Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Seven

 "You know, some of the good part of blog theory was that blogs would be like diaries that the world could read. They would be spontaneous, whatever pops into your mind, as a diary would be".
 -Gregg Easterbrook
You know, some of the good part of blog theory was that blogs would be like diaries that the world could read. They would be spontaneous, whatever pops into your mind, as a diary would be.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/diary_4.html
You know, some of the good part of blog theory was that blogs would be like diaries that the world could read. They would be spontaneous, whatever pops into your mind, as a diary would be.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/diary_4.html

A diary (also called journal) is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. A personal diary may include a person's experiences, and/or thoughts or feelings, including comment on current events outside the writer's direct experience. Someone who keeps a diary is known as a diarist.



I'm simply amazed at how far I've come in such a short while! It can easily be claimed that anyone with goals and dreams, is constantly upgrading those goals as they achieve them. A few years ago I was excited to learn that others enjoyed reading what I wrote, and one of my goals was to become a published author.

Today, that goal has changed, because I've already reached that goal and surpassed my original dream; I'm now published, and have followers from all over the planet!! Thousands and thousands of people from all walks of life have picked up a copy of one of the many stories I've written, and the feedback I've received is very positive. Like a rock rolling down a hill, my daily writing has picked up a momentum of its own, and now is carrying me toward my dream of becoming a known author.

This diary was originally meant to merely be a way for me to keep in contact with my loved ones I left behind in rural North-Western Ontario, but has since become much more!

If you are reading this journal for the first time, I would recommend you start at January 1st, 2015, but if you truly wish to experience the whole story, I suggest you read the Turn The Pages series; after all, the best place to start reading is at the beginning.

Don't forget to check out

FIRE BOMBED
T-BONED
BETWEEN THE BARS OF A JAIL CELL

If you've ever wanted to read someone's diary, here's your chance...........

April 29th - 12 am
Yea, yea, I know the last chapter was only 29 days long. I  also realize that only an hour has passed since my last entry. Look at that, Dear Diary, don't you love all the attention you're getting? I know I sometimes miss days writing, but look at me go right now!

I have an announcement to make. Drum roll please? [Starts finger drumming on the desk].....

.....I am proud to say that the first ever Chronicles of Silva Urbem has been uploaded to Kindle Direct Publishing! The book entitled, "KaDaemonous the Dread", will be available on Amazon hopefully in the morning. You remember the storyline I was running that got completely railroaded? Well, I figured the best way to not only get closure, but to make something good out of it, was to publish it like the great-reading novel it really is.

Life hands you lemons, make lemonade, right?

If you haven't noticed, Dear Diary, I've had to go through and take down parts of the website for now. No worries, as I'll have things up and running smoothly again in a few days. I cannot post the ending of the book anymore, because I don't want to spoil the surprise for those readers who want to use kindle to read the good copy, now do we? Meanwhile, it may seem like there are gaps on the blogsite. Sorry for the inconvenience!

So, let's see. Website started... Book uploaded.....Laundry is done (Thanks Diane).... Bed is made...

..BIG day tomorrow. I'll finally be able to make my prescription order and get some groceries. Yay...

...should hit the hay. (Clean sheets) [Does a happy dance] Have a good one, eh?

11 am
Good morning, World! I've been up for a few hours now, but this is the first chance I got to come back and pen a few words in my journal.

My book is available! Go HERE to purchase the newest book in my library, and while you're there check out some of the other titles! 

Last night I made the choice to run for Regent in the upcoming Silva Urbem elections. Not sure how this is going to pan out, but the role would be one of Arts and Crafts, something I could do quite well. I also decided I will be going back to field......

.....knowing full well there is going to be tension. My goal is to have fun, and now that I am not responsible for running anything, I can simply relax and enjoy myself. I won't have to bring tonnes of equipment either, and only have to focus on what I want to do. I have a new spell list ready, and my equipment is cleaned and ready to go.

Just to fill you in on the lady situation, I am single. There is no plan on doing anything remotely active to change that either, as I've decided to work on me and stay single for a while.

Frank is loving the extra sunlight, and the not-so-little fella is growing like the proverbial weed. For those that don't know who I'm talking about, Frank is the physical representation of my "Putting down roots in Southern Ontario", in the form of a plant. Frank, is a bamboo I purchased for $1.50, planted, and has now grown over four times the size with three separate branches.

The roots, are the what holds me grounded during the storm. Nourishing, life giving, they are the opportunities, infrastructure, positive energy, and resources available to me in Southern Ontario.

The first stalk that grew from Frank's body represents the initial growth I experienced. As I starting my writing and acting career, focused on my health issues,  and found a great place to call home, this branch has reached for the sky, easily dwarfing the original size.

The second branch has almost caught up to the first in height. It's twice the thickness of the first, receiving better resources from the stalk. This branch represents the friendships and organizations (Choir, Combat Sports, Airplane shows) I enjoy since I put down my roots in Southern Ontario. It's growing quickly, and looks to become a dominant factor in the development in Frank's character.

The third branch, is found at the very base of the tree. It has no stress placed on it due to growing straight from the ground, and eventually one day it will become the strongest branch, easily passing the others as it reaches for the stars. This branch represents the people who believe in me, and have supported me. It represents my loyal readers, and those who will eventually come to enjoy my work. 

There will be other branches as Frank develops, and I can't wait to see how big he gets.....

May 2nd
It's already the first Monday in May. The weather is still a mix of continued crappy, with temperature barely above the freezing mark and constant rain / drizzle. I think I'm growing moss in my cracks.....

.....good morning, Dear Diary. It's 6 am so I'll forgive you if things are a little foggy. I can't get things started without a decent caffeine jolt, so I understand perfectly. Why am I up so [bad word] early? Because I ended up sleeping too much all weekend. All told, between naps and sleep, I had between 24-27 hours (doing math is hard) of sleep between Saturday and Sunday.

How did Silva Urbem go? Total shit show..... There was no one else there but the three people who were responsible for the destruction of the realm, and Kitteh LePurr. That's it! The drama has shaken the stability of the players who were coming, as I predicted. Everyone is acting like it's the next morning after mommy and daddy have gotten into a big fight, and all the kids are walking around on eggshells. Lots of fake smiles. ...First couple of battle games were ok, because it involved being speedy [and when I have medication, I can run like the wind] Needless to say we won both times! The third battle game was (again) just four players, and I got to throw magic.....

....I've changed my spell list, Dear Diary. No longer am I casting magic / attacking to promote others and encourage them. My list is more focused on death magic and ranged attacks. My fighting is more aggressive. Being as that I'm no longer expected to lead, there is no expectations on me trying to encourage others to have a good time by using spell balls which can (and often) miss. Small little things that I've always known about, that actually hinder me but helped the realm or other players, are no longer an issue.

It did feel good to not have to do anything.....but, there was loooong waits between fights. No Role Play either, which totally sucks.

[sighs] AND the results of the officer declarations. I thought that taking a leadership role like Monarch would be received in some negative light (Cocky, arrogant, bold), so instead I opted for the Art's and Crafts Officer. You know? Keep myself still in the mix of things in all things Silva Urbem, but nothing too important. I totally assumed that other people would run for office and give the players some choices on the ticket. NOPE! Big Zero! Pfft! Like, the only choice the plays do get to make, is to vote for me or one of the people responsible for taking down the government in the first place! The role of Monarch is being uncontested and that was by a man who has committed verbal threats on field!?! (And got away with it, as well as,  helped destroy the previous government) The role of Chancellor right now is being run by some out-of-towner... Ugh! What a crock!!

