"With your shield, or on it!"

My friends reminded me that I will see them again. I chuckled and explained, "Of course you will, just make sure you watch TV, because, I'm going to be on it."

"On the next episode of COPS", teased Don., as everyone burst into laughter, which of course, earned a well-deseerve kidney punch.

"Jerk", I chuckled.

Truth is, I really don't want to come here again...............

......so, here I am, ready to go. Put the computer in the casse, and put on my jacket. I hope I can sleep.


My facebook status....
Good bye, Rainy River District.
I grew up in a different time, than you are now. I remember bustling side-walks, and corner stores. The local mill was a hive of activity and opportunity; many of my friends merely walked in, and were literally handed a broom, and a future. Jobs were everywhere, and a handshake actually meant something.
We didn't wear seat-belts, helmets, and LORD KNOWS we've all skinny-dipped off the point park! Saturday mornings meant cartoons, but, we all got kicked outside in the afternoon to play. We had a pool hall, because we had to actually leave the house to enjoy a good video game.
Every town was a nieghbourhood of kindred spirits, who proudly worked as a community.
Good bye Rainy River District.
I remember swimming, boating, fishing, hunting, and racing at break-neck-speeds down back roads on a sled. I've skied, climbed, and crawled across the endless bounty you have to offer. I've been married, had children, lost loved ones, and made many, many friends.
I will miss you................



May 11th, 2014
8:42 am CST - Today is the big day! My stomach is doing cartwheels, I'm so nervous. I honestly can't believe I'm finally doing what I said I was going to do for so many years; follow my heart and dreams.

Totally spaced out the fact that today is "Mother's Day". In my packing and scheduling, the day went unnoticed. Is it irony, that my mom is coming to see me leave on the bus? I used socail media and sent her a reminder of how much she really means to me, for all her support, and patience, "A mother holds her child's hand for only a moment, but, holds his heart for a lifetime. I love you mom. Happy Mother's Day!" I know that no matter where I go, my mom is going to be quietly cheering for me, as she alwyas has. Thank you mom, for beleiving in me!

I couldn't sleep; ended up waking up two hours before the alarm clock was scheduled to ring. I made coffee, and finished packing the few items that were left - carry on luggage, and laptop. Now it's just a waiting game.

I got bored, and decided to go for one last walk down Scott Street. I know I making the right choice. I can feel it! I passed by the bus station, and had to walk in and check to make sure the bus is indeed leaving today; it is, at 1 pm CST.

So, here I sit, waiting for my mom to come and take me and my stuff to the bus station......


11:14 am CST - Two hours to go. As I sit here and wait, I'm remembering all the advice being extolled on me; write every day, keep a journal, get your portfolio updated, relax, and stop crying. Be the man you are, I'm told, time after time. I smile and nod, assuring my family and friends that I am going to work hard to achieve my goals. What I don't tell them, when they are telling me "to be strong, and be the man they know I can be", is, that man has been beaten, trampled, shattered and bent......I'm going to find him again.

11:50 am CST - I'm shutting down the laptop now. Time to get ready to leave.


12:15 pm CST - Mom showed up, to drive me to the bus station. I piled my boxes and suitcases in her vehicle. Within minutes we were at the "Caribou bus lines" depot in Fort Frances. We purchased my ticket to Thunder Bay, and mom turns to me with big tears streaking down her face. What do you say in amoment like that? "I love you mom, take care". It didn't seem like enough. I'm leaving, and I'm not coming back. Chances are, I'll not see my mom for years.

"I can't stick around, hun. This is too hard, and I hate goodbyes", she stammered, the tears falling faster.

"I know mom", I assured her, feeling the same way, "It's ok. I'll be fine. I love you".

She drove away, and didn't look back. I wiped my face, and waited. Before long, the bus arrived, and the driver shut off the bus, and began to unload passengers and luggage. I stood waiting, with my ticket for the boarding call.

The bus wouldn't start! I heard the driver's voice begin to panic, as he attempted to turn over the engine, then go to the back of the bus and opened the doors to the engine compartment. "That's not a good sign", I bluntly stated to Fern, who was waiting with me. "What do I do if the bus won't start?" I began to worry, my stomach doing flip-flops.

"I don't know", Fern replied.

I turned and looked at him, "If this bus doesn't start in the next half hour, I'm going to miss my transfer in Thunder Bay", I explained. "Can you go ask Eric if he would be up to a mad-dash to Thunder Bay for the refund price of my ticket?", I asked Fern.

