Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Three


"One advantage in keeping a diary is that you become aware with reassuring clarity of the changes which you constantly suffer."
- Franz Kafka 
A diary (also called journal) is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. A personal diary may include a person's experiences, and/or thoughts or feelings, including comment on current events outside the writer's direct experience. Someone who keeps a diary is known as a diarist.

It can easily be claimed that anyone with goals and dreams, is constantly upgrading those goals as they achieve them. A few years ago I was excited to learn that others enjoyed reading what I wrote, and one of my goals was to become a published author. Today, that goal has changed, because I've already reached that goal and surpassed my original dream; I'm now published, and have followers from all over the planet!! Thousands and thousands of people from all walks of life have picked up a copy of one of the many stories I've written, and the feedback I've received is very positive. Like a rock rolling down a hill, my daily writing has picked up a momentum of its own, and now is carrying me toward my dream of becoming known all over the world.

It still amazes me how far I've come! I now have a talent agent, and I'm constantly trying to find auditions and opportunities for me to spread my wings in Canada's Hollywood North. I have five books published on Amazon, and lots more published on my website. I've applied at several publication companies trying to find a way to get my work into print; I'm told this will take months, so meanwhile I keep writing, and waiting. My life in Southern Ontario is one of happiness, and I can easily claim success in finding a place to not only live, but love. My health, while still a daily struggle, is becoming more manageable by the programs available in London, as well as, my renewed vigor for eating well and living well. 

This diary was originally meant to merely be a way for me to keep in contact with my loved ones I left behind in rural Northern Ontario, but has since become  much, much more! If you are reading this journal for the first time, I would recommend you start at January 1st, but if you truly wish to experience the whole story, I suggest you read the Turn The Pages series; after all, the best place to start reading is at the beginning.
If you've ever wanted to read someone's diary, here's your chance........... 

July 1st
HAPPY CANADA DAY!

As the True North celebrates its 148th anniversary of the Constitution or Dominion Day (changed to Canada day in 1982), we join hands and with glowing hearts declare as one, "Happy Birthday, Canada!!" I wish everyone a safe and happy celebration! 
So much is happening today. I have a video audition that has to be finished and sent out to my talent agent. I plan on going to partake of the many events in London, but I'm also looking forward to the fireworks later tonight. Sometime during the day, I expect to do a bit of a workout, because due to wet weather I've been slacking for the last two days. 

I planted a bamboo tree a couple months ago, and called him, "Frank" Well, the little guy went into shock at first, and all of his leaves turned yellowish brown, but he has since greened up and is starting to grow. Why is this important? Frank is a representation for me "putting down roots". While there may be struggle and some loss, his success is the same as mine; perseverance, and growing strong can only occur with a stable root system, support, and positive energy. In that same way, I've set down my roots, and with the support of many around me, I'm slowly growing and spreading my way toward something grand!

Today is going to be busy, so I better get my butt in gear. I hope you enjoy your day however you choose to celebrate. Talk soon!

11 pm
Wow! What a great day! From the kiddie parade that marched up and down the street at 11 am, to the showcase of fireworks at 10 pm, London does it best! All day long I've witnessed private and public celebrations for Canadians of all ages, and of every type of diversity! How absolutely wonderful!As the parks filled with the cries of happy children and the laughter of thousands of people, the energy grew in anticipation. By 8 pm people were setting up chairs and blankets to await the fireworks! By 9, the crowds were surging!

Watching the fireworks along the Thames river was decided by which side of the river you got trapped on. I'm not kidding! They blocked off Queens to god-knows-how-far with Police and volunteers turning pedestrians back. I remember one woman becoming quite irate with a volunteer, and I felt compelled to walk over after and apologise on behalf of society. It felt wrong somehow..

....but, still! Even I will attest the security was a bit overzealous, and although I patiently waited for the security officers, it's only because I can whip it out around the corner, Ladies, I feel sympathy for you.

Visit with the Lawrence's tomorrow. The kidlets are out of school., so that will be fun. Maybe Diane will let me convince her to do something fun in the kitchen.

I have a confession to make, dear diary, I drank beer tonight. It's not that big a deal, it just means I spent money I shouldn't have, and now have to workout a bit harder to get rid of the extra calories. [shrugs] Not like I was abstaining or anything, but I've been almost three months without beer. Oh well, it was a party, right?

Gotta jet. Frikken late.........

July 2nd
Heading over to Diane's house to do laundry. I'll talk later when I get the chance.

July 3rd
Yesterday was busy, yet extremely enjoyable! Due to the fact that school is out for the summer, I had the chance to play with the kidlets. We played soccer, Frisbee, sprayed each other with the garden hose, and frolicked in the sun! For supper, Greg Bar-B-Qued instead of me cooking. It was a nice!

Everyone seems to have summer plans, except me. Well that's not true, because my plans involve writing and working out. I decided after much thought, to start myself on a protein supplement, as well as, continue the daily vitamins. Well, I got the "Chocolate Shake mix" home, and realized that it not only has whey powder, but also creatine!! Whoa! I'm going to look like some body builder if I keep this up. Anyway, a few of my friends are heading out of town camping and a few are moving to Southern Ontario....

...Most notably, Eric Keast!! That's right, my professional partner in crime, the other half of the "Zzorhn & BingoRage Show", and my art teacher.... Is moving..... To Ottawa. [shrugs] Well, it's a hell of a lot closer than Fort Frances. It will be really great to see him again, and I'm excited that he's taking this opportunity to get away from the dying Rainy River district. Safe travels my friend. (He's on the road right now)

There is another couple of people moving to Southern Ontario who are very special to me. When I heard the news I was actually a little shocked, but I'm very pleased to hear that they are actually leaving Fort Frances and heading down here!

I am going to go uptown today with some of my art and see if I can sell it. My plan is to visit a few shops and see if any of the shop keepers are interested. I'm not opposed to hawking my wares on the street either, so if anyone was to make me an offer I'd be happily willing to make a trade.

Work out. Skate. Not sure what else. I need to get new blades soon.

So........ In an odd twist of fate, our entire house received a letter from the landlord. In the letter it embarrassingly explains how I DO ALL THE CLEANING, and that my roommates should BE PURCHASING CLEANING SUPPLIES and to ASK HIM WHAT HE LIKES. [sigh] Talk about make me blush! While this certainly highlighted a few major points, such as taking shoes off at the front door, but it also addressed the cleaning issue and that I do feel like I'm being taken advantage of. If anything, it shows that I'm in the landlords good graces, and that's always a good thing, right?

I do like my home. The neighbourhood is nice, and the location is really great. I love the energy, and the infrastructure of the city is awesome! I'm so happy I made the choices I have, and it's been great to bring you along with me! 

On that positive note, I should get my ars in gear. I've got things to see and people to do. Have a good one, eh?

July 4th
Happy Independence Day to all my cousins South of the 49th parallel! Hope it's a safe and happy day!

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I've got a date this evening......

.......you won't guess who. She's on the road right now, and I'm waiting for the phone call. The plan for today is to write, work-out, and wait for the phone to ring letting me know where to meet her. You'll have to also wait for me to tell you, because at this moment I'm not willing to risk anything by making some big announcement. I'll give you one last clue as to who I'm seeing tonight; we have history together......

.....Still can't guess?

Well, I've got lots to do so I'll chat later. Have a great day!

July 5th
I couldn't sleep. Between the roommates acting like no one else lives in the house, and being stood up by my date, I feel like garbage.

That's right; I was stood up again. No call, no text, no IM, or someway of letting me know the date is off, or that she's not lying in some ditch somewhere. I feel like crap.

Good morning. It's Sunday. The sun is supposed to shine this weekend, so I'm looking forward to that. Church this morning, so that will be good too.

To be honest, I've been lonely for a very long time, and perhaps that's why I'm placing so much emphasis on dating. Possibly even willing to compromise........

.......but deep down, I know I'm worth much, much more! Given a proper chance, I'm a really great guy!

I doubt I'll do any writing today; with my current mood it would be a long-shot, but the fact I won't be back from Church until afternoon, and then slide into my workout time, means I won't be sitting in front of a computer for long today.

Well, have a good one.

"What's my name?" EISENHOWER "You're God-damned right it is"
6 pm
I'm tired today! Perhaps it's my mood, but I don't feel like doing much of anything. I did my work out, and went for half a lap on my blades, but I'm sluggish and irritated.

I found a really great article about writing, and it highlights a few things I've been taking for granted. By pure coincidence, I've been doing this all along. - "Here’s why putting pen to paper and producing even the poorest prose or the most pathetic poetry is still good for you"

We got a new minister at our Church. I can't say I'm overly impressed, but this was her first Sunday. To be totally honest, I prefer a man behind the pulpit. Please don't get upset, I'm not being sexist here as this is just a personal opinion; women lay readers are great, but for the sermon, I simply prefer a man. [shrugs] To each their own, right?

Well, I'm going to indulge in a "Breaking Bad" marathon. Later gater.....

July 6th - 9 pm
Today started of pretty shitty. I was all doubled over from cramps and whatnot, and just let myself go until noon before taking any meds. The problem with starting too early, is that by the end of the day I'm burned out. Thank God I had meds! This kind of thing would have carried itself right through to evening and I would have been useless all day!

I chugged back my vitamins for the day and headed outside to do my rowing machine routine. I'm impressed with how decent I'm doing! I'm on level 5 (The highest level) but I can do a half hour before my fingers start getting too tired. My abs are taking to the challenge though, and I'm pleased with the results.

I did a lap on my blades. I'm going to have to get new wheels soon, because mine are wearing out fast!

Today was 29 degrees. A wonderful bright summer day! After supper I decided to go to Victoria Park and feed the squirrels some peanuts I bought at the dollar store.  I actually enjoyed myself as the brazen little guys happily munched on peanuts at my feet. They are really tame, almost to the point where a guy could almost reach out and pet them. I spent almost two hours walking around, feeding the squirrels, and talking to a few people.

Anyway, I'm glad the afternoon was better than the morning.


July 7th
Good morning. I've recently gone back and read some of my diary, and it's times like this I wish I could go back and erase what I've written.  However, as I state often, the moment I start erasing such entries or even begin to alter them, I compromise  my work. After all, this is meant to be an honest, accurate depiction of my thoughts and occurrences. The fact that it's made public is an entirely different matter. It begs to ask the question, do I curtail what I write due to the fact that I AM penning my memoirs publicly? Would my private thoughts be more accurate if this was NOT public?

