Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Two




"What is a diary as a rule? A document useful to the person who keeps it. Dull to the contemporary who reads it and invaluable to the student, centuries afterwards, who treasures it." - Walter Scott

 A diary (also called journal) is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. A personal diary may include a person's experiences, and/or thoughts or feelings, including comment on current events outside the writer's direct experience. Someone who keeps a diary is known as a diarist. 

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of individuals that gave so much to help me. Every single person on the planet needs help from time to time, and having fallen on hard times myself, I know this better than anyone. I would like to thank each and every one of the people that believed in me and supported me during this dark time. However, the road is far from over and I know the hard work it's going to take to get where I need to be. 

If you are reading this journal for the first time, I would recommend you start at January 1st, but if you truly wish to experience the whole story, I suggest you read the Turn The Pages series; after all, the best place to start reading is at the beginning.

Life has changed for me. I went from living in North-Western Ontario, to finding my way around Southern Ontario. So much is different. I've done things I never dreamed of before, and met all sorts of new friends. My goals of writing screen plays, novels, stories as well as pushing to become an actor, are my focal point now. A lifetime of dreams, and a plethora of skill-sets involving theater and acting are the resources that I draw from.

If you've ever wanted to read someones diary, here's your chance..........

March 31st, 2015
Well, shit. Not exactly the way I thought my day would turn out. Woke up to the ignorant roommate from downstairs making noise, (as per usual) made some coffee, and settled in for a bit to do the morning thing. Suddenly, there's a flash of light in the kitchen and another one of my roommates screams in fright. I rush into the kitchen to see two fires; one in the exhaust system, and the other in the stove. I quickly extinguished both, and dealt with the emergency. AKA unplug everything, and examine for hazards. Once I realized it was a simple grease fire, I started cleaning.....

........5 hours later, I'm finally done. There was black marks on the ceiling. There was smoke in the cupboards. Everything had to be wiped and aired out from the smell and scorch marks.

So this is the end of the month,. It snowed this morning, and by afternoon, was all dried up. Wacky Southern Ontario weather. I love it though, and went roller blading to work off some of the left over frustration about my careless roommates.  In like a lamb and out like a lion .

Tomorrow promises to be better. Can't wait for summer. ...

April 1st
April FOOLS!

My only real prank this year is to update my status on social media. Somewhat lame, but for the moment, it's the only thing that I can really do this year.

 I have caught a couple people in my joke. Cries of "What's going on?" suddenly appeared in my inbox. It's kind of funny, but at the same time I'm displaying the truth in my fun; I am home.

The weather is nice. Currently we are at +7, and I simply had to go for a walk. The streets still need to be cleaned, but some of the bike trails are open.

I'll be honest about my writing. Since I published "Once Bitten", I've had a hard time motivating myself to write. I actually want to do anther series about the characters. Meanwhile, I'm writing a children's story about Fuzzgrommet. Hopefully that's done in a couple days and I can refocus on "The Answer". Just gotta light some sort of fire underneath me I guess.

April 4th
All over the world, people are celebrating the death and resurrection of Christ. This marks the first year in a while that I won't be doing anything, and I'm feeling a bit lonely. Everyone is so busy with their own lives, and I am quite isolated; in a city of 370K people, I'm alone. Catch 22 there, because I don't leave the house much, so in my own way, I'm the one that's responsible. I've thought of going to Church, but since I moved to my new home, there are no churches that are close by.

Still haven't started working on "the Answer". My attitude isn't focused, and it's almost as if I poured out so much of myself, that I burned out some of the creativity in my brain. I know that's not necessarily true, but in some ways it is; like any major event there needs to be a cooling off period. This is just that - A brief break.

I'm still working out, although not everyday. I've noticed that I simply don't change. It could be the fact I don't eat properly, but I'm not gaining weight anymore. Still stuck at 72.5 Kilograms. (160 lbs)

I finished a painting for the new children's story. "Fuzzgrommet" in all his glory, is standing proudly in front of his red rocket ship. I'm donating the picture to my good friends, the Lawrence kidlets. I'll present them the painting when I read them the story for the first time.

I spoke to my mom the other day. It was great to hear from her! She's still chugging along, and doing her thing. There's no stopping that lady! Sure do miss her, but I know she understands why I'm here, and what I'm doing. She is still the only family member that really supports my dreams. Thanks mom.

I'm trying a few things with different colours, and dry brush techniques. Sometimes I joke that my painting isn't just expression, but a learning experience. After all, I never took one art lesson. I'm also working on making paper mache masks that you hang on the wall.

Yesterday while I was downtown, I spotted a bunch of wild turkeys walking along a busy highway. I knew there was a ton of rabbits running around London, but wild turkeys? Maybe it was my Easter turkey, and I simply missed the opportunity to run across traffic, and tackle one to the ground.....

.....Well, I should.....probably go do something.

April 7th
I've stared at this keyboard for half an hour. I have a story I need to tell, but I don't know how to say it. How about, "Good guys finish last", or "You can take the boy out of the country...." How about stating simply that I decided to go out.......

.......In all this, keep in mind that I haven't been out to a bar by myself with the intention of being single, for quite a long time. It is very possible that any emotional response I'm having is due to the fact that I may have subconsciously been placing too much  emphasis on the entire matter. In fact, the longer I think about it, I'm convinced that I am. It's not like I did anything wrong persay, but I'm left with feelings of regret and wishing I was different than I am. The truth is, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

My decision to go out on an adventure started a month ago, when I decided that I should actually leave the house and meet new people; possibly even an attractive, fun, member of the opposite sex. I love to sing, and haven't done so since I stopped being a DJ + Karaoke host in 2011. In my mind, I believed that a chance to go downtown Canada and sing with other professionals would be a great chance to strut my stuff a bit. I am on a strict budget, however, and cannot simply indulge in such frivolities on a whim, so I told myself I would put aside an evening of going to the bar in April. In the back of my mind, I kept up the usual repertoire of logic, "You can't afford it. Stay home. Buy a six pack and watch an episode of Smallville, Vikings, GoT, or the Flash...." You know? Single person logic. I won't add the negativity that usually accompanies such logical moments, but those too beat upon my subconscious like a hammer on a tin roof. By the end of the first week, I've spent my budget, and can only dream of next month. "Next month. I'll do it then...."

Good Friday came, and I felt particularly lonely. This marks the first year of doing absolutely nothing for Easter, and I'm ashamed to say its possibly my fault. I could have ventured out and found a Church, because Lord knows, I go further on my rollerblades on the chance I get to buy beer. Regardless, I found myself waking up on Sunday morning feeling quite frustrated and bored. My mind whirled with thoughts of chastisement and moments of guilt.

"A man in love becomes a poet". I wrote that last year, and it basically means that I do my absolute best when motivated by the love of a woman. Being as that no woman is going to walk into the house where I live and sweep me off my feet, I decided that I should at least try to go out. I checked my account balance, and Googled karaoke bars. Being London and all, there is a karaoke bar open nearly every night of the week it seems. I picked out two, and then did nothing.

Yup. Nothing. For two hours I sat and lied to myself. It's odd, but when you don't go out to the bars at all after practically living in one, it's a bit disconcerting. I'm also smart enough to realize what I'm like; social butterfly, just add beer. I'm a bit overwhelming to those who just meet me, and given the situation I have known to get myself into all sorts of mischief. Don't get me wrong, I'm a nice guy, but I was raised in the country where we whoop and holler at the moon. When we dance, we don't care who might be watching; we kick up our heels and stomp on the floor. When we drink, we make Canadian beer drinkers proud. When we socialize with the opposite sex, we're not shy. I know I'm different, but I'm simply the sum of many parts. Knowing all this, however, does me little good, because it really doesn't matter how I perceive myself, it's how others will.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU" Bullshit! Yes it does. The only people that tell you that kind of mantra are trying to sell you on something, even if its only an idea. What others think about you determines more than just a chance to meet someone in a social setting; it factors in every single aspect in life when it comes to how others regard you. When the average person is perceived to be different than others, it has a negative effect. Let's face it, most people are wary of strange things or people, and for good reason; less chance to get hurt by being cautious. Anyway, I know that back in my small town, the locals would excuse my quirkiness with a shrug and a declaration of "That's just Z....."

I checked the time. 5:30 pm read the digital alarm clock. I forced myself from my chair and stumbled to the bathroom. Even in the shower as I shaved my head I kept saying, "You're not going out....."

Freaking surprised myself when I walked out of the house. I kept walking. Before I knew it, I had arrived at the first karaoke bar. As I sat alone and sipping a draft beer I felt lonely but proud. It was really early and the bar was empty, so before long I became bored.  I dialed up my buddy. "Sure man, I'll go out. But that's too far. Come chill with me for a bit and then we'll go out", he said. I paid for my two drinks and headed out.

Keep in mind that I'm trying to better my financial situation, but as many Canadians have found out, it's not good right now. Long story short? I'm on a strict budget.

I went to my friend's house, and hung out with him for a bit. Finally we headed out to the karaoke bar. The place wasn't too bad, and the DJ was able to find nearly any song you might want to sing. It felt weird not having to use a book to find the music you are ALLOWED to sing, but rather, told that you can sing ANYTHING. Like, wow! We ordered a pitcher of beer and started to shoot pool, as well as, continue to go on stage to sing.



There wasn't many people in the bar on Easter Sunday, and there was only a handful of singers. This meant that those who did want to sing were getting onstage regularly. I sang my heart out! Of course I didn't need the words on the screen to sing and walked out in front on the dance floor to wiggle while I played the role of a bower bird. Typical me. It doesn't mean I'm trying to be a showoff, it means I'm trying to showoff. There's a difference, albeit a fine line.

Same with pool. I was running the table, and after about an hour of kicking serious butt, people stopped coming to play. Naturally by this time, I was good and buzzed, and of course couldn't stop myself from challenging people. Not my greatest moment. In retrospect, it would have been a simple, "Come play pool", back home... but in downtown London it's akin to calling someone out.

To top off the night, I embarrassed myself in front of an attractive woman. I was trying to play it cool, but then found out she has the letter "Z" stamped into the palm of her hand. That's when I freaked her out by reading her. I could sense a duality of sorts within her, and blurted "You have two children..." Turns out she was a twin, and she called me on it. In my hazy state I couldn't explain fast enough that it's not a precise science when it comes to such things, ...

......Yes, I read people. It's one of my hidden talents, and I say hidden because it usually gets me into trouble. As a DJ it was a  great asset, because I knew what people wanted to hear. It's also the main reason I don't do well in crowds, being surrounded by so many voices and personalities. Anyway, it freaks people out when I can pinpoint accurately tell them about things after meeting them for a short time. I've used it as a party trick back in my day, or even to impress women. More often than not, it gets me into trouble, so I keep such a thing to myself. When I saw the naturally occurring letter "Z" plainly stamped on her hand from her life-line and heart-line intersecting, I forgot about playing it cool. [sigh]

So back to this woman. Long blond hair, and a cute, nervous smile. She was probably educated because I could tell she was intelligent. Probably too young for me. We shared a few laughs, and I thought things were going along well. I remember joking about wanting to kiss her, and I got a chuckle out of the fact she said, "So, you're probably going to write about me".

You know that filter that everyone has? Yea. I don't have one.

I'm not exactly sure what I said, but I was informed the next morning that I scared her away. One minute things were good, we were sharing a pitcher of beer, and the next I was being told to leave. It's not like I can't remember the evening, because I can think back to what I said. I do cringe because I know I was probably trying too hard.

So, that's where I'm at. During the course of the night, I pulled the remaining cash out of my account and bought drinks. I was laughed at by others, and feel remorse at my feeble attempts to meet someone new. Now I'm broke for the rest of the month and embarrassed at myself. I know I'm different, but it was never more evident than Sunday night.

To top it off, I somehow managed to walk 8 Kilometers out of my way to get home. I traced my route the next day, and figured out why my legs are so sore.; I need to stop and ask for directions a bit more.


Let's just say it will probably be another two years before I go and try that again. It also means I have nothing to eat for the rest of the month if my artwork doesn't sell.......[sigh] It was an adventure I guess. Just wish it had a happy ending.

April 8th
Happy Hump Day! I woke up early this morning, and I've been trying to work on a few projects. I'm nearing the end of my newest version of the adventures of everyone's favourite little purple alien, Fuzzgrommet. I know why it's taking me so long; not only my perfectionism, but the fact that I'm trying to stick to a certain prose and style. The character likes to speak in rhymes, for example, so in my attempt to pen this newest visit to Earth, anything the little guy says has to not only make sense for the character, but it has to rhyme.

I was asked to try something interesting; build wings for a tame bearded dragon. No real ones of course, but cosmetic wings that could be used for photo shots, walks in the park, etc. Guess we'll see what I can come up with, although it may take some time.

I'm supposed to be heading over to do laundry at Diane's house tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to that. Guess I better get this short story done......

April 10th
There is no way to describe the sensation I receive when I get to share with others! When I read the children's book FUZZGROMMET THE ALIEN to the Lawrence kidlets, I had a wonderful time! The story isn't just about funny-sounding words like ziddlewink, and spoodlerfoodoodler, but it's also full of rhymes. The best part, however, was when I finished the story and then handed them the full-sized original painting I did for the book, showing the purple alien with his red rocket ship! They squealed and jumped for joy when they learned the painting was theirs to keep. It only seems fitting to me, because those two were the inspiration behind the friendly little alien.

So............... I finally finished my "penance" as Diane calls it. After every book about blood and guts, I am forced to write a children's story to make up for it. Seems fair, I guess, but for me it an opportunity to showcase my various styles, as well as, point out that it's not all dungeons and dragons in my head. On to other projects, namely "The Answer". It should go fairly quickly as it's a screenplay and I don't have to go into great depth when it comes to descriptive narration.

I just realized this is the first year I could actually partake in a 420 festival; every year Victoria Park does a big thing were people from all walks of life partake in a peaceful protest. Every other year, I was stuck in a town that doesn't even acknowledge the day, so this is a bit different. Hopefully they have good weather this year! Bringing attention to the failed "war on drugs" is important, especially for me, as it really helps with my cramps. Hopefully someday this nightmare prohibition will be a distant memory.

I was doing some research, and realized that "Zzorhn's Bar and Grill" is 5 years old this year!! Holy (bad word)!! I encourage everyone to join us for a great place to share and debate!

I should run. Talk soon.

Sunday, April 12th
My buddy Lincoln is coming down from Fort Frances today. He has a Doctor appointment tomorrow, but this will be at least a chance to see him. Really miss the old gang, but truth be told, it's not the same; we've all moved away....... [sigh] Kinda depressing now that I thihnk  about it. Not exactly how I pictured growing older.

River Thames in London
Perhaps it's because I observed my grandfather and his friends. My male role-model in life was my maternal Grandpa and most likely the reason for many of my eccentricities, namely old-fashioned values. They were all close much like my buddies and I used to be, but times were different, because they didn't need to move away from a dying town....

....Aaaannnd I just got a text. Turns out Lincoln is going to be delayed, and it won't be until tomorrow that I get to see him. Yup! Just as I was penning how excited I was to get a chance to see him again, his flight got changed. [sigh] Now what?

The sun is pouring through my window. Since my plans are changed I've decided that I'm going for a skate this afternoon.
 

April 13th
I finally got a chance to visit with Lincoln. He brought some of my things I had left from back in Fort Frances, and once we threw them in my studio, we went window shopping. Lunch at "5 Guys" burger shack, and suddenly it was time for him to leave again. I know he's busy, but it felt rushed. Still, it was good to see him again.

So, I'm back for the day, and not sure what to do. Several projects on the go, so maybe I'll pick on of those up. Talk soon.


April 14th
"Community-living Conundrum"
There are three types of roommates:
1)  Friendly. Helpful. Thinks of others. Cooperative. Communicates well.
2) Somewhat friendly. Some communication. Doesn't always think of others.
3) Ignores others. Poor communication skills. Acts like there is no one else in the building.

I'm having an issue with one of my roommates. It's bad enough that someone might ignore you and be rude, but to also find fault with me? There MUST be underlying reasons. I mean, not to toot my own horn, but I like to be actively involved, as well as, friendly to those I'm living with. I clean as well, to the point where some of my roommates joke about me having OCD. So I cannot understand why this young woman is having any issue with me.

I was recently made aware of the issue, by a very snarly passive-aggressive note written on the calender on the bathroom wall. We take turns cleaning the washroom and keep track of who does what, by marking our name on the calender when we have cleaned the bathroom. I had cleaned the day before, and I was shocked to see the handwritten message, "Theresa Washroom washed properly". This indicated of course, that she thought I hadn't done an efficient job. Anyone that knows me, realizes that I clean better than most, and this was just my roommate creating issues.

To emphasis this point further, she was heard to claim, that the other roommate cleans better than I do. [laughs] The other roommate pays me to clean for him, so right there she is caught in a lie.

Liars are the same as a cheat and a thief in my books.

I've been sociable. I've been polite, however, I'm now at the point where I don't trust her, and this has to be dealt with.