I know I tell you things, Dear Diary, but please don't tell anyone else, ok? Some of this stuff needs to stay between you and me. It's not like I can get in trouble for voicing my opinion, and as long as there is no slander, all's good. I'm purposely not using names so as to avoid ruffling any feather. So why even give it the teeniest thought? Could I catch some sort of backlash for writing some of the things I do?

There's a fine line in the sand every successful author or artist must adhere to, and it can only be accomplished by dancing upon a knife's edge . One must take care, however, so as not to slip and stray too far into what is considered morally wrong, for they shall find nothing but condemnation.

The only way this could really come back to bite me, is if someone cared enough to actually piece together the "who is who" and then make an issue about it. Let's face it, the guys I'm talking about do not read my books. (Pretty darn certain, anyway...) Moving on....... Everyone that knows (or cares) about it should understand I don't trust those responsible, so what of it?

Anyway, I've been up since 4:30 am, and trying quietly to keep myself preoccupied. As I said, I slept quite a bit this weekend, and I'm not sure if it's the weather or depression. Or both.

I went to Church, but could barely stay awake during the service. Not sure why I'm suddenly struck with this need to sleep. I had a chance to go visit a friend last night and even bailed on that. Oh well. ... new week. Hopefully the weather gods send us some heat and sun, and I'll see if I can't snap out of this funk, eh?

My new book is available on Amazon!! KaDaemonous the Dread! A surprising tale of heroism, love, and betrayal, will have you laugh and cry along! The amazing story of true inner strength will have you cheering as the chapters unfold, with an ending that no one could see coming!

Hehe...that feeling when you finish writing a book. You're all like "WOOHOO! LOOK AT ME!!", and then a big let down akin to a sugar high. Now that I finally finished, I don't know what to do..... WAIT!!!

THAT'S IT! That's why I'm in a funk...... I don't know what to do with myself! Well, there we go. Problem solved... Just gotta figure out a day of activities and keep myself going. Wait for some inspiration, and write when the mood strikes....

...Guess I should have a decent day. I figure I'll do some cleaning and sorting of things. Call it Spring cleaning, even. Who knows?  Talk soon. Hope you have a great week!

May 3rd
...almost wrote "April" there for a second.... Good morning, Dear Diary! Hope you had a decent one, My day yesterday was quite pleasant, albeit somewhat boring....

...I started by cleaning my room. You know? The usual clean up job. But! Then I started organizing Amtgard stuff, and found my subwoofer. NEXT thing you know, I'm pulling apart the bed and vacuuming the whole thing! I ended up going through and eliminating three good armfulls of old clutter and art supplies I had kicking around.

Organized?
-Art supplies. If I ever decide to paint again, I'll need a couple of things to start, like a sheet of plastic, etc
-Sewing materials. Should I ever decide to sew again (Or get my own machine) you can bet I have a teeny bit of stuff just waiting for a project.
-Dungeons and Dragons books, figurines, dice. So, should I ever get into role playing again, I'm in good shape to start a 2.0 campaign. Unfortunately everyone is playing 3.5 and higher (like, 5.0?!)

So, once I had finished with my room, I took on the rest of the house! Bathrooms were scrubbed, floors were washed and vacuumed. The place looks good.

Went for a walk to check out the somewhat sunnier afternoon, and then once home I super-cleaned both my computers!! I plugged in my external hard drive and transferred over any pictures I wanted saved. Then, I deleted all the music, extraneous photographs and videos on both hard drives. Like, wow! A couple of defrags and virus checks later and they are both humming along nicely.

I fixed my subwoofer and hooked it up to my sound system.

Then at 7 pm I decided to "take a nap".... Yea...right... [sigh] I woke up at nearly midnight, and instead of tip-toeing around, decided to go back to bed.

What does today hold in store for me? I was hoping to get my supply of meds in the mail, but that didn't happen. The weather is more continued crappy, although they predict it might hit 12 degrees this afternoon. I'm trying to put together a fishing rod, so I'm keeping my eyes open for a spare one. I already have the reel and all the other stuff, just missing a rod. (Mine broke during one of the many moves in Southern Ontario) I live only a small walk from the river, so why not, eh? Hmm...what to do today? The house looks good... Both computers have been scoured.... I should see if I can write a bit. Maybe something will inspire me. Hopefully this weather warms up.

May 4th
May the fourth be with you.

It's starting to feel like Groundhog Day. I guess I got used to always being busy, and now that I no longer have to plan Amtgard events, as well as, spend time with my ex, I'm feeling listless.

Mechwarrior has now lost its joy. Instead of something I "only get to do occasionally", it has become a normal part of my day.

I have no rollerblades. The ones I've been using are pretty much shot, and no rebuilding is going to really fix them. New wheels? Maybe... but I really need new blades.

My bike's tires are depressing. The front is bent from the collision a month ago, and the rear has a steady leak. I have a small pump I carry with me when I use it, but having to constantly fill up my tire is insulting in some way.

Can't think of anything that inspires me to write. Kitteh has given me permission to write about her if I care to make a second book in the Silva Urbem chronicles. I'm giving that some some serious thought, but I also wouldn't mind writing the second book to "Once Bitten". I guess the most difficult part about writing, is starting.



Is it wrong to hope it rains this Saturday? There's a "War Master" tournament at Victoria Park, and I'll be forced to compete against two of those responsible for the coup [sigh] Now, some may claim that I should "tear them up", and to that I would agree. My issue, is that due to the current situation I am worried about what happens once those swords (albeit fake swords) start flying. I'm competitive, and would love nothing more than to humiliate those two, but what if it throws me completely off my game? These aren't real swords after all, and the style is nothing like the real weapon training I've taken. Many of my fighting issues in Amtgard are because I'm afraid of hurting someone, and trying to transition from weighted weapons to foam ones is tricky. Toss in the fact I like to showboat, as well as, the ingrained tendency for me to hold back to encourage others........ And I'm basically fighting a battle with myself.

To he extremely blunt, I don't actually want to be part of an office lead by a  bully. There's a clique that has taken over the London Amtgard chapter, and it is rife with negative energy. I  forsee many dark days ahead for Silva Urbem as those responsible use it for their own personal ambitions. We have always been a group that prided itself on working together for the players, while these people are selfish. A sad thing indeed!

I really need to stop dwelling on this.... It's permeating my every being and festering negativity in me. Perhaps that I need some sort of spiritual cleansing. I'll work on that.
Hard to believe that it was only two years ago I sold everything I had left to move to Southern Ontario!!

Anywho, I'm apparently heading over to A and S night at my ex's house. It will be good to see her, but the main reason for going tonight is to get the rest of my stuff. I need closure. I hope we can remain good friends, but with emotions comes the potential for drama and chaos. Let's hope things are smooth, eh?

The plan is to tidy up a bit, write a bit, and then trundle across town to go see if anyone else is going to show up for Amtgard. Have a good one!