Let me be clear; while I do endevour to provide a positive side to what I write, I do not change details in my life to reflect falsehoods! This is important, dear diary, because the moment I start fabricating lies or misrepresent the truth, I have compromised any efforts made. This journal I started in May 2014 was to be a simple letter home to my mom and close friends. The fact that it has grown into so much more, is a mere side effect. (A pleasurable one, to be sure) The whole concept of this project is to provide an accurate day-to-day account of my life. So while it may show a success story, I'm leaving in the heartache, loss, and struggle I face each day.

The power of positive thinking is not a new concept, and it's one I've referenced many times before. If you can think of something, anything, it will come true. Now, before a bunch of rules-lawyers (Dungeons and Dragons term for nosy-know-it-all) start barking about improbability and the laws of physics, let me explain; I'm talking about goals and life in general. Basically the way it works is simple, what you think about becomes reality. Wake up in the morning grumpy? I can bet that the rest of your day won't be much better, because you are focusing on negative thoughts. If you wake up ready to greet life and the challenges that arise, then your day will be inspirational. It happens each moment of your day; get a craving for chocolate, for example, and watch how quickly you'll find yourself eating something chocolate. If you think about how bad something is going to be, chances are you'll get the results you want. Focus on negative and receive negativity; focus on positivity, and receive positive energy. It simply cannot get easier than that! What you think becomes reality.

So it is, that I try to keep my journal accurate. It shows you, dear diary, the mindset I have and coupled with the pictures, events, and stories I write, you can get a clear understanding of what is going on in my life! I guess by this time, you could easily say that I'm writing an autobiography, or at least making any such research easier.. Who would have guessed it would get to this point?

I do want to make something clear about my "date" from the other day; it wasn't a date. While it's true it was a chance to meet up with a friend from the past, she is traveling with her boyfriend. During one of our previous conversations, she had warned me, "Don't put anything in your blog about me". So naturally, I did. :) It's the same concept we all chuckled about when we were kids, and Han Solo snapped, "Never tell me the odds!!" I sometimes do things I'm warned not to do, mostly to see what might happen. [shrugs] Been that way since I was a kid. Basically it means, don't dare me to do anything, you REALLY don't want me to do. Anyway, I've since had a chance to chat with her about the big move to Southern Ontario, and things are good. It did bother me when she didn't answer my texts, but that goes for anyone who ignores me.

Anywho, I should seriously get my butt in gear. Rain today, but that only means more time to write, right? Talk soon.


July 8th
Happy Humpday! The sun is shining and although my roommates are ALL in a foul mood today, I'm in great spirits! Health is about the same; pain was only at about a 3 or 4 this morning, and thanks to my first toke of the day I'm now only a little bloated with no more pain. (Until the drugs kick off) Regardless, the birds are singing, and a cool breeze blows through my window.

I didn't get any writing done on my disaster in the Yukon. In fact, I haven't worked on the piece for a few days now. I can tell you why; I'm super critical of my work, and since I don't know much the Canadian Native tribes or "Eskimos", I'm taking my time to get things right. Some research, some thinking sessions, and let's not forget the fact that I delete much of what I write for publication.

You no-a rusha De Vinci? You no-a rusha Picasso? You no rusha da Zzorhn!

[Chuckles] Told you I was in a good mood.... Why? I hear you ask, and I smile with anticipation. Why indeed! I'll tell you why..... The Power of Positive Thinking. Last night I focused on stripping my problems down to the bare core to see what lies beneath. No surprise there, as most of my frustration comes from not being able to control others. I'll say that again, it frustrates me when I cannot control others.

Now, don't get me wrong, dear diary, I'm not some super psycho that needs to overlord over others! In fact, I'm very Libertarian in much of my political beliefs.  If you break it down, it would be smaller government, and more common sense. Anyway... [mutters about tangents] ....The fact is, I try to help others as much as I can, and that often comes back to bite me in the ass. I'm what you could call a "Nice Guy", and constantly expecting the best from everyone, only to end up disappointed. I give second chances, but I have been known to also give thirds, fourths, and even fifths. It does bug me, but I try to work past issues and problems. Except when it comes to my own, of course.....

....yes, I ignore my own problems. I've done that all my life, and I believe it's caused from a childhood of pleasing others, while being swept to the sidelines. As the oldest child, I was an example for the rest, and the things I was chastised for as a youth were quickly dismissed by the time my other brothers and sisters came along. Oh well, we all know that my blood family is rife with bickering, greed, and jealousy. It wasn't always that way, but with the death of the Patriarch of the family, Alfred "Fritz" Bujold, the whole empire collapsed in on itself. Half of my family doesn't talk to the other, and those that do are strained. Through it all, my mom is the only one that has been consistent in her love and for that I feel blessed. Thanks mom! Love you to the ends of the Earth! Anywho, problems.... every family has them, but mine seems to create their own. When you toss in my sudden illness, and couple that with scorn and disbelief, it leaves me alone and frustrated with those creating the issues.

See? Normal stuff.

Looks like I'm a bit long winded today. Sorry, eh? To the point.... My little think session last night has made me realize that while I cannot control others and how they think or what they say, I can rise above their pettiness. It made me feel much better about things for a bit, and I woke up with a smile.

I will admit, I can't wait for the day when things do go my way and they say "I believed in you all along!" I'll be all, "Yes. Yes, you did. Thanks".

Because, once you elevate yourself past the darkness of others, all you can see is the light.

July 9th
Rain. An unsettled weather system is dredging up moisture from the Great Lakes and constantly dumping it on London. For the last few days, the amount of rain we've received is staggering! Compare that with the drought ridden West who are currently burning up in a summer that is setting records for the amount of forest fires for one season! The Canadian Arctic is also experiencing a heat wave, and scientists expect the lowest year on record for seas ice. Human caused global warming is in full swing.

I recently asked my family to help me share my "Go Fund Me" campaign where I'm trying to raise funds to help with transportation costs to achieve my goal of getting to Toronto. After being made homeless by a fire and losing everything due to a battle with a serious intestinal illness, you would think they would be more than ecstatic to help me in any way possible. I am unfortunately disappointed to learn that once again they ignored any efforts to assist me, and while I am dismayed at their lack of loyalty, I am not surprised. Blood makes you related, but loyalty makes you family. My blood knows nothing of loyalty!

With the forecast calling for rain, there isn't much to do but write and paint. I'll work out in my room, but I'm always worried about noise and bothering my roommates, but I'm told it isn't that big of a deal, and since most are away during the day, I'll squeeze a rowing machine session into my routine after lunch.... Once I'm finally done cramping.... Having a bad morning again.

Well, hope everyone has a good day.


July 10th
My post this morning on Facebook seems to be drawing a bit of attention, and actually causing some to get upset....

"I love to see when someone updates their profile picture to a really great snapshot of themselves! There's nothing better on social media than seeing someone you know or love post a picture with pride to represent their avatar. It's more than just a great picture, and more than just a thumb-nail representation. It's a decisive personalization that is an art-form unto itself! A form of expression that takes the high road in class and personalization.

At the same time, people that choose to use their children, vehicles, or other kinds of pictures for an avatar somewhat annoys me. After all, choosing to use a picture other than yourself sends a strong message too, but probably not the one people want. While social media allows for lots of options to tailor your personality, consistently choosing to post pictures that are not you as a profile picture speaks volumes; after all, a picture paints a thousands words.
______________________
Kids: "I know it's dangerous to do this, because of all the warnings about potential predators online, but I'm too selfish to care. I mean, look at my adorable kids! Aren't they awesome?!"


A: Sure they're cute, but post them on your wall. Someday your kids will have their own social media accounts (and probably running circles around mom and dad on electronic devices) so until then, post pix of yourself please. Every-time I see a baby pic as a profile pic the first thought I had is, "Wow! They got younger as they grew up". The second thought that rolls through my head is, "Wow! They must not care about the safety and welfare of their children".

Vehicles: "I LOVE my new car / boat / truck!! I want the world to see it, and by using it as a profile picture it makes the world think I'm doing well in life".

A: So when you grew up, you became an autobot? You do know that flashing fancy cars is a middle-aged man's way to make up for erectile dysfunction, right?

Flags: "I LOVE MY COUNTRY!!"

A: Good. So does 99.999% of the people that live there. 

Other: "I SO LOVE this cartoon / colour pattern / etc"

A: You must not be good enough to use an avatar. Maybe you don't have any way to take a picture.
____________________

SUMMERFEST in Victoria Park
So, a big thank you to all your sexy beasts that use your own picture as your profile. Keep that shit up! Zz [Tosses two pennies on the table]"

 .....I'm still giggling about the autobot joke.

The sun is shining, the birds are singing out a chorus of happiness, and my mood is decent. I was enjoying my morning somewhat pain free, until a huge spasm wracked my abdomen and caused me to get nauseous. Tossed my morning tea all over the studio and had to spend a half hour cleaning up. Ugh! [sigh]

Hope everyone has a great Friday!

July 12th
Church was really good today. Everyone is very friendly, and First St Andrews is a great facility! Each Sunday I find renewed vigor in my spirituality, and I'm happy to have the chance to rekindle my faith.

SUMMERFEST in Victoria Park
SUMMERFEST in London is amazing! Three band stands, and a revolving choice of groups provided free entertainment all weekend long! I've been attending Friday evening, as well as, Saturday afternoon. I watched a drumming troupe, a classical orchestra, a rock band, a jazz group, and a Jamaican band! The vibrant energy I feel with the thousands of people in Victoria Park is outstanding!

Everything is pretty much the same; with nothing new to report it's important to realize that things are still ongoing. I'm working out as much as I can, trying to eat properly, writing lots, and spending time outdoors in the summer sun.

There a specialist appointment later this week. Hope all goes well.

4:20 pm
There is one notable mention about this weekend; I went uptown and tried my hand at selling my art on the street. How did I do? Not well.....

....lugging all that stuff around by foot is tiresome, even if it's light. I set up for not even an hour and suddenly had to go to the bathroom. The only public washroom was halfway home, so I simply packed up after not selling a thing. Besides, everyone seemed to pass by without so much as a second glace. The most major thing that came of the whole thing, is that I feel embarrassed sitting on the side of the road hoping someone likes my stuff enough to buy something. 