So, this morning I was doing my thing. Said good morning to the guy that lives below us, and heard Theresa in the bathroom for about 5 minutes. After I started feeling better I began to clean house like I do every Monday morning. I was in the bathroom, and happened to notice that she had penned her name on the calender.
A) It takes longer than 5 minutes to clean a bathroom.
B) The mop was dry
C) There was no smell of cleaning supplies EG: Javex, etc.

Now, please don't think I'm petty and whatnot by posting this or the world to see. The truth is, I'm writing this to protect myself; a written record can always come back to save the day.

It just sucks that I am being forced to spend so much time having to worry about a trouble-maker. Well, off to do something productive........

April 15th
So I attended a meeting where my roommate voiced her concerns. You know that expression, "When you don't like someone, everything they do is irritating".......

......Well, I watched her squirm as she lied in an attempt to paint me in some negative light.  When  it became evident I wasn't playing games she became irritated.

At the end of the meeting the question was asked, "We good? Everything settled?" To which my young roommate mumbled yes, while I grinned and joked, "Like a band aid on a cancer patient"..... My landlord called me a brat and smiled. We both know this is not really settled, because emotions are the cause of the problem, not some legitimate reason.

Is it sexist? She's bullied two other male roommates before setting her sights on me. Perhaps the young woman feels threatened by men, and attacks them subconsciously. Is it racism? I am white, and shaved. My very dark-skinned roommate might have some hidden deep rooted racism, and I only stand to irritate her with every look. I don't know what it is that makes her dislike me to the point of creating a dramatic witch hunt, but it was evident today what the real issue is; perception.

First Road Rash 2015
Time to go do something. Now that I know what the meeting was for I can concentrate on other matters.

April 16th
I've found the best place to go shopping for glass blown creations, tea, hemp products, shirts, lighters, and much more! Rock Universe in downtown London on Dundas has set up a showcase of products the likes I have never seen before. I was mesmerized when I walked in, with the way the whole place is set up. If you haven't had a chance to check it out, I suggest putting it on the "to do" list. Lots of great gift ideas too!

No, that's not a commercial. [laughs] I just reread that, and it sounds like I'm giving away free promotions. I'm not in fact, the glass shelving and spot light really set the place apart from anything I've ever witnessed. It's akin to going into a crystal store during high noon.

Each month that I live in London I find out more things. I'm constantly pleasantly surprised by the amount of energy and drive around me. It feels good.

Tomorrow I'm going to spend the day at the Lawrence's. I'm told the kidlets have a day off, and I will get a chance to do a few things with them. Maybe I'll see if I can't talk Diane into letting me make cupcakes with them, Speaking of cooking, I wonder what the kids will want me to make for supper? Shake and Bake chicken? Or homemade pizza?

I should jet. I've actually started to get some work done

April 18th
Had a wonderful day with the Lawrence family! We went shopping, out for lunch, a long bike ride, and even made cupcakes! It's so wonderful to spend time with the kidlets, as well as, get a chance to hang out with Diane.

I'm researching churches around where I live. There is something that is pulling me to  rejoin the congregation. The main problem for me, is the lack of Churches near me - It's London and I know there are many, but nothing close by.

The weather is fantastic today. I would be foolish to let a bright, shiny, day pass me by without going for a skate. Once I stop cramping, I'll be lacing up.

Speaking of which, I have to head back into Toronto to go see a specialist. Hopefully they have discovered something about my medical problem. I'm also hoping that it will help me get a referral for my medical marijuana card; one smoke and the pain and cramps are gone. I may not be a Doctor, but I know what works.

Lots to do, and less time to do it in. Talk soon.

5 pm
The sun was shining, and the Springtime temperature today was 21 Celsius. I HAD to go for a skate! So, I showered, shaved, and strapped on my blades. I decided to explore a bit, and headed down Oxford Street. After a while I found myself downtown, and skating around Victoria Park. I happened to notice a large crowd gathering at the far end, so naturally I had to go have a better look..

Turns out I witnessed the start of a C-51 protest.

The leader on the loudspeaker barked orders and explained how they were to behave during the planned protest. I had arrived at the very end of the speach and watched as the whole group filed into the street. Timidly at first, they walked in front of vehicles on the busy four lane highway.

As they marched along Richmond street in London, Ontario, the chant of "THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE" rang out from the crowd. The C-51 protest stopped cars as they marched down the middle of the street. Even I had to stop and give a rally shout of encouragement for those that are exercising not only their courage but their democratic rights. Had I known about it earlier, I would have eagerly joined in; my concern is only due to ignorance of the matters.

As I scanned the crowd, I chuckled to see a few Guy Fawkes masks, but I also noticed the diversity of those that carried a banner, sign, or merely chanted with the crowd. It was an indication of the multinational face that is Canada, and I felt proud to witness the event.

This is history in the making!

April 19th
Drama. Ugh! You know what i was doing last night at 10:30 pm? Having to sit down to a meeting with the landlord, and little Miss Theresa. I'm not kidding. Not even a little

It starts out so simply, really. I said "Hello Theresa", and politely opened the door for her. In reply, she shot me a dirty look. (I was standing outside enjoying the sun with two other tenants) From there, I told her about my little bamboo tree I planted, only to be met with another snort of derision.  At 8:30 pm last night when everyone else is winding down for the day, she decided to take over the whole kitchen and start cooking. Somehow she took offense to my innocent, "Wow! That's a lot of food for one person", and the inevitable "What are you cooking?" Normal stuff for most people, but for some unknown reason, I'm apparently doing it offensively.

At 10: 12 pm I walked back into the kitchen to wash my hands (paper mache) and get a glass of water to drink. I notice that all that food she was cooking is now gone. There was no possible way a tiny thing like her could have eaten it all in such a short time, so I asked, "Do you portion your meals for the week?" There was no sarcasm or ill intent. I was trying to be friendly, curious, and understanding.

"Mind your own business!", is the snarled reply.

Let's just say that tension levels spiked through the roof. I've been literally going out of my way to be nice to this woman, and now I'm under attack. To say that any attempt to be nice flew out the open door*. (pun intended)

I dropped the pretence, and stated simply, "Look, you went back and rewrote your name on the calender for cleaning after I removed it because we both know you didn't actually clean anything. When is it my turn to clean so I know? I'm 41 year old, and I don't play childish games."

BOOM! The disturbance in Force was felt at least ten star systems away........

.....she immediately started yelling at me! A shiver ran through my body** and I dug into my pocket. Frantically pulling out my cell phone, I hit record and immediately explaining my intent; "I'm protecting myself". Oddly, it seemed to work and she stopped screaming at me.

I will admit I became sarcastic near the end. I'm tired of walking around on eggshells for this immature young woman and after a whole day of trying hard to be friendly to her, the final straw broke the camel's back. Disgusted, I headed back to my room. 15 minutes later I'm being summoned to a meeting with the landlord, which means she felt the need to suddenly drag the landlord into the mess at 10:30 at night!

To be honest, I'm not sure what to make of this. I'm not doing anything wrong, in fact I'm being community minded and friendly. The stress levels of living with someone so grotesquely rude to others is mind-numbing. I'm noticing it's taking up much more of my time than I want to admit. She has the other three people in the house scared of her, and she seems to be targeting me. Something has got to change because this kind of daily disruption cannot continue. It's not healthy for the rest of us living in the house, but more importantly, it's disrupting my ability to concentrate.

I hate drama.

* At least once a week she cooks something that smells like burned wires, or arcing electricity. The smoke is so bad the other tenants are forced to open windows, gasping for fresh air. On April 18th, Theresa had to leave the door open from 8:30 pm - 10 pm. Yes, the furnace is on full blast.

** Women that scream, scare me.

At the end, the only thing I can promise is that I won't talk to her anymore. I'm not being rude, but merely trying to maintain peace within the home. It also protects me, from a "he said situation", because I cannot be claimed to be saying anything if I'm mute. The problem, is that she will continue to be abusive to others in the house and no one it seems can do anything about it. I'm not sure what to do..........

.......anyway, I have other matters to attend to. Enough about negative people and their childish games.

April 20th AKA 420

April 20 at 4:20 pm will mark an important event all over North America; a celebration for some, but for others it marks a planned protest. In many parts of North America marijuana is still illegal, and while the United States is making rampant progress toward logical legislation, Canada is heading the opposite way. Canada is world-renown for quality marijuana with boasting rights of the Cannabis Cup, but it still locks up citizens in what is a victimless crime. Under Harper's mandate, owning small amounts can equate to hard time, and he pushed hard for mandatory sentencing.  Meanwhile, Willie Nelson is branding his own flavour to be sold in USA......

....I seriously hope this is the last planned protest that Canada has to do on this subject. There is a major election this Fall and if the right people get into power, Canadians could very well see a rapid transition to a consumer-friendly taxation base of recreation marijuana users. We can only hope!!

I am still trying to get my green card. Because of my issues, I do not fall within the recognized categories of medical marijuana, and I'm forced to deal with the problem on my own. I pray for logical legislation for obvious reasons.

Where did 420 come from anyway?

I remembering hearing that it was the number of chemicals in pot smoke. I remember hearing that 4.2 was the criminal code of Canada for marijuana possession. It's apparently "tea time" in Holland. The myths and lore associated with the origins of the term "420" are hazy.......get it? Hazy?.........

......it was an incidental occurrence that was blown out of proportion by media and law enforcement. Wow. No shocker there, eh? There are a couple of stories from the same incident, but on April 20th, 5 youths were caught smoking. The next year the press put out a big notification telling teenagers what they shouldn't do because everyone knows how well that works. Well, it caught on. Funny how that happens.

So there you go. A very insignificant origin, but something that now carries huge significance. Happy 420 everyone.

April 21st
Happy Random Drug Test Day! While it may be a joke for some, for many others it is a severe reality; the drug laws in Canada need to change!

You must realize that I don't put every single thought I have into my diary. What sane man would? It has been calculated that the average person has between 35-48 thoughts per minute resulting in a 50 000 - 70 000 individual thoughts per day! My dreams and goals are still the same, if not somewhat tempered by experience, and my resolve has never been stronger! I'm not sure what destiny has in store for me, but I feel as though I'm on the right track. Writing comes easy to me and imagination is my strongest skill. The ability to see all angles of a situation has helped me throughout my whole life. When I write a good horror story, I can put myself in the killer's mind. In the case of two star-crossed lovers, I can feel their love. If I write about a vampire flying over the city of Toronto, it's because I can feel the wind whipping my leather coat in the crisp night sky. In all this you can find the real me, and no amount of words in a journal can explain it. So basically, if you want to know the real guy behind all that prose and poetry, simply read my work.

Still, I'm fairly impressed that for almost an entire year I have kept a diary. It's a testament to my strong belief in my goals, as well as, extremely helpful to keep track of occurrences in my life. I've already found myself going back to reference a particular date. Even I'm impressed by how far I've come in just one year!

Today is cold, windy, and trying hard to rain. The sky is overcast and a gray pall hangs over the city. You can feel it too; not just the nagging cold, but the smothering blanket that curbs enthusiasm. Everyone is noticeably affected by the sudden shift in weather.

Frank the Bamboo
Last Fall I found an acorn in Grimsby. I took it home with me, fully intended to plant it. The idea of "planting roots" by symbolically planting a tree at my new house, was more than just planting a tree; it was a physical reminder of my choice to start new. Well, the acorn refused to germinate. Trust me, I did it right, but the little nut simply didn't grow. Ignoring the ominous implications.......

.......I refused to give up. I still had the black dirt ready to go in a medium sized pot. I waited. It did somewhat irritate me when I would look at the barren pot of dirt; the implication that my attempt to "plan roots" was a failure. At those moments I would simply remind myself that it takes time. I continued to wait. On Friday when I was out with Diane, I happened to notice a baby bamboo sprout for $1.50 in a store. There isn't much to the green stick with a few tiny leaves and a wisp of roots, but I suddenly had an idea. I picked out the one that seemed to call to me and took him home. I called him "Frank", and carefully planted him in the warm soil. Frank is now my new symbolic measure of my life in Southern Ontario...........

...........Bamboo grow quickly. They spread by both the root system and the ability to make clones easily. (A green branch pushed into moist soil will develop roots and start a new tree) The fact that I can use Frank to create several new clones and even gift a few trees to friends, sounds much more appealing than a slow-growing tree that I will never see to fruition. My roots are planted, and will quickly spread. Soon, I'll be everywhere.

Well, I gotta jet. I have to work on my screen play. Things are coming along.

April 22nd
Earth Day.  First observed in 1970, it became an International event in 1990. The purpose of setting aside one day to bring attention to environmental issues is quickly gaining popularity. For many it means planting a tree, or remembering to turn off the lights when you leave a room, but what does it actually do?

Schools try to bring attention to climate change by engaging them in art projects, and even theme related activities. Social media, as well as, conventional media are bustling with articles about the damage humans are doing to the planet. Scientists worldwide are working hard to bring attention to the pollution and poison that humans are dumping into our oceans and air.

We are experiencing a period of time like no other; humans changing the world they live in. This has never happened before! If you took the Earth and reduced the entire span of time that the planet has existed to a 24 hour period, human beings would show up about one minute to midnight. The amount of time it took to dump the amount of poison and pollution that chokes our planet? 1 second, by our hypothetical timeline!

Why are we polluting our planet?

Greed. So a tiny fraction of the Earth's human population can live in luxury. I'm not going to even skate around the topic, and simply state the truth - We could ALL live in luxury with a few major changes.........

........there are options, but those in power would lose money if they changed the way things are done. If Canada was to go completely electric, using geothermal, solar and other types of renewable energy sources such as wave generation, wind farms, and some water dams. We don't need fossil fuels or even nuclear at all! It would not only meet the growing needs of Canadians, but actually give us a surplus of cheap, clean, electricity.

How do we change things? Fortunately, Canada is a democracy. With the right people in charge we could get Canada to where we need to be. It means that citizens need to get out and vote! Once other countries see how great things are in Canada, change will inevitable follow.

April 24th
Well, hello Friday! The air is cold, but at least the sun is shining.

I spent yesterday with the Lawrence family.  It's always wonderful to hang out with Diane for the day, and then cook supper for her husband and children. Roast chicken with mashed potatoes was the main course. It makes me feel good to watch how eagerly the children gobble up the food I make. Cooking for others always makes me feel better.

I broke my cell phone. You cannot imagine my feelings of despair. From the tragedy, however, an opportunity arose, and I managed to get myself a new phone. Now, there really isn't much wrong with the old one I had paid cash for, with the exception of a cracked screen, so I gave it to Diane. I know that she can afford to have the screen replaced, and when she's done, she will have her own cell phone to use! I cannot wait until the day she sends me the first text, although I do realize she is hesitant to use it; I can see it in her face and the way she talks about a cell phone. She's never had one, and as such doesn't understand the usefulness of the hand-held computer.

My desk - Taken April 22nd, 2015
I've had to look a couple times at that damn picture above. It APPEARS to be a hand on my window. The picture was taken at night, but I didn't check them out until just now. There is oddly a reflection of the blue dragon wall mount I crafted, but the hand is obviously on the other side of the glass. Spooky? Or am I wrong in this?

I'm working on an article about relationships, approaching the subject from a subconscious level. My claim, is that all relationships are a contract; from the first date to death do us part, each and every day is simply renewing that unspoken contract. It explores why so many relationships are failing in today's society.

I was commissioned by a friend of mine to build wings for his pet bearded dragon. The handsome fella is big for his species, and he likes attention. He's curious and trusting, The jacket is a safe harness that allows walks outside when the weather is warm.

With his new wings, "TROGDOR" will be styling when he visits the park this summer!

TROGDOR the Burninator!!!!

I should jet. I'm hoping one of my friends will come over with a beer or something. The end of the month cannot come fast enough for me. Talk soon.


 April 25th
I finished the article entitled "The Contract" where I attempt to explain some of the issues with dating and relationships. I wrote it for a couple of reasons, notably my continued attempt to find the woman of my dreams, but also to respond to an online debate about relationships and marriage. I'm of the opinion that people don't take relationships seriously anymore.

I went for a skate this afternoon, but it was a bit chilly and I ended up coming home after only an hour.

Well, I should get back to work. I'm working on paper mache tonight, since I have no other plans. [sigh] I really need a girlfriend..........

April 26th
I'm exhausted. The guy above me played music and partied until 2 in the morning. Is that an expectation of living in a community setting? Or is being respectful and considerate to others the way you are supposed to approach communal living? I'm a strong advocate of the latter, and believe that anyone entering into such a living arrangement should take heed of their close-quarter neighbours. Then again, some people are just shitheads.

I went for a skate yesterday and tried to see what Churches might be close, hoping to find one that suits me, but to no avail; The Catholic Church in downtown London is the closest I can find in that direction. Nothing to the East and West within walking distance. The thing is, once I start going, I want to be able to simply walk to a place of worship, where I can feel welcomed enough to even join the choir. I miss singing, and it would make my heart feel better to join the choir again. Once I start attending Church, I want to do so regularly.

It looks like it's supposed to warm up. Bring on the summer and HEAT! I'm thinking about going for a skate this afternoon and check out more of the trails. Bit by bit I'm learning more about my town. I LOVE the trails!

