A serious problem plagues North America; weapon offences and violence are still rampant. Even in our digital age where Police and Big Brother surveillance dominate our society, there are still occurrences of unfathomable violence; mass murder, weapon-related crimes, and even terrorism, threaten our daily existence! Our leaders are quick to respond, and although they press for a change in weapon laws, the violence continues.

In Canada, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has recently passed a measure that affords CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) nearly unlimited power. Despite cries from some opposition leaders and humanitarian groups, the bill C-51 passed into Canadian history as a direct measure to counter terrorism, and / or the threat of terrorism. In United States of America, President Barack Obama is calling for increased measures on gun control to combat rampant gun violence. Both leaders are pushing their country to restrict not only the weapons that continue to fuel this violence, but continued surveillance to catch those that ignore the law. They have recently initiated massive electronic surveillance over their nations, hoping to not only catch those that thwart the laws and potentially threaten the country, but also prevent violence from occurring.

While Canada has a zero tolerance for hand guns, the USA has strict laws written into their constitution regarding gun ownership. Many states actually have open-carry laws permitting citizens to walk around like Butch Cassidy, or Al Capone. Meanwhile, it was only a few short months ago that Canada finally rid itself of a ludicrous long-gun registry that based it's whole existence on hoping that all the criminals would line up to register their weapons. While the rest of Canada is still breathing a sigh of relief from not having to deal with the extra taxation, Quebec is still fighting to keep the records from being destroyed. There is an intensely polarized attitude in both countries when it comes to firearms, split between those that deem them a right, and those that want to see a complete disarming of the country.

North America is not alone. In many other nations around the world, governments have declared owning weapons illegal and taken measures to disarm their citizens. While both sides of the debate claim success and failure for their particular view point, it is usually the general attitude of the people themselves that set the precedent; Canadians own long-guns for hunting, whereas US citizens own long-guns to go hunting in Canada. (Or Minnesota) Since it's logical to assume that no one has ever used a hand gun to hunt, they are banned in Canada since it serves no real purpose but to kill people. The fact that only a handful of Canadians are killed each year by guns compared to 30,000 plus Americans, is proof that these deaths could be prevented if the proper laws were enacted; the fact that there are 100X more Americans than Canadians is irrelevant.

Britain currently has a program initiated to rid its society of knives, swords, and other pointy objects. While it may be true that people need knives to cut things such as steak, bread, and possibly open the odd piece of snail mail, the fact that knives can be used to kill other humans is a major issue! Citizens all over the country are now being asked to surrender their antique swords and kitchen cutlery in an attempt to safeguard the population, and the general response has been positive. “Without the ability to use a weapon”, claims one British pub owner, “People won't be violent. If they have to get themselves all worked up to off some chap, they simply won't bother. People are lazy today”.

It seems hard to fathom that in an age where we can now map the human genome, our society cannot figure out the issues that cause such violence behaviour in its citizens. While war is still rampant in many places on the planet, North America has no open conflicts, however, weapons are still one of the biggest causes of death. As both nations become absorbed by immigrants demanding laws that fit their own needs and agendas, the core values of Canada and US are dismantled creating an inevitable conflict of interest. Canadians have taken this to the next level, and actually created a two-tiered system of “Status”, and “Non-Status”, where a tenth of the population is allowed to exist in conditions that are below the United Nation humanitarian standards! Calls for acknowledgement from all over the country are ignored by Canada's leaders, who pin blame on past leaders and party opposition. In the United States, illegal immigration is rampant and slowly changing the entire population, generation by generation. What was once deemed a “melting pot”, has become a nation torn by cultural chaos and rampant racism! The spin-off of problematic side-effects is staggering, but both nations are more concerned with public relations, political correctness, and getting re-elected, to deal with any major issue.

It is only logical, therefore, that the Canadian government is pressing for tighter restrictions on weapons. With its newly granted powers, CSIS has begun probing into every Canadian's life to determine if they are potential threat, as well as, the risk assessment of weapons in Canadian households. After a very brief determination, it has been concluded that like their British cousins, Canada does indeed have a weapon problem.
Bill C-69 will tighten restrictions on weapons. Pointed shovels, pitchforks, scythes, and even large rocks will fall into a special category, and be banned from the general population.

In a pre-election call to further his agenda of fear, PM Stephen Harper is fast-tracking a new bill that will ban sharp and pointed weapons in Canada. “The average Canadian does not need or use a shovel”, he explained in a recent interview, “Potential weapons threaten our lives everyday, and as your elected leader, it is my duty is to safeguard the lives of all Canadians”. In the measure, it will make owning such potential weapons illegal, as well as, carrying object such as large rocks, cinder-blocks, or other types of dangerous objects.

This bold move by the Canadian Prime Minister comes at a time when the country is bracing itself for a Fall election. Stephen Harper has based much of his political career on fear tactics, knowing full well that any resistance by the opposition will be taken as seeming unconcerned for Canadian safety. In a recent press conference to address the new bill, both Mulcair and Trudeau had resonating words for the Conservative leader; “Enough already!”, they chided, citing the fact that most Canadians oppose having their pitchforks and hot-dog skewers taken away.

With the backing of the newly bolstered CSIS, C-69 will mostly likely make it through Canadian Parliament. It will only be a matter of time before trying to order crushed gravel for your driveway will involve signing a legal disclosure. The new law is expected to take effect in September, which will also be the launching of the Ontario Liberal's sex education curriculum featuring a new “hands on approach” for the school children.

Under C-51 and C-69, no Canadian can throw stones; even the ones that live in glass houses.

This is satire; please don't get your panties in a bunch. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.


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