July 13th
Good morning. Today is going to be busy for me. Once I get my butt in gear (a little pun) the object is to clean the house. My goal today is to tackle the freezer, and make some room. After a conversation with the two roommates I share the freezer with, we've all determined that barely anything in it belong to us! So it is, that I'm going to clean it out and make some room for us.

Sunshine, and a cool breeze greet me today. Good thing too, because I have to go for a walk this morning down to Salvation Army and see if I can't get some help with food. Every month is the same where I run out of food halfway through, and basically starve a few days. Due to my increased demand for nutrients, I cannot physically afford to go without food like I always do.

I've made arrangements for a ride to my specialist's appointment on Thursday. That's not going to be much fun.......

...Well, talk soon.

6:30 pm
I have to say they really do a wonderful job at the Salvation Army on Wellington. I was a bit apprehensive about asking for assistance, but with the friendly service and long line of people in need, I felt at ease. Got a chance to do some people watching, which is always fun....

.....one woman particular caught my eye, because she grabbed a bag of buns and ran to the washroom to eat it. With only one bag per household limit she had managed to sneak an extra bag of buns out the door, even if it was all in her stomach! You never know their story either, so it's always best not to judge, after all, I'm down here begging for day old bread like the rest of them.

Work out. Shower. ....I've decided not to write anything today. Instead I'm going to play a bit of Mechwarrior and watch some Breaking Bad. Hope everyone has a good night.

July 14th
Well, today was supposed to be laundry day for me, but due to a detour on my street, Diane couldn't get to me. As I stood on the front porch waiting for her to show up she called me from her phone to let me know she couldn't get around the detours. Ugh! That throws a monkey wrench into my plans for today! Somehow I need to get my laundry done! I've got sweat stains on all my clothes from having to keep wearing the same things over and over again.

The part that worries me is Thursday. If today was a dry run for Bill picking me up for my appointment, we failed miserably! I'll need to have the route ready for Bill so there are no hesitation, mistakes or in the case for today, having to miss an appointment!

Rain. I'm sick of rain, and I'm certainly not the only one! Today will be spent indoors. I'll just have to do my rowing machine workout inside, and since there is no cardiovascular workout allowed in the rain, I'll have to make it a good session! I've missed quite a few days this month so far on account of weather, but this can only lead to me figuring things out for wintertime. I'm told there's a small gym just down the road from me, and once the weather turns nasty I'll need to do something to fill in the gap.

July 15th
Today is preparation for my colonoscopy tomorrow, which means not eating anything, and taking a combination of cleansing products. You can bet I'm not up to doing much except clinging to a toilet. 

The side effects from my medication to prepare for the procedure includes nausea, cramping, and diarrhea. Since I get that everyday, chances are I'm not going to even notice.

No writing. I'm not planning on even doing my regular exercises. Today will be quiet, and a time of waiting.

July 16th
19,000 page views on my website as of today!! I just want to thank everyone for helping me make and break goals I had never considered before!! The people that write to me and offer advice are merely a tip of the iceberg when it comes to those who have read my material. I'm humbled by the way my stories and books are travelling around the world!


Today was a good day. Somewhat of a rollercoaster, and quite a bit of discomfort mixed in, but all-in-all a good day.  Let me start at the beginning.......

.....the alarm woke me at 5:30 am. I was like a cat on a mouse to silence that thing! As I rolled back over I reminded myself what today was; specialist appointment. No food, drink, or even gum! I wanted to at least brush my teeth, but decided that might be a bad idea. It occurred to me as I laid in the bed, that there really wasn't much reason to get out of bed in a hurry. Can't make coffee, so there's ten minutes, and breakfast is not an option, so there's 15. Hmmm...That leaves me with shower and shave.

I slowly got up and sat at my computer desk. It felt wrong for so many reasons;
A) It's way too early.
2) I need caffeine.
D) I'm really freaking hungry!

So, I showered, shaved, and got ready to go. I have to thank Bill Kinchlea for being my driver today. It was great to see him again (we worked together at the airshow last summer in Tilsonberg and he's a really nice guy. Thank you Bill. I will pay your thoughtfulness forward someday.

I was a bit nervous, but this is certainly not my first time for this procedure. As I bantered with the nurse about inserting an IV, I joked about guys with tattoos being scared of needles. "You'd be surprised", she laughed. I then explained how my body is quite vascular, and she cooed over the size of the big veins in my arms. Then she missed the vein with the needle......

......I did my absolute best to gently tease her. After all we had just talked about how easy it is to take my blood, and that most of the nurses at the Blood Clinic like to use their trainees on me because of my big veins. She was embarrassed and blushing. To be perfectly honest, I thought she looked adorable with her red hair and scarlet cheeks, but I assured her it was perfectly fine and not to worry. I even winked to try and reassure her.

 She managed to get the IV in the second time, and before I knew it I was off to have a thousand dollar camera shoved up my nethers.

Hospital drugs. I don't know what they gave me, but with my verbal diarrhea and whatever cocktail of drugs they had mixed, it was more effective than that scary floating robot thing with the big needle used for interrogation by Darth Vader. I unfortunately recall myself unable to control my inner voice as the good stuff kicked in, and blurted, "Is it a bad thing if I moan a little? Oh, and don't tell the red headed nurse I think she's hot....." I lost consciousness after that, thank God, because she was standing right beside the Doctor. So here I am teasing and winking at the poor woman, and the last thing I say to her is something kinky. Kill me now.

Anyway, I got home and was sitting outside, taking it easy as per Doctor's orders. The sun is beckoning for me to don my skates and hit the trails, and even teasing me with a cool breeze, yet I remained firm in my choice to take a day off from everything; exercise, write, or whatever else I normally do in my day-to-day routine. There I sat, content to sit and simply check out the curves on the neighbourhood mommies as they wheel their bundles of joy past my perch on the porch.

AS I sat there, my roommate came home riding his bicycle, and I knew I had to get off my chair to allow him to get into the house with his bike. I jumped out my chair, and chose to not only rise from my seat, but also opened the door for him. Earlier a package had arrived via courier addressed to my roommate, and I had taken it into the house and placed it on the table, so I told him with a smile, "Hope you had a good day! Oh and a parcel arrived for you. I took the liberty of taking it inside". He seemed quite pleased with my actions, and thanked me with a smile.

Then it struck me.

His day could have been a total grind of whatever, right? Like, a total mind-numbing wasteland of monotony. He could have had an awesome day too for all that counts, but the point of my brainfart, is that my actions were probably a welcoming relief in his long day, and if we can, we should endevour to make each moment just like that......

......can you imagine how it would be if we all treated each other like it was an honourable pleasure? A joy merely to serve?

Sometimes that's not easy. I'll be the first one to admit that! But life isn't supposed to be easy, but it is reflective. Life is what you make it. Of course, it could just be the hospital drugs talking.

I had made plans to meet up with that female friend of mine who is moving  down to Southern Ontario. You know, the one that stood me up a few Saturdays ago and has all this time since then to make other arrangements? Well I finally asked her out yesterday, and knowing I could go for a short walk this afternoon, I made plans to go and see her at the park. I walked down, taking my time and because there was nothing else to do and I had an hour to kill. At 3 pm I checked my phone. ......Turns out, she shoots me some lame ass excuse at the last second, and ditched me again. Fuck this! I'm not playing games anymore! So frustrating. [sigh]

Hope everyone has a great day.

July 17th
Morning. Rain again, and the gloomy skies have chased everyone indoors.

It's no secret that I'm not what you might call a "morning person". In fact, I've often stated that without some sort of jump start, AKA caffeine, I am a bit "moody". Well, this morning I turned on my computer and found this wonderful little meme posted to "ZZORHN'S BAR AND GRILL" on Facebook by my best friend Diane.....

......I'm not really that bad, am I? [chuckles] Got this mental image of the purple minion sans coffee running around growling at the world. Thank you, Diane!! Lord knows it's awesome when people can make good-natured fun of me.

I've had a really good think session about being ditched yet again yesterday. Perhaps a little relevance is in order.....

......remember when I said I would eventually fill you in on the mystery woman that is moving to Southern Ontario? I'll give you another hint; she's the one that had me thrown in jail on false charges in 2012. [Read BETWEEN THE BARS OF A JAIL CELL] That's right, my ex-girlfriend, and the mother to my adopted daughter. Why would I even contemplate chasing after this woman? Simple, even after all this time I still care about her and the little girl that once called me daddy. I really want the best for her and deep down wish things were different, but as you can plainly see it is impossible to change others.

There comes a time when you have to admit the truth, and Lord knows that I have a nasty habit of constantly forgiving others for hurting me. I'm going to have to accept the fact that it's entirely possible there is no chance at even friendship. I'm have to accept the fact that the future may not ever present an opportunity for me to get my daughter back, even if this woman followed me to Southern Ontario.

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me a couple dozen times? Well, it turns out I'm the foolish one.

It's my nature to not give up on people. Some call it undying loyalty, and some call it a crippling case of living in a fantasy. I'm constantly expecting the very best from people, only to be sorely disappointed when I'm let down yet again. [Shrugs] I'm a forgiving man, and while that might seem like a good thing, it has actually caused me more setbacks than I can count.


Well, it looks like the rain isn't going to let up anytime soon. It's been a couple days now since I hit the trails, and I'm starting to feel it. I'll do my utmost best today to at least work out on the rowing machine, but that's about the extent of my exercises yet again. Stupid weather.... It's tinder-dry in the forest fire ravaged West, and soggy as a water-logged sponge in the East.

Talk soon. Hope everyone has a great Friday!

July 18th
What a gorgeous morning!! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the even the trees seem to shimmer with a kind of glow today.

My plans for today are to take advantage of this wonderful weather, and hit the trails.....

....sorry, but I may not write today.

10 pm
I ended up at Victoria Park. To my delight, yet again a huge festival was unfolding. Complete with dozens of artisans selling their wares, a massive crowd of thousands, and the center stage a showcase of local talent!! This one guy with  a long, well-combed beard rocked the crowd in a way I have never seen before in my life! (I've tried to find his name, but it seems to elude me) I ended up leaning against a metal grate, and a couple of hours passed in the blink of an eye.

Watching the crowd cheer, laugh, and sing along, makes me feel good for many reasons. As I looked around the crowd of at least a thousand people there is a representation of almost every nation. Notice I didn't say race? That's because there is only one race, the human race. Anyway, it makes my heart feel good to see such diversity all enjoying the same thing and celebrating as one. This is what Canada is to me, a joining of people from all walks of life and living in peace; living together in a nurturing and caring community.