"I'll go call Eric", Fern declared as he stood up and walked quickly back to hi house, just down the block.

No sooner than he left, the bus roared to life. I sighed heavily with relief, and started loading my things under the belly of the beast.  Fern came around the corner, "He just laughed, and said no, but, I guess it doesn't matter", he nodded in the direction of the idling bus.

"I was starting to worry", I stated. Here I hadn't even left Fort Frances, let alone board the bus, and things were almost jeopardized. "I thought maybe I was stuck here for a few more days"

We said our good byes, and Fern walked away. I walked over to the bus, and handed my ticket to the driver. I'll be honest, I'm not crying anymore.......

7:50 pm EST - I'm in Thunder Bay. I just finished having supper with my dad. It was great to see him! He didn't seem like his usual self; scolding, chiding me like a child, and always with a look of disappointment in his eyes. But, not tonight; his eyes held hope -  I can see it, like a shining beacon. He's worried, and for good reason, but, I think he's finally come to terms with who his eldest son is; a dreamer.

He asked me my plans, and didn't scoff once, as I explained how much work I have ahead of me; finding a talent agent, publishing my written work, and finishing my novel. I didn't really think about this until after he left, and I was alone at the bus station.

8:50 pm EST - I'm boarding the bus that takes me to Toronto. I've already met a few new people, and, even one that speaks French! It's funny, but, when people ask me what I'm going to Toronto / London for, and I respond, "I'm following my dreams to be an actor", it seems like something out of  movie. I've never heard of anyone in real life, doing what I'm doing. Casting everything aside, and following my heart, feels so right, and I know I'm making the right choice.

11:24 pm EST - quick stop and we're off again. I'm watching the second season of "Vikings"  Most people are just sleeping. Need to stop soon, as I have to use the bathroom. Just keeping in touch. Talk soon.


May 12, 2014
9:24 am EST - We just stopped in some obscure town I've never heard of. Turns out they had a Tim Horton's, and I greedily gulped down two double chocolate donuts. Coffee tastes good too!

We've been stopping about every two hours or so along the way, and the closer I get to the bigger cities, the more this bus fills up with people,  I don't like using a laptop too much on a moving bus, as my screen bounces, and I'm very careful with my computer. (I hold the screen so it has no wiggle room during movies in a moving vehicle.) I'll log off and try to find some internet somewhere and check my messages.

1:09 pm EST - Sudbury. I found free WiFi at the local McDonald's during an hour-long transfer. I just figured out how this ticket system works! I keep telling myself, that, I'm having WAY too much fun with this. The further I get away from the Rainy River District, the better I feel;  each mile that takes me further away, is healing my soul,

My Facebook status

"Still on the bus. Having quite the adventure; meeting lots of new people, and even being able to speak in French again. Most importantly, I found someone I haven't seen in a long, long time........|

....the real me."


I got lost last night - not literally lost, I was still on the bus. It just occurred to me during on of the late night stops, that, I had no idea where the hell I was. I asked, and to be honest, I've never heard of that place in my life......Water....something -or-other. I keep passing all sorts of places that seemingly pop out of no where,  built for some purpose or another; mining towns, sawmill towns, and tourist attractions.

I'm feeling good. It has now stopped being surreal for me, when I explain to someone why I'm going to Toronto and London. No one is surprised. Perhaps it's the way I talk, walk and conduct myself; I keep asking myself, "What would Ironman do?" Be friendly, cooperative, and most importantly be who he is at heart....... I can live up to that!

As we move down the highway, I'm running over all the details of what I need to do to accomplish my dreams. It's not just about my acting, or singing abilities; it's the image. I need business cards, a cell phone, an address in London, and I need to change my website - I need to push the fact that I'm unique, and the "Zzorhn" brand.

Well, gotta go. Bus is leaving the terminal. I'll keep you updated very soon.

6;11 pm EST - We've arrived in Toronto. I've nearly given myself whiplash, as we pass all the different buildings and people. My new friend Nancy, laughed at my exuberance, and threw herself into the role of tour guide; pointing out all the sites, buildings, and displaying a detailed knowledge of sports cars.  Everywhere I look there are people, and vehicles. For some odd reason, I'm not overwhelmed, as I should be; country boy, lost in the big city. This isn't even scary.

Then the bus parked, and all hell broke loose.