May 5th - 12pm
I'm at Diane's house for our usual Thursday routine of shopping, laundry, and conversation. The sun is shining, bit it's still a bit chilly. We went to WallyWorld, No Frills groceries, and then went out for McLunch

Now the laundry is going, and we play the waiting game for the kidlets to get out of school. I'm looking forward to playing some soccer with them before we make supper, which by the way is sloppy Joe's with cheese and bacon.

I've got a few things to do, like make use of the Lawrence printer, and fold my clean laundry. Choir practice later tonight.... Talk soon.
 
(Walks past the table…..looks around…..) Well hello there Dear Diary!! I see that you have carelessly been left open on the computer. I have read so much of you, and you have heard so much about me. It’s me, Diane. You know the bestie that he keeps writing about? Well I’m going to write an entry today (It will only be this one entry I promise!) And don’t you dare tell Zzorhn! (That’s what he gets for leaving it open, you know like when people leave their Facebook open and their friends shamelessly post things?)

I know he tells you about all the adventures, lunches and chats that we have together. And yes you laugh at some of the stories he tells but I have to say they are all true! I have known him my whole life and can honestly say that he is such a character sometimes! Some of the stories he tells and things he says just can not be made up!

I’m glad you are his outlet for writing. He wanted to be famous and I think you have helped him out with that to some extent. He may never be the Hollywood North movie star that he was hoping for, but maybe Dear Diary, that’s because he was supposed to go down the path of being an author.

May 12th will mark 2 years since he moved to London. He has accomplished so much and I am so proud of him for it. I know it was hard for him back in Fort with all the bad stuff that happened, and I know he misses his family a lot, but London is his home now. He even put down roots here! His little bamboo shoot Frank….he’s doing awesome! This is a visual reminder to him everyday about how far he has come and his accomplishments. It’s amazing how one person can go from down and out in a small town to thriving in a big city in so little time. I remember the night I picked him up at the bus station and the next morning when I still couldn’t believe he was here. He was like a kid in a candy store seeing new things, and meeting new people. Now look at him! Just a little push in the right direction, (ok maybe it was more like a hard kick in the rear from me :P) was all he needed.

(Hears the patio door open) Ooooops he’s coming……..gotta go! Take care Dear Diary!

What the heck?!? DIANE!!!! [Mutters] Now I can't erase it.....

May 6th
It's Friday!! I'd like to wish everyone a safe and happy weekend, but at the moment Alberta is burning from a massive wildfire. 88,000 people have been displaced as they ran for their lives from the towering flames. Whole families have become refugees as everything they own goes up in smoke. Whole towns are being ravaged, and in many cases, there will be nothing left for the survivors to return to. Fortunately, there has been no loss of human life, as a well-coordinated evacuation by emergency personnel has protected the lives of those fleeing the flames. 
_________________
Our thoughts and prayers are with those reeling from such a life-changing event! Thank you to all the volunteers and emergency personnel for such dedication and bravery in the face of such a disaster.
No lives lost. And while there is tragic stories abound, the best news is that no one has lost their life to this tragedy. In fact, Alberta's population swelled by two babies as the flames raged around them!
So much loss, but so much to be thankful for. In the end, we're proving how strong our neighbourly love really is, and what values make us uniquely Canadian.
We can only support those Canadians who's lives have been horribly torn apart by this devastation. The government is doing everything it can to ensure the safety and welfare of all Albertans. If you wish to donate to the Red Cross, the government is pledging to meet all donations dollar for dollar.
Canadians will rebuild, after all, it's the tenacity of our spirit that makes us who we are. Facing diversity is what Canadians do best, and in the following weeks and months of this tragedy, you will see that spirit and strength highlighted seven-fold. While no one ever wants to see such loss, it is heartening to see the bravery and stoical defiance of Canadians rising up to do their very best in the face of such devastation; after all, that's what Canadians are best known for.
God bless those fighting the fire that threatens to destroy so much. May He hold them close in His care, as they do their best to bring an end to this nightmare.

Zz
_________________

What does today hold for me? Well, the sun is shining and there's a promise of a decent day. I'm still humming and hawing over what story to dedicate myself to, be it "Once Bitten", the "Silva Urbem Chronicles", the airplane crash in the Canadian remote north, or a new children's story (I know Diane and a few others want a new kid book) The house is pretty clean, so there's not much to do there.....

.....guess we'll have to wait and see!

Choir is pretty good. There are a couple of songs I don't really care for, but there's a couple I really like, so it balances out. It's hard to believe that our music director, Paul Merritt", will be leaving us in June. The flip-side to that, is I will be starting my choir career with a brand new music director. One door closes, another opens. Fresh blood will bring new energy, and I know that First St. Andrew's church will not settle for mediocrity; whoever they hire will be outstanding!

I'm going to work out, and suntan a bit. It'll be the first time this year that I splay myself out under the golden rays to soak up some much needed D3, and start my tan for 2016. After that? Who knows......

.......keep your stick on the ice.

May 7th
Saturday morning. As I sit here at my desk I still don't know what I want to do about Silva Urbem. To date, five members have stated they no longer wish to come out. Five friends, that have opted to quit rather than deal with the unfolding drama 

At first I was undaunted by the betrayal, and declared myself as Regent in the upcoming election. I figured that their selfish attempts to remove me from office was futile at best, and we would all pull together to undo the damage.

People just gave up.

I've spoken with a few members, and it's evident that Silva Urbem has been shredded. Most I spoke to were upset with those responsible for the coup. A couple players admitted they had previous bad experiences with those responsible, and this was simply the final blow. 

Will Silva Urbem survive? Sure. But for the moment I foresee a very slow summer. Eventually there will be new players, however, for now there will be a negative connotation when it comes to London's Amtgard chapter. There will always be a dark chapter in Silva Urbem's history.

This brings me back full-circle to my situation. Do I choose to attend the required Crown qualifying "Warmaster Tournament", that starts in an hour? Or do I stay home and quit? What's the point of doing something that causes me stress? Why be part of something when all my friends are no longer going to attend? I suppose I could wait and bide my time; there will eventually be new people, and the opportunities for new friendships. My biggest problem is that if I choose to remain in office I will suddenly have to contend with those responsible for the destruction of the realm. (They are all running for office now that they have chased everyone else out or away) I really don't relish the idea of trying to work with such troublemakers.....

....so here I sit. I'm nervous! Why am I nervous? I'm angry at myself for not standing up and getting all my gear ready to go. I'm disappointed that I've been put in this position! I'm frustrated, and just want to go swing some stick and cast a few spells! [sighs] I really should just go for a walk down to Victoria Park and have a look... But i don't want drama.... But then again, I have to deal with this sometime.... Ugh!!

[Sits and stares at the time] I should go. If I wanted to be there, I should leave now.... Crap....... Guess I'll go for that walk and inform everyone that I am opting out of the electoral race.

Talk soon.


1 pm
How do you spell relief?!?

It's so odd. Here I was expecting to feel this crushing guilt, or this monumental loss.... Nothing. In fact, the opposite has happened, I feel so free!!  It's akin to having a heavy, crushing, weight lifted from my soul!


I am no longer a part of the Silva Urbem decision making process. 