April 27th
You'll have to forgive me, I'm feeling grumpy today, with a large side order of lonely. Blame it on the cool sunless day. Blame it on the fact I'm hungry and craving meat. Blame it on the fact that I'm without any pain medication. [sigh] Blame it on the fact there simply isn't enough money in my limited budget for the amount of days in each month.

I hope some of my art sells soon. It's getting discouraging to see it pile up. My studio is getting filled up with various paintings and other types of artwork. Yes, it makes me feel good to craft it, but it would be better if the damn hobby paid for itself, and maybe even put a bit of money in my pocket.  I'm running out of art supplies quickly, and when it becomes a choice between food and paint I get depressed.

I'm going to step away from the computer for a bit. Maybe I'll go clean the house.

April 28th
Tuesday morning. Day two of no food.

More violent riots in the States. Apparently, another person was killed by Police violence and the mob-mentality has resorted to rioting, looting, setting fires, and trying to injure others. How freaking disgusting is our world where this is the response? I don't understand it and probably never will, because I don't have the mindset for that kind of reaction. While I understand that there needs to be real change in law enforcement, namely getting the Cops out of raid gear, violence is not the answer. If anything, violence begets violence, and actually affirms the need for riot gear! As Police continue to upgrade their arsenal to automatic weapons and body armor, they are justified by the need for such heavy armaments by the growing unrest and violence of protesters. Catch 22........

April 29th
Day three, no food.  Sick of being hungry. Tired of being alone.


6 pm
In an odd exchange with my roommate, I was asked why I haven't been eating, to which I explained my silly error in judgment earlier at the karaoke bar that left me on the low end of the money pool until the end of the month. They gave me a loaf of bread, so made myself some peanut-butter sandwiches.YaY!

I went for another skate this afternoon. The weather here is fantastic! I got a little bold today, and wore a T-Shirt that read "Girlfriend Wanted! Apply here!" The irony, is that unless some woman actually trips me, there's no way she's going to catch me on my skates!

I'm tired. I went to bed at 10 pm and was still flip-flopping at 2 am. Hopefully I get some sleep tonight, because tomorrow is Thursday and I'll be heading to see the Lawrence family and hang out with Diane!

May 1st
I am quickly coming up on a very important anniversary; when I left Fort Frances in 2014. Quite a bit has happened since that fateful day I'm currently taking notes to pen a commemoration.

Underpass art - This wasn't here yesterday!
I'm going to Church this Sunday. I've picked one, and I'm going to check it out. Service starts at 10:30 am. After Church, I'm honoured to be escorting Miss Diane to a HMCS NCSM Prevost on Sunday for their annual service.

The weather today was 22 degrees and sunny with a bit of cloud. I wasn't the only one partaking in the glorious heat, because the skating trails were packed with pedestrians; bikes, dogs, couples, joggers, strollers, and even those that have paused for a moment and are using one of the many strategically located benches on the course. I skated my ars off!! Smoked myself numb, and went for a half hour sunbath, and then a 25 KM skate! I'm sunburnt and exhausted, but feel really good about things.

I bought vitamins. Apples, and bananas were added to my grocery cart this trip around, and I'm liking the way this is going. I'm trying to stay fit, and deal with my digestion issues, and while I do try to adhere to my Doctor's orders, I am guilty of a couple things like eating red meat occasionally, but I've been doing really well with balancing my diet and managing my pain. Some days are bad. Some days are good.  I'm hoping that with vitamins, probiotics, and exercise, I can balance things.


Normally I tend to purchase a bit of alcohol at the start of each month, I LOVE beer! Like...LOVE the taste, love the way it makes me giddy......you know? I bought rollerblade wheels instead. Yup! I took the money I would have used, and bought wheels. After years of using the same wheels, I decided to knuckle under and get new ones. The bright yellow wheels I've been using were the ones my Grandmother bought me, and I kept rotating them, but they were getting quite worn! The blades I use call for a 80 mm wheel, and as you can see there is a big difference between the new ones and the ones Grandma Ethel bought. The new ones have more power, but I can't trick out on them. They feel stiff, and clumsy. Maybe they just need to be broke in a bit.

There's geese all over the Thames river! They are really neat to see as they start their nesting and such, but the feathered buggers leave land mines all over the asphalt trails! They are slippery land mines to a guy on rollerblades, and I have to be extra vigilant when I'm near a gaggle of geese.

I should jet. Talk later.




May 2nd
I drove myself hard today; 20 minute burn on the rowing machine, and 25 KM on my blades. I'm tired and a bit sunburned. The weather is 22 degrees and sunny with a bit of cloud. Everyone is outside today enjoying the sun.

I'm trying to get up the energy to dive into a bit of art this afternoon, but seem more content to sit and relax. Maybe I need a day off.

I saw something today I have never seen before; a lineup down the street to get into a store. Apparently it's free comic book day, and one of the local businesses was also celebrating their 50th anniversary today. They had people dressed up as their favourite superhero and there was lots of energy in the crowd. Really neat to see!

May 3rd
I went to Church. The sun was shining as I strolled down the street in the early morning. The birds were chirping, and the bells from various Churches throughout the downtown core burst into song.

The service was nice, and I  will probably attend next week.

I had the honour to escort Diane to a remembrance service after Church. Today is the annual ceremony for the Battle of the Atlantic, and she was part of the colour party. It was a beautiful day for the event, and a decent crowd gathered as the Canadian Navy put on a p[arade to ohnour those that died during the 1939 to 1945 conflict in the Atlantic. As each ship's name was read out, a bell tolled for the lost vesel and her crew.

Once home, I stripped off my tie, smeared some sunscreen on, and headed back to the trails. I put another 22 KM under my belt before I found my way back. Now I'm tired, and just want to watch TV.

May 4th
May the Fourth be with you; Happy Star Wars Day!

Today marks exactly a year ago that my life started to change. At 5:30 am last year, I was sitting outside on the curb of Scott Street. I had no home, and was locked out of the place I was staying at. I had just had my heart broken, and I could barely see the large pulp truck heading toward me down the street, for the unchecked tears spilling down my cheeks. I stood up, determined to end it all, and all it would have taken was two steps forward. Instead, I stepped back on the sidewalk, and watched the truck roar by. I was shaken, and realized that I needed to change; badly!

Over the next couple of days I will be marking out the steps I took to get where I am today. So much has happened in a year, that I have to remind myself it was only last year, because it seems like another lifetime ago.

I know I wouldn't be here if not for good friends! The help I've received over the last year has been phenomenal! There is no possible way to thank everyone appropriately, but I will simply state that I humbly thank you all for everything you have done. I'm grateful, and can only do my utmost best as a way to show my appreciation in the faith bestowed upon me, as well as, live each day to the fullest.

 There's no doubt that most of the sexist memes on social media are catered to women. It's as if "men are predators", and "heartless cretins". Since I fully believe in equality, I've decided that each time I see such a sexist meme, I'm going to make one that counters it to help level the playing field, as well as, bring awareness to the plights on men.

I should jet. Today is Monday, which means I have to clean the house. I've also just about got "The Answer" dialed in as per names and back stories. If it seems like I'm taking my time, that's because I am.......

.......you didn't rush Leanardo Di Vinci, you didn't rush Steven King, you don't rush me either.

May 5th
It's overcast and a bit windy today. Another day to catch up on work, I guess. Even my roommates are sluggish and melancholy today because of the weather. It's amazing how a big a difference a few grey clouds can make, and I daresay as strong a reaction as the full moon.

So.......... It turns out my Doctor in Toronto refuses to give me a referral to anyone but his buddies in Toronto. [sigh] While this may sound like I've completely wasted my time, it's just me going through the paces. This presents not only a challenge to me, but an opportunity to establish myself further in London. It's obvious I'm staying here for a while yet.

"When a man is given a chance to spread his wings and soar, he will. For it is only when a man is challenged to do his very best, that he can.......

....and for a man to be loving, he must be loved." - Zzorhn Carlson May 5th, 2015


I should get to work.

ED!T: 1 pm
The above meme stating, "If men had a choice to either walk or fly, they would rise above the clouds and follow their hearts and dreams. It's the same with love", was something I thought up on the skate trail on Sunday. It's true I stated that I would counter sexist memes, but this was not the case when I created this particular meme. While the word "men" is used, it could easily equate to both men and women. 

The moment I posted it on social media, I was instantly under fire; someone asking me if I needed feminine products, and another calling me out on my political and personal views on rape victims. I get it, I really do.......

........... Any time a man is shown to be exhibiting an emotional response, it is seen by society as weak. While it's perfectly fine for a woman to openly express themselves, the same cannot be said for men. This sexism is based on the archaic ideals of "men don't cry", or "be a man", which implies implications of an emotional vacuum. Thick-skinned. Tough. 

What they don't teach in our society, is that a true man is one that can balance both warrior and poet. We base our society on North American history; short, rugged, and violent. We are a proud nation of warriors, but the balance is quite lacking when it comes to society's acceptance of poetry, romance, and love; often times portraying men as predators, and unfeeling clouts, or simply,  "The Husband". 

I like to explain things in the form of analogies. When it comes to how men are perceived by the general population, think of a farmyard. You coo and gush, while gently giving the baby lambs a caress on the nose. You reverently stroke the mare's face, glowing over the finesse and grace of the proud animal. Meanwhile, you slap the bull on the flanks, because, "his thick skin means it won't really hurt it, and all it cares about anyway is eating and sex".

Does that smite a bit? Truth usually IS stranger than fiction. 

The whole point I was trying to make with the meme, is that when someone is given a chance to be their very best, they will. When they are suppressed, abused, subjugated, mocked, belittled, or even simply perceived as an objectified "money maker", they will become a suppressed, depressed, downtrodden, beaten husband. But! When a man is encouraged, supported, loved, cherished, and viewed as the emotional human that they are, then there are no limits to what such a man is capable of.

Yes. It goes both ways.

I'm looking for Mrs. Right. I'm also looking for an equal, and a best friend. I was once married to a woman that viewed me as much an object as the kitchen table or the family dog. While I've moved on, the mistakes of my past only solidify what I believe in my heart; my mistakes make me  stronger. I know what I want, but I also still see many of my friends in the same kind of relationships that I had to get out of. This is why I'm vocal....

......Male or female; when it comes to being the absolute best they can, need to have the best choices and opportunities available. When it comes to love, it is only when a person is allowed to be the very best that they can excel at love. 
  
7 pm
I received an unexpected phone call from someone I haven't heard from in a while. It really made my day to hear their voice, even if only for a short time. I've had a smile on my face and skip in my step the rest of the day. Well, off to splash some paint on my new canvas....

May 8th
Just realized I missed a day or so. Haha! Time flies as they say, and I've been busy! On Wednesday, I went for a lap on my blades; from Riverfront to Oxford, to Ivey Park to Victoria Park, and from there hit the trails to end up at Springbank Park along the Terrry Fox Walkway. All told it's a round trip of over 25 KM! I usually do that in about two hours or so, depenmding on how fast I'm skating. Anyway, I got home, showered and met up with my roommate. After a really good "sesh " I donned my blades again and did the whole trip one more time for a grand total of over 50 KM in one day! 
Pepperoni, bacon, beef, maple pork sausage, mushrooms, and extra cheese.

On Thursday, I went to Diane and Greg's house for my weekly visit; laundry, lunch, and I cook supper. I took the opportunity to rotate my new wheels so they don't get too worn in one way, and greased them well. After home-made pizza, I went home and did another loop along the Thames river.

I'm tired, but I feel good.

Perhaps it's the vitamins. Maybe it's the fact I'm eating everyday, rather than skip a day so I don't have to deal with pain. Maybe it's the sun and heat that's put a boost in my exuberance. Maybe, it's a combination of many things.

Speaking of heat, apparently the weather service says we are in for a possible record-breaking scorcher today. Humidex is off the chart, and the forecast is for 30+ degrees! Woot! Love summer temperatures!!

I wrote a poem this morning, called "Oh Canada!"

Well, I should get my butt in gear. Lots to do today! Talk soon.

May 9th
I'm horney as HELL! All night long my mind decided to dream about women; kissing, tender touches, and of course you-know-what. It feels like I'm all twisted up from lack of nookie, and I'm a bit frustrated this morning. Is there anyone out there that might let me borrow their leg for a bit?

[sigh]

Of all the emotions a human has to deal with, being without a partner seems to hit the hardest.

I'm craving a beer too! The last frikken time I was forced to endure this long of a dry spell, I was in jail for 68 days! (A crime I didn't commit.) If you want to read about that, check out "Between the bars of a Jail Cell". Anyway, we had a really nice day yesterday, and the heat was at 30 degrees!! I laid in the sun, went for a skate, and when I was all done, nearly died from lack of beer! Beer....Mmmm....To be honest, it feels like I'm being punished somehow, because I equate enjoying a few drinks to having fun, whereas being forced to abstain is punishment.

So, while I love where I'm living, my lack of drinking buddies really hurts me. More than some people realize; I went from a hub of activity and friends, to having no one to drink with or invite me to drink with them. A year later, and I still don't have any drinking buddies.

This is turning out to be a lonely, dry, diary entry. My bad. It's Saturday, and the most I'll do today is drink coffee and write. [sigh] I need a girlfriend, but will settle for a six-pack.

May 10th
Happy Mother's Day!!

Exactly one year ago I left Fort Frances on Mother's Day. My own mom even came to watch me leave the bus station. Here I am one year later and living in London, so I mailed one of my good paintings, (which my buddy gave to her at Church - Thank you Lincoln) then gave her a call to tell her "I love her", and drafted a cute ecard* for her social media page on Facebook. She seemed pleased about the painting, and it was wonderful to hear her voice!

*Ecard / meme / picture - For the past four years for Mother's Day, I have been concocting a picture to wish mom a special day. But! I have been using a "monster" theme. I thought it was funny the first year when I posted a mommy alien getting flowers from the parasite that comes out of the eggs. After that, I used a big fiery dragon smiling at her little baby boy dragon. Each time I would post "Happy Mother's Day" which makes it a unique and personal card. This year was no different, and I chose a mommy T-Rex and her hatchling. Tee Hee!

I went to Church.The huge pipe organ rumbled the seats, while babies dressed in white were baptized at the font. At least a dozen teenagers were confirmed as members of the congregation, and there was five transfers from other United Churches. I have to say I'm fairly impressed with the service, and I intend to return.

I've written an article entitled "Happy Anniversary" to commemorate the passing of a whole year since I moved. Have a read if you like. As for me? I'm going to relax for the evening. Chat soon.

May 11th
I had a decent day yesterday. Went for a skate, and felt spiritually uplifted. Then, I turned on my computer this morning, and found an article from the United Church of Canada calling for a boycott of Israeli products! Ugh! What. Thee. Actual. Fuck? I'm growing weary of the Church attempting to get into political agendas, and I'm embarrassed by this foolish move. I'm researching the issue intently, because I want no part of any such ridiculousness!

 I expect my work on "The Answer" to be done with a couple weeks. After that, it's publisher time....

...and time to set all my plans in motion.

After that, I have a short story about a gay man engaged to a wealthy young woman, and their plight when the truth is discovered. After that, it's working on my second full-length novel; this time about magic and fantasy. I should get to work.......


EDIT: Totally forgot today is house cleaning day! Better get my ars in gear.....

May 12th
I really did number on my screenplay yesterday! I can't believe how well everything is falling together. Edgy, and a bit risque, the script has several plots and a few morals thrown in. I'm pretty happy with the way it's turning out, and I can't wait to present it to a publisher once finished.

The weather has taken a turn for the cold. Gloomy overcast skies with a chilly wind have pervaded my sanctity of heat and sun. The rest of the week calls for much of the same; rain and windy. Guess I won't be getting much action on my blades, but that simply forces me to do more writing.

Speaking of writing, I gotta jet. Mike and Kameko are beckoning to me to finish their love story, and I can't wait to see how Anne and Peter deal with the aliens when they meet face to face. Talk soon.

May 15th
Skipped a few days I see. Time flies when you're busier than a cat trying to cover poop on a marble floor, eh?

I finished my script for "The Answer". I'm proof reading it now, and going over it for the 5th time. Yes, 5 times; I'm a stickler for perfection when it comes to such matters. I'll be honest though, without bragging, this script is pure brilliance!  Edgy, and a bit risque, it features a female, lesbian, Prime Minister of Canada, contending with a unique alien attack. It's easily the Canadian version of "Independence Day", with two loves stories, and three independent plots! (Not including sub-plots) The characters are vibrant, and the script reads like a true conversation. The best part, is my constant endevour to instill Canadianism throughout my work! Half of the script is written from the perspective of a rural teenager from North-Western Ontario, and highlighting some of the activities that come from being raised in a country setting. Write what you know, eh?

Once finished, I will be sending out tenders for a publisher to represent me, which is pushing me toward my goals and dreams.

I spent another day with the Lawrence family. Thursday is our weekly routine where Diane and I spend the day together; laundry, shopping, and playing with the kids. I made "Shake and Bake" chicken and baked potatoes for supper, and it thrills me to watch the kidlets gobble up the food. The little guy goes back for the skin off the chicken, and will happily give me the naked remains. (Chew on the chicken bone)

Everyone is getting ready for the May long weekend, or May two four, as it's called. Apparently it's a birthday celebration for some British Queen, and here I thought it had to do with celebrating the arrival of summer. Oh well, I hope that everyone is having a safe and happy May long weekend, regardless as to why it's a National holiday.