These events could simply not occur without a score of planning and foresight, and for that I have to give London Ontario a big thumbs up. Bravo! Once again you have gone above and beyond anything I've ever witnessed.

Just need to find me a dance  partner.

I was talking to my bestie Diane about this very matter; do I NEED to have someone in my life? She and a few nameless others agree that I seem to place quite a bit of focus on the opposite sex. While that may be true, it should be understood that everyone regardless of age wants to be nurtured and touched. Babies thrive on it, relationships are kindled and maintained because of it, and even the lowliest of pet likes to be snuggled and petted. It's universal too, because nearly wherever you go (I'm sure there are some places it's not a custom to cuddle) you are going to find some sort of human contact. Science has even proven that children raised in a home where minimal to no affection is shown develop all sorts of behaviour disorders. It's just the way we humans are wired; we desire contact with each other. I have no one, and I'd like to change that. It's really not a complex concept.

Gotta jet. Church in the morning, and I want to be all bright tailed and bushy eyed. Have a good night.

July 19th - 10 pm
Church was fun. Last Sunday our new minister had made a joke about calling people she didn't know by the name "Bessie", so this Sunday when the greeters were handing out stick-on name tags I had them write.... You guessed it, "Bessie". You should have saw her face when she shook my hand at the end of the service! I ended up getting a hug for my joviality.
I went to see the newest release of the minion saga at the Silvercity Cineplex!! Diane and Greg Lawrence took me and the kidlets out for a movie this afternoon, and I had a blast! It's so much fun going to the big screen! The sound is amazing, the size of the screen still blows me away, and the ambiance of a movie theater? Holy crap! The seats are even recliners!

After the show we went back to the Lawrence's for BBQ burgers. I got a chance to do my laundry [Cue angel choir] It's been almost three weeks of having to do the sniff test on my clothes. Once again a big thank you to Diane for helping me!

I'm told the humidity is going to drop for the next few days and I for one am thankful. It keeps generating massive rainstorms that drench the city and everyone I talk to agrees we've had enough rain.

I'm going to get a library card tomorrow, as well as, go and get a bag of buns from the food bank. Have a good night.

July 20th
We've reached that point of the month where my money runs out. With barely any real food left, no meds, and only two rolls of toilet paper, it's going to be a close one! There is still eleven days left in this long month and that means pain and suffering, as well as, a lack of proper nutrition. I gotta do something about this problem soon!

Speaking of problems, Theresa hasn't stopped creating them; from refusing to take off her street shoes in the house, to terrorizing the others that live in the house, this young woman is so selfish it's sickening! She scorched the stove-top yet again with cooking oil on Saturday afternoon which also drove everyone out of the house from stink. (She cooks some sort of Cajun dishes that involve deep frying shellfish which has the same smell as electric wires burning) I went for a roller-blade and came back to find Asmar sitting on the porch gagging from smell. The biggest (and worst) example of her abuse is highlighted by an incident that happened on Thursday, when I found my sweet little 56-year old roommate Asmar almost in tears from pain in her legs. She explained how a bath helps to relieve some of the problem, and I told her to go and use the bathtub in the one bathroom. She immediately became upset and I could see real fear in her eyes as she explained, “Theresa doesn't want me using the bathtub”. I didn't understand at first, so I pressed Asmar for details, to which she admitted, “She says I'm dirty”. I could tell this really bothered this older woman, so I kept pushing to find out the core of the issue by simply telling her to ignore Theresa and go have a bath. “Oh, I better not”, she exclaimed with real fear in her eyes, “It isn't because I clean up after myself, it's because I'm a dirty Muslim!”

Wow! That caught me off-guard for a brief moment! Not allowed to use a shared bathroom because of her religious beliefs? You have to understand that this young woman Theresa gets herself all dolled up each Sunday to go and attend some sort of baptist Church, and I've personally witnessed her hypocrisy against me, but to hear that little Asmar can't use a bathtub because she's a Muslim?! Well, I looked straight at Asmar and told her not to worry because I use that bathroom too, and she is more than welcome to use the tub! I also went on to assure her that if Theresa says anything to her, I'll defend her from such sheer selfishness.

Can't use a bathroom because “she's a dirty Muslim”? Fuck that! I've never heard of such abuse except in media sources (and usually overseas). This young woman has gone too far, and it's high time that someone snapped this petty little girl back to reality! This is Canada, and her biased views have no place in my country or in my home! What's important to realize, is that this young woman has chased out two men from this housing unit from her constant levels of abuse, and it has no place in my home!

Cleaning day today. Once I'm feeling better I'll be scrubbing and sweeping. I'm so happy that I finally have clean laundry, and it renews me with vigour.

At noon I have to go uptown and get my library card, as well as, stop in to see if I can get some food at the Salvation Army. The sun is shining, so that means a decent day to workout. Hopefully I can squeeze in some writing as well.

Have a great week everyone!

6 pm
Well, I got a single loaf of bread. Not much to go on, but it's something, right? I also managed to get my library card, and even check out my first book!

A bit of a workout, and a decent afternoon. There's no internet at the moment, so I'm going to read my new book. Chat soon.

July 21st
Still no internet! This is really setting me back, and I'm finding I'm burning my data plan on my phone like it's free. We don't realize how much having access to the world wide web actually means until it's not there. Since I have only one real friend in London, I use the 'net to keep in touch, and I'm feeling really (bad word) lonely!

I'm exhausted! The idiot above me kept banging on the floor and talking until 2 am! Then, the maraca with the bowl and spoon decided to play an encore in the kitchen, meaning I've had approximately less than 5 hours of sleep. Ugh!

So, after I politely asked Theresa to stop walking across my fresh-mopped floor with her street shoes on, she decided to tattle on me to the landlord for being “rude”. This chick just doesn't get it! I'm not the one being rude, she is, and I can't wait for a meeting with the landlord to reveal some of her dark secrets like racism, and intolerance to others. This bitch has to go!

Forgive me, dear diary, I'm struggling with pain and irritated to the point of frustration.

The weather is supposed to be fantastic today, but if my body is going to behave like yesterday, I won't get an entire workout done from having to run to the bathroom. I don't mention such things normally, but it needs to be understood that without the use of medication I end up having the sensation of needing a bowel movement all day and night; cramps, bloating, and gas help to ensure my suffering. Sorry, it's kind of a shitty subject. (See what I did there? A little potty humour)

So, as you can see I'm in a terrible mood. Lonely, and sick of being alone. In pain, and frustrated that there are so many hoops to jump through to simply get medical help. Hungry because I'm out of food, and no possible foreseeable way to fix that. Irritated by childish behaviour from adults, and feeling like I'm living with a bunch of little children. (Leaving lights on, leaving messes for me to clean, stomping around / slamming doors, and tattle-tailing like a little bitch) I look around and see so much excess, and here I'm hungry and in pain. As I laid in my bed last night listening to the idiot above me, dark thoughts pervaded my mind. It's been quite a long time since I thought of ending it all, but like clock-work the depression and agony gnaw at my very soul.

So, while everyone is out camping, the beach, the cabin, or anywhere else fun and relaxation exists, I'm stuck at home with a high level of abuse and feeling extremely unwanted.

July 22nd
What a gorgeous day; sunshine, a light breeze, and 23 degrees! WE finally got the internet back, and I managed to get online for the first time in over two days. 

I met someone on a dating site. It's too soon to make any predictions, but she is amazing! Cute as heck and very ambitious, I am really hoping this develops into something serious! Our text messages are displaying a wonderful chemistry already; sharing of private thoughts and a few pictures reveals a mutual desire. Keep your fingers crossed, please?

Storybook Gardens
Well, lots to do today. Another trip to the food bank, and I have to return my library book as I'm already done reading the 400+ page book. Hopefully I'll get a decent workout later.....

.....really wish I was camping. [sigh] Maybe someday.

7 pm
Again my little muslim roommate asked if she could use the bathtub. Again I could see the fear in her eyes as she described what would happen if Theresa found out. "Don't you worry about her", I reassured Asmar, "You go soak your sore legs". I feel ashamed that this kind of abuse even exists! Something has to be done about this!

The weather is fantastic, and I'm told it is supposed to be this way for the next few days! I snapped a selfie when I was down by Storybook Gardens along the Thames river.

I might delve into a Forgotten Realms novel later, but I might also work on my Yukon book. Who knows.....

July 24th
Okay, campers, rise and shine.....That's right, woodchuck-chuckers, it's......GROUNDHOG DAY!

I can hear a plethora of people suddenly going, "HUH? Has this guy lost his mind? It's July 24th, NOT February 2nd....". Allow me to explain; in the popular movie made in 1993, the main character played by the talented Bill Murray is a weatherman that finds himself living the same day over and over again. This. Is. My. Life. A few variations of a theme, but each day is the same; wake up, do my routine*, write / research, exercise with failing equipment**, read / watch netflix, go to bed.

*Visit the bathroom 3-8 times
**My rollerblades and rowing machine are wearing out FAST

I have to get my skates fixed, but I really can't afford to. The straps are falling apart, and I've worn the "new" wheels to the plastic nubs already. That's right, two months of skating have destroyed brand new wheels. I guess when people design things, they don't have me in mind; I've often claimed I should be a product tester.

I'm considering buying a used bicycle instead of spending money on new wheels for my skates. The reasons are simple; it will last longer, goes faster, and also can go so many places that rollerblades cannot. Even the trains and buses have clips to put your bike on, which means I can take my bike with me....

....I just wish I could do both.

I had the most horrid nightmare last night! It came in two stages, where I woke from the vivid images, went outside to make certain the neighbourhood was still intact, then went back to sleep, only to continue the graphic nightmare. I slept in this morning, because I was exhausted from lack of good sleep. (Abusive roommates keep me up / wake me up - stomping around the house with shoes on, or talking loudly on the phone, etc) Anyway, the dream was an attack on the world by aliens that make every horror / sci-fi movie pale in comparison. From the snapping jaws of hungry man-eating aliens, to the mind-control that pits neighbour against neighbour, this dream highlighted the easily destroyed infrastructure of our daily lives in graphic detail. Once again, my mind has analyzed the power distribution system, government, military, and other aspects of society we take for granted, and exposes the ease at which it can be taken away......

