Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Nine

A DIARY (also called a journal) is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. A personal diary may include a person's experiences, and/or thoughts or feelings, including comment on current events outside the writer's direct experience. Someone who keeps a diary is known as a diarist.

Ever wanted to read someone's diary? 

It's interesting to see how my life can change from one chapter to the next. If this is the first time you have ever looked at the "Obscure Arcanum", I suggest you start at Chapter One. If you haven't noticed, I use the free hosting of a blogger and have been doing so since 2006. In retrospect, this whole blog is one big online diary; from my earliest attempts to share my thoughts with the world, to short stories, poems, and a few different types of journals. The "Turn the Page" series explained how I came to live in Southern Ontario, and an earlier journal entitled, "Between the Bars of a Jail Cell" was not only my debut to diary keeping, but also a great way to burn away the time I spent incarcerated.

That's what this all is; a record keeping process that keeps me grounded. As I read through my work I can get a better sense of who I am as an individual and how my life is evolving, and that's a very helpful tool indeed! Through my words I can get a clear sense of my mindset, emotional state, and focus. It's easy to see when there are dark times in my life, and you can definitely tell when things are going well.

I believe in integrity, and for that reason have developed a moral compass in my journal keeping.

A)Once something is written / posted, I will not delete it or try to fix it in some way. I feel strongly about this, because it's usually during the times of extreme duress and frustration that I expose my raw emotions the most. Once my work has been witnessed by others, it would be akin to online trolling using a "Bait and Switch" tactic if I were to post something untrue or even libel and then erase it. Regardless of the legality of the situation, and / or the current punishment for posting any such information, there's my own personal integrity to take into consideration. I set the bar high for myself in all things, and my diary is to remain as unmodified as absolutely possible for prosperity sake. (To date there have been only three times I have deleted / switched content in my journals - They were done for extreme reasons)

2)I will not use names in my entries without asking first. Events and / or details can be used, however, any mention of names will be done only with verbal permission.

D)I don't write about every single little thing that I do. Now, this is due to the simplistic fact that I'm certain most people don't care about all the mundane aspects of my life. On the flip side, I don't give away all my secrets... Just saying... I mean, realistically I tell you 88% of my life's details, Dear Diary, (Did you know that 76% of statistics are made up on the spot?) but for security reasons, privacy, etc, I like to hide a few details.

So as long as you understand how this works we should have a good time! You are welcome to email me if you like, but unfortunately due to a few unknown individuals, the comment section of my website has been turned off now.  If you want to, you can always look me up on social media. I am the only Zzorhn on the planet.

This Diary was originally intended to be a way for loved ones to keep track of me when I moved from North-Western Ontario in 2014. Since that day I have discovered that many others from all walks of life enjoy to read my daily entries, so I kept writing. What was supposed to be a simple social experiment morphed into something much more, and I now receive letters and pictures from all over the world!

This chapter begins in Fall of 2016. I am living with a very intelligent, beautiful woman. My health is a day-to-day issue, but the great news is that with the specialists and Doctor's help I am finding better ways to deal with my problems. I am still reporting into Max Agency in Toronto hoping to land some promising role in a Canadian film or TV show and / or commercial. While many things have stayed the same, there are many things that have changed.

Without going into any detail at all, I'm simply going to say that as a human being I will never stop learning unless I want to. My desire to grow in spirit, mind, and body remain, and while my focus may stray from time to time, my belief in self is unwavering. I make mistakes, and it's fortunate that I have the tools like my written work to review so that I can see my past mistakes and try to change. As I grow and learn there are going to be moments where I feel weak, just as there are going to be wonderfully grandiose moments. Because of my drive to be better, these mere diary entries become a success story, detailing the hardships and triumphs along the way.

I don't like the way Chapter Eight ended, however, that's the way it goes. Not every chapter in your life will be happy.

Everyone wants to be happy. Most people will say, "I want happiness", however, a smart person will realize you have to remove one's ego, by taking out the word "I", and you need to remove desire by taking out the word "want". Only then, are you left with "Happiness". 

I wonder what chapter Nine has in store for me..... Guess we'll have to wait to find out.

Zzorhn J. C. D. Carlson

October 2nd
It's 8:20 pm on a Sunday night. The weather has been rather dismal for the last three days, so I haven't done much in the way of anything, really. Things got pretty bad near the end of the month due to a lack of medication and a few other personal issues.