I got to the park without my gear, and sat down fairly calm. (By the time I had got there I had walked through my nervous tension)  It's unfortunate to say that there was only two contestants for the tournament, however, it's to be expected.When asked why I had no weapons, I merely explained that I was not fighting today, and then told the three of them that I was bowing out of the election. We chatted briefly, mostly awkward, lame jokes, and then I left.

I took the long way home and enjoyed the scenes of Spring in London, Ontario. There are batches of baby geese waddling around with their proud parents by the Thames river. The trees are starting to break out into leaves, and the flowers are starting to bloom! It's so comforting to see life and the renewal of growth!

Here's an update to that wildfire that is raging across the Canadian West. "Officials expect the fire in the Fort McMurray area to grow bigger on Saturday, and say by the end of the day it could swell to 2,000 square kilometres, an area three times the size of Edmonton or Toronto. Darby Allen, the regional fire chief of Wood Buffalo, has been battling this out-of-control wildfire for a week now, and has taken to calling it simply "the beast."​ READ MORE


The clouds are rolling in. I'm suddenly (somewhat) inspired to try my hand at writing a bit. No promises though.... Have a great day. 

May 8th
Happy Mother's Day!!

This marks the second year I'll have to content myself with a phone call home. I can still remember the moment I gave her one last hug and got on the bus in Fort Frances to head to Southern Ontario.  I did post my usual social media picture to commemorate today, but this year I changed it up. Normally I depict myself as a baby monster with a mommy monster fawning over it. Instead, I posted a picture of something I knew she would love and adore; a mommy rabbit with a baby bunny. Toss in a few choice words and it made one very expressive meme. 

I miss you mom! Hope you have a really great day!

I went to church this morning. I arrived 40 minutes early for practice (Over an hour before service) and had a moment to quietly look around the facility. The building is quite old, coming in at over 185 years!! The artwork, stonework , and stained glass windows were magnificently highlighted by the early morning sun!! I was awestruck and found myself staring at the way the glass refracted and bent the light to make it appear 3-D.

When I left the house this morning, I had full intentions of heading to Odessa Park right after Church. I had my boffers packed, my garb, my bike, and everything else I needed.... Well, Church ran a bit later than normal because of Mother's Day, and almost immediately once the service was done, I got a flare-up.   It was with regret that I headed home, and there was an actual pang in my chest as my heart broke when I passed by the street I should have turned onto to go to Malkier practice. (Belegarth Combat Sport) Unfortunately there are no washrooms at Odessa Park where Malkier holds their weekend practices.... so...

....I'm home. The wind is chilly, but the sun is out. Guess I won't be leaving the house today, so that sucks. What to do? What do? Oh [Snaps his fingers] I know.... I could write.... [sighs] Maybe works on that skull shield I promised a while ago..... Hmm.. That idea has potential.... I SHOULD exercise, but with these cramps...... Ugh.

Changing the subject, I have had an epiphany.  In life, there are many of us who have cravings. Even at a subconscious level these desires influence our choices and decision making processes. It's easy to see that kind of behavioral pattern in someone who is an alcoholic, a drug addict, or a compulsive gambler. It's hard to imagine for some people, what it must be like to live such a lifestyle, and in many cases judge those who do so. What is important to remember in the cases of these destructive behavioural patterns, is that most of the time these kinds of health problems are not the issue, but rather, the symptoms of other major problems in life. It's easy to see what society has deemed "dangerous behavior", or labels as risky, but what of the subconscious desires and cravings that are not only accepted by North American society, but in some cases viewed as actually positive? Take people who are addicted to money, for example. While many would claim that a wealthy individual is, "living the dream", or some comparable misguided idiom, they fail to factor in a lifestyle that alienates them from family and friends What about someone that craves expensive cars? While many see this as a symbol of power, they don't see the exorbitant cost factors in warehousing, maintaining, and paying higher insurance. All that effort eats away at a person's soul and consumes them. It's no different than a gamer who spends all their time playing video games. They literally become so focused that they forget that there are other choices.
Stained glasswork - First St Andrew's Church

Take me, for example. I grew up in a home with a mom and a dad, two sets of grandparents, three sisters, two brothers, and a slewfull of animals (Hobby farm). My ideals of what a family is, has dictated my entire life. Now, while many will say it's a healthy model for living, it hindered my ability to see any other future.  As I got older, I watched how others were pursuing a significant other, getting married, finding a job, having children, etc, etc, and wholly believed that I needed to do exactly that. I found a woman, got married, got a job, got a vehicle, started having children..... And yet, still felt empty.

I now know it was because the ideals I have formed in my mind of "being best friends AS WELL AS lovers" certainly didn't apply. I unfortunately used to "jokingly" refer to the bedroom as the begging room, and there was so many other issues.... [NB: I refuse to ever badmouth the mother of my children regardless of whatever the situation. At least... Not in public] ....anywho, I digress. Using myself as an example, I became so focused on a "family norm" that it hindered my progress as a young man. Had I taken the opportunity to leave the Rainy River District and pursued a higher level of education, you can be certain I would not be where I am today. (Although, chances are I might not be writing this, either) Had I taken the opportunity to find a decent career at the beginning, perhaps even an apprenticeship, things might have been different. No, I had to do exactly what my only role models had shown me..... Graduate High School, and start a family. So, I did.

Turns out, I wasn't happy.

Oh, sure! My children mean the world to me! (Won't go into any details regarding that. Not not now) I remember their little smiling faces when they were growing up. I remember holding them as newborns like it was only yesterday; so scared to drop the tiny squirmy bundle. I remember the way my heart flutters when I think of them as young children, and now it beats with pride at the  young lady and gentlemen that they have become! My children have always been, and always will be, that one part of my life I did perfectly.

It felt like I was on a stage, going through the actions of a poorly written play. - We had "The dog", and "The car". I was "The Husband", and she was "The Wife". We had "The Children", and and lived in "The house". It most certainly wasn't "Happily ever after", and dragged me to a really dark place. I found myself arguing with her about silly things, and each day became a strained, monotonous, string-of-negativity and foreboding.  Needless to say, we divorced. [Shrugs] I say it was for the better.

NOW, here I sit, single and living in a city with no family. I have many really good friends, but at the end of the day I go back to my own little apartment. I've made a life for myself in London, but even though I'm a member of the church choir I still have no one that I truly care about sitting in the pews.  

I crave hugs, and cuddles. Intimate moments, and laughter. Late night adventures, and frolicking under the sun. However, I really don't need these things to survive in life. It's really all just cravings based on my sense of ideals, right?

That's really all cravings are. Most of us have what we need to survive in life. Many North Americans live lavish lifestyles, yet still crave more. EI: Speed, sex, drugs, jewellery, trips, etc. 

Where does this craving for more come from? Are cravings bad?

The desire to explore the world around us, raise a family,  and be socially minded, are age old concepts that are wired into our DNA. It's what has made our species so successful; the drive to push forward into uncharted territory, and the desire to make new places a home for the upcoming future. Like many intelligent creatures on the planet we are social animals, and require the interaction of others to live as healthy individuals. These intrinsic desires certainly cannot be viewed a negative on any scale, as they are the driving force behind so many species across the planet, and it's practically the mantra for evolution....

...... "Be fruitful and multiply. Oh, and watch out for anything bigger than you with sharp teeth".