......it was a combination of "Jurassic Park", "Aliens", "Independence Day", "The Day After", and "Godzilla". Without the happy endings, of course; my dreams don't allow for happy endings like movies do.

Sunshine beckons me to go outside, but before I do, I want to get some work done on my book. Talk soon.

July 25th
Diane, Greg, and the kidlets are heading out of town for a few days, so on Thursday I went over to their house to do our routine, knowing it will be another two weeks before I see them again. They won't be gone that long, but the way our routine swings it simply means I have to make do without her helping me do the monthly shopping this time around. I do have to thank her though, because somehow she knew I needed a couple things and sent me home with a bit of a care package. Gotta love her, eh? Thank you D!!

I bought a bike!! I recently received a donation earmarked specifically for rollerblades / wheels / etc and as I described a few days earlier, I rationalized that I would be further ahead by the purchase of a used bicycle. Anyway, I did my research and found a reputable used dealer off Warncliffe. The old guy does a nice job in restoring bikes, and even sizes you up when he sells it to you. Handle bars were adjusted, as well as, the seat was lowered for my skinny frame. I rode 30 KM on it, exhilarated by the feel of owning better transportation. In related news, my butt is killing me! Like, wow! The teeny seat is cutting into my bony ars, and it actually hurts to sit. Hope that gets resolved soon.

So I decided to look up my Body Mass Index online. At 177.5 CM, and weighing 69 KG, I have a calculated BMI of 21.9 which makes me "average", although according to the chart, I'm on heavy side of average, and heading into the "overweight" category. This can't be right, is it?

Well, I'm off for a bike ride. Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

July 26th
First St. Andrew's Wacky-inflatable-waving-arms-guy
Today at Church, we were reminded of our affirmation. At First St Andrew's United church there is no discrimination, and our service was a wonderful reminder of such conviction. It corresponds with the Pride Parade that our church partook in down Queen's street in London. After the service we were invited to the front law that overlook Queen street to enjoy free hotdogs, cookies, and lemonade, while we cheered on the parade.

This was my first Pride Parade, and I enjoyed myself immensely. There is a different feel about the event, because it's more than just a parade that strolls by; it's a celebration of dancing, singing, and one that invites the people watching to join in!

No Pride parade is complete without some sort of protester, and this year was no different. Some older man walked along the street carrying a large sign that read, "Homosexuality is sin. Jesus saves from sin". He was promptly followed around by anti-protesters with signs ranging from "God hates broccoli", and "Secretly loves the c@&k". (With a large arrow pointing at the homophobic protester). I can't imagine what goes through some people's head when it comes to such matters.

Being as that I ended up sticking around for a few hours, my guts started rolling so I quietly excused myself and went around the corner to have a quick hoot. (Medicinal marijuana) I looked around, confident that no one was around, and that my location was secure because I was right beside the minister's entrance. I took one hit, and was packing a second, when suddenly the door behind me opened, and who should walk out of the Church, but our new Minister, Michelle......

Followed around by anti-protesters.
........well shit! There was no hiding. As I stood there with a look of panic and exhaled the lingering pot smoke, she chuckled and shook her head. I quickly explained how it helps me with my indigestion problems, and she smiled. Then she hugged me. "It's OK", she whispered.

Talk about making an impression on the new minister.

So, from my inside joke about "Bessie", and now getting busted smoking weed behind the church, I know that our newly elected minster will never forget me, although, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. Figures it would be me, eh?

Anyway, my butt is slowly getting used to the new bike, and hopefully I'll soon be tearing up the trails. Talk soon.

July 27th
Monday morning. Once again the three individuals that act like they are living in a house of their own woke me up at 6:30 am. SMASH, BANG! THUMP, THUMP, THUMP.......

.......so frustrating! [sigh] What goes through their head to vindicate them of making noise that disturbs others? How can they be so blatantly rude?

Sunshine is on tap for today's forecast, and once I do my weekly cleaning, I'll be taking advantage of the heat and sun. A trip to the food bank is in order, and a bit of a workout too I expect. I do need to get to the Library and drop off my second book. I seem to be tearing through the thick novels like they're candy.

Hope everyone has a good week. Talk soon.

4:20 pm
I'm such a nerd. I actually get excited when I walk into the Library. I keep thinking to myself, "You mean that with a wave of my Library card I can take any of these books home for free?!" The lady behind the desk looks at me when I check out my latest novel, and says with a smile, "That book is due back in three weeks".

I chuckled and replied, "I'm not going to need three weeks...."

10 pm
Thought I should try my luck at "exposure" in the attempts to find Miss Right, or at least, Miss Right-now. A close shave, clean shorts, and my new library book in hand, I donned my bike for a trip to Victoria park. I set up in the cool shade under one of the big trees and waited for the women to pass me by. I was certain in my mind that a friendly nod or a nice smile would at least get one of the cuties that walk through the park to stop and say hi.......

......a few hours later, the sun is setting, and I realized that I'm a quarter-way done my new book. Totally forgot to look up when people strolled by. I'm not being rude, it's just a really great book!

So much for my attempt at copulation.


July 28th
Had a really rough morning. Even as I type this, my lower intestine is rolling. It's a hot day outside, but I'm not even chancing leaving the house things are that bad today.

I did some writing, and even made a batch of paper mache. Not sure what else I'll be up to, but I'm pretty certain it involves reading.


July 29th
Sometimes it's hard to stay positive. I didn't write yesterday, because I was in a foul mood. I'm alone in a city during my favourite time of the year, with no chance to actually do activities that come with sun and heat. (Besides simply enjoying the heat) The rubber melted off two wheels on my rollerblades, so they are now useless. My butt is still getting used to biking, so while that presents itself as an opportunity, it is something I simply cannot do as much as I would like. No trips to the beach, no security detail at airshows, no visits to any of the theme parks, and no dates.

I feel like my life is in limbo.

It pains me to say that I had to turn down an opportunity to attend an audition in Toronto today. With no leftover money from my GOFUNDME campaign, and no help from friends, I was forced to say no to a chance at a television commercial. This rips at my soul; my goal to become a famous Canadian actor / screenwriter can only succeed if I jump at these opportunities.

My mother would kick her ass!!!
I'm going to have to move. It's becoming clear to me that I might be comfortable as to my living arrangements, it is actually counterproductive to my goals. There are other issues......

..........I could smell the problem before I saw it, and I couldn't understand why my kitchen cupboard was starting to smell stale until I pulled a few things out and found the rotting piece of moldy bread stuffed behind my things. That's right, Theresa put a piece of moldy bread in my cupboard! I'm not kidding, and a quick perusal of the problem provided the only plausible explanation; Greg has been away for over a week, Asmar and Peter wouldn't do such a childish thing, which leaves only one individual. The same wretch that has been and is still creating problems for others living in the house, is the only explanation for the biological bomb. She won't clean, won't adhere to the rules of the house, and refuses to become a contributing member of our little community. When instructed to take off her street shoes, she started tiptoeing around instead, proving that she knows what she is doing is wrong, but not actually caring enough about the welfare of others to actually follow the guidelines. I mean, who the (bad word) actually knowingly wears shoes in a home? My mother would kick her pompass ass!! Anyway, I'm now threatened by this young woman, and cannot fathom the level of vindictiveness nor the mindset it takes to be this childish!! What else is she capable of, and should I now have to watch my open food containers?

So, alone and frustrated, I'm forced to re-evaluate my life in London. I love it here, but seem to be spinning my wheels rather than actually going places. While everyone has someone to love and places to go, I have nothing.

Hope your long weekend is better than mine.

July 31st
Now my bike is falling apart...... the handlebars need to be tightened, and the nut that is supposed to hold the arm for my left pedal keeps magically untwisting itself. I swear sometimes it seems like nothing is going your way, right? Then I have to remind myself.......

.....it's my own energy that is doing it. No, I'm not talking about some sort of superhero power, but rather the innate subconscious mind analysing things and focusing on the negatives. The POWER OF ATTRACTION states that what you think about, becomes your focus, and soon turns into reality. My mind lately has been focusing on my ongoing and fruitless efforts to find someone to become my life-partner, as well as, the degradation of my equipment. Other matters are the lack of art supplies / NOT SELLING artwork, rude roommates, etc, add nausea. You know my struggles, because you've been with me this whole time, dear diary, and for that I thank you.


I need to focus on the positive!

My bike was not properly serviced, and the handlebars coming loose is because I ride hard. I jump curbs and push up hills using my whole body. Loose handlebars are not a big deal, it's merely the fact that I don't have the appropriate tools to fix it, is the real issue. Same goes for my pedal, and if I had a socket set and a hammer, I could fix this. My rollerblades, however, are another story because that's simply going to cost money. Truth is, those old blades don't owe me a thing! Because, they were the very first pair I ever had; given to me by my late-Grandmother, Ethel Bujold. I've held on to them for this long, and Lord knows I take care of my equipment. My 14 year-old skates have witnessed more distance than you can possibly image; I was burning through a new set of wheels each month in Fort Frances, and put even more Kilometers on them in London! Remember the "baby-butt smooth asphalt trails that meander along the Thames? Yea! Those ones, and each time I look at the map to see how far I go on my excursions, I find myself double-checking the measurements. What others call "too far", is like, half the distance I go in one day! In my adventures as I call them, I can go from anywhere between 10 KM to over 60 KM! My daily average is 30....So..... [shrugs] Multiply 14 years, by 30 KM a day, during the summer months, when it's not raining, and that will tell you how far those rollerblades have gone. Don't look at me for the answer, because I don't know. Math's hard.

My roommate issue is going to be solved, because if I want to keep pushing toward my dreams, I NEED TO MOVE. YES! I'M YELLING! Maybe someone in Toronto or GTA will hear me, and understand not only my dreams, but even interested in who I am.....


.....which would solve my status of singledom. IF I truly think about this "issue", I have to remind myself that IF I were to find someone right now in London, or St. Thomas, etc, it would be an actual setback for me. My undying loyalty would suddenly find focus, and while it would do my soul wonders, it would most likely hold me back from my goals. Now, if I could find someone that IS close to Toronto and could be an easy back-and-forth to work (auditions / etc) situation, well that would be ideal! [sighs and thinks] Let's just focus on first things first, shall we?

My bike. I gotta get that addressed today, somehow. Focus positive, and things will work out the way you want them to, right?