[Sighs] I'm trying very hard, Dear Diary, to make things work in my relationship. I guess that's a good thing, because it's when you give up it means disaster, right? As long as there's a spark and things are kicking... OK.. Enough with the cliches... I'm very much in love with a great woman, but we are distinct opposites in a few ways and that causes friction. That aside, things are great otherwise in our lives as we grow together in love and spirit. Having a family is important to me as well, and I have become quite attacked to her extended family, not just her close circle.

Anyway, enough about that. It's officially Fall, but so far the leaves are taking their sweet time to change colour. I don't blame them. Who wants to head into what I like to call "The Season of Death and Decay"? Ammaright? Oh well....

......OCTOBER MEANS HALLOWE'EN!! Woot! My favourite holiday of the year. I'm not quite certain how involved I'll get this year, but there's talk of a couple events and some dressing up. Anyway, it'll be fun.

I made a carrot cake, complete with green icing
and topped with kale and a real carrot
We played Dungeons and Dragons today. It was okish. I actually didn't DM, but  rather, my girlfriend tried her hand at it. She did ok, but some of the system is tricky if you are not familiar with it. [Shrugs] She can only get better with practice, right? She does have a great imagination, so she has that going for her. Truth be told, I quite enjoyed sitting back and just playing. So, crappy dice rolls aside and battles that took forever due to a new DM (Hey... to say that she is inexperienced is simply stating fact), it was an enjoyable afternoon.

So, here I sit, Dear Diary. It's been a couple of really interesting days to say the least. Not event wise, but how things in my life have come into perspective. There's a reason I started a new chapter in the Obscure Arcanum, and it's not just because of a change in the season. It's because I am turning a new chapter in my life.

Things were bad at home. I'm not going to bullshit you. Now, to say that it was anyone's fault is a not only an effort in futility but also destructive. I'm no angel, and I know I'm not an easy person to live with. For that reason, I am very thankful that my girlfriend is who she is, because it's her personality that brings me balance..... Buuuuuut, there are certain things that we need help with.

It's not the destination that it's important, but the journey itself.

Each day is a new adventure, and oddly, we have the opportunity to make it what we want. If you haven't heard me talk about the Law of Attraction, it's fairly easy to describe. What you think about becomes reality.... Think negative, and guess what? Think positively, and the world changes to meet your attitude.

It's not as easy as it seems. Trying to stay positive about life can become tiresome after a while when you have daily, chronic pain. Stress and physical ailments can also bring a person down, and after a while we don't even realize we are in a rut.

The hardest thing to see in life, is what is going on right around you. We lose focus at times when we stop doing the things that bring us peace and fulfillment. When our lives become buried under a mountain of depression and anguish it's hard to remain positive. We end up focusing on the issues that are causing us stress, and in doing so actually make the situations much worse than they really are....

...that's what was happening at the end of Chapter Eight. Without pinning any blame on myself, it is correct to claim that I was being self-destructive in ways I couldn't see at the time.

WELL, enough about the past and the doom and gloom!! Onward and upward they always say! [Cracks a whip] I'd say it's time for me to break out of this funk and start to write... It seems to always make me feel better.

Talk soon.

October 3rd
Good morning. It's damp and chilly outside, but I'm having a decent morning. The new drugs my Doctor has me taking seem to be working. I'm now using three types of medication to deal with my issues....

A)Medical marijuana
2)An anti-depressant specifically tailored to relax muscles (abdomen)
D)A mild opiate.

.......I have one of those pill containers that sorts out all my vitamins and pills for each day, and I'm finding it quite handy. Yes... I've become my Grandpa.... Haha.

Speaking of Doctors..... You know how when you have a serious ticking sound in the engine of your vehicle so you decide to take it in to get it fixed, but the moment you pull into the parking lot of the automobile repair shop the ticking stops? And when the mechanic checks out your vehicle, they can't find the tick? And when you pick it up and drive off the lot, and it STARTS TICKING AGAIN? Yea?! Well, that's the way my abdomen is when I go to the Hospital. It's frustrating to have them run a few tests only to announce, "I'm sorry. I can't seem to find the problem"..... Well, guess what, Dear Diary.......

.......the damn thing "ticked" for the mechanic! Well, it was more like a massive groan and a big kick, but you get the point. Anyway, so I was laying on my back and the Doctor had her stethoscope on my belly. She was frowning because as usual there wasn't any abnormal activity occurring within my guts. Then suddenly, my muscles fluttered hard enough to raise her stethoscope by a couple centimeters. She puled back in surprise and gasped, "Whoa! Is it always like that?" Well, I just about cheered that finally someone with a medical degree had witnessed one of my internal spasms. Next thing you know, I'm being given two new prescriptions, and my THC level is being increased.