Pretty sure that's how it goes in the good book.... {Ducks in case THIS is the time he gets smitten by the All Mighty]

Anyway....... So please forgive my round-about explanation of my  so-called epiphany. Here's the short version. Like many  things that many other people crave, I too have desires. While I do not have the craving for money, I certain do wish to have my name synonymous with success. It is one of the reasons why I do what I do, but the absolute biggest craving in my life that drives me to make choices (and sometimes poor ones), is the craving to be loved and desired. (That best friend / lover)

Now, knowing this, means the last thing I should do is rush out and find someone..... What it does mean, is that I need to focus more on what ME happy, because I seem to have a tendency to fall pretty hard when I do meet someone. I've been known to even alter my habits and activities when I get into a serious relationship, and that's something I want to avoid.

Nope! This summer needs to be all about finding me, and not you-know-who. 

So there you go, Dear Diary. I know it was a tad long-winded, but you don't mind, do you? Basically, it's more of the same, "Look after me", spiel, but realizing that at an subconscious level my desire to find happiness is somehow misguidedly equated to being in love...

.....And, I need to change that ideal. It's actually a negative one, regardless of how society sees it.   

May 9th
Wow.. This month seems to be hip-skipping along. Odd.

Hello Monday, you sexy beast. Time to get back to the normal grind, and for even me it means getting back into my established work routine (See below).  I'm actually excited about this. 

Mon - Fri Schedule
Wake up - Coffee and News / Social media
Wait for my health issues to somewhat resolve
10 am - Medicate, crack the whip and start writing
Noon - Break
Work out - 30 mins
Extra work out (Depends on conditions)
2 ish - Write
5 ish - Eat

So there's my day. I perform better with a schedule, it's just that I happened to fall out of the routine due to all the other things going on in my life. Since I'm now focusing on me for the time being, I thought it best to dive into what makes me happy. Setting guidelines for myself helps keep me on track, and will facilitate moving on in my life.

So, here's the aftereffect of this weekend.....

....as you well know, Dear Diary, I marched my fuzzy ass over to Victoria Park and calmly told them* that I am no longer running for office. I also told them I would "Sell" them the domain name to "www . silvaurbem . ca". In retrospect, I should just give it to them. What good does it do me anymore, except to be used as a pawn for some power move; ergo, a negative action or thought. It cost me about $20. What do I lose if I just give them the website domain? Should I charge them for the transfer? Charge them for the domain? After all, it took my ingenuity and drive to think of it as a tool and endevour to obtain it in the first place, right? Shouldn't I get something? [sigh]

Anyway, I happened to notice there was NO RESULTS from the tournament posted, other than naming the first place winner. That's because there was only one other contestant. I know, because I was there... I just happened to not sign in or compete. AND, when later asked how it went, they* lied and said there was three people there, however, still didn't post results.

I'm not gloating to point out that there was so few in attendance at an event that should have drawn 8-12 people. Why would I be happy about the fact that no one wants to show up anymore? I'm just merely stating facts, and that they* are already lying to cover up the dismal result of their selfish actions.

Church was good. I'm still finding it hard to concentrate when I'm forced to sit still for long periods of time. Not sure why I'm having such a lack of focus lately.

ONLY one guy went to Belegarth at Odessa Park on Sunday afternoon.  I'm glad I inadvertently didn't go, because it would have been somewhat of a waste of time and energy. "Mother's Day", apparently caused everyone to stay home (And understandably so)  

Well, I better get busy! Hope everyone has an enjoyable Monday. Talk soon. 

*The people taking over Silva Urbem. The ones responsible for the coup. The players that chased so many others away.

May 10th
I went for a walk yesterday, and wound up at a buddy's house. I only stayed for about an hour, but in that time he gave me a used fishing rod. I took it home, cleaned it up, and put a better reel on it. Now I'm stoked to head over to the Thames river and see if it works. Guess I better get a license.

It's not so much about the destination as it is about the journey, they say. The same can be said about fishing... It doesn't matter if you catch your limit or reel in a whopper-sized fish, because it's about the experience of time spent fishing that really counts.

Now that I have all my gear, the plan is to treat myself to a venture down to the river whenever I feel the urge.  Apparently, you can eat the fish in the Spring. [Shrugs] Guess we'll see, eh?

It's warm out, but cloudy. Not sure if I'll be doing much today outdoors. I did some work on two stories yesterday, and I'll probably crunch a bit on that.

I've decided to just give those losers the domain. What am I going to do? Charge them money for it? You have to understand, Dear Diary, that I bought the domain at a time when I believed in Silva Urbem. After watching it being systematically picked apart, and diminished to a mere whisper of what it was, why would I want to hold onto it?

Speaking of Silva Urbem..... They held a "Gaming Tournament" last night. Two people showed up. The same two who took first and second at the "Warmaster Tournament". The same two that initiated the coup....... So, to their credit, they are running London's Amtgard chapter properly, but with a population of 3 (The GMR) out of a former 35. (Last month's numbers)

It just breaks my heart, you know? We came so far, so fast.... Then a couple of individuals ruined it for everyone. Just the way it goes, I guess. [Sigh] I really feel sorry for those players who were so eager to partake in our adventures, and now won't be able to. I remember the anguish when I told a couple of them what had happened. While I did make sure to tell everyone NOT to quit, a few did anyway. Ugh...  

....I'll still be going, but for what? A high level Mage walking around an empty battlefield? Or worse, subject to Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dee's games where my magic is useless? (As they like to do - even teaming up when on opposite teams)

Piss on it. Enough negativity about Silva Urbem. I'll be attending, but not regularly. However, I do need to stop dwelling on the fact that something good was taken from me, and ground into dust.

Guess I should go. I gotta try and figure out how to transfer the domain-name account over. One last step before I wash my hands of all responsibilities in regards to  Silva Urbem. 

Talketh sooneth.

May 11th
Forecast today called for sunshine and warmer temperatures, but here it is overcast. [Shrugs] Was seriously hoping to go fishing, although, I'm told that some of the best fishing is done during cloudy days. Guess we'll see how I'm feeling later, eh?

So............ I sent the codes for the Silva Urbem domain. [Wipes his hands] There. Done. Finished. I no longer have anything to do with that chapter of Amtgard except as a lowly citizen. There is some closure in this.

[Laughs] I got TROLLED hard last night..... Someone, under the guise of "Anonymous" decided to post almost a dozen hate-filled messages on my blog.  When the first message filtered into my email, I barely gave it a glance. When my phone continued to blow up over the space of two hours, however, I had a peek.

"In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion"


Now, you have to understand, Dear Diary, that I have been throwing my weight around in debates before the internet was even available for common use (We had Commodore-64 back when I joined the High school debate team) We didn't have a word such as "troll" back then, but I knew what it was; deliberate mocking to entice an emotional response. In that time I have been publicly chastised on several different servers and social media programs. While I have been proven wrong, and even changed my point of view on some aspects, my candor has never changed over the years

And, I've got pretty thick skin.

"In a world where we communicate without ever seeing the person we are addressing, our morals, and manners have taken a backseat."