So, it's off to go shopping, and pick up some of the monthly items. Diane is away until Thursday, so I have to get enough stuff to at least last me a week. When she takes me shopping, it is so handy to get a ride and I can do it all in one shot. Today I'll be making several trips around town doing various price matching and window shopping.

My butt still hurts because of my bike. I'm slowly getting used to it.

It's another sunny day. 

Have a safe and happy weekend.


August 1st - 3 am
Another month has come and gone.

I got back from running around town a  couple times yesterday afternoon, and I was a little discouraged by the attitudes of  some of the shop owners. I tried to find a bike shop that could simply tighten my loose nuts on my pedal and handle bars. The guy wanted half an hour labour plus parts. WHAT PARTS? I realized immediately the guy was simply trying to rip me off, and left the shop. The next stop was at the vitamin store I had saw earlier, and once again the sales guy wants to get me on a program that costs over a hundred dollars a month!! Frik, bud! All I wanted was some protein powder! I walked out of that shop as well, because of a sales person who was more interested in commission than actually helping me.

So, I got a few things, but certainly didn't accomplish what I wanted. Not to mention, my bike is still being a piece of crap, and I'm so discouraged now that I don't even want to to look at the damn thing!

Not sure what I'm up to today, but I'm restless as hell!

I decided to have a nap at about 6 pm, and woke up at 2:30 am. Ugh! Now I'm up and don't know what to do with myself. I'm going for a walk.

7 am
I ended up downtown. The city is so strange at this time of the day! There's barely anyone around; the city actually sleeps. I did rattle a few things around in my head, and it all points to the fact that I need to keep pushing forward. I REALLY like it in London, but this wasn't some way to get away from problems AKA escape , but rather, a stepping stone to achieve my goals. If I really want to become a known author and actor I need to be where I can do that. I need to be in Toronto.

I'm going to do some more running around today, and get some groceries. Gotta watch my budget though... Talk soon.
August 2nd
I was up late last night talking to a good friend on skype. She lives in the Philippines, so while it was noon her for her, it was past midnight before I went to sleep. I had a great time though, and would like to do that again.

Anyway,  I slept in.

I guess I wasn't really going to church anyway this morning, because I had already made plans to be at Odessa Park for noon. IF my bike was actually working properly I wouldn't have hesitated to attend church, that ends at 11:30 am, because I know I can bike that far on a decent day in half an hour. Regardless, the arm on my bike keeps falling off and I have to stop every four blocks or so to tighten the nut. [sigh] What's so important at noon, I hear you asking? Well, I'm glad you asked....

.....Medieval Combat Sports!! You know? With shields and swords, hammers, maces, and flails? I found their advertisement on Kijiji and contacted one of the Marshals. The training / practice is on Tuesday and Sundays, and I jumped at the opportunity.


It wasn't like I thought it would be. It's a family event, and not only a chance to participate in the full contact sport, but spectators are encouraged. The group use official rules that have been in existence for a couple decades and still used in various countries all over the world.

The idea is simple; craft foam weapons to approximate medieval equipment, and use them in hand to hand combat against other players. In practice the attitudes are relaxed, but in tournaments where hundreds of people participate, there are strict rules about clothing, and armor.

We had a decent turnout. I can see why in this sport it's encouraged to bring friends, because the more is definitely the merrier. Being a practice, we went through several different types of exercises. I quickly found myself pitted up against some extremely skilled players, all brandishing different types of weapons. Some carried shields, while some sported two swords. I was getting easily beat, but the guys were quite encouraging; each offering some sort of guidance after constantly thumping me.

During the breaks I took time to ask questions about weapons, and the various rules. Before I knew it, an hour had passed.....

......I got my first kill! Yay! It happened so quickly that it took me off-guard. It wasn't a lucky shot either, in case you're wondering. I was getting better. Then I got another kill. And another! The guys joked that I resembled a Hoplite with the way I use a sword and shield combination. In a short time, I quickly earned a reputation for my quick thrusts that seemed to be aimed directly for the heart. I'll admit it made me grin when one of the guys was rubbing his chest after one of my thrusts hit home hard, and nodded with approval at my win.

I'm pretty sure I was smiling the whole time.

I'm checking out what it takes to craft these boffers. I know you can buy professional ones, but from what I witnessed, those that use them religiously tend to take great care in the crafting of the various axes, maces, staves, swords, and I'm told there is even archery allowed (within applicable rules) There's quite a bit to this, but it's actually pretty simple. I'm pretty sure that given the right materials I can do something that suits me. Making armor, however, seems a bit more daunting. Tunics are easy, but I have no sewing machine.
Well, my weekend certainly hasn't been boring.

August 3rd
Hello Monday. It's dark and cloudy outside, and I'm told that a storm is coming. Cleaning day today anyway, so that works well for scheduling. I don't feel guilty about staying at home when the weather sucks.

I dreamed about being on a field of battle. While most people romanticize about such things, and Hollywood has done a great job of glorifying big battles, I have a different image;  nervous, young men and women, hearing the clank of metal of the cries of the enemy not far way, and not knowing if they will be alive in half an hour. It's a vivid image, and it burned its way into my subconscious mind while I slept.

 Cleaning day today. Once I get motivated I'll be scrubbing some walls. Maybe I'll set up my rowing machine inside, and maybe I'll write. Who knows, eh? Have a good one.

August 4th
Good morning world. The sun is shining, and the birds are singing.

I decided to write about my dream involving the knighthood. Halfway through I realized it had no plot, so I came up with a twisted ending where the bad guy wins. I called it "All's Fair in Love and War". A quick reread shows my frustration with loyalty and how those you love can betray you.

I've waited to see if any of my family members would actually proudly display the link to my website on social media as I asked a couple weeks ago, but not a single one did. Lots of pix and stories about non-family members, but nothing about blood. I'm very disappointed, but not surprised.

Hopefully the weather holds, because I want to try my hand at medieval  combat again.

Hopefully my bike stays fixed.

Hope everyone has a great day.

10 pm
Medieval Fighting class was a blast! I'm sire in places I didn't know I had! Pretty darn sure I'm going to feel THAT in the morning. I'm earning a reputation for my quick jabs. Tired. As. Heck! I'll be going to bed soon. Talk in the morning...

August 8th
I have to apologize, it has occurred to me that I haven't written for a couple days. I'm ok; same old stuff, but I've been busy. ...

....I met someone. Not wanting to read into anything, but on Tuesday night I met a wonderful woman at fighting class, and I've been visiting her every night this week. We're just friends, but I really hope this blossoms into something much more, because she is amazing! Time will tell, right?

I've been working on some gear for fighting class. I'm working on a shield, and hopefully it passes inspection on Sunday afternoon. Next up is a sword, and perhaps some garb; maybe even armor. It's a great chance to get out and fine tune my fighting skills, but also a great way to meet new people. I'm having a blast.

So, I've been busy. I've done some writing, and I've been working out a bit. My bike is still a pain in the ass and I really need to get it fixed! My rollerblades are out of commission for now, and until I get them fixed there is no point on even looking at them. Same old......

...have a great weekend!

August 10th
My bike died yesterday. As I was cruising down Wharncliffe, there was a clunk and the guts from the pedal system started spewing ball bearings. [sighs heavily] That's it then, it's done. FUCK! I don't have the money to fix it, and I'm stuck with a broken bike. Now my rollerblades AND bike are out of commission. UGH!

I know why I haven't been writing much - I'd love nothing more than to post about happy I am, but we've all heard that story before. I went to Courtney's apartment again last night, and didn't get home until the wee hours, and I had a great time! I'm worried however, like every other prospect, the other shoe will fall and I'm left hurt and confused. So..... I haven't posted any details like I have before.

She's amazing. I love the little quirky habits she has, like her emphatic facial expressions and the way she makes up words. She's smart, sassy, and very attractive.

Well, now that I've described her, I suppose karma will now cause her to change her mind and want nothing to do with me. Sorry for being cynical, but that's how things have been for me, and although it will only take one very special woman to change that, so far things have been really rough. Don't forget, we're talking about 4 years of frustrating relationships where I end up getting dumped, cheated on, or even abused. I'm trying so hard to not judge all women the same, but everytime I get my hopes up, something comes along and dashes those dreams.

My shield didn't pass, but no worries; a bit more foam on the edges and it will be fine. I'm told I did a great job. Fighting class is going well, and I'm quickly earning respect from the members.

Roommates are immature. It's getting worse, not better. - Starting to feel like a ghetto, and no one cleans.

I now have to walk everywhere.

Gloomy clouds and muggy winds on tap for today.

Have a good one.


11 pm
I went to Courtney's again tonight. Totally didn't plan on it, in fact I meant to work on putting more foam around the edges of my shield so it could pass inspection. But, she called and asked if I wanted to come help her paint. She even volunteered to pick me up because it's raining outside, which I thought was very sweet, but deep down I was all, "Babe, it wouldn't matter if a volcano was exploding outside my house, or an alien invasion was underway.... I would still climb over the molten slag, or raced past the lasers, simply to see you".  Didn't tell her that, but that was what went through my mind.

So, I spent the evening at her house, and had a great time. I even met her mom who stopped in to see how the painting was proceeding. We chatted a bit, and she seems really nice.

Well, I should get to bed because I'm supposed to go finish the painting tomorrow. My plan is to head over there about noonish, and stay there until practice. I'm hoping that somehow I can work in cooking a meal or something for her; if the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy, right? Anyway, talk soon.

August 11th - 11:30 pm
Turns out I ended up being fed by her mom who lives down the hall. We got quite a bit of painting and sorting done today, went to fight club, and then chilled out for a bit. A pretty great day!

I haven't looked at my rowing machine in a week. Oops. The rest of my workout routine has gone for a crap too, but I haven't been home to do my normal routine. Same goes for my writing.

Tired. Gotta go to bed.

August 12th
Good morning. It's a cooler day today, with a slight chance of rain. I can barely move from being so stiff and sore.

Not sure yet what I'm up to for the rest of the day, but I'm going to do a bit of writing. Hopefully I get a call from Courtney to go and do some more painting, but it's still unclear what's really going on. While I am ecstatic to be meeting new friends from medieval combat class, I want more than to just be friends with her.

I have to remind myself that getting involved with any woman could be detrimental to my plans. It could also be a springboard to something special. [shrugs] There's strength and support  in a good relationship, but there's also the chance it could hold me back.

Well, off to write a bit. Talk soon.

3 pm
[Watches as the other shoe flies through the air in seemingly-slow-motion, and hits the floor] WHAP!