Finally. [Sighs] I'm being taken seriously.

So, it turns out the side effects of taking an anti-depressant muscle relaxant is that I'm in a pretty darn good mood all the time. [Giggles] Didn't see that coming.....

.........Sooooooooooooo, what are my plans today? Not sure yet. I'd like to do some writing, and I think it's time I worked out a bit. The sun is starting to shine, so maybe I'll go outside if I can.

Well, hope you have a great week!

October 4th
Good morning, world! The sun is shining, and the weatherman is predicting sunshine for the next couple of days.

I bought my very first bike helmet yesterday! I know it might sound odd to think that I have been riding a bike for 40-some years now and never had one, and suddenly I go out and get one. I guess it's because of the amount of times I end up riding my bike on the roads, sometimes at night. The helmet has a blinking red LED light on the back, and I think that's the main reason I got it. Let's hope I never have to test it against a moving vehicle, eh?

I also picked up my energy powder mix to ensure I stay on a regular workout schedule. One of these days I need to get new shoes.

Things are decent today. I have a few chores around the house I need to do, and I'd like to do some writing. I actually got some done last night as I explored the new concept I'm working on. No worries, Dear Diary, I'll tell you all the details once I get a few things hammered out. More specifically, what style am I writing it in? If it's based on the future findings of a scientist, will the language have evolved (As languages always do - which is why we don't use THEE and THOU anymore, which is really quite a shame if you think about it) I also need to crack the whip and work on the next Dungeon and Dragons adventure.

So, lots to do, and not much time to do it in. Have a great day, and don't do anything I wouldn't do......

October 7th
I awoke in time to see the youngest off to school, and then had to lay back down in the bed because the world was swimming in front of my eyes. These new meds are helping, but I find I'm akin to a shark........

............I'm fine as long as I'm moving, but the moment I stop and rest, I pass out. I can be watching a movie, or even just sitting on a bus bench when suddenly my head droops and my eyes close. So weird....

......anyway, it's Friday. I also hear it's a long weekend. The only way that it impacts me, is now instead of playing Dungeon and Dragons on Sunday, I'm going to my girlfriend's family for Thanksgiving dinner. I'm not complaining, Dear Diary, so please don't make that insinuation.

I'm not a fan of going other places to eat because of my diet, as well as, my neurotic eating habits. Pretty certain I've explained it before, but basically I have a very bland diet (Or as some would call it bland, because I don't believe it is) When I eat a hamburger, I like to taste the meat. So, no sauces, condiments, or anything else, please and thank you.

What usually happens during one of these moments, is that I take what I like and pass on the rest. You would think it ends there, but nooooooooo..... "Are you sure you don't want ____? Is that all you're going to eat? Can I make you something you might like?"...... And the situation suddenly focuses on me, and the food I won't "try". (I can't stand when people say "Try it, you might like it") As you can imagine, things spiral out of control (as they tend to do) and the next thing I know the host or cook is feeling upset about the fact they "can't please me". It. Happens. [Sighs]

So........ Not a big fan of going out to eat.

Not sure what's happening today. I want to do my routine, but apparently there are people coming over. I'm having a hard time getting into my writing.

Anywho... Should jet. Have a happy and safe long weekend.

October 8th
Good morning! It's another gorgeous day out there with temperatures around 18 degrees Celsius.

I have the house to myself for a couple of hours today, because my girlfriend is at work. I'm not going to do any cleaning during that time, and instead focus on writing.

My sweetness bought us matching rings! Hers says "I Love You", and mine says "I Know". She slipped it on my finger this morning when I was just waking up, and I didn't really question it at the time. Now that she's not here, I'm all like "What's this for?" because she put it on my ring finger.... Hmmmm... Perfect fit too.....

.....but, wait a minute! I don't usually say "I know".... I usually say "I love you more"....... Oh well, it's still a nice ring. Very comfortable.

So, I'm working on a timeline for my novel.... Yup! It's going to have to be a novel because of all the stuff I want to put into it. Still not certain if it's going to be entertaining though, but maybe that's an indication of it being good..... Let me explain... When I used to DJ I had an algorithm I used to determine if I should play a song or not. IF the song is good and I really like it, then chances are that's NOT the song to play. However, IF the song is really good and I don't like it, chances are that's the song to play to get people on the dance floor. The same could apply to my writing. People seem to like the stuff I'm not all that excited about, and I love the stuff that no one else seems to like. Weird eh? So, in my working theory as to "Should I write this book?", the answer is "Yes", because it's not something I would read.