Well, off to proofread. Lots to do, and less time to do it in. Talk soon.

May 16th
"Smoke Eater" painted like WWII grenades.

Saturday. A long weekend, and I have nothing to do but write and paint. [sigh] 

The weather is overcast, and while today isn't that chilly, it's still effecting people's moods.

I'm going back through "The Answer" for the 5th [6th?] time, and changing the format. Capitalizing the names on the script, and getting it all ready for a publisher. It's VERY boring work!!

Can't wait to get on to the next project! Not sure what to call it yet, but the love story of two best friends needs to be written, so I can launch myself into the next full length novel.

I need a girlfriend. Just sayin.....

May 17th
There's always something to do in this town!
The sun beat down on the tropical island. The smell of the salty spray from the ocean tickled my nose, and I took a deep breath, enjoying the smell of fresh air. The sound of laughing seagulls could be heard over the radio coming from my headphones. I like this station, 102.3 JACK FM coming out of London, where they "Play whatever, whenever". It's hard to believe it can reach me this far out in the middle of the ocean.

The wind is light, but cool. As I lay on the sandy beach on top of my beach towel, I wriggled my toes in the sand. A small insect started crawling across my leg, so I brushed it off with the other. Sighing happily, I soaked up the glorious sun.

I went to Church in the morning. After the service I met with the music director for First St. Andrew's United Church. Turns out you have to audition for the choir. I'm somewhat surprised, but pleased to see such a high level of expectation. I just hope I can measure up.

Baby Canadian Geese!!
After Church I climbed out of my suit and donned my Rollerblades. Before long I realized I was already halfway done my lap, and turned around at the part where the pavement gets rough. I was pleased to see some of the geese along the path are proudly displaying their babies, as they strut around eating fresh clover along the trail.

I got home, had a quick shower, and I pulled on my swimwear.

Feeling relaxed as I laid in the sun, I tried to imagine what everyone else is doing this holiday weekend. I know the Lawrence family is vacationing in their new camper. Most of my other buddies aren't up to much though, and I couldn't help but wish a few of them were able to join me on the beach.

Suddenly, a car alarm started honking. I remember frowning about the noisy intruder, and it occurred to me that someone, somehow, had managed to drive a car onto the beach. I opened my eyes to see who was the cause of the disturbance......

....Oh. Yea. I'm not on a beach, but rather, laying in the front yard on a blanket. [sigh] Gotta love a vivid imagination!

Choo Choo!! All aboard the kiddie train!!
May 18th
Sun and heat have graced the day. I chose to go for a skate this afternoon, and was pleased to see how many people were out enjoying the sunshine. Families are all over the place as London does what it does best; raises the bar for entertainment and class. There are kiddie trains to ride, carousels, kiddie villages, water parks, and many other events that cater to children and their parents. This once again bolsters my choice to live here.

All along the trails, people are walking, biking, skating, and jogging. Sure is fun to people watch as I skate along the Thames river, but it really makes me wish I had my own family to enjoy things with.

Skate trail at the 7 KM mark
Some of the hazards I face, are debris on the trails in the way of tree branches, but sometimes you simply have to bow to the absurd; goose poop is extremely slippery on roller blades! To be avoided at all costs!

Well, I did one lap (25 KM) already, but I'm feeling like I should push myself a little bit more, and may end up going for another lap.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

10 pm
Turns out the sky clouded over, and it got dark pretty fast. I turned around early on the trail, and probably only did about 18 KM. I'll admit, I'm feeling pretty tired. A good night sleep and I'll be raring to go.

Selfie on the skate trail
Today was supposed to be cleaning day, but I let it slide. I'll remedy that tomorrow. I also have to go for a walk downtown for a meeting. Lots to do!

I seem to be attracting quite a few readers from Ukraine. Kinda odd, but cool at the same time. I still have people from Russia, USA, Canada, and even South Korea reading my stuff. How can I have achieved my goals, and still be broke?!

Well, I should get going. My bed is calling. [frowns] Bette clean up my paint stuff first..... Good night. May your dreams be an inspiration that carries you through your whole day.

May 19th
"Abstract Love"
Well, I haven't mentioned much about my one roommate Theresa, but that doesn't mean she's stopped being ignorant to those that live in the house with her. It was quiet for a good week or so after the incident with the landlord, but a few days ago I was rudely awaken at 8 am to her vacuuming. A day or so after that, she decided to cook one of her foul smelling concoctions that drove the rest of us to tear open the windows; gasping for air. She broke the oven again, and there's burned grease on the stove top, as well as, grease reside in the oven I cleaned but a couple scant weeks ago. She wears her street shoes through the house, stomping her high heels regardless of the time of day or night. [sigh] But! The kicker this morning, was me having to clean up bloody kleenex off the counter. Ugh! What an inconsiderate pig!

Otherwise, my day is going along nicely. I cleaned the house, and mopped the floors. Now it's time to eat, write, and throw some more paint on a canvass.

The weather has turned back to cold again, and everyone has gone into hiding. Not much else to add at the moment.... Have a good day.

May 20th
Another coldish day.

Woke up to the booted heels of Theresa on the wood floor. Instantly, I'm in a pissy mood! "It's fine to wake up early in the morning, but never be the reason others do", I always say. not to mention I mopped the floor yesterday. [sigh] Some people just don't give a shit, and there's not much you can do. I predict this won't end nicely, because I'm not the only one that is affected by her ignorance.

 I've spent the majority of the day grinding on the format for my screenplay. It's not an exaggeration to claim I've read the 130 or so pages at least 7 times now. I'm planning on going back for an 8th reading to do more formatting (adding "CONT." to dialogue) Lots of work!!

It's already humpday. This week is skipping along pretty quickly, which is a good thing, however, I just ran out of medication for the month which means pain, bloating, and all the rest of the side effects of not being able to properly manage my intestinal issues. On the other hand, I'm running low on food, so that's a good thing, I guess. (Can't have cramps when I have nothing to eat - There has been many times I've gone without eating simply because of this) Why disclose my problems? Why lie? It's who I am.

I should be able to start printing the script soon. Still have to do a title page, etc, but the biggest hurdle of writing the script itself is over. Yay! This means I'll soon be working on the next story......

7 pm
I'm done. [fanfare] The Answer is finished; written, formatted, and title paged. [Takes a big stretch] Started in November, and even though I wrote an entire full length novel in that same time, I'm done a whole screen play! Go me!!

Now..... [frowns] ...What to do next?

May 21st
 Last night I went to bed at shortly after 10 pm. At the time, the man who lives above me was talking loudly on his phone, and by loudly, I mean loud enough to travel through the floor, and past my earplugs!! It was akin to someone humming in my ear. Well, I flipped an flopped, convinced his rude behaviour would eventually cease, however, it didn't.

At midnight, I was still awake, and almost to the point of tears! Why are people so ignorant of others in a community setting? I signed a contract that specifically explained how loud volumes from any device are not permitted when I signed my rental agreement, and I'm certain everyone else in the community living house has done the same. I'm constantly making certain that my activities don't bother anyone, and even go out of my way to avoid excessive noise during late or early hours. Yet, here I am being subjected to emotional stress caused a roommate. This is again a situation of lack of respect.

By 12:30 am I finally had enough and banged on the roof twice. It had the opposite desired effect, because the chair scrapping continued with abandon, he continued banging on the floor with his booted foot, and the voice grew louder. I know if it was me receiving such a notable sign that I was disturbing my roommates, I would be embarrassed as hell! Finally, sometime after 1:30 am I dozed off from exhaustion.

I had a big day planned today, but because of whoever lives above me, I had to cancel the whole event. I'm exhausted! My mood is foul, and I am missing out on a chance to get out and visit with Diane! Now that I'm starting to wake up a bit, I wish I could simply tell Diane to come and get me so we can get on with our day, but it's too late now. [sigh]

Ignorance, it would appear, knows no bounds for some.

May 22nd
Woke up to a quiet house. Went for a sunbathe, worked out, and had a hot shower. My roommate then asked me if I needed meds (which I do) and shared a bit. I feel like a million bucks.
LOVE the results of my workout!

It's suddenly occurred to me that my eyesight is getting pretty damn bad; I now need glasses to read all the time. I better get a girlfriend soon, eh?

I'll have to wait until next week to do any printing, because I missed my opportunity this week. Oh well. [shrugs] Whatcho going to do? I'll get my work published eventually, and during this time I can send out more applications to publishers. I took the time to write five letters yesterday, but apparently it could take up to three months to get any sort of reply. Another case of "Don't call us, we'll call you".

I've started a new short story. I'm thinking of calling it "Love, Etc". It's about a woman who is dumped a week before her wedding day, but finds out the man she was to marry is actually gay. They were high school sweethearts and best friends; it seemed like a match made in Heaven. The story progresses when the woman finds out why her lover left her at the alter, and struggles with the emotions of the discovery. I don't want to give away the ending just yet, so you'll have to wait.

I should jet. Lots to do.....

Truth, is stranger than fiction.

May 23rd
Good morning world! The sun is shining, and the air is sweet. My plans today include a workout on the rowing machine, and a good hard skate. I've noticed that my legs are really adapting to the hills and what I was struggling with a mere month ago now seems easy. I suppose that's the point, right? In this case, I'm pushing myself to the point of pain, rest and heal, then push myself again. No pain, no gain, they say. My goal? To be one helluva sexy mofo. (Just have to keep reminding myself I'm 41)

I've got a decent start on my short story, but I've discovered that the title "Love, Etc" is already taken. [shrugs] I'll come up with another title for the story. Just the way it goes I guess.

I woke up early to get a jump start on my story, so I'll let you go for now. Hope everyone has a safe and happy weekend!

Noon
I laid in bed last night thinking. My mind was doing its usual 3-5 topics at a time, and between trying to find an ending to the new story that I need to find a new title, figuring out my workout routine for the next day while I ran over the predicted weather, my mom, a girl I'm very attracted to, the fact  I need to do my laundry soon, the fact that if you ARE in an accident that you will probably soil yourself anyway so fresh underwear is pointless, etc, etc, etc.....

......it also occurred to me that I have only had one drink this whole month!

[shrugs]

The though rolled around in my head for a while, and I went through the various stages of denial. I felt betrayed. Not being able to enjoy what I have previously coined, "The Nectar of the Gods", seemed so unfair! But! Then I realized something else; my behaviour has changed. Now, don't get me wrong dear reader, I'm not talking about some great enhancement or anything, but as I laid in my bed I consequently thought about the month as a whole.

A) I haven't done any major works of art in the last two months. Most of the large pieces I tackle HAVE been when I was under the influence. I would wake up with a hangover and look about the studio with a "Where the hell am I?" which is quickly followed by "What have I done?". [There is a reason for this - Don't get ahead of the story]

2: I do better "finish work" when I'm sober. As for my ambition when intoxicated, see above. When I have to do fine detail work, or when I want to write objectively, (Sometimes wish Facebook had a breathalyzer!) I do not drink, or at least not too excess. There is simply no way that being drunk produces great works of art! That being said, most of the collaborations of art / videos / events have included drinking alcohol. [This will be explained in a bit - Once again, don't get ahead of me]

D) I've been writing quite a bit, but I've also been streaming television and that has put a damper on my work. I know that most of this hesitation, was because I was so super critical of "The Answer" and the screenplay format. 8 (9?) proofreads later, I'm ready for a producer to have a peek, but it's been very mundane and boring work.

Don't forget that since the weather turned nice, I've been doing a lot more things outside. This has also cut into my work. The offset of that, is that I'm getting into pretty decent shape. AKA healthier.

So............. between congratulating myself on sticking to a decent exercise regiment, eating better and balancing my dietary needs, and not drinking.... I've been doing pretty darn well!! Then it occurred to me, am I going to buy beer in June?

Well, SHIT WILBUR! My brain cringed at the thought, because I know deep down that I can't afford to buy alcohol on my limited budget, but then I realized there was a whisper deep down in my soul that went, "No. You don't need it, and I'll tell you why.........."

I went quiet, and my mind stopped buzzing with activity as that tiny voice in my head went on to explain, "It's all a facade! An illusion. Alcohol has never helped you, it just makes it look that way. You see dear self, you came from a culture that prides itself on drinking. A small town that focuses on inebriates during every occasion. A culture that boasts of being able to consume vast quantities of alcohol and still "Gitter done". You've done it as well, dear self, all your adult life. Think about how you have told story after story of how much fun you had as a young man, and all of them started with "So we bought a case of beer". Don't worry though, it's not a strange phenomenon, because all over the world people do the exact same thing! Russia? Vodka!! Germany? Beer!! Japan? Saki!! Lynchburg Tennessee? How about Niagara Falls? Do you get my point dear self? All over the planet people have the mindset that alcohol is so ingrained in our culture that we equate a good time to being sloshed."

The voice went quiet, as a louder voice from the back row shouted, "Yea? But beer is so (bad word) good! It's also good for you! Don't forget that a glass of wine is good for you."

"But..."

"I'm not (bad word) done!", the voice yelled.

The whisper rang clear though my mind, "But you don't have to drink the whole bottle at once".

I laid there, stunned from the level of cognitive thought. Sitting up a bit I glanced at the time. "Eleven. Ugh!", I puffed. My head thumped back down on the pillow and I chastised myself, "Just go to sleep! Stop thinking! I might have done that before, but I DON'T drink like that anymore".

A voice from the back softly said, "No, you don't. It's not just because of your current situation, but the people you have chosen to be around you. You must see, dear self, that by choosing to be with people who don't routinely drink to excess, you've stopped too?"

Once again, I was stunned. I laid there in the dark and tried to come up with some sort of rebuttal, however, the truth was evident; my habits have changed in just one short year.

"Not only that", the tiny voice continued, "But you are healthier, and you look better too".

Well, I couldn't argue with that. The bullying voice from the back didn't make a sound either.

"I'll let you go to sleep", said the whisper. "Just think about it, OK?"

He's right.

Now this doesn't mean I'm quitting drinking. Not at all. What it does mean, is that I have made a break-through in my life. While it may help you dance a little better, alcohol doesn't necessarily equate to a good time. It's a mindset thing - I simply realized that I actually believed in the ideology around the use of inebriates to make things better, when in fact, they really don't.

I've also realized that I was talking to myself. Normally, this isn't a problem, but in this case, I was actually answering myself.

Talk soon.

May 25th
On Saturday afternoon I began cramping up. An hour later I couldm't walk from the intesne pain, and I phoned Diane to find out what I should do. Without hesitation, she drove over, picked me up, and took me to the Emergecy room at the London Health Sciences Center. To say I was in pain would be an understatement! I was throwing up from the nausia, and was wracked with spasms.

After a ton of testing, blood work, CT scan, ultrasound, etc, etc, I was sent home with government opiates for the pain.

On Sunday morning I had to go back to the Emergency Room for more testing. I spent most of the day on an IV with pain medication while specialists performed more tests. The good news is that it's not appendicitis, or kidney stones. The bad news, is that it is my abdomen simply flaring up. I ran out of meds (marijuana) three days prior, and like clockwork, the bloating, and pain attacked me. However, this was like nothing I've experienced in a couple years, and just more proof that I'm not really going to "Get Well". I need to get a referral to see a specialist soon!

I'm back to square one. I can't get the Doctor I had in Toronto to refer me to a specialist in London. I can't find a Doctor in London that will take me on as a family Doctor. I can't get a referral without a family Doctor.... ARGH! It's like a vicious ugly circle!!!

This week I am going to take finding a London Doctor seriously. I have to.


IF YOU ARE ON FACEBOOK, check out this GREAT ONLINE COMMUNITY!!
At nearly 700 members, the original "Zzorhn's Bar & Grill" is still the best online community for five years running! Click on the link and join us for breaking news, politics, contests, jokes, music,online debates, and a great group of people from all over the world. We pride ourselves on being inclusive, and everyone is welcome. Join us today!!

It's on the tip of my tongue...

May 26th
I didn't sleep well at all last night! It was basically just a series of naps instead of regular slumber. This morning, I felt like hell again, and nearly contemplated going to the Emergency room again. What's the point though? They really don't know what's going on with me, and the only thing we figured out this weekend, is that I'm in pain and if given enough pain medication, the pain goes away. For at least a little while, because, I'm now dealing with the same issues that I had on Saturday afternoon. [sigh]

"Alone"
Diane helped me finally find a family doctor today. After all this time, I simply filled out a form at the Westmount Family physicians, and I have an appointment! Well, shit Wilbur.... Everything is kind of falling into place!

I finished another painting today. I call it "Alone". It's a man stranded on a beach overlooking Lake Ontario with the moon laughing at him. I like the piece! I used a dry-brush technique over black acrylic. Turned out pretty decent, if I do say so myself.

I'm restricting myself to minimal activity for the moment because of my abdomen. This really sucks, because it puts a damper on my workouts and rollerblading.

Gotta jet.

May 27th
Happy Hump Day. Middle of the week, and the downward slide of another month. Can't wait until I can actually get some groceries and meds!