Well, [sighs heavily] There it is; she made her intentions clear, and in the space of a couple of text messages I was ushered to the friend zone.

Fuck it! I'm destined to be alone.

August 14th
So busy yesterday there was no time to write.....


.....woke up, and got ready for my usual Thursday routine with my bestie Diane. A bit of shopping, some window shopping (for a new phone - Diane is joining the technological age finally) and lunch at A&W. I got to play a little bit with the youngest kidlet, and finished off the day with homemade pizza.

During that time, I received a message from Courtney to come over to go swimming. I eagerly accepted and after supper went to visit. It was fun playing with Courtney and her daughter in the pool, and before long it was time to head back to her place. We decided to watch a movie, and in the blink of an eye it was midnight.

Time flies when you're having fun.

Woke up to a gloomy day, and the thunder from the storm keeps rolling like distant cannon fire. The rain is constant and falling hard, drenching the city and driving everyone indoors.

I have a bit of running around to do, so I better get my butt in gear. Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

11 pm
The movie I watched last night was "50 Shades of Grey", and while at the time I wasn't thoroughly impressed with it, the damn thing has been on my mind all day long. It's occurred to me that I am perhaps going about relationships wrong. My main focus is on romance and love, and most women these days simply want uncomplicated sexual encounters. Women my age come with children, families, and a smattering of good reasons to not get involved.

It has also occurred to me that perhaps describing any love interests in my diary might be counterproductive.

This is supposed to be a journal of my thought, and a detailing of events, but if a woman is actually interested in me she might not want to become public knowledge. What if someone wanted a private relationship or simply didn't want any sexual exploits listed on some website for the whole world to see? Would she pass me over simply because  of this?

I've never actually spoke of sexual encounters, because, let's face it, it' been slim pickings. But! What if?

I guess I have to consign myself to not penning some "50 Shades of Zzorhn" when I do find a sexual partner. Sorry, but if you want to read love stories or sex scenes, there are other things I have written that might do the trick. It's fine to state in my diary that I have a crush on someone, or that I'm in a relationship (eventually - it might happen), but as for the finer details I'll leave that to the imagination.

I actually wrote a movie review about the subject. Maybe that way it will get out of my head.....

......all this talk about sex is making me hungry. It's bringing back memories, as well as, my current frustration.... I should just go to bed.

August 15th
Hope everyone is having a good day! The sun is shining, and I'm in a bratty mood.

I went to bed with the topic of sex on my mind, and woke up still thinking about it. See? Contrary to popular belief, men don't think about sex several times a day, but merely once.... And it lasts all day.....

....joking aside, I decided to write an article about my personal thoughts regarding the movie "50 Shades of Grey", and how it affected me. I entitled the article "50 Shades of Zzorhn", (because I said I wouldn't write one) and in it I explain how I cannot fathom the main character's monstrosity for controlling women because I believe in equality.

I have a few things to do today, most notably, getting ready for tomorrow's fight club. Why am I not going to Church? Since I don't have a vehicle / bike / rollerblades / etc, I am forced to walk, and it's basically over 12 extra kilometers to go in the space of a half hour. So, it's either fight club, or Church, and at this moment in time I am choosing to take advantage of the warm weather and good friends. Once Fall rolls in, things will change. My garb AKA gladiator outfit needs to be repaired. When I first designed it, I forgot to take into consideration what would happen if I washed the hand-sewn material, and it frayed at the edges. Yesterday I picked up a pack of needles and some thread from the dollar store, and I plan on fixing it and getting ready. I also need to fix my shield too, but lack any kind of duct tape. I'm considering on just stretching fabric over the shield until I can fix it properly.

I'm out of meds, so today is a bit rough. It's so frustrating to know that all I need is a decent blast of THC to calm my rolling stomach, and yet, because of the current ludicrous laws, I am forced into dealing with daily pain.

Well, I should get at it. Time's flying by for some reason, so I'll let you go. Hope you have a good one.

August 16th
I'm freaking tired! I stayed up until 1 AM working on my shield and garb for medieval combat class, only to wake up at 3:30 am to a ringing phone....

.....a good friend (Who shall remain nameless)  found themselves drunk, alone, and lost downtown. Well, I threw on my clothes and sprinted across the city; 2.5 Kilometers in 21 minutes! I helped them get home, and made sure they were safe.....

....then, I walked home at 5 AM. It was 6 in the morning and the sun was starting to rise when I finally got home. 3 hours of sleep was all I could afford before I had to get up to prepare for fight class.

The sun was blazing hot today, with temperatures reaching 31 degrees in the shade! As I walked the 5 Kilometers to practice, the sweat was dripping from my body. By the time I arrived at the park, I stripped off my soaked clothes and put on my Roman gladiator garb. With slits up the sides, and barely anything on my torso, it was much cooler to wear than the heavy blue jean shorts and tank top, however, it's strange enough for me to be walking down the street carrying a shield, let alone dressed like a gladiator.


Practice was great! I can see how much different it is to wield foam instead of steel, and I'm having to unlearn much of what I know about combat with weapons. I got hammered pretty hard though, and I know I should be heading to the hospital for my injured knee, but I can't walk. It's come to my attention that I may need to hold off on exercising for a couple days and take things easy. I'm pretty crippled up, and I'm sporting a bruise on my ribs, a bruise on my left calf, and can barely put any weight on my right leg! Oh well, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt or looses their virginity, then it becomes a sport, right?

It's going to be a early night tonight. I need sleep!

August 17th
Woke up and can still barely move.

So, it turns out sex sells! When I wrote that movie review "50 Shades of Zzorhn", there was 30 hits in the first hour alone! When I compare that to other stories I've written, there simply is no comparison. It's also generated some hate mail and while it's certainly not unusual for me to receive a couple of scathing letters, this one article has produced more than its usual fare.

It's another hot one today, and I have to go uptown to drop off a letter. I should get my butt in gear. Talk soon.

So much energy given to those who don't return it.

I joined a role playing site for "Harry Potter". The following is an exerp I wrote about going shopping for a new pet....


 As I walk into the Magical Menagerie, I notice a few other customers glance up quickly. Immediately I'm recognized, and the physical reaction is both curiosity and fear. They must have read today's "Daily Prophet", I chuckle, reminding myself that my position within Hogwart's is both education and protection; the early morning battle with two death dealers had left one student dead and two crippled. While it was fortunate indeed that the unexpected attack came within earshot, as I quickly rushed to the scene and destroyed the two unearthly spirits before they could wreak even more destruction within the magic school. Regardless of the fact that deep down I'm actually a decent man, I'm instantly branded with the fear that comes to all that fight against such supernatural creatures. I watch as the shop quickly empties, each customer quietly sneaking out the front door, and in seconds I'm the only one in the shop. Such unfortunate labeling and trepidation, I muse, certainly makes it hard to find a lady wizard.

"Good afternoon, sir", the patron of the Magic Menagerie calls out from the back, "I heard about the attack on the school this morning. It was a good thing you were able to dispatch those foul creatures so quickly", he adds, The older man slides between the rows of cages toward me, a wide smile on his face. "What can I help you with?", he asks, firmly shaking my hand with a nod, and adds, "Always a pleasure to assist the administration of Hogwart's"

"Good afternoon, and thank you", I mutter absently. The fight has left a scar on my mind, let alone the physical exhaustion that comes from dealing death to such powerful denizen. Straightening my composure I sigh, "I lost my familiar in the attack, sir".

"Midnight?!", the shop keeper cries aloud, referring to my magical black cat, "I'm so sorry to hear that, Sir Zzorhn", he laments, his smile instantly disappearing from his face. He nods somberly and continues, "She was a very special animal. My sincere condolences".

I quickly agree, and with some strain, explain, "Midnight's death has left me feeling more than upset over the loss of a pet. Her connection with me has been forever lost, and left me feeling somewhat out of sorts".

"Say no more!", the shop keeper rumbled, "We'll fix that problem right now". He walks back to a long row of golden cages filled with various types of felines. "You prefer cats, right?", he mumbled.

"Yes", I answer quickly, "There's a special bond I cannot find with any other type of familiar, that I get from cats. Not to mention their ability to quietly move around the school as my eyes and ears".

He stopped and pointed at one particular cage, and flourished, "Just came in yesterday, she did. A bundle of curiosity and energy, this one", he grunted, lifting the heavy gilded cage from the shelf. Inside a tiny black kitten mewed in confusion.

She was adorable! Pure black with bright yellow eyes that spoke of intelligence far beyond that of a normal cat. Immediately I was reminded of the day I picked out Midnight, and I held out my hand tentatively.

I could feel the raw energy this kitten possessed. There was no doubt, this animal was perfect for me. I couldn't help but smile. "How much, sir?"

"For you? 9 Galleons", he muttered, still holding the golden cage, "An extra 2 if you want the cage".

"No need", I chuckled as I dropped a leather pouch into the owner's outstretched hand, and in the same motion unlocked the cage and scooped up the tiny black furball. Her hair was velvet-soft, and she immediately began to purr.

 
"It looks like you two are already hitting it off", the shopkeeper chuckled, hefting the coin purse.

"Yes", I agreed without taking my eyes off the precious animal that was happily licking my hand with her tiny rough tongue, "It would appear we have"............


....SPEAKING OF CATS


August 18th
I'm in a foul mood. Yesterday was so filled with drama that it carried over into today. Somehow, recent events spiralled out of control and before I knew it, I'm being shunned and called names. [Sighs heavily] You'll have to forgive me for the ambiguity, however, I made a promise I intend to keep.....

I'm not that vindictive..... but I get it.

....."Don't write about me". The statement prompted me to take action. In my attempt to make sense of things, I wrote an article where I explore this concept, and attempt to explain myself with more clarity. It's not the first time someone has asked me to not mention them in my diary, and I've always complied. I've explained before how I don't describe every little thing that happens in my life, but the moment someone tells me that, I know exactly what their intentions are....

....and it's never good.

My leg is still screwed up, and I'm not certain if I should attend medieval combat class. I want to go, and I know in my heart the moment I have a sword in my hand the pain will go away, but at what cost? If I injure myself again today, it's not going to be good. The fact is, I screwed up my leg last Sunday, and it still hasn't healed correctly. If anything, pushing myself has made it worse! Still..... I'd like to go....