Now, keep in mind, I've now traveled for 30-some-hours, and I'm feeling a bit battle fatiqued  We walk off the bus, and the assistant begins to unload. I watched and waited, while looking around to see what I was supposed to do, and if there was any assistance in any way; a cart, or a dolly, anyone.  I had to find find someway to haul the 200 pounds of equipment and clothes I brought with me, and safe-guard them for the expected two-and-a-half hour delay until the final leg to London.

I have to take the time to personally thank Nancy (I didn't get a last name) - In the midst of all that chaos, you were wonderful! Thank you so much for that very brief, but, honest display of human compassion you extended to me, by helping me through the Toronto bus depot. I remember when you turned to me and asked me, "How come you're not freaking out right now?!?!"

I WAS freaking out.

Any one that knows me, could have spotted it immediately. Those that don't, only see the  calm demeanor, and intense drive to accomplish my task; they don't see the whirlwind of emotions and pain in my eyes, or the tightening of the muscles. My mind swam, as I realized to foolishness of the situation - I had to haul 5 packages, each  weighing 50 pounds, two city blocks, with a laptop computer and backpack. In downtown Toronto.

We literally "leap frogged" the packages in twenty foot spans. Corners and streets became obstacles. Pan handlers, begging for change and cigarettes, watched with interest as we slowly made our way across the busy street, and through a stifling-hot terminal. I didn't know what to do.

Nancy told me to stay with the stuff, and she helped make sure my bus was running on time. She wished me luck, as she headed to catch her own way home, and reminded me to "Work hard, and you will be famous someday". I watched her drive away, and, I sat alone in the terminal, hungry, and just wanting go outside for a smoke. I smiled, as I sat atop the only things I have left in the world, as I told myself, "You're here buddy. You're living the dream".

I waited.

I will have to admit, I like to watch people. I can tell quite a bit about people, just by watching how they interact in different environments. I amused myself by creating stories about the people in the terminal, and, imagining what they've seen, and done. I must have been having fun, as two hours didn't seem so long. Blame it on lack of sleep, caffeine withdrawal, nicotine withdrawal [Note to self: start quitting some of these bad habits, I need to live longer to enjoy the fame I'm inevitably soon to garnish] and the constant ebb and flow of downtown Toronto.

My entire trip on the bus has been enjoyable; Caribou, and Greyhound bus lines are a pretty decent way to travel. Lots of little stops along the way, and a few detours, but all in all, it was a very enjoyable experience; except the last leg. My short stay in Toronto was disorganized, and frantic.

8:30 pm EST - The two most disorganized organizers I've ever seen, began to load the "London Express". I realized that when they called my number "21" I would be hard pressed to stay in line, so I began to force myself to the loading zone; leapfrogging my belongings 20 feet at a time.

I. Was. Nearly. Denied. Passage.

Due to the fact I was traveling encumbered, I was 49th on a 52 seater bus. I am still wondering what would have happened to my stuff, had I been NOT been traveling with them; no one to meet the bus, or checking parcels, at all. Fairly scary; I have been issued a link on the back of my ticket, where I will happily fill out their survey, describing my enjoyable trip, with the exclusion of Toronto.......to be certain, there will be recommendations.....

8:35 pm EST- I sit beside a this man who introduces himself as Mike. We begin to talk a bit about various interests, as the bus pulls out of the terminal. It's filled to capacity. The bus diver announces his usual Kindergarten rhetoric, "Keep your hands to yourself, turn down your PDFs, no smoking unless you are on fire". Mike and I begin to talk about movies and TV shows; turns out, we both enjoy "Band of Brothers", and I just happened to be on episode number three. We each took an ear bud, and quietly watched, as the bus rumbled along in the ever growing darkness.

10:42 pm EST - I'm almost ready to shove someones cell phone up thier (bad word). Stupid little whistle, every half minute, keeps jolting everyone from their attempts of maintaining no eye-contact. I can't believe that something like that can frustrate so many people, as we quietly try to ignore this one woman's ignorance. Every bright cluster of lights we pass, I find myself turning  to Mike and asking, "Is this London?" I so need to get off this bus!

Suddenly, the bright lights of London, the final leg on the trip to Southern Ontario, and my new home, break through the monotony of the oppressive, stiffing, bus. I grab my carry-on luggage, and get ready to stand up. I look around the terminal to see if my ride is even here.

As I exited the bus, I let out a major sigh of relief.  I started to look for my luggage, when I see my long-time friend, Diane peeking around one of the other parked buses. I was grinning ear-to-ear as I gave her a big hug! I was so relieved to see a familiar face, and, she and her family are going to be my lifeline as I start my new life in London. (NB: Thank you Diane and Greg! You two are so wonderful in helping me through this transition! ) I was so thankful to be able to have someone help me load my stuff on a cart, and roll my road weary carcass over to her awaiting vehicle. We piled the stuff in the back , and sunk into the front seat.