I'm a bit shocked at no one seems to like my newest painting! Not sure why, but most people are just passing by without so much as a "Like" on social media. Oh well, can't please everyone right?

Can you ever tell I haven't cleaned this week! The floor is getting grimy, and the kitchen is stained from people using the counter / stove and not cleaning up after themselves. My roommate is still going about her hypocritical ways, and continuing to cause stress within the house. How can someone not have the intelligence to be quiet when others are sleeping? How can someone not see the dirt they track into the house from wearing the same shoes they wear all day? I can go on and on, but what's the point? Some people just lack common sense.

I noticed that one of my "friends" from back home is posting political propaganda, so I naturally corrected them. I was immediately met with resistance, and told that there was no room for debate in the issue. I went further to explain their mistake and highlighted fact to bolster my argument. Guess what? They blocked me! What a (bad word) loser! It's sad that such kind of people exist in our society because it means that there are others out there that are also mere sounding boards for political corruption in our great nation, and no amount of fact will change their twisted political views! Oh well, I can at least look at the favour the idiot did by blocking me; I no longer have to see their garbage!

I'm working on the short story still. It's hard for me to sit still for any length of time at the moment, so I'm doing the best I can. Sure makes things tough when I'm so used to being in a routine!

Tomorrow I head to Diane's house for a long-awaited chance to do some laundry. At this point I'm doing the "sniff-test" before I wear certain clothes. Funny how laundry can really pile up, eh?

Well, I should get something done. Chat soonish.

May 31st
What a soggy, cold, day! I had fully planned to go to Church this morning, and woke up early to do so, but I would be completely soaked by the time I walked there. [sigh]

I realize I haven't posted in a  couple days. Not much to really say, except that I tried to go rollerblading on Friday, and only ended up hurting myself. So basically, I haven't really left the house much, and because I have no meds I've been in constant pain.

I painted a new piece, but it was simply to use as a Facebook cover picture, which turned out pretty decent. I don't even have a name for the painting yet. A simple skull surrounded by roses, it's supposed to symbolize the depth of my writing; from love, to the the grave.

So, it's been a very quiet week for me, and one spent in recovery following my hospital stay. I don't feel like writing much either, which is the main reason I haven't posted since Wednesday. I did, however, finish my short story about the relationship of two young lovers. I called it, "Life and Love", and it describes the definition of what real love is.

I'm looking forward to starting to work on my next big book. It's one that has been years in the making, and it would do my heart good to see it finished. Perhaps I'll start on that today, because I'm not doing much else apparently.

Talk soon.
Facebook cover picture

June 2nd
Good morning, Tuesday! Nice to see the sun for change. I might actually crawl from my cave this afternoon and go for a skate, weather permitting. It's just been so damn overcast and unpredictably raining. For a couple days it has been dumping rain sporadically on London, and it's going to take a bit to dry up all that water.


I'm also harbouring a bit of trepidation when it comes to pushing myself on my blades / rowing machine. It's been just over a week now since I ended up in the hospital, and although I feel better, I'm worried that I could just end up doing damage instead of helping. Oh well, I've never been one to sit back and "just see", so chances are I'll hit the trails hard and find out.

"Abstract Selfie"
I whipped together a quick painting from a chunk of canvas I've had kicking around. Originally, it was the table top for my studio, but became so caked with paint it made it difficult to work with. So, I decided to use the splashed and smears in an abstract work I entitled, "Abstract Selfie". It's supposed to be a representation of a world with people of different colours, amidst a whirling mass of black and white. I have my own interpretation of the piece, but it definitely has room for others. I like it, which is to say, not many people will.......

........I cleaned the house yesterday. For the most part, people are getting used to m,y standard of cleanliness, and even appreciate how I stay on top of things around the house. Not only did I was the counters, floors, and bathrooms, but I also washed walls and doors too! It looks really nice, and smells fresh too. Then Theresa comes home, slams the door, stomps across the floor with her dirty boots, and barricades herself inside her room. [sigh] This is why aliens will simply pass over the planet without even stopping; some humans simply spoil the bunch.

I'm in a weird mood today; I'm not sure what to do with myself. It's more than just having several projects on the go, and not knowing what one to pick, but there's a bit of confusion. Let me explain; this morning I was told by my best friend that I have a surprise coming, and to be on my best behaviour. FOR WHAT? It's not like I do anything much anyway. What does Diane know that I don't?! She won't give me any clues either, and simply makes remarks like, "Have fun", or "Be good". What does she know that I don't? Have fun? With what?

I should do something. Hope everyone is having a great day! Talk soon.

6 pm
Well, I did a full lap on my rollerblades and I feel great! Maybe tomorrow I'll throw a round at my rowing machine and see how that goes.

I bought some tea today. Apparently it's better for me than coffee, so I'll try to drink coffee only in the mornings, and stick to tea during the day. Look at me being all healthy and shit, eh?

Still trying to figure out what Diane is talking about. Further conversation leads me to believe that I might get the kidlets for a few hours or something this weekend. That would be rather fun, but I guess we'll have to see, because Diane isn't giving me any more clues.

Talk soon. I'm going to wrap my teeth around some food, and maybe go for a walk later. Have a good one.

June 3rd
The sun is shining, and the birds are singing out a chorus. The smell of fresh-cut grass is in the air, and the sidewalks are bustling with activity. It's amazing how much weather plays a role in everything, from the animals, plants, and birds, to the more advanced mammals like humans! My plan in a bit is to go find a nice sunny patch of grass, and have a sun bath. After that I intend to go for a lap on my rollerblades. Just more proof that I'm solar-powered!

Happy Hump Day! Hope everyone is having a good one.

I'm still plagued by ignorant roommates, who think nothing of banging around or talking loudly when others in the house are trying to sleep. There's a mindset there; being courteous is a choice.  I've always claimed that the couple of people who routinely cause grief for others, would change their ways if it was family sleeping in the next room. The fact remains, they just don't give two shits about other people around them, and it creates problems for the rest. Expand this kind of behaviour to a global population, and it's no wonder we have issues on the planet; selfishness, ignorance, and indifference, are the mindset of those behind the problems.


I still haven't stretched a new canvas yet, although I have done some work on paper mache. I decided to stop making masks for a bit, and go back to making a dragon head sculpture. If it doesn't sell, at least I have something I like to look at.

I reread the work I've done so far on my swords and magic novel, and I'm shocked at how much needs to be fixed! I'll admit, I'm a bit daunted by the sheer enormity of work needed to bring the story up to my new level of competence, and I'm dragging my heels in starting over. Can you blame me? Who likes to have to go back and redo their own work? For me, it means cracking the whip and knuckling down to tass bracks, and rewriting the whole book. Give me time, I'll get it done.

Speaking of which, I should jet. Lots to do, and less time to do it in. Have a good day.

June 5th
I'm a bit frustrated this morning; my talent agent called at 5 pm yesterday, wanting me to be downtown Toronto for noon today. Ugh! REALLY? Perhaps they are unaware of my extremely limited budget, or just ignore the fact that I'm two hours away with no real mode of transportation. [sigh] Hopefully I can contact the office, and see if something can't be done to make them not only aware of my situation, but perhaps reschedule the audition. Truth is, I can't afford to miss auditions, but this was a choice I made by living in London, versus, trying to find somewhere in Toronto to live. [super expensive, and absolutely no support system]

I had an awesome day yesterday. Did my laundry and some shopping. We chose to skip McClassy, and instead sat in the sun outside enjoying A.n W. rootbeer and burgers. After a rousing soccer match in the backyard with the kidlets, I made homemade pizza.

The weather is fluctuating between heat and rain, so I'm not sure if I'll get out today to do my workout.

Still no mention of a surprise of any kind, but it is only Friday. Guess we'll wait and see.

Noon
The phone call to my agent was good. We cleared the air a bit, and even discussed up and coming opportunities. Hopefully I can land that one role that catapults me into Canadian stardom and get on with the rest of my life.

June 7th
I woke up to birds singing, the sun shining, and quickly got ready to go to Church. Once again the walk in the morning felt good, and I had to stop and pose for a selfie. Purple shirt, and white silk tie. Not too bad, if I do say so myself. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to next Sunday, because it's choir tryouts! How neat would it be if I could get back into the Church choir?!

I got home, and did a hard 30 minute workout on the rowing machine, then went for a 25 KM skate. I got home, jumped int he shower, and made something to eat. That's another weird thing; I'm, eating healthy.

I just popped two vitamins, and washed them down with a glass of milk. I wouldn't really say I'm on a health kick, but if it is a fad, it's definitely not the worst thing I've done.

As I keep pushing myself harder and harder, I keep two goals in mind......
A) To get as ripped and "Hollywood North" looking as possible.
2) To get into great shape and hopefully attract a mate.

........not sure what one's going to happen first. You know, I really wish I could find my other half BEFORE I end up in Toronto's red carpet, rather than finding a woman AFTER I  have money. Just saying. I have my reasons.

June 8th
It's raining, it's pouring. Why am I not snoring? Loud roommates. [sigh] Morning everyone....

.......Today is the day I do my weekly clean job on the house. Once done I better knuckle down and write something; I'm struggling to find the motivation to actually sink myself into a project. Meanwhile, my canvas remains blank, and the paper mache desk is untouched for a couple days. I'll get my ambition back, I'm sure.

1 pm
Well, the house is clean. As I stare at the blank screen in front of me, my mind whirls with possibilities; short story, full-length novel, or even write a sequel to one of my previously published works. I feel lazy and don't want to start any one of them [sigh] Just a slump is all.

I'm feeling like tackling a few other projects instead. No exercise for me today, because I'm giving my body a chance to recuperate. Light snacking, lots of water, and nothing strenuous. Have a great day.

June 9th
Another gloomy day.

I have to say that yesterday was a huge success in the studio! I've got a couple of layers on the new canvas, and tackled four other projects! The new dragon mount is huge! I didn't realize it, but as I'm going along, the sculptures are getting bigger, and more elaborate. You wait until you see the skeleton warrior bursting through the wall paper mache project I've got going! Even I'm fairly impressed.

I guess it's true though, if you keep doing something long enough, eventually you get better at it. I'm noticing that o be the case with writing, as well as, my painting and other part projects.

So..................

"Good morning" selfie
.......I found out what the surprise was. It didn't happen, obviously, but according to Diane, I was supposed to get an out of town visitor on the weekend. Obviously, I didn't, since it's now Tuesday, and nothing happened. Not sure what happened there, but I guess Diane was trying to help arrange for a friend from out of town to come into London for a couple of days. She won't say who it was, so now I'm curious as to what that was all about! Talk about getting my attention, and leaving me feeling frustrated! [sighs heavily]

Nothing else of interest to report. Weather? Check. Health? Meh. Writing / art? Check! Hmm... Feel like I'm missing something.

OH! A picture! Silly moi.... Here ya go. A good morning selfie for all you Zzorhnamaniacs! Have a good one.

June 10th
Diane has a bunch of stuff to do on Thursday, so instead of doing my laundry and such next week, I opted to come over today to do our usual weekly thing.

Little did I know it, but today would mark an unexpected event.

Diane picked me up and we started doing our usual shopping spree. Halfway through, I received a phone call from a woman I've been talking to on a regular basis since I moved down to Southern Ontario. Turns out, that she was coming to London for a couple hours, and wanted to come see me!

Well, holy shit! I've been trying to get a date with this woman for months, and each time we planned something it always seemed to fall through. Suddenly, I was going to be meeting her for the first time?! It's laundry day, and I'm here in my grubs!

Excuse me while I have a moment........ [dies]

.....I don't know how to explain this. On a scale of one to hot, she's like dragonfire! Sweet, sassy, but doesn't mind to get dirt under her manicured nails. She's a busy, working model with children, and I have always been impressed with her drive, as well as, her strong faith in herself. Fiercely protective of family and those she loves, and passionate about life.

And, she's coming to London.

Did I get nervous? What a silly question! Of course I did! I hung up the phone and turned to Diane with a look of shock. "What do I do?", I remember uttering.

"Well, too late now", Diane shrugged as she turned into the parking lot of the retail outlet where she buys her veggies and meats, "You've got a date".

A date. I'm wearing my shorts, and the last clean undershirt I own; everything else is in the laundry hamper. No flowers. No restaurant. No candles. I went a little numb. "What am I supposed to do?", I asked aloud.


Diane answered, "Well, she said she would be here around lunchtime, so why not go out to eat?"

"She's bringing her youngest", I replied, still in shock.

"Well then", Diane answered as she parked the van, "Take her to McClassy's and let the little guy run around the kiddie park? Call her back and see".

By the time we had got back to Diane's house, the plans were finalized; we'd meet, go for lunch, and hang out at the park until she had to leave.

Wish me luck.

9 pm
[Cue trumpets and angel choir]

Wow. I don't know where to begin!There's a fine line between being a man that doesn't like to "kiss and tell", and being so excited that I want to tell the world. I don't want to say too much because it might get out that I "like so and so", and the next thing you know I'm getting calls from my mom to find out everything she possibly can about this "new woman" in my life. But then again, I am only really writing about this in my diary, and I know YOU won't tell anyone.  I can trust you, right? Awesomesauce!

To be honest, much of it was a blur. It's extremely obvious we really like each other; touches, gazing at each other, and not-so-subtle hints. She's amazing! What can I say? I've admired this woman from afar for so long, and there I was laughing and talking like old friends! It felt very comfortable, but left me breathless and wanting more!

After lunch I took her and the little guy for a stroll to the park where he could run off some energy, and the two of us get a chance to talk. We laid in the sun, and got lost in each other. Fortunately, we had a little chaperon that consistently reminded us of reality. We talked, laughed, and I even played a bit of soccer with the little guy. Before I knew it, it was already time for her to go.

Yes, I kissed her. It was nice; as the two of us sat on the front steps waiting for her taxi, she told me to close my eyes. Next thing I knew, she was kissing me! [Fireworks display]

So. What does this mean? I want to see her again. Soon. As in, soon can't come fast enough! It also means, my world will never be the same.

June 11th
I woke up early to the sound of birds singing outside my window and the sun peeking around the curtain. The image of a dream still fresh in my mind, I headed to the kitchen to fix some coffee.

She made it real. I've had dreams about this woman before, but now my mind has fine-tuned the details. For example, she now has freckles, and her eyes sparkle. Every single detail about this woman I've only seen in pictures is suddenly made real, and my dreams reflect that. Having met her in person has only made me desire her more!

You know how all married men will tell their spouses that they are "The most beautiful woman on the planet"? Beauty is most definitely in the eye of the beholder, and all men have the image of the ideal woman in their mind. I am no different, and what I find attractive includes not only physical beauty, but personality as well. This woman is magnificent! I kept wanting to pinch myself yesterday to see if I was dreaming, and now that I think of trying to see her again, I am fueled by this intense desire! My arms ache to hold her again, and I can't imagine a lifetime of happiness with her! There's no doubt she finds me desirable, but it's still too early to make long term predictions...... I just want to be the man that gets to admit the truth when I make claims of "beauty" to my partner.

Today will be a spent writing and working out. I'm going to push myself hard on the exercise machine, and tear up the trails. I have a new book I'm chewing on, but it's too early to say if it will amount to anything yet.

Hope everyone has a great day!

5 pm
I just got a phone call from my agent. I have an audition in Toronto, tomorrow afternoon. Once again, with barely any notice I am being summoned to strut my stuff in front of a casting director and a producer. Oh well. It's everything I wanted in a role, and I really hope I do well.

This brings up the point of "What happens if I get the part?" Where would I stay? Do I have to move? There's so many questions! Just have to remember one step at a time, right?

I just got off the phone with Diane; the road trip to Toronto is ON! WOOT! Suddenly I'm nervous as all heck........

....gotta go shine my shoes, find my pants, and get the rest of my stuff ready. I'm going to Toronto!

June 12th
I awoke with a start. In a sleep addled haze I peered into the dark room, trying to see what had woken me from my slumber. Hearing nothing out of the ordinary, I glanced at the LED clock sitting on my wooden headboard; 6 am. Ugh! Too early! Closing my eyes, I let out a loud sigh and flopped back down on my pillow.

Suddenly, I was very aware of another body in my bed! A waft of long hair settled across my nose, and the smell of her perfume and pheromones made my eyes shoot wide open again.

With a big smile, I turned on my side, and happily wrapped my arm around her, pulling her naked body in close. Her long blonde hair fell across my face, but I didn't care and snuggled my nose deep into her neck. In the dark I heard her sigh in her sleep.

“If only this moment could last forever”, “I thought to myself as I held her tight. It had only been a short time ago that our online flirting had blossomed into a physical relationship, and I couldn't be happier. She was amazing! I listened quietly to her breathing, and simply laid beside her; drinking up the moment in time.

She stirred slightly, and with a quiet whisper, asked, “Don't you have an appointment today?”

In the dark, I smiled, and teased, “I thought you were sleeping”.

She stretched. I could feel her lithe body arc and she wrapped her legs around mine. “I was”, she mumbled, half-asleep, “But someone woke me up”. She snuggled her head onto my chest and sighed dreamily. “Mm mm. This feels good!”

“Yea”, I agreed, running my hand down her soft back. I could feel her flinch slightly from the gentle touch, and it only made me desire to run my fingertips over her lower back and waist; teasing her and myself in the process.