The guy (I'm assuming it was a guy due to the vulgar remarks and references to male genitalia) who decided to take two hours of his time to analyze and type up a complete "proof-read" version for one of my short stories, decided to use "Anonymous" as their name for commenting. (You can use your own name, choose a fake name, or simply leave it blank which makes it "Anonymous") 

WAIT!! You didn't KNOW you could leave comments for others to read?! If you scroll to the bottom of all my posts, you can leave a comment, as well as, read what others write.

I'll be blunt. I deleted the extremely negative comments because of the vulgarity and the fact it mentioned a few of people I consider friends......

.....so, here's the mystery, Dear Diary. I refuse to post the entire contents publicly, but you can be assured I saved them for future references. I spoke with a friend about it, and we came to some realizations about "Anonymous"......I'll lay it out for you. (From now on I'll refer to "Anonymous" as "He"]

A - He has a decent understanding of grammar and linguistics.

2 - He has obviously read my journal. They might perhaps be reading this now. [Cue spooky music]

D - He has been to my Amazon site, and even went so far as to view the reviews of the reviewer.... (I think that makes sense?) Proof was direct comments about said reviews.

4 - He didn't buy "KaDaemonous the Dread", but he HAS read many of the chapters I posted** when I was working on them. Once again, proof of this was in direct comments made, where only someone who has read much of my work would be privy to know.

F - He didn't attack my older material. It was singular, and seemed personal.

So?! What do you think? As I said, this isn't the first time someone has talked trash or trolled me, but this time seemed extremely deliberate....

.....so here's what else I know. He has my phone number, because it's at the top of my website. He knows I live in London. He probably knows quite a bit about me.....

.....Who do you think it is, Dear Diary? Some hater? I hesitate to think that it's an ex-girlfriend because of the spattering of references to "his" genitalia. It makes you wonder, doesn't it? I mean, if there's that level of disdain for me, what else is this individual capable of?

There's a phrase that has stuck by me since I was a child....

 "When you stare into the eyes of a monster long enough, you will realize, that the monster is staring back."

.......and it speaks volumes to me. For those who scrutinize other's lives to find fault and condemn, in the end, YOU are the monster. Read the article, "Asinine Aspirations", if you want to see what I'm talking about.......

One of the most destructive things people can do, is judge others by their past.

...Have a good day, eh?
  
 ** My apologies for having to remove the individual chapters on my blog, however, as per my contract with Amazon I cannot have a public version of it. For those that did get a chance to read each one as I wrote them, I'm happy you had the opportunity, and I hope you look forward to the next book I write.

May 12th
Happy Anniversary!!! It was exactly two years ago today that I stepped foot into London, Ontario for the first time. At exactly 11 pm EST, I will have been here for two whole trips around the sun!

And, what a couple of years it's been!

I've experienced things I never would have dreamed of doing, and I ended up chasing some dreams I've had for a couple decades! From my various attempts to make it to Hollywood North, getting my medical condition on track (manageable), becoming part of two combat sport organizations, volunteering as security for airshows, writing books / poetry / stories, painting / sculpting / 3-D art, and much, much more, these last two years have been amazing! 

I'm a different man, that much is certain. There's so many instances where I see real change in my life, and it's due to a healthier outlook, better lifestyle, good friends, and opportunity. Don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, there are some parts about the country I really do miss! Things I grew up with, like camping, boating, cross-country skiing, bonfires, paintball, four-wheelers, hunting / cutting wild game, and fishing....

...oh. Speaking of fishing... I actually went yesterday afternoon. Didn't stay long (2 hours) due to discomfort (no bathrooms), and I didn't catch a single thing. I also didn't manage to get my lure tangled or caught on the bottom, and with the sweet smell of Spring in the air, the sound of nesting birds in the sighing wind, and the bright sun overhead, I had an amazing time! 

To be totally blunt, I really don't know what I would have done if I had caught a fish. I haven't got a decent knife to fillet it, and Lord help me if some Game Warden unexpectantly came along! Wait.... I don't think they have MNR (Ministry of Natural Resources) IN the city of London, do they? Hmm... Lots of bike cops on the trails, but no one checking tags from what I've witnessed and been told.

I can just see the conversation now....

Police: Excuse me sir, but do you have a license to fish?

Me: Uuumm... Good afternoon Ociffer. I mean, Officer. License? No, I don't have any.....

Police: You know it's illegal to participate in the act of fishing in the Province of Ontario without either a Sportsman's Catch-and-Release, or a Resident's License. Both of which are subject to slot size and limit....

Me: But I'm not fishing.

Police: What? Sorry eh, but you're holding a fishing pole with a lure on it.  In my books that's fishing.

Me: But, I'm not fishing.....

Police: Repeating yourself isn't going to  change anything. (Points at my rod and tackle) See? Fishing pole, fishing tackle, and a bucket of.... Are those worms?

Me: Yes'sir. As I was trying to say, I'm not fishing..... 

Police: Alright buddy... Do you have a license or not?!

Me: Let me explain! I don't have a license to fish, but I'm not fishing! What I'm doing is taking these worms, and skewering them on this hook (Points). I then toss it in the Thames river, and when a hungry fish comes along, it takes the worm. I gently guide it to the shore, take a selfie for social media because you know how much everyone loves those nature documentaries, and the I loving release the fish back into the river.

Police: What?

Me: Yup, and I've even had really hungry fish that keep coming back for more worms! It's really great to help out those poor fish. (Hits chest) Kinda hits you right in the feels, ya know? I've tried just dumping a bucket of worms out before, but the birds come along and eat them all before the fish get a chance. So that's why I have to use the fishing rod. It's to feed them, Ociffer. I mean, Officer.

Police: Hmm.... Alrighty. Sounds legit. You have a nice day, eh? Enjoy feeding those fish, sir.

[Crickets]

Sure.............................. That'll work...........  

Wow! Did I ever get off track! [Laughs] Sorry about that. Anyway, as I was saying, I went fishing yesterday. During my time at the river, a sudden recollection came to mind of a dream I had when I was younger. It was shortly after my maternal Grandfather had passed away, and hunting season was upon us. I normally went with my Grandpa to hep him bag his deer for the season, and this year the loss was felt hard in more ways than one. I had a dream about a month or so after his death where I was hunting by myself. The dream was vividly real, and even today I can remember the cool grasp of the wooden stock on the polished 308 bolt-action Winchester center-fire rifle. The scope had a red dot laser that assisted during overcast days, or poor light. (No, it didn't shine a laser pointer at the deer - It simply lit up a tiny red dot in the very center) I'm digressing.... In my dream so long ago, I was hunting for deer, but doing it in a shopping mall. Sounds bizarre right? There was no one else in the various stores and shops, but the fountains still worked and the lights were on. I remember seeing tracks of different kinds of animals, and a few birds flew overhead. As I progressed, I stumbled onto a mighty buck, where I take aim... Only to have it bound down a hall..... At the end of the hall is a door, and as you might have guessed, no deer. I walk through the door, and I'm suddenly surrounded by all sorts of people on the street. They look at me strangely because of what I'm wearing, as well as, what I'm carrying - A hunting rifle, locked and loaded. As you can imagine, there is an overwhelming amount of emotion attached to such a moment. It feels akin to dreaming about walking down the street wearing no pants, or something. It jars you....

........and fishing in downtown London, Ontario felt as surreal as my dream of hunting in a shopping mall.