"Welcome home".

11:25 pm EST - I'm unloaded, and ready for a shower. I'm beat, and going to bed after, so, I'll catch you up tomorrow.



May 13th, 2014
So much accomplished.

I now have a cell phone, and business cards already printed. (number is 519-694-9998) Appointments have been made, and research has been done.

I'm tired. I've been meaning to write this daily entry, however, found myself extremely busy. A very good day! I think I'll head to bed early, and fill you in on everything tommorrow, but I can tell you this.....

......I'm happy.


May 14th, 2014
 I plan on another busy day today. Fortunately, I now have a shiny new cell phone, that I can use as a scheduler! (This thing has everything!!) I'm researching how to publsih my work by myself on Amazon, and, I think I have a really great line of attack on this matter; post the first chapter or two of my work, then sell the endings on Amazon (the whole short story or book will be available). I still want to see my work in print, as I am still a firm beleiver in books, so that too has to be checked out.I'm confident that there are several publishers in my new home of London, Ontario. Location, location, location........right?

I pick up my business cards this afternoon. Black background, with gold "Zzorhn.ca". I can then use the cards for advertising, applying for work, or even picking up women. Remember those stars I keep reaching for? These new tools and advertising methods are going to be the secrets to my success.


What is success?

Money? Power? Material possessions? Is this how we measure success? With such priledges like wealth, and power, a person can change a great many things. Power can even afford the luxery of manipulting events that would ordinarilly be beyond an individual's control. So it is natural to assume that these ideals are a good measure of success.

But! Corruption, greed, and abuse also come with power, and wealth; any personal financial windfall, is done so at the expense of others, or yourself. [This topic is too vast to do it justice in this article - See future reference, as I am working on a piece describing this concept in detail] Let's just say, that I do not find those ideals to be a true measure of success.

How you live, and how people remember you, are the mark of success.

This can mean anything, as it is not so polarizing as "wealth vs poor", or "elite class vs general population". How people remember you, is a marked true measure of success; as it indicates how you live and influence others around you. If you are remembered fondly, then you have succeeded. If you are associated with negativity, then that is an indicator of personal failure. For it is my belief, that it is only through helping others, and being the best individual that you can be, only helps to better ourselves and the world around us. Through this, we are successful.

I'm going to be successful.

I can't forget my roots; it made me who I am today. The list of people who have guided me, and influenced me along my journey are too numerous to mention! This list includes family, friends, teachers, and guides. I also have to add to that list, the people that have hurt me, or made things difficult, for they too, have helped hone the man I am today. The struggles and hardships I have faced, have only sharpened the edge of my resolve. Thank you to all.

I have many more things to do. The story doesn't end here, as, this is only the beginning. I am aware of the secret to my own personal success, and I realize the work involved; the POWER OF ATTRACTION, is my guide. Through my though process, or imagining my goals, and dreams, I see them as reality, which in turn, become reality..... For, that is the secret. Much like the law of gravity, the law of attraction is working in our lives; we can't see it, but, it's there, influencing everything we do.

Thought. Becomes. Reality.

That is secret to success. I won't be giving up. I've been told I'm a dreamer all my life by many, many people. I'm going to make my dreams come true. Much like gravity, there is no avoiding the fact, that if I jump up in the air, I will come back down. In this same way, my thoughts, and dreams are going to come true. After all, it's not just a really neat idea......it a law.

How does the story end?

My life's journey never stops. My adventure to find a new home, however, has come to the end. I am home! I am going to be "setting up shop", in London, while being able to work out of Toronto, and Ottawa. There are many opportunities for me in the city of London itself! I like the weather, the people, and the energy. I'm happy to have been able to share this adventure with you, as I set out to find a new home, and the man I know I am supposed to be. I hope that you will continue to follow my journey, as I fulfill my destiny. There will be new chapters in my life, and I eagerly wish to share them you. So, as this story ends, the next one is just beginning. Who knows what the future has in hold; I guess we'll just have to turn the page.............




Comments

Nanny said…
You got this Zee!
Anonymous said…
There's another word for your phrase power of attraction. It's called faith. You're having faith in yourself and the future. You're doing great. Guess I'll turn the page!
Anonymous said…
Following your journey - I always knew you were meant for bigger things . . . the stage maybe

<3

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