She purred, “You know love. If you plan on keeping me awake, you better be offering either breakfast in bed, or morning sex”. I felt her fingertips softly trace my chest.

“We don't have any bacon”, I gently chuckled, pulling her hair away from her neck and ran my lips gently over her bare neck. I felt her shiver, and small goosebumps dotted her skin.

“Mm mm... You're making me shiver”, she moaned.

“That's the plan”.

Suddenly her head lifted off my chest, and she blurted, “Don't you have to be in Toronto today? You better wake up!”

“What”, I muttered in confusion, “Wake up? I am...........”

I snorted as I rolled over on my pillow and opened my eyes. In a sleep addled haze I peered into the dark room. “Ugh!”, I snorted, “It was just a dream”. I glanced at the LED clock on my headboard; 6:30 am.

It felt so real.


8:30 am
I'm all ready to go. Just have to wait for Diane to pick me up, and we're off to another audition. My shoes are shined, teeth are whitened, and carry-on bag is all packed. I have my comp cards, my resume, and my monologue ready.

12 pm
So, as we're driving to Toronto, Diane and I are discussing the fact that I have to find a cheaper way to get back and forth to auditions, and future film shoots. I mean, I could be doing extra work all the time if I actually lived in Toronto! In a sense, I'm missing out on promotional work by not living in the same city where I'm going to find all my chances for work. Anyway, I happened to mention the GoTrain at Burlington, which takes me to Union station.

Truth is, there is no possible way that Diane can drive from Burlington to Toronto and back on $10 worth of gas! It saves time as well; for Diane, it cuts off two hours of driving!

So here I am [waves] Riding on the train. Weee! Definitely the way to travel I have to say! You walk onto the station platform and the train pulls up. Oddly, this feels so comfortable. I'm totally calm about the whole adventure and slight change of plans. The side-to-side motion of the train is relaxing, and the fact that there is a washroom is awesome! Totally the way to travel.

I always wonder what would happen if I missed my bus / train. It scares the living bejeebers outta me to picture such a thing! Shit happens they say, but let's hope that nothing major ever sets me back from meeting my appointments! I can't even imagine being late for an audition, with all the stress and whatnot; I'd be flustered, and I know in my heart that my acting would suffer because of it. Let's hope that nothing like that ever happens [knocks on wood]

It's hard to imagine that as of this time last year, I was still fumbling around trying to find an agent and get my foot in the door. Heck! This time last year, I was hiding out in the house, worried to even go outside. The idea of riding trains, buses, and finding my way around Toronto without a map, was not even a consideration a mere year ago! How far have I come in such a short time, eh? To be honest, I couldn't imagine going back to North-Western Ontario anymore. From the opportunities, the infrastructure, and the energy, this is now home to me! I still sometimes feel like a tourist, but now catch myself chuckling at the attitude of those that live in rural areas.

As the train speeds along, I'm still finding it odd that I'm not nervous. Like, I'm a bit apprehensive about being late, or not being able to find the address of the studio, but I'm not nervous about the audition. What is there really to be nervous about? When you remember that I like that butterfly-ion-my-stomach feeling, then being stage shy becomes rather enjoyable! Acting / singing / entertaining others is something I enjoy, so what is there to be nervous about? That I might not get the part? I either will, or I won't. It's all up to the casting director and his team, and nothing I worry about will change anything. They are looking for something specific, and it's either me, or someone else. [shrugs] It's still great to know that I am still pushing forward with my dreams. It's a reaffirmation of my goals that I'm on this train.

Fact is, I own this! As the train pulls into Toronto, I feel a thrill to be here! The massive skyscrapers stand like a testament to the perseverance of humanity. Majestic, proud, and dominate, they are the symbol of success for billions of people all over the planet, as they are to me. I belong in Hollywood North!

The train pulls out of Exhibition and rounds the final leg of my journey. I can see the CN tower rising tall above the downtown of Canada's largest city. Across the bay I can see the Billy Bishop airport, and the massive Lake Ontario stretches beyond the horizon. These familiar sights make me feel really good. The sun is shining through the storm clouds, and I'm growing more excited by the passing minute! Hey, Toronto! I'm back!!

I better go! Talk soon.

4 pm
I planned to simply walk from Union station to my appointment. It's really not that far in reality, but try and tell that to my stupid GPS! “Drive here” makes the failed assumption that I am in a car, and because of that fact redirects me for traffic. Which basally means, it has no qualms about making me walk in circles around a block or two. Ugh! I must have wandered at least a Kilometre out of my way, simply because the GPS kept updating for the local traffic. I really need to get a GPS that has “WALK HERE”, instead of assuming I'm driving a stupid car!

Then. It. Starts. To. Rain.

Fortunately, I brought a rain-jacket, so I quickly whipped it out and bravely forged ahead.

Once again, finding my appointment was merely a matter of walking around a corner and having the destination suddenly spring out at me. I realized how early I was, so I stood and watched people scurry back and forth on the street. You would not believe how quickly a bit of rain can dampen the spirits of those around me! Even the poor pigeons were shooed under the awnings of the buildings and forced to share the dry space with those that took shelter from the storm.

I still wasn't nervous! Half an hour until I was supposed to strut my stuff, and I was still calm as ever! What's happened to me?! This is really different! As I walked into the building, I puffed my chest out with pride and followed the handwritten signs to the waiting area.

I took five minutes and headed to the washroom. I shut off my phone, spit out my gum, had a pee, washed my hands, and gave myself a once over in the mirror. Show time.....

........you have to understand, that an audition is not about the time you are on camera, slating, or even in the actual casting room. The audition is also how you conduct yourself with other actors, the casting crew, or even the cameraman. Holding a door open for someone is polite, but finding out later that it was one of the film crew goes beyond chivalry. As an actor I realize that I am being observed from the moment I walk in that door! Lift you chin, smile, puff out your chest in pride, and relax. Remember to say yes to everything, and remain open to suggestions and cues. Don't forget to breathe.

I filled out the application form, and presented them with my comp cards and resume. Before long I was issued my audition number and the background information on my character. I have to remind you, Dear Diary, that I am under contract to NOT talk about the specifics of anything I'm working on. I can say that I have an audition, for example, but I cannot say that I am trying out for any specific company. When I do get released, you can be certain that you will be informed! I read over the material twice, and then confident with myself, handed the sheets back to the assistant.

It was an improve. No monologue necessary, no dry read, and I was privileged to work with a wonderful actress who was trying out for the lead female role. She is quite talented, and I'm glad I got to work with such a professional (Hope she's thinking the same thing) I haven't had the chance to do much improvisation lately, so it was quite a bit of fun!

I shocked the director. During the build up in our scene, I dropped a bombshell (once again, I cannot say what and why) He yells “Cut”, and then explains that no other actor has chosen to adapt the role the way I did! He asked why I would chose to portray the character in such a manner, and I explained that it felt like a natural twist to the story. He seemed impressed with my idea, and had us redo the scene again, with the adaptation thrown into the mix. I guess that makes it my shtick for the event; the part where the hopeful actor attempt to leave a lasting impression on the person casting the roles.

Before I realized it, my time was up! It honestly felt like only a few minutes, but in fact a good twenty minutes had rolled by in the studio. I shook the director's hand and walked out of the room. As I passed the reception area, I glanced at all the other actors trying out for the very same role. Now, I don't mean to brag, but none of them look like natural bald men, but who knows eh? There's a ton of them, and it just means I hope I made my mark in the minds of those in charge.

Rain! A veritable storm erupted over the city the moment I stepped from the door. Quickly I donned my rain-gear, and strapped myself into the job of finding my way to the bus station. I would not be returning the way I came this morning, but rather, taking the greyhound bus back to London. (I would have done the bus thing this morning, but they were booked solid – hence Diane having to give me a ride) Once again I fumbled around the city because of a damn GPS that doesn't understand I only need to be pointed in the right direction, and I'm not driving! Ugh! Fortunately, I spotted some familiar landmarks and before long had found my way to the massive bus station on Bay street.

The rain (bad word) stopped almost the exact moment I reached the bus station! I'm not kidding. As I stared at the gloomy sky and laughed at the absurdity, I took off my rain jacket and gave it a good shake. Somehow I managed to stay nice and dry during my walk regardless of the beating rain, and I praised myself for remembering to bring the handy fold-up rain coat.

I wandered around the station for a few moments until I reminded myself about the food court across the street. “Atrium on the Bay”, they call it, is a massive sprawling complex that had connections to the closest subways, as well as, the greyhound terminal. It provides not only office space for thousands of people, but a huge two-level mall, sporting a supermarket and all sorts of smaller shops. I decided to go window shopping, and happily ambled around watching people and checking out the various items set out for display in store windows.

I decided to go buy a coffee. Yes, I know I'm on a diet and I'm not supposed to drink coffee in the afternoon, but the rich aroma of the chain brand coffee drove any sense of logic from my mind. As I placed my order, the waitress asked, “Would you like anything else with that?”

“I'll have a double chocolate dipped donut, please. On second thought, make that two”.

[Rolls his eyes] So much for willpower. [sigh] I'll have to do double duty on my rowing machine tomorrow to pay for that little indulgence. Doesn't help that I'm broke too, and the last thing I need to be spending my money on is donuts! I couldn't help it! They looked so good just sitting there being all chocolate donut and chocolate icing. Oh well, I deserve it, right? I swear I could even hear them calling to me.....

....or maybe not. Either way, they were awesome, and the bit of indulgence offered me a great spot to do more people watching. You know, most people really don't seem happy? They shuffle around, and seem like puppets merely going through some routine. Their eyes are blank as they mindlessly go about their day.

I finished my donuts and decided to go for another walk around the atrium. I sat by the man-made waterfall, and listened to the pooling water trickle down the carefully sculpted display. I admired the display of flowers growing in the heart of the building. I rode the escalator a couple times; going up merely to go right back down again. (See? That's where I probably look like a tourist) Basically, I wandered around, sipping my coffee, and enjoying the facility while I smelled the flowers.

As I watched the hustle and the bustle of those around me, the thought that I have to move, came rolling back through my mind. If I start getting more and more callbacks, there is absolutely no way I can functionally work in Toronto and live in London. The fact is, I cannot simply jump when I get a casting call, not to mention the high cost factor of living somewhere not on the GoTransit line. After all, London was SUPPOSED to be a stepping stone on my way. The only reason I settled, was because there was no way for me to come up with last month's rent, whereas, it wasn't an issue living in London. I recall writing a short story last year where I described how, like a ship floundering in the storm, I had to take refuge even if only for a short time. If anything, this trip has once again remanded me of my commitment and goals.

I don't like having to say no to any opportunities that come my way. I need to make myself available as much as possible!! I want to be able to tell my agent that I'm available all the time.......

.......so, here I am at the bus station. I'm still really early, but better to have lots of time than panic because I'm rushing. It also gives me a chance to people watch a bit more. Everyone is sitting around with some sort of cell phone, staring at the tiny screen like it's some life-giving apparatus. No one smiles. Everyone avoids my glance.

I'm sitting here thinking about my audition. I know I did well, but there was definitely room for improvement. I was instructed to do the same scene twice, and while that afforded me the opportunity to try things a different way, I simply went with what seemed to work. Little things, that I notice and wish I could change if given the chance. You know me though, I'm always going to be my biggest critic. Still, each time I do one of these auditions, I get a little better. Live and learn.

I find myself striking up conversations with strangers. Sometimes I get really weird looks, but the odd time you find someone that likes to talk. Next thing you know, I'm talking to some old guy like we're best friends. Everyone glances up nervously from their phones wondering what the merriment is, but quickly lower their gaze and go back to their texting, doing their best to avoid contact with others.

I just realized what time it is. Gotta jet! Bus is scheduled to leave soon!

6 pm
We're pulling out of Toronto. [sigh] It always seems like a rushed trip each time I have to visit. I'm either passing through, or just coming in to do a half hour appointment. In, out. I blink and I'm gone.

Back on a greyhound bus. Traffic is a mess being that it's Friday night and all. It's going to take a bit longer to get home than normal, but there is no use getting upset about it. I've had a great day, even if it leaves me feeling a bit road worn.

10 pm
Home. Safe and sound. Another few hundred kilometers and one more audition under my belt. I unpacked my bag, and changed into my pajamas.

It's been a good day! All in all, this is a really hard thing to do. Many people all over the world are trying to do exactly what I'm doing. It's hit or miss, and many won't realize their dreams. The trick, is to never give up, and always believe in yourself.

Speaking of dreaming......

...... I sure hope that the woman of my dreams come back tonight! Maybe we can pick up where we left off.

Pleasant dreams everyone.

No better way to say "I love you".
June 13th
It's chilly, and the sun can't possibly peek through all those clouds. The moment I pulled back the curtain, I realized that today was going to be one spent indoors.

Call me silly, but I keep checking myself out in the mirror. I'm getting my abs back, and it feels great! I actually FEEL different and I'm proud of my hard work! Even during my rowing machine workouts, I can feel a difference in not only the length of time I can push myself, but the intensity level has gone up as well. I started at level one on the machine, and I'm now at the highest level, five! Feel the burn, baby, feel the burn!

I woke up yesterday feeling like a million dollars, but this morning it's back to the regular grind; that's what happens when I eat. Because of the fact I had to go into Toronto yesterday, I stopped eating at noon the day before. When I got home last night, I had a full meal, and now I'm paying for it today. Doesn't help that I can't find any meds* either.

I keep reminding myself that I could do my absolute best during an audition, and still not get the part. Perhaps this is why I wasn't really all that nervous about yesterday; in my mind I know to simply go and be myself. If anything, the casting agents should see my confidence, and my professionalism above all else, right?

Today is going to be a much shorter entry, because I have things to do. The sky looks like garbage, but it isn't forecast to rain. Maybe I'll get outside and do something of a workout. I hope so....

June 14th
It's Sunday evening. I hope everyone had a safe and enjoyable weekend. Mine was pretty amazing....

.......It all started Friday when I nailed an audition in the Big Smoke. After that, I was lucky enough to talk to Jessie for a while; in fact, all weekend we've been texting and talking! To top it all off, I made the Church choir!!

Perhaps I should start at the beginning.

During the past seven months, I have been chatting online with Jessie, but our conversations were always sporadic and distant. As time went on, our conversations became more intimate and detailed. This weekend we've spoken every day, and it's getting to the point where I can't imagine not hearing from her! She wants to see me again, and I feel the same way; I ache to hold her again! Without going into too many details, it's fair to say things are becoming serious.

I want to go on record that I understand dating her is more than just the two of us. I have no intention of ever toying with her heart, but more importantly, I refuse to start a serious relationship with a mom with children, unless I'm absolutely certain this is what I want! While she and I may be grown adults who understand what's going on, there are four beautiful souls that must also be considered. I'd like to make myself clear by stating my intentions include her four children in all matters. While this might seemed a bit rushed, it really isn't, because if we do want to take our relationship to the next level, we both need to understand some of the future desires. I wrote about this concept barely a month ago when I was still trying to work up the nerve to ask Jessie out. "The Contract" explains all of this in much more detail. So, there you have it. We are making plans.


Today was an open call to anyone wanting to try out for the Church choir. For the past few weeks I've been attending the First St. Andrew's United Church. I spoke with the choir director, and today was my chance to audition.... I was accepted!! Now before I get too excited, it should be noted that after next week, the whole church is moving to the basement, or "Proudfoot Hall", for the summer months. It's cooler and more personal. Besides, the church doesn't fill up in the summer like it does once school is back in, and everyone is back from the resorts, camping, and other summer fun. Anyway, I'll be welcomed to join the choir in the Fall if I'm still here.

The weather was garbage today, but I did manage to get in a decent workout on the rowing machine. All in all, a great day!

June 15th
Halfway through the month, and I'm out of meds. There has GOT to be a better way to do this!

Woke up to yet another gloomy day. The heavy heels of one roommate woke me at 6 am, and there was no way I could roll over and go back to sleep. I've always claimed that it's perfectly acceptable for a child to wake someone in the house, but a grown adult that constantly does so, is not acceptable. The sad part? It's a University graduate that consistently ignores the fact that there are others in the house. Educated idiot, basically. 

Pardon my grumpiness; blame it on the weather, the pain of my lower intestine rolling, or the ignorant adults I'm forced to live with.

I guess I should get some work done today. I'm waiting to hear back from my agent, but I'm not holding my breath; there was a revolving door of actors trying for the same part I was.

Have a good one, eh?

4:20 pm
The sky cleared up, the sun started drying up the wet pavement, and Jessie messaged me. Before I knew it, we were on the phone and talking. It's simply amazing how quickly she can make me feel better about my day!!

I managed to sneak in a workout this afternoon, and even went for a skate. Now I'm going to see if I can't find a few shows on Netflix and do some painting. Not really in the mood to write today.