Understand? Yea... Me neither.

Speaking of stuff I DO enjoy reading.... Since it's coming up on Hallowe'en I think it's time to dust off the short story I wrote a year or so ago entitled "DON'T READ THIS"... Have a read, if you dare....

....anywho. I should get my ars in gear and do some work. Hope you have a wonderful day, and I'll talk to you soon.

October 10th
Happy Thanksgiving!!

It's a gorgeous day out there, and we have a few friends coming over to share a turkey supper. Life is good.

The meal last night turned out quite decent. he conversation was fairly light, and the mood was relaxed. Basically speaking, I behaved myself at my girlfriend's Grandparent's house. Didn't get much done yesterday, but you know how holidays go.

I've cleaned the house, and after my morning routine I feel pretty decent. Not much time for an entry today, Dear Diary, so I guess short and sweet it is.

Have a good one.

October 11th
Yesterday was pretty nice. We had a few guests over, and while our meal wasn't all fancy everyone enjoyed themselves.

I'm still not certain if I like this new story I'm working on. Seems pretty dry with no magic / superpowers / etc..... Writing about reality is boring to me. Buut.. I should keep plugging away, because according to everyone I've told about the premise of  the book get excited. [Shrugs]

Another short entry, and I hope you forgive me, but things are a little slow right now. I'm having a hard time getting excited about much......

....talk soon.

October 13th
I have a Doctor appointment. In related news, it's crappy and cold outside. How are they related? Because every (bad word) time I have a Doctor appointment the weather has a bowel movement. I have to somehow bike all the way across town for more drug trials this afternoon, and then back again.

Morning, Dear Diary, it's Thursday.

Middle of the month and like clockwork, I'm having issues at home. Doesn't matter what the issue is, I am somehow at fault. It's like one of those "Six degrees of separation" moments......

"Six degrees of separation is the idea that all living things and everything else in the world is six or fewer steps away, by way of introduction, from any other person in the world,"

......Except in my case, it's always six or less steps to arrive at the conclusion that I am at fault for whatever is causing the problem.

So, like a "Chicken and the egg" situation I am confronted with hostility based upon my reactions......

.........but, frankly I don't give a fiddler's fart who is right or wrong. I just want it to stop! I am not at fault for every little thing! It's getting tiresome!

Anyway, I hope things can turn around soon, because when I speak of losing my ability to concentrate, it's due to the frustration my mind is experiencing. When I talk of being inability to find motivation, it's because I feel like I'm being suppressed.

I overheard a conversation yesterday, where my health issue was being mocked. Not sure how to deal with that.

Moving on.... Doctor appointment, and then it's my evening with the kidlet. I'm actually looking forward to that. Last night we did paper mache and started a new dragon. Not sure yet what we're going to do tonight. We DID read "Fritz the Frog" for a reading assignment, and I'm thinking about letting her read the first "Fuzzgrommet" story I wrote. Maybe we can do the second one, "Fuzzgrommet the Alien", too

Another children's story I wrote is called "Molly and Sarah to the Rescue".

I have an idea for another children's story. It's a rendition of "The little boy who cried Wolf", whereas I explain how screaming is an undesirable trait for children. I guess the reason I haven't written it, is due to the fact I can't figure out how to make it fun for a child to read a lecture on behaviour. Hmmmm....

....well, I gotta go see if I can work-out a bit before I have to leave.

Memo to me: Buy gloves.

Have a great day!

October 16th
Hello, Dear Diary. I hope you are having a good weekend. Mine has been somewhat OKish, I guess. It's probably the roller coaster of really great stuff combined with a few crappy moments....

......I got hit by another motor vehicle on Saturday, for starters.

That's the amount of times I've been hit by motor vehicles, either on my bike or as a pedestrian. It's sounds surreal, and I even get accused of "doing something wrong". Not today, at least....
.....Wearing a helmet (like, WTF... 42 years old and I buy my first bike helmet?) driving on the proper lane and obeying all the laws. I had my turn signals with my hand happening, and I'm almost keeping up to traffic, when I glanced out of the corner of my eye and WHAM!
It happened fast. The grayish vehicle only grazed my leg but it threw me off my bike and onto the asphalt in the middle of the street. I jumped back up, and shot the finger at the guy who was.... [waves his hands] .....doing who knows what as he pulled quickly into that lane.....Anyway, I yelled at him to "Learn how to drive!", as I peddled away. A couple within earshot yelled at me "Are you ok?!", but I shot a fast smile and joked that only my pride was hurt. Turns out, he clipped my leg pretty decent now that I have had the chance to look at it.... The good news is the bike has no damage.....
.......so, do I call that last one only a halfer then? As in only 14 1/2? Or was that 15?
This sounds like a joke.