.......anyway, the sun is shining, roommates are idiots, the Internet is out again, I have to walk everywhere, I'm single, out of medication, and running low on food. Nothing has changed.

Talk soon.

August 19th
Is there still two weeks to go in this month? Eff me! It's so hard to spread out my food and medication with the severely limited budget I'm on.

I decided to hobble down to Odessa Park for combat class last night. I was right; the moment that sword is in my hand, all the pain goes away, but the moment I put that sword down? Back to limping and sharp stabbing pains. Regardless, it was a really good session, and my form is starting to improve. The men and women who are in the class are really great, and I'm so happy to have met them! Some really awesome people!!

The weather today is a mixed bag of cloud and shine, with heavy emphasis on the mixture part. It feels like Mother Nature can't make up her mind.

I haven't worked on my novel for a few days now. Call it a lack of inspiration, or simply a lack of concentration brought about by pain and frustration.  Either way, I'm stuck on chapter two of my "Yukon Disaster", and simply don't care if I finish that story or not. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty damn good!

Not sure what I'm going to do today.

August 20th
Woke up to a gloomy, rainy day. I'm exhausted because THREE TIMES last night the fool above me woke me up. Keep in mind that I use earplugs, and wear a toque to bed to combat the noise levels, as well as, have music playing to attempt to drown out the constant abusive noise! Yet, I'm still hearing the telephone conversations from both Theresa and the idiot above me! Why?! That's a good question, because I simply cannot fathom what goes through these people's mind. It pains me to think that I'll have to find somewhere else to live simply because of the levels of abuse that are occurring within what is deemed "community living"Community to me means unity and working together, while these people seem to think that they are the only ones living the house.

Changing the subject to something positive, I JUST PASSED THE 20,000 MARK FOR PAGE VIEWS ON MY WEBSITE!!! Go me!! I'm super stoked, but I realize that this is only possible due to the wonderful people who take the time to read what I write. I certainly couldn't do this without you, and for that I thank you!! Once again, I've broken records I never even dreamed possible.

I got a call from the Canadian Blood services to remind me that I have an appointment tomorrow morning to donate blood. You can be sure I'll be heading down to the London Library to bare my arm, as I'm a universal donor - blood type O-Negative.

I'm feeling a bit better today. My injuries from combat class are healing nicely. Still not in the mood to really write anything, but we'll see what today has in store for me. Talk soon.

1 pm
I'm not sure if you remember, but I wrote about a female friend who was moving to Southern Ontario on July 3rd. This is the woman who not only cheated on me, but attacked me and had me thrown in jail in 2012. Well, back in June she sent me several messages and phone calls explaining how her and her young daughter were moving out of Fort Frances and down to London, or the GTA. I was thrilled of course to hear that, because deep down I miss the little girl that once called me daddy and would have loved to have seen her again. My intentions were to try and work things out so that I could maybe start seeing my adopted daughter on a regular basis, and kept asking to be able to visit. She told me she was in London and living out of a hotel until she found an apartment, but was extremely vague as to exactly where she was. Several times I tried to get a visit with her, and even went out of my way to send her a map to get to Victoria Park to meet on neutral ground. That day I remember buying two roses - one for her and one for mom. I remember being heartbroken when she sent me a text message claiming that the young girl wasn't feeling good, and that they wouldn't be showing up. I made the assumption that the new man in her life was the reason she was hesitant to visit with me.....

.....TURNS OUT, SHE NEVER MOVED!!!! I'm not (bad word) kidding! It was all a string of lies, and the only reason I know this is because yesterday I spoke to one of my friends back in Fort Frances about it. "She didn't move", he explained, "She's still living in the same apartment".

What?!

I can't fathom the reason this person chose to carry on such a blatant and deliberate charade. Like, seriously?! What deranged motive do you need to cause such grief and misery on someone else? I simply can't wrap my head around this, and while I had given up on her several weeks ago, hearing that bit of news literally shook me to the core.

Between the lies, the manipulation, the intentional pain and everything else, I'm quickly losing all my faith in the opposite sex. It's no wonder that so many men have a jaded outlook on women! Sorry ladies, but while I'm certain there are a few decent ones out there, the rest of your gender is casting you in a negative light!

Is there anyone out there that can prove me wrong? I have yet to see it......

.......gotta jet. I might be moving, as I've spoken to the landlord about my situation and she has volunteered for me to move next door to a quieter part of the apartment building. This spot is reserved only for certain people, and I'm honoured to be counted in that level of competence. I go to view the place tomorrow, but I can't see any reason as to why I won't take it.

I am working on my gear for combat class and doing some painting. If I have to move I'll be starting fresh again, which affords me the opportunity to whittle down some of the various works of art I have laying around, One idea I have is to take some of the not-so-desirable pieces and hang them around town to see if can end up on the news. - "And in local news, someone has taken it upon themselves to hang smiling paper mache faces around town". It might work, right? Maybe not..... With my luck I would be charged for littering.

......Later, 'gater.....

August 22nd
I spoke to the landlord about the serious issues in the apartment, and I'M MOVING!! It's only next door, but the place is much quieter and reserved for select tenants only. I'm privileged to be counted in such a prestige crowd, and this will suddenly make all those problems I've been talking about disappear. That's right, no more complaints about Theressa or the idiot above me.

Today is going to be spent cleaning and moving,. SO MUCH TO DO! I won't be online until I get everything hooked up, but it's going to be well worth the hassle.

Gotta go. 

August 25th
It's been a couple of days since I last wrote in my diary. I've been busier than a cat trying to cover poop on a marble floor! Not only did I move all my stuff to the new apartment, but I also cleaned and set up the old one for the next tenant.

It's so quiet in the new apartment. I've met my roommates, and they are all really nice. For the last three days I have slept without having to use earplugs, and even slept in on Sunday! It's such a wonderful feeling to not have to deal with rude people!

I spent yesterday cleaning. The stove looks brand new, and I got half of the house dialed in. I'm still sorting through my own things, trying to find a balance that works for the shape and size of my new room. It's a bit bigger, but the closet is smaller which means I have to re-examine the way I store the extra things. I'm not even sure if I'm going to set up the studio I had in my old place; while painting is enjoyable I haven't sold many at all, making it an expensive hobby instead of a money-making opportunity.

I know of one person that's having a hard time with me moving; Asmar. I had tea with her on Sunday evening, and she admitted to crying a bit over my moving. Even though I'm just next door, it upset the woman who has grown accustomed to me helping her and being do friendly. It's unfortunate that I had to move, but it was for the best, and while there might be some feelings of sadness and loss, it's a much better place.

Well, I should get my butt in gear. Lots to do yet, and hopefully the weather holds out so I can attend combat class. Talk soon.

August 28th
Hello world, it's Friday; hope everyone has a safe and happy weekend!

If you notice I haven't written much in my journal the last week, it's because I was moving. I'm still sorting through things, as well as, trying to adjust to the new setting. It's much more quiet, and conducive to writing, but I feel lonelier than ever.....

......I've actually taken it upon myself to start writing again. The plot in my new book is getting better, but I'm still left struggling to identify with the characters. I believe it's due to the fact that as a father I simply cannot imagine the struggle I am writing about. This book has no magic, and no struggle against some unseen foe; it's about survival in a harsh environment. While my past does include survival in remote Canada North, there was always some hope of rescue, whereas, this story has no hope of rescue.

Last weekend of August, and I'm still broke. Seriously can't wait for payday!

I went to Diane's house yesterday for my weekly visit. It felt good to talk and laugh, as well as, get my laundry done. Tacos was the meal of choice for supper, and it went over extremely well. I love cooking for others!

Not sure what my broke ass is up to this weekend, but I'm sure it involves very little. So difficult to do much when you have no money......

.....have a good one.

August 30
There's another reason I'm not writing; I'm depressed. More than just dealing with my daily pain, this is a loneliness, a feeling of being unwanted. Did I mention I hate change?

Yea. I'm fighting this damn move. Why did I have to be the one that packs up all my stuff and has to move? Sounds stupid. [grrr - heavy sigh] Well, I'm here.... To be honest... Now why did I go and say that? Really?!? I'm always honest with you, Dear Diary, which is why I leave out certain little bits and parts of my coming and goings. The fact is that when people use that ludicrous phrase, it's simply to get everyone's attention. That's it. HEY EVERYONE, I'M STARTING A REALLY IMPORTANT PART SO PAY ATTENTION. [shrugs] Sue me. I'm not a Cylon. Turns out I'm human just like the rest of the planet.....I'm still not adjusting. Things feel different, somehow..... [sigh]

.....I'm on Episode 17 of season 4. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA!!!! [Cue fanfare] What an interesting show!.... Yes, I'm once again streaming from episode one to the finale of another series I haven't yet watched. Which makes, "Dr. Who", and "Smallville", and many more TV series I've been watching from start to finish....

....because I have no life. Rollerblades are shot. Bike is frakked. (You see what I did there? That a  little frakking humour - see Battlestar Galactica) My various attempts at finding a significant other have met with dismal failure. My art isn't selling like I had hoped. My talent agent is frustrated with my inability to meet every opportunity..... And that part really weighs on me....

.....I've got a few Doctor appointment coming up. Hopefully we'll get what I need to deal with things. I dunno....

.....I threw myself out of my slump this morning and forced myself to walk across the city to attend fight club. I had a blast! I'm not one hundred percent on my game, but I'm dealing some serious hurt out on the battlefield!!

On the way home from the park, I found a large Television on the curb. People do that, where they put things out for other to take because they bought another and just want to give the old one away, but it is also done in the same manner for garbage pickup. I took a gamble. and lugged the TV home. Damn thing weighs more than me! I'm not kidding! Still haven't hooked it up yet, but let's hope works.

Lot's on my mind, Lot's I can't tell you. Mom always told me that if you can't say nothing nice, than say nothing at all...... Gotta jet.

August 31st
Thank goodness for Diane! In half a day we managed to get everything I need for the upcoming month. We even went over to her mom's house where she put a bit of embroidery on my Greek garb. It was a great day!

School is back in for the kidlets next week, and soon everyone will be back to the regular grind. The days are growing shorter,and it gets cooler at night. Things are changing.....

This marks the end of chapter three. I hope you have enjoyed the journey with me. Things change, and like the passing seasons, so to does my life. You can continue to follow my adventures in the next chapter of my life 

Comments

Anonymous said…
Check your pockets. maybe the red head nurse slipped her phone number into your pants when you were unconscious.

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