June 16th
I'm getting fed up with the sheer stupidity of my roommates! 6:30 am this morning, the one from downstairs comes crashing upstairs and slams things around in the kitchen. At 7:45 am, the other one decides to start cooking a giant meal, and burned the stove again. Slamming doors, and heavy heels are an indication of thoughtlessness. I was supposed to clean the house yesterday, but to be honest, I'd like to just tell everyone to go fuck themselves and start cleaning up their own mess! These are adults we're talking about here. I cleaned the oven a month ago to the point of looking brand new, and it now looks just like it did a month ago. [sigh]

Muggy, cloudy, and humid. Not sure what's in the forecast for today, but hopefully I can burn off some steam later.

I've been refraining from writing lately. It could be that I know how I become consumed by my work once I do start, and subconsciously I'm avoiding such dedication from burnout.  In the space of a year, I've published over a dozen short stories, and one full-length novel. It's not surprising that I might feel a bit winded from the effort.

I should get my day in gear. Hopefully it gets better from here on out.

10 pm
Workout. Skate. Paint. My day became better, but only because I took direct action to make it so. Fact remains, I can keep bitching about shit, or just deal with it, right? I always say, change your mind, change your world. Well, I hooked up a set of speakers in my headboard that are on a separate channel off my amplifier, and now play white noise "rapid eye movement sleep music". It wraps me in a cocoon of steady noise guaranteed to make you not only sleep better, but ignore exterior noise. It DOES work; I've used it before. Let's hope it does the trick to make my sleeping less disturbed, since I can't get my roommates to stop being disturbing.

 I got a phone call from a friend in Fort Frances.  It was wonderful to hear their voice, and we talked for about 45 minutes. It's great to get those unexpected phone calls. Cheers you right up!!

I've been looking at trying to find other things to do in London. One of the things I've been promising myself, is to go and check out the museum on Rideout Avenue.  Turns out, it's by donation, which means I'll be able to go as often as I'd like. Woot!

Well, good night, and sweet dreams.

June 17th
I usually do a weekly visit with the Lawrence family. In fact, I've come to count on it in the way of laundry, shopping, and meal planning. I also get to use Diane's tools to fix my rollerblades, unlimited access to their laser printer, as well as, a fully operational kitchen. I play with the kidlets, have intense discussions with Diane, and even visit with Greg a little bit at the end of the day. It's always a good time.....

......unfortunately, neither of us can do Thursday this week, so we opted to do it today instead.

I had to fix my good shoe. It must have blown out on Friday in Toronto, or on Sunday in Church. [shrugs] Nothing a bit of contact cement can't fix!

A moving basketball hoop? No worries! He helps you score! 
Diane and I had a really good heart to heart talk. She's going through some problems, and needed to vent a bit, while I'm sitting on the cusp of some very serious choices, so I naturally discussed some of the things I'm thinking about. It always feels better when you talk to someone, but it's even much better when you can say absolutely anything at all without repercussions! Diane and I share a penchant for open honesty, and I've divulged my deepest secrets to her with full confidence of not only confidentiality, but an honest reply. Basically, don't ask her something if you don't want to hear the truth. Now, I certainly won't disclose anything she says to me in confidence, but what did I have to think about? My future........

.........when it comes to making a major choice in life, keep this simple equation in mind. "How will this affect me in 5 years?" Everything becomes so simple when you look at it like that! If it really won't matter? Then don't worry at all! If it will matter greatly, then take the time to think the matter through carefully.

Career. Love. Family. 

I really only have three major issues in my future; finding love, taking care of family, and trying to somehow get my career off the ground. It could easily be said that family will solve itself, and love is a guarantee, but those two statements could not be more wrong! Family does not necessarily mean blood, and true love is rare. When it comes to my chosen career, it should be noted that I am doing my absolute best to try and deal with my daily pain, and trying to juggle the past so that it doesn't come back to bite me in the ass; crippling any chance for a future. What past you ask? My family.....

Drum troop - Victoria Park
.....it's no secret that half of my blood relatives don't support me. I've come to expect infighting, and betrayal. The deviousness of a handful of the haters that are related to me would enjoy nothing more than to see me fail miserably, and have gone out of their way in the past to make certain I did. My hope is that I have moved far enough away that they leave me alone. For me, that would solve the issue; leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone. It sounds so easy, doesn't it?

There is another family I speak of, and it comes with the idea of finding true love. At my age, nearly 99% of all the women I would date come with children. I know in my heart that given a short amount of time that they will become a part of me as well, and I'll look on them with the same pride as any daddy. So, that simply means I have only real issue.....

....true love.

What is true love? Liking the same stuff? Physical attraction? The fact is, there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to this question. What is true love for some individuals, is nothing like what I deem real love. For example, pick a handful of different countries, and imagine what love and romance is like for them. Does it sound the exact same as your idea of romance? Probably not, because of traditions, as well as, ideology and religion. I base my concept of true love on a variety of nations and cultures; the idea of a Prince in a castle, the Samaria or warrior-poet from Japan, the mystic love of fantasy and lore, the haunting romance of native North America, a Knight, the kiss of a vampire, the cry of the siren, etc, etc. Which basically means I'm looking for someone that thinks the way I do. I might be all good looking and whatnot right now, but in 30 years I won't look the same. (This also applies to the woman I'm with) After all that time, it won't necessarily be physical attraction that makes us love each other, but the personality and characteristics of our relationship. Hence, I'm looking for the magical, Heaven-sent, love that is so oft written about, but rarely found. An equal. A lover and best friend. Someone that won't mind dancing in the rain. A partner in crime. A lady when we go out on the town, but a freak between the sheets.
Pan Am Games torch carry- Victoria Park

I skated down to Victoria Park this afternoon and attended the Pan Am Games torch run as it came through London. They had games, dancing, sights, and a couple food vendors. A really good band took to the stage and wound the crowd up pretty decent. I actually had quite a lot of fun, but I really could have used a dancing partner.

Anywho, I should get going. Talk soon.

June 18th
Not much time to talk this morning, because I have a full day planned. I woke up early so I could make certain there was time to deal with my "routine", and be ready to go downtown for my appointment with the medical specialist, but I also found out that Canadian blood services is hosting a clinic today at the London Public Library. I am O-negative, and plan on getting my blood down there to donate! It's such a worthy cause, and as the saying goes, "Blood. It's in you to give". I haven't donated blood in many years, but I'm in better shape than ever, so there is absolutely no excuse for me not to go!

Speaking of which, I better jet. Time's a tickin'.......

5 pm
What a crappy day! Woke up in an absolute great mood, and everything went downhill from there.......

.....Canada blood services refused my blood because I was hospitalized three weeks ago. Ugh! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with my blood! Trust me, I've been tested every three months or so for my intestinal problems. High iron content, hemoglobin is off the charts, and platelet count is high. BUT! The moment I answered truthfully, I was red-flagged, and told to get a letter from my specialist before I'm allowed to even be considered again.....

......so then I go to my specialist appointment, and he tells me there is nothing wrong with my blood work, but he wouldn't write a letter because, "We don't do that".

So, I called Canadian blood services, and finally spoke to someone who understood. He was flabbergasted they refused me, and told me to go back to the Library, and that he would send them a quick email. I'm also supposed to phone him back tomorrow.....

....well, I was denied again. [sigh] A total of six Kilometers out of my way for nothing. I mean, I tried really hard to give them my rare blood type, and the volunteers seemed pretty clueless. It's frustrating.

THEN, I get home, and was delighted to see a message from Jessie. We started talking, and I noticed right away she was being distant and attacking me with scathing remarks. When I politely called her out on it, she grew even more upset.  I tried some damage control, but then she said "bye".....

......I'm really upset about this!! So much potential, so much loss. [sighs heavily] I was really starting to fall hard, too.

So, FUCK my life. The weather is garbage today; muggy, stormy, and can't make up it's mind if it wants to piss or not. I'm going to go put on my pajama pants and sulk for a while. I'm so disappointed and heartbroken........


June 19th
Today's weather forecast is calling for continued crappy; basically mother nature can't decide if she wants to rain or shine, so we're stuck with this gloomy, gusty, garbage.

Stupid roommates, yadda yadda. Adults acting like children, etc, add nausea,......

.......please forgive my grumpiness. In a sense, it's probably a good thing to see that my life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, because it gives an accurate depiction of my struggle, however, I SO wanted to go back and delete some of what I've recently written. If I start doing that though, it compromises my integrity, right?

Today consists of writing, making a few phone calls, and working out. Maybe I'll hear back from Jessie, but then again, maybe not. Hopefully this is something we can fix, but to be honest, I have no idea what prompted any stress between us. [sigh] Dating women is like trying to pet a baby deer; don't make any sudden movements.......

7 pm
I decided to capture a bit of video of me out on the trails. Have a look if you like. I entitled it, "I turned the camera around".

So it turns out, Jessie wrote me back while I was exercising. I quickly jumped online and we soon patched things up. If anything, this was good for us, because it highlights some of our quirkiness, but also our resolve to see things through even when times get tough. I'm told that she might even be in town tomorrow, so hopefully I'll get a chance to see her!!

I decided to start up a donation fund to help me with my transportation costs and hopefully jumpstart my career. I called it "Homeless, To Hollywood North". Even a small donation is helpful, but I'm trying to raise at least $10,000 to ensure my success. I'm reaching for the stars, but I can't get there alone.

So, I'm in a much better mood now.

June 20th
I'm wide awake at 6:30 am, and can't get back to sleep. I'm too nervous to sleep! Why? I have a hot date tonight.......

.....which is basically like a normal date, but with Jessie and I in it. Hahaha.... All kidding aside, if things go the way we discussed, the two of us might be kicking our relationship into a physical one. So, here I sit with my stomach doing flip flops from being nervous like a teenager, wondering what's going to happen later.

She's house shopping, and I know this because I'm helping  her. Yes, in London! How's that for serious? Anyway, speaking of which, I should get my butt in gear and do some homework before she gets here.

4 pm
I had a great workout, good shave, and now I sit waiting to hear from her. Not sure what the full plan is yet, and I haven't heard from her yet. (Thought I would by now) Hope it's soon! I can't wait to see her!

Damn! There go those butterflies again.....

June 21st - 9 pm
The Earth looks so pretty from up here in the clouds.

I got the call from Jessie last night about 9 pm that she had settled into her room, and was dealing with the babysitter. Quickly, I got ready and headed downtown to go meet her.

O.M.G!! This woman leaves me gasping for air! The moment I saw her, my heart leapt for joy! I still can't believe I'm the lucky man that's somehow caught her eye.

With no real plans, except to "Go for a walk, and check out the downtown core of London", the two of us headed out.

It's easy to say that I have no concept of time when I'm with her; time seems to disappear. As we wandered down the busy streets of London on a warm Saturday night, the whole world around us simply slipped away. To the observer, it was easily evident that both of us were oblivious to everything around us as we drank up each others presence. The maze of the city beckoned us forward, and like eager teenagers we felt the lure of adventure. The night was magical! The bustling sidewalks became a runway to strut our stuff, the back alley was our photo studio, and the paved paths through the park became our dance hall. We talked and teased, laughed and loved.

She thinks "it's cute" that I'm chivalrous. I can tell she's pleased by that personality quirk of mine.

We saw this interesting place called "Fox and Fiddle", and decided to go in to check it out. Well, Jessie decided to line up  row of shooters on the bar, and we started to toast to our happiness. This was the first drink of alcohol I've had in two months (or so), but it's not like I swore off it, and besides, I would have to say this qualified as a very special occasion!

We headed down to Ivey Park.It was cute to see her suddenly get excited because she had been there only hours before with the children playing at the splash pad. I know that feeling too well; lost in the city, only to suddenly recognize a familiar sight or location and leave you feeling comforted. This was the first time she spent any real time in London, but told me she was impressed, mostly for the same reasons I am. (Energy, infrastructure, attitudes, and opportunities)

She wanted to sit by the water, and I wanted to go exploring somewhere more private. We compromised, as I found a secret spot on a sandy beach just over the foot bridge by  HMCS Prevost. A fallen old tree became our park bench as we listened to music on our cell phones, cuddling by the water.

I honestly don't know what time it was when we left the beach and started to head back.

As we walked back over the long foot bridge, a song came on that she really likes, and we ended up dancing a bit. Right in the middle of the suspension bridge, and with no care in the world, we danced along to the song from the cell phone.

There was no way we could walk past "Pizza Pizza" without stopping in, so we grabbed a few slices to go and headed back to the hotel.

Aaand, THAT dear diary, was the most wonderful night I have had in forever! There was a kind of magic in the air, and I've never been so happy!! Jessie is everything I desire in a partner, and I can't believe how lucky I am to have met her!!

I had barely closed my eyes when the sun started peeking through the curtains. Within a short time, four curious faces greeted the two of us. To be honest, there was no awkwardness. Her children are AMAZING, and although they are energetic, they are quite well behaved! Everyone took turns showering and going downstairs to eat breakfast. I got a chance to talk to the kidlets, and before long was getting cuddles and hugs.

The weather forecast for this morning was calling for some really nasty crap, but the sun forced its way through the clouds, and melted the storm! I'm not kidding! As we left the hotel, I realized my sunglasses were back at home. [shrugs] It was late last night when I left, and I didn't really leave prepared for obvious reasons; I'm in "Jessie mode". AKA My mind is distracted. Still wearing the same bluejeans and shirt from the night before, I really wished I had worn shorts instead, and while I might have had a chance to shower, I didn't have deodorant or a chance to shave. Either way, I felt like a King walking beside her, and happily lead them down the street toward Victoria Park.

Jessie being a big kid
Perception is everything, and as Jessie and I walked with our four children in tow down the street, we were met with approving looks. I get it; it's Father's Day, and everyone thinks that we're just one big happy family. Three times I had someone beam and tell me how "Beautiful my family is". There was absolutely no way my heart could ever correct them, so I simply smiled and thanked them. You have no idea what that feels like, or what it meant to me!



Big smiles!
Victoria Park outdid itself for the first day of summer! With over 250 vendors, carnival rides, games, and many other activities for families, there was plenty to do for everyone. We wandered around checking everything out, bought some tickets and went on rides. We ate our picnic lunch sitting in the grass under the shade of a giant tree. The kids squealed in joy when a game of tag broke out, and before long we were all running around the massive park in the middle of downtown London. The live band provided music to dance and sing, as the children frolicked in the warm summer sun.

Water fountains, bathrooms, and power outlets strategically located by park benches and picnic tables?! I want to shake the city engineer's hand who designed London's  recreational faculties!! Bravo! Definitely family orientated! So helpful if you want to charge a cell phone or plug in a cooler, and being able to fill water bottles from the drinking fountains save money.

"Mom! Can we have more tickets?"
Hours slipped by quickly! Before I knew it, it was time for them to go home. We said goodbye, and gave hugs. With a smile on my face,  floated home.......

....hopped in the shower, and laid down for a "nap". 3 hours later, I finally woke up. I was exhausted!! My muscles (yes, the ones that work out all the time) ache in places I didn't know I had! My back is stiff from sleeping in a weird position, and my arms are sore from carrying kids. My legs feel like I've ran a marathon.

I haven't been this happy in a long time!!!

June 22nd -6 pm
I've had a good day! Woke up in a great mood, and I've had a bounce in my step the whole time.

Today was cleaning day, and I did a real number on the stove. My landlord gave me crap for being the only person buying cleaning supplies. Apparently I supposed to tell the others to start chipping in.... Yea, right... I can't get some of these guys to take their shoes off in the house.

My workout went by in a flash. I'm still sore, but it feels good to hurt a little like that.

Not sure what to do for the rest of the day, but hopefully I'll hear from Jessie. Maybe watch some Netflix and paint. Most likely going to bed early is in the cards...... Still tired. :p

June 23rd
We had a wild, stormy night, but the clouds are dissipating and the sun is peeking out. I'm told it's supposed to get nice again this afternoon.

I'm up early, and right at my work!

3 pm
I tried to do my workout today, but last night's weather created a mess of branches and other detrious. There was simply no way for me to safely do my routine, so I turned around.

"Lightning, thunder, high winds, and heavy rain thrashed the Forest City. Tree limbs, branches and other debris covered the trails throughout the various parks the next day. This tree was one casualty of the storm. 

For decades, this mighty tree has grown in Harris Park, standing tall as visitors from all over took shelter and enjoyed its shade. No longer. One hour of violence has shattered the mighty Maple, leaving it bent and broken. 

So is life. All it takes is one moment in time to leave us shattered and in ruins. Enjoy each day, and live like it's your last!" - Facebook, Zzorhn Carlson

Maybe I'll do some painting, because I'm not in the mood to write today......


June 24th
So, I'm skating on London's baby-butt-smooth trails along the Thames river, listening to my favourite radio station 102.3 Jack FM, and deep in thought, when I hear this voice behind me call out, "23!!"

I jerked my head to look, and saw a smiling cyclist passing me on the left. He held up his hand to wave and flashed his fingers "2", and then "3", and repeated, "23 Kilometers an hour!" He waved again and shot ahead on his bike.

Not to be outdone, I kicked myself into another gear and caught back up to him. "How about now?", I called out.

He looked back in shock and flashed a big smile. Glancing at his speedometer, he cheered, "30!"

Sustained thirty Kilometers an hour? That's it? I realize I have a bit of a head wind, but it's a flat out stretch, and I know I've skated faster before; after all, I remember having my GPS beep at me for speeding in a 50 KM/H zone downtown London.