My wrist hurts today, and although my leg is not bruised it still aches. No roadrash (Not sure how) to mention, which is good....

.......a few of my friends are telling me to start taking license plates. I have a better idea... I'm going to start wearing a cell phone strapped to my backpack to videotape things.

I did have a good time last night with my girlfriend. We started watching a new anime series called "Sword Art Online". It plays on RPG gamers with a really great plot... A "What If" of enormous proportions.... You die in the game, you die in real life. Very interesting. Anyway, we talked and laughed, cuddled and kissed.....

....We ended up sleeping in, so my whole day has been pushed back a couple of hours. [Shrugs] Oh well... Probably needed the sleep.

As for the rest of the afternoon, I will be writing, and perhaps crafting and such.... Talk to you tomorrow.

October 20th
Bit of a gap in my diary. Things are busy... Speaking of which, I had a whole day planned and now I have to change all my plans to accommodate my girlfriend. Another day shot down the tubes. Talk later.

October 21st
I read over yesterday's brief, but emotional post..... and I gotta give myself a little critique.... Yes, I got nothing done I wanted to (writing, cleaning, working out, etc) but I asked for this by wanting a family. Sure, I got absolutely nothing done that I planned on, or even got to do anything I enjoyed, but I guess that's what happens when you have a family.

I have a Doctor appointment at 11:30 am, which means another day has been blasted to hell. As I sit here typing this I'm reminding myself I have to get ready quickly to go catch a bus to go across town... Wait for an appointment... And then go back across town. Doctor appointment will take approximately 20 minutes, while the whole thing will take about 4 hours or more.

THEN, when I do get home, I have to jump back up and head back out again to go uptown for about 4 pm. Won't be home until close to midnight.....

....a whole day, shot to hell.

Doesn't help the weather is complete crap; rain, cold, and windy conditions are in store for the while day.

Hope your day is more productive and pleasant than mine.

October 22nd
Good morning. It's crisp and cold outside, but the forecast is for sun. I slept decently, and woke up at the time to get the kidlet off to school... Except it's Saturday..... So I'm wide awake for no reason at all......

....but the good news is that I should be able to concentrate on some of my projects.

Oh! I totally forgot to mention that my sweetness bought me a pair of gloves and a face mask for riding my bike in colder temperatures.  I was quite touched by her thoughtfulness. Memo to me: I think she might be reading my diary.  o.O

I haven't lined up a Dungeons and Dragons game yet. This is due in part to the fact I haven't done any work on a adventure lately, but it's also because of a lack of players.... People got busy, and now I'm having a hard time lining up a time when we can all play....

.......seems like everyone is super busy these days.

So, my plan for today is to work on two projects; the next Dungeons and Dragons game and my novel. Guess I should get my butt in gear.

October 23rd
Well..... I banged out a couple pages yesterday. I only glanced at the storyline for the next game, but I hammered out an article I've been wanting to write for some time now. Entitled, "What's the Answer", it tackles the burning question of what's wrong with our world right now. After that I did some proofreading on my novel, and double checked the timeline. So, yea! Got some work done yesterday.....

.......and then my luvvy came home with a 6 pack of beer. Talk about timing, eh?

My evening was pretty decent for the most part. Not much to report there. Just some quality time with Cara.

Woke up in a decent mood, albeit early as heck. (6 am) I went through three hours of my usual routine, and then smoked away the cramps and pain. Once feeling better, I super-cleaned the house and did a load of laundry. Very productive day so far.

I should work on my two stories today... Don't really have anything planned.... Talk soon.

October 24th
Got a little bit of writing done yesterday. Although, not as much as I had hoped.... Good afternoon,  Dear Diary. Sorry about the late entry, but I slept in. Probably needed the sleep.

It's damp and cold today with a decent wind. All of the leaves have changed colour and some are actually losing leaves. This has happened in a rather short time, as only last week the trees were still green. [Sighs] Fall is definitly here.

I do have to say that I enjoy the climate in Southern Ontario compared to North-Western Ontario; I guess they've had no leaves on their trees