Here's three things I know;

A) Next time I'm taking a folding lawn chair. Saw a couple fellas leaned back in their chairs and just barely watching their poles as they fished. I have one, so no excuse.

2) Go the other way on the river. I went East, when I should go West. I was instructed to head to the "Falls", but like I said, it feels like there's people and buildings pressing in on me.

D) I need to remember my fishing hat. My old chrome dome is still getting used to the sun again after a long period of wearing a toque. I have one, so I just have to remember to take it next time.

Well, Dear Diary, I have an announcement to make..... [Does a drum roll on his desk with his fingers]

.....It brings me exceptional pleasure to announce that I have reached another goal!

 Twenty Eight THOUSAND views!

They say to celebrate each milestone, and in the last couple of years I have been doing quite a bit of celebrating! I've done things I never thought I would do, and completely changed not only the way I live, but the way I view the world.

My work is being read all around the world! From the Philippines, to France, Israel, Britain, Russia, Africa, and so many other countries, people are enjoying what I write and passing it on to others to read.

I cannot thank everyone enough for helping me achieve such goals! Your support is priceless to me!

AND NOW, Dear Diary, time for some fun.................

.................You remember the conversation we had yesterday? The one about "Anonymous" posting negative comments? Well, things got extremely interesting last night when yet another comment came into my mailbox.

I won't quote the contents, because as of this morning that particular comment was deleted. Being as that no one else can delete a comment except for themselves or an administrator, I knew it had to be our mystery person.

He left a message for me.

Knowing that this person does in fact read my journal, I would like to say a few words.
-------------
Dear Anonymous;

I was intrigued by your response yesterday. You certainly have me curious now.

I'd like to clear the air in regards to your editing suggestions. I have copy / pasted all your input into a file that I fully intend to make good use of. Even the comments that were deleted have been saved by me, and I certainly won't let such advice go wasted.

Comments were deleted. Anything with vulgarity is unwanted on a website or blog written by a "Social Justice Warrior" (as you put it - Inspirational Quotations) who is endevouring to live by the Power of Attraction. I did, however, leave anything with decent constructive criticism.

Couple questions. How is Salvator a hack? AND. If a person hasn't read a certain author, but comes up with a similar concept, does that make them a plagiarist?  

You do realize that I write, re-write, proof-read, re-proof-read, reread, and then post (With the exception of my journal) I am bound to miss some errors. I appreciate you pointing these out, because while I do receive the occasional bad critique, not many take the time to actually explain why. 

About the silk thing. The tongue is an extremely sensation organ. As a baby we use it to explore our world, because it provides sensory input the likes the other senses cannot hold a candle to. We attribute the touch of a tongue to be a very sensual thing, and as human, we all can identify with the various textures we've touched with our tongues. I wrote, "That sentence is so deliciously written, it's akin to licking silk". In that one sentence I'm comparing the sensation of reading something so absolutely wonderful, to the texture it would have on my tongue were I to give the sentence a lick. We both know you cannot lick sentences, and no one goes around licking silk anymore than a tree can sigh, or someone's aching heels bark at them when they take their shoes off.......Besides, you mean to tell me there hasn't been a moment in time where you haven't ended up with silk sheets on your lips? The sentence was meant to be sensual, and foreign. 

If you do notice some constructively critical comments going missing, it's because I'm taking them under advisement. No use keeping around material pointing out errors no longer there.

Don't be a stranger! I hope you come back!

Sincerely;

Zzorhn Carlson  
--------------------


Well.................. I gotta jet! Hope everyone has a great day!    

May 13th
Happy Friday the 13th! For many people today marks a superstitious event, where the day is feared. This kind of phobia is called paraskavedekatriaphobia. (Try saying that three times fast) Good news for those that suffer from such an ailment; there will only be one Friday the 13th this year. Today is it.....

.....good morning, Dear Diary, hope things are well with you.

Choir is amazing! Our next concert is only a couple weeks away, and it's jam-packed with exceptional music! I really hope some of my freinds come to watch the performance.

Friday. I'm having a rough morning with my health issues, and I'm struggling to even lean over the keyboard at the moment. I've been putting off taking any medication, because my supply is running low.

No writing today. There is a ton of stuff I need to get done, and I am not allotting myself any time to work. Oh well, taking a day off isn't so bad. I'm still not really motivated to work on a certain story at this time, and find myself drawn between a few different pieces. 

Weather forecast is calling for a cold, wet, weekend. There's a line of thunderstorms heading toward Southern Ontario, and London is smack in the middle. Guess I won't be heading to Amtgard or Belegarth. (Or anyone else for that matter)

Well, talk soon. Hope you have a safe and happy weekend!

May 16th
What a rough weekend! It started Friday night and as the weekend progressed, things continued to get worse. By Sunday morning, there was no way I was able to even attend Church. No writing, no cleaning, or anything else productive for that matter.... I ended up streaming Netflix and doing nothing but sitting like a lump on a log. [sigh]

Sunday night a friend stopped in with some medication. (Marijuana) This morning I'm still raw from being cramped up for three days, but at least I am going to be able to control my symptoms. 

The poor trees. I stepped outside this morning and all the leaves are drooping from the extremely unseasonably cold weather. Today's forecast calls for a bit of a warm-up, but we're still not going to see seasonal temperatures until the end of the week. Some parts of Ontario were even hit with (explicit) snow this weekend! Like, what the actual hell?!?

I've been up since 5:30 am. Why? Because there's a fiery-red male Cardinal that insists on singing at full volume right outside my window. [Sigh] He's declaring his territory and singing for a mate, and while he's gorgeous to look at, his voice is akin to a car alarm. The repetition goes on and on for hours, and even now the little bugger is screaming his intentions for the whole neighbourhood to hear. 

The sun is shining. Yay! I'm constantly joking that I'm "Solar Powered", but the truth is we all are. Observe the people in your city or town, and watch how they react to a sunny day, as opposed to an overcast one. While some may dance in the rain, the majority of people don't. When the weather is nice you get larger crowds at events, people are more active, and there's more energy. You could take this observation even further, that as a species with phobias to certain occurrences, we find threatening weather to be dangerous. (And for good reason) Couple in the fact that everything we eat is created by the sun's power - Light feeds the plant, cow eats the plant, you eat the cow. Toss in the well-known fact that we are actually made up of the particles of stars, and... well, you get the point. Solar Powered.

Hmm... [Looks around] I got my routine out of the way extra early today. (frequent bathroom breaks. Shitty subject, I know) I've been awake for 3 1/2 hours now, and things are down to a dull roar. I'm going to have my first dose of the day and see if I can't numb this pain.

Back. [Sighs] That's better. 

There's a couple of reasons why I don't like to smoke first thing in the morning, even if I know it will take the edge off or numb things completely. For starters, it kinda sucks having to be "stoned" all the time. Some might think otherwise, but it really does get old fast. I no longer can just imbibe for pleasure, say, where I go for a couple of days without and then get super fried. [Shrugs] When there's more than a few days without any THC and CBD  (Two main chemicals in marijuana that are being found to have so many cures) I end up... Well, like this last weekend. Moving along... The second reason I don't like to imbibe first thing in the morning, is that if I do I'm burned out by 9 pm. Three, there's no way my supply could last if I smoked every time I got a shooting cramp. Just absolutely no way.... While I may have my Medical card, I still have to pay for it, and.....It's not cheap! I guess that pretty much covers it......