That's when I reminded myself that particular stretch of highway has a huge overpass, and I was on the downward side when I hit 50 K. Phew!! For a second there, I didn't think I was firing on all cylinders......

....and I'm not just talking mentally.

I wrote a satirical piece called "C-69". Check it out! It's a pretty good read, if I do say so myself. Highlights several key points that are important to Canadians, and the lack of current leadership, as well as, reminding readers about the hypocracy in the upcoming election.

Hopefully I'll hear from Jessie today. I actually do miss her. I have some art to finish, and more writing. Talk soon.

June 25th
I'm having that kind of day where I'm out of meds and cramping so bad that I don't know whether or not to go into Emergency, or just ride it out like normal. Ugh! Hate being broke and not able to afford meds!

You'll forgive me if this entry is short.  I'm broke, hungry, and don't want to do much. I'm working out too much for the amount of protein I'm eating and my blood sugar is down; I need meat badly!

Not sure what the plan is for this weekend or Canada Day yet, but hopefully I hear back from everyone soon. Not much time to plan anything.....

June 26th
Due to some scheduling conflict, I opted to go to the Lawrence family's house today rather than my usual Thursday. This means that I won't have any opportunity to shop, and I guess the whole family is home all day today. Not really certain what that entails, but I guess we'll see.

No food. No meds. No call from Jess. [sighs heavily]

10 pm
God bless Diane! She really has a way of helping me when life gets me down!  My health problems have escalated in the last couple of days, and although there is not much that can be done, she certainly cheered me up!A full meal of chicken sure did me good though, and I'm heading to bed with a full stomach!

Got my laundry done, played some ball with the kidlets, and even got to visit with Greg. All in all, a great day!

AND THEN I get home, and receive an unwanted letter from Jess......

......I'm going to come right out and state that I HATE fucking games! I feel so god-damned used! Fuck!

June 27th - 4 am
Woke up to cramps. Two trips to the bathroom later, I'm frustrated with my life. So tired of hurting all the time.

I'm going to try to go back to sleep, but I know it's going to be an hour of flip-flopping around in my bed.  Haunting dreams of lost love and heartache. Talk about a mirror to my soul! Hopefully the idiot roommates allow me to sleep in.

3 pm
I was awake at 6 am, and then again at 8. This seems to be a repeat of yesterday's struggle, and no amount of Tylenol can alleviate my sensations of bloating and pain.

I awoke to yet another dream about her; images of her running away and no chance to catch up, haunt my soul. I know in my heart that there is indeed a major opportunity for both of us, given half a chance, but you cannot force someone to love you. We just seemed to be so imperfectly perfect for each other!!

It's raining. Sorry London, but the rain is going to last for a couple days I'm sure. I've always claimed that I'm not certain if it rains when I'm depressed, or if I'm depressed every time it rains. [shrugs] Sure seems to be a coincidence, doesn't it? Hopefully I'll recover in time to celebrate Canada's birthday on Wednesday. Still not sure what I'm going to do, but there's rumours of activities for the family in Victoria Park. If anything, I'll go for a walk down and see what's up.

I was supposed to write today, but instead found myself in an online debate over C-51 and the Fall election. Turns out it was against a Conservative echo chamber, and I declared victory since it really wasn't a debate in any sense of the term; more akin to talking t o a wall, the stoical stance of the extreme Conservative supporters is frustrating. I was bullied, much like the current Canadian leader does to Canada, and I know any talking-points I made fell upon deaf ears.

I did try to talk to Jessie this morning, but she was cold and offered no insight as to her state of mind. Pretty certain that things are over between us, but I still maintain hope that we can get past this. I really do care for her, but one line in a popular country-western song, "One heart holding on, and the other letting go", comes to mind.

I'm not getting any writing done. Perhaps I haven't found my motivation, but it could also be that my mind cannot concentrate on such matters when my abdomen feels like it's on fire. Hopefully I can get things fixed soon. Talk soon.


9 pm
I broke down and decided to take desperate measures. Once again Diane has been gracious, and gave me a bit of money to go find meds*, but by this afternoon still hadn't been able to find anything. I've been in London for a year now, and still don't have a decent dealer... It sucks that I have to deal with the black market at all, because a man in my state should be able to simply get what I need from a pharmacy. Ugh! Stupid laws! Sorry, I digress.....

......I was sick of pain, so I used a black magic marker and found a new sheet of blank paper. In bold letters I wrote, "Medical marijuana user needs weed. Please help". I got dressed and walked down to Dundas.

I held the piece of paper up feeling a bit foolish and a tad worried. Can this get me in trouble? What are people going to think? I stood there and watched the street light change; green, yellow, red.

A guy walked up to me. "Hey bud! I might be able to help you". Two minutes.... I had been holding that  sign for two minutes when I was suddenly finding someone willing to help!

Well, I'm not going to get into too much detail for legal reasons, but let's just say that I am now enjoying my evening, and for the first time in days, I'm pain-free. [sighs happily]

*I smoke marijuana for the same reasons cancer patients smoke - pain, appetite, queasiness, as well as, to get rid of the sensations of bloating and cramps. I'm not a doctor, but I know what works.

June 28th
Woke up to a drizzly Sunday morning. Got dressed, snapped a selfie, and walked to Church. Good morning world...

....Church was nice.We've moved into the basement of First Saint Andrew, but it was still a nice service. I can imagine it takes quite a bit of work each week to maintain the huge sanctuary, so it makes sense that when the congregation thins out a bit for the summer to use a less intensive part of the Church. It's cooler too! Anyway, the service was good, and I'll admit I'm enjoying attending. Feels good for the soul!

Pretty proud of myself; I am now using the highest level on the rowing machine everyday. It doesn't even seem to be that big of a deal either! I'm loving this new me!

Working on my new novel since it's raining. Speaking of which, I better get to work.

June 29th - 3 am
"Have a nap", I told myself, as the words on the screen started to blur before my eyes, "You'll wake up refreshed and can dive right back into your work when you wake up". Yea, right! 3 am later, I'm wide awake, and scrolling through social media like I'm lost. Naps are tricky.

So, I decided to take a nap after my early supper, thinking it might help. Sleep for a teeny bit, and then jump right back into my story. That didn't happen, and I slept straight through until the wee morning hours. Now the house is quiet, and I'm sitting here trying to be as quiet as a Church mouse so as not to wake anyone. Lord knows that kind of thing bothers me, so I best ensure I'm not creating unwanted noise for my roommates....

...Hopefully I get paid today! If I do, the plan is to run out and get some cleaning supplies, as well as, food that will last me until Diane takes me shopping. I've actually made up a budget this month, and highlighted all the necessary items I'll need for another month. I've never made a budget before. What's happening to me?!

No smoking cigs.
No drinking.
I exercise.
I watch what I'm eating.
I'm taking vitamins.

Good gawd! I've become THAT guy.

I'm always amazed at how far my written work reaches around the globe. My website keeps track of new visitors, and who is reading what stories. There is a counter for repeat visits, as well as, the monthly, weekly, and even daily clicks on my website. This helps me to understand what people like, as well as, my target audience. I've noticed that Canada isn't always my top audience; in February 2015, for example, Russia had the number one views for a couple weeks, mostly because my website addy was being tossed around their version of Facebook. It's neat to see that my own country blew away the competition this time, with over 150 new readers in this week alone!!
I cannot thank everyone enough for helping me make this such a success!! You are the reason I keep pushing myself! To all my loyal fans, I owe you everything! I'm humbled by your generosity and for believing in me! Thank you.

11 am
I decided to lay back down at 5 am. "Surely", I thought to myself, "I should get some sleep, or I'll be dragging my ass all day long". It doesn't help that I'm also out of coffee, and although I seriously cut down on my caffeine intake, if I don't have coffee in the morning I'm like a 2 year-old who's blankie is in the washer. [shrugs] I don't like mornings anyway, and while it could easily be claimed it's due to how disorientated I am when I'm trying to wake up, it's mostly because of my ability to lucid dream.

A LUCID DREAM is any dream in which one is aware that one is dreaming.

I flipped and flopped on my bed. The sun was already starting to rise when I laid back down, and my brain kept telling me this was wrong. "You're missing out on something..", my mind whispered, ".....and I bet there is thousand things you haven't analyzed to death yet", it teased, mocking my insistent need to over think everything. I snorted to myself, "Ugh! Just go to sleep for a bit!", as I pulled my favourite toque down over my eyes to block the light. Yes, I sleep with a toque on my head, but as I just mentioned, it's because of its wonderful ability to block the light pollution from roommates that don't seem to know how to shut off lights when they leave a room; regardless of how well I try to block out the glare from the bedroom door, an unholy light pierces my sanctuary of darkness like some horror movie turned real; the intense glow from around the door barely able to contain some possessed demon behind it. In my mind I can almost hear the unholy guttural roar of the mythical beast as it seeks to undermine the warding symbols that protect my lair......You get the picture........

....stuff like that doesn't just brighten the room, it makes my mind wander. ANYWAY, I was finally drifting off to sleep, when I heard the slam of a door from the basement. The jolt that shuddered through the house is from my roommate who lives in the basement of the house, also shares our kitchen and bathroom, and doesn't have a clue as to how to do anything quietly. SLAM, BANG! The guy is apparently a University graduate and works at some sort of "firm". I've tried to be friendly with this guy, but he has the personality of cardboard; always nodding his head, smiling, and making promises to "hang out", but in reality has no intention of doing anything of the sort. Can't say I haven't tried, right?

I braced myself and buried my face in the pillow, as he stomped up the stairs. Monday morning, and he was doing his morning routine of getting ready to go to the "firm". Did I mention he's a "heel-walker"? Ka-boom, boom, boom....... I'm not sure if his University degree can help him remember there are 9 other people paying rent too, or if he simply doesn't give a fiddler's fuck. Boom, boom, boom.

I hear him open the bathroom door. Slam! There's a slight pause, and then the pipes bang as a rush of water bleeds through the house; high pressure moves the clean water from the basement to the upper floors, and the drain returns the dirty water from whence it came. At least he doesn't sing in the shower. If I was sleeping, it's possible to sleep through the hiss and gurgle of water, but once I've been jolted awake, the unrelenting hiss is akin to nails on a chalkboard.

Somehow, I fell asleep again.

A short while later I heard my roommate stomping back up the stairs. "UGH!", I growled into my pillow. Rolling over in bed, I looked at the clock; 7:23 am. Really?! "This isn't fair", I grumbled as I laid back down on the pillow. Don't get me wrong, if the guy has to go to work, then by all means do so, but don't wake others by being rude! Sighing heavily, I forced my eyes closed and willed myself to try and sleep.

Clink! Clank! The educated idiot doesn't understand that a glass bowl and a metal spoon make noise. Oh, I'm not talking about simply eating cereal at the table, but referring to the fact that this guy stores his one breakfast bowl and one spoon together.... On the top shelf......So that by doing so, it clanks loudly anytime it is moved. Like someone shaking a pair of maracas, the fool carries them to the table with absolute disregard to anyone else living int he house.

I can hear the others stir. It happens every (bad word) day. This one guy is like a relentless alarm clock for the rest of the inhabitants. Once he's up, the guy above me likes to perform his rendition of "Stomp the Yard", or "RiverDance". Then Theresa makes an appearance. Then Asmar. Like victims under siege the rest of the house is held to the daily schedule of a couple of ignorant roommates.

Finally, I snapped. I guess it had to happen eventually, right? Even a lowly dog when cornered knows to bite back. I should have seen it coming.....

........."Peter! For fuck sakes!", I screamed. Ripping my door open, I stormed into the kitchen. The clock on the stove read 7:29.

Like a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding car, he stopped moving. His spoon was halfway up to his mouth, and it dribbled that soy concoction he calls milk. His eyes were open wide with a look of shock and fear. "I, uh, I beg your pardon", he stammered.

I knew it was wrong, but I let myself give in to the anger, "You know exactly what I'm talking about, you piece of shit!", I roared, clenching my fists as adrenaline soared through my veins. I reveled in the intense boost of energy and it spurred me on. I grabbed the back of the kitchen chair in front of me and flung it across the room! "Every fucking morning you wake me up with your insistent noise!"

That got his attention. He jumped up as fast as he could, and backed away from the table. "I don't have to deal with this", he blurted, his eyes searching frantically in fear. "I'm going to tell our landlord....."

He stopped in midsentance, clutching desperately at his throat. His hands streaked to his neck to claw at the unseen force that was choking the life from his body.

I stood in the kitchen, with my face a mask of pleasure. My hand was cocked in a clenched claw as the adrenaline coursed through me. I could feel the raw power surging through me, directed at my roommate. "What was that?", I mocked, "You said something about tattling to our landlord?" I flexed my arm, and squeezed harder, forcing him to his knees.

His face was starting to turn blue from lack of oxygen. His eyes were bloodshot and watering. Giant rivulets of tears ran down his bloating face. He gasped, trying in vain to breath. He was dying.

I released my grip and watched as he slumped to the floor. His body wracked with shudders as he gasped in fresh air. Bright red welts began to form on his neck showing the mark of a skeletal claw. Peter cowered in fear.

Slowly, deliberately, I walked over to my prostrate roommate. "That's better", I clucked, "See how much better things are when you listen?" There was no answer of course, because it would be a few hours before he could at least speak again. I knelt down and sympathetically patted him on the shoulder as I cooed, "I think that you and I have an understanding now, yes? You will stop acting like a brainless child, and I won't do that again".

He nodded. Flecks of blood spotted the floor where he coughed. He merely looked up at me blearily and nodded a second time.

I stood up. "Good", I whispered.......

......suddenly, I bolted upright in bed! In confusion, I glanced at the LED clock on the headboard; 9:08 am. It was a dream!!

Wow! Did that nap ever mess me up!

6 pm
OK, I'll admit I'm a bit passive-aggressive. I realize that while something may be irritating to me for this brief moment in time, by writing about it, I have actually taken that moment and frozen it for eternity! The ugly personality of others, and the moments of struggle are highlighted for all to read, even years or decades from now. Every nuance, framed in some sort of revenge of the person causing me the temporary frustration.

Is that wrong?

Oh! Something I forgot to mention yesterday about Church. It's nothing, really, but I caught myself checking out an older woman. As I said, it's not that big of a deal, but as I sat there in my chair watching this very attractive woman in her late 50s walk past, I gave her a good once over. And then a second glance. When she had taken her seat, and I caught myself looking for the third time, I chuckled in my head. It was the exact same feeling that I got when I was a teenager and found myself checking out one of the mothers in Church. I guess I've reached that stage in my life where grey hair isn't scary. How very interesting!

Well, I've promised myself that I would paint tonight. We'll see.......
 
June 30th
Woke up to a drizzly gloomy day. There is no possible way for the sun to shine through all that gloom, leaving the world cold, damp, and hiding from the perpetual rain. Even the songbirds refuse to rise to meet the morning, as they take shelter from the unstable weather patterns that have rolled through London since Friday. Everyone and everything is sick of the rain.

There's no internet either. I fired up the computers, and made tea. Ugh! No coffee this morning either, and I'm forced to drink tea to try and find some caffeine.

Well, Holy Crap on a Short Stick! Talk about rough!

I've got plans today and tomorrow, and it doesn't involve cold, or wet weather! [sighs heavily, and looks Heavenward] Alright God. I'm not sure if you know this or not, but there's a big celebration scheduled for tomorrow. It's called Canada Day. Please don't fuck it up because you don't know how to send decent weather. Pretty please? Do it for the kids for fuck sakes! Amen.

I remember when I would schedule outdoor events, only to have them rained out. I've lost hundreds of dollars to some of these rain days. I also remember getting physical sick from the stress of trying to work around fickle weather, and the day of the event would find me cursing the cloudy skies and throwing up from worry and disappointment. It sucks when you spend so much money, effort, and time, to try and get ready for something, only to have a bit of rain chase all the customers away!!

Rain, rain, go away. Come back...... Well, August now, because of all the (bad word) rain we've got!

Not sure what the plan is now. I wanted to go uptown and start trying to find outlets to sell my art. It's time! I've asked Diane to bring over the huge stack of paintings I've got, so I could get selling them. While she might be still coming over today with my art, it's highly unlikely I'll be going anywhere with them. There was also talk of going shopping today, even if only for what I could carry back, but that too might be put on heitus if the rain clouds don't dissipate.

See what I mean? It rains and I get depressed. Every single time!

Oh, look at that. The landlord got the internet working again. Guess I better log on and check my messages. I have a project for my talent agent; I have to do a video for self-promotion for an audition. Saves me having to travel to Toronto. I've got a few ideas as to how I want to do it, but we'll see how it turns out.

Talk soon.

10 pm
There's a kind of weird energy in the air. I can feel it; like the world is holding its breath, waiting for something. The haze hangs in the air and is amplified by the street lights, making the lights in the city glow like neon balls. The leaves hang on the trees, damp and heavy after so much rain. Barely any cars are on the streets, because everyone is at home either getting ready for work or getting ready for the big party tomorrow.

Something is going to happen. I can just feel it.

This is the end of Chapter Two. If you wish to continue to follow my story, 
please find Chapter Three; the story is merely beginning.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Jello Shooters

Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Eighteen

Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Nineteen