..........What to do today? I've already got the meditative "Study" music streaming from YouTube, with a second tab open with "Woodland bird songs". The second YouTube video helps to drown out the little jerk outside. So, birds and study music. Guess I should do some work.

I want to catch up on things, so perhaps the lack of inspiration I'm experiencing right now is a good thing. My newly-found Internet friend, who has now taken it upon himself to post using the moniker "Troll" (much to my absolute delight) has given me some helpful advice, and I believe that might be a good place to start.

I have to make an announcement........ Don't do a drum roll. This is life-changing stuff.......

........As you well know, Dear Diary, I purchased a bamboo tree that was to be my physical representation of "Putting down roots in Southern Ontario". The little guy started to grow slowly as he adapted to his new environment; different climate, the shock of being uprooted and moved. As the months passed, Frank, (as I came to call it) started making leaps and bounds in his growth. A second and then a third branch appeared on the bamboo spear I bought for $1.50. He kept growing, and growing.......

........The first branch represented my initial growth in London. The second branch was my friendships and organizations, such as Choir. The third is my fan base, which is getting bigger everyday. 

Bamboo are neat trees. You can hack of a decent size chunk and stick it in the ground with a bit of water, and it'll grow another brand new tree. After all, that's how I planted Frank in the first place. They grow quickly, and spread by their root system, as opposed to dropping seeds. If a harsh windstorm wreaks havoc on a bamboo forest, any of the branches torn from their parent plant can sail for a good distance, and if they end up with any part sticking into Terra Firma, they can start a whole new batch of bamboo

When I first bought Frank, he was just a wee little guy. The initial stalk that the greenhouse had sent to the store was about 6 mm wide at the base of the single branch. As that branch grew, the base didn't grow in proportion (Bamboo usually do that), so while the top continued to grow, the base was becoming too small to support it. The second branch will eventually have this issue, however, the third will not and is easily doubling the other branches because of it is growing right out of the initial stalk's base.

A few days ago I noticed a few of Frank's leaves turning brown at the top. I knew what had happened, and realized to myself, "It's time". So, on Saturday afternoon when I was feeling pretty sluggish, I sat and examined my tree closely.

The branch had become top heavy and was putting pressure on itself, effectivly cutting off the water supply to some parts of the branch. With a knowing nod, I headed into the kitchen to get the sharpest knife I could find.

I sat for about 15 minutes staring at the branch, trying to figure out the best possible place to make the cut. Wanting to give the "NEW TREE" the best possible start, as well as, not cripple the initial branch, I studied Frank intently. Finally, I found the correct spot to cut, and with one deft stroke chopped off the first branch.

With a practiced hand I cut a wedge on the new tree, and carefully nipped off two leaves that would have ended up buried in the soil. With my finger I poked a spot right beside the original stalk, and firmly planted the new tree into the potting soil. (Yes, I put Frank back in..with Frank)  I watered it well, and added a teeny bit of 20/20/20 to the mix. 

Frank now has four branches.

Not sure what that means................

....anywho....gotta jet. Have a great week!  

Noon
I just went through all the advice Troll offered, and I'll admit he's right on a couple of aspects. I do glaze over some of my work when proofreading, and I know exactly why..... When I write I play the "Comma Game". I have a tendency to throw sporadic commas into my sentences, much like William Shatner does while he's talking. "I must, find a way, to write this, so that people, may understand". Then I end up having to go back and delete the superfluous commas. This leaves me open to some errors, because I end up second guessing myself, and like anything if you stare at it long enough, it become weird. (Seriously, stare at anything for a long enough time and it'll become weird to you - Dunno why this is. I know it's not just me)

Number two, I do have have a certain style of writing. Everyone is influenced by their surroundings, and the facts are I'm a Canadian from the sheltered, North-Western, Canadian Shield. Like any author, I write what I know. My use of Canadianisms are intentional, as are my uses of alliteration, spoonerisms, and what some call, "Fluffy narratives". (Mr Troll, you are not the first to claim that I have a nasty habit of being vague about important details, but go on and on about something inconsequential) One of my buddies used to call it "Describing the Light", where apparently I spoke for about ten minutes at a Dungeon and Dragon's game to simply describe a light shining down from above. The other expression some of my friends have used, is, "Ten words or less", when they know I'm about to launch into a long-winded speech. You're probably going to give me shit for this paragraph being so long, aren't you?

And, D.  I don't have a proof-reader. It's just me. While my goal is to become published, I have other goals as well, such as screenplays. These things take time, and content. As I keep working away at putting down my ideas, I'm getting better. I don't have a habit of keep going back to my work, because I feel that wouldn't be a proper reflection of where I was at that point in time. 

For example: If any artist was to keep updating his work as his (or her) skill increased, it would mean that all the painters and all the sculptors would have to go back and redo much of their earlier work. We never stop learning, but it's our mistakes that show us how far we've come. If you go back and look at any of the self-published work I've done, I have charged for them accordingly... My earlier stuff was a buck a short story (compete with grammar issues and all) while my newer stuff does sell for a bit more. I actually believe the prices are fair......

......Now, that's not to say that if my work ever did see print that I wouldn't have it proof-read again. There is a project that Diane and I have in the works where we are going to take the short stories I've written about the kidlets, and actually go out and get it published, complete with the pictures of them we used in writing it. I'll be signing the copies for them, and then Diane and her husband will be giving those books to the kids for Christmas. How cool is that? But anyway, I'll be doing a once, twice, and probably a third go over anything we submit for that printed copy.

It's noon. I'm going to have a medication moment, and hit the rowing machine for 20 minutes. (Try) Have a good one.

May 17th
Good morning, Dear Diary. I've been up since 5:30 am due to our fine feathered friend. It's probably a good thing the little guy woke me early today, because I have to leave the house at 10 am for a dentist appointment.

In the last year my molar has been giving me serious grief. Today is the day I hopefully get it fixed.

No one likes dentists. While dental health is extremely important, not many relish the idea of having cavities filled, or teeth pulled. Not sure what exactly might happen today, but I'd be lying if I claimed I wasn't nervous. 

Feeling better this morning. I didn't eat supper last night just to make sure there wouldn't be an issue this morning, and I have meds.   

Guess I better go make my bed and get ready to go. Have a great day.

May 18th
Happy Hump Day!!

The sun is shining, the birds are singing..... Yes, even our little (bad word) car alarm is warbling his Spring-filled lust. The forecast is calling for about 17 degrees, and as of right now I'm not experiencing much pain.

This could be a good day.

Yea, I've been up early, but I've also managed to get most of my routine out of the way. Being as that I have been eating easy-to-digest protein and veggies lately mixed with my work-out powder, things are a tad easier to control. I still don't eat in the morning to ensure I can function for the rest of the day, but with my morning "Vitamin Shake", I can have the energy to make it through without burning out. (aka tired)

So, I've decided I'm going on an adventure. 

I'll pack up my stuff, some cameras, some water and sandwiches, and see where my feet take me. Lots of places to "get away" in London. This time I'm taking a lawnchair with me......

....do a little healing outdoors, and get back to nature. That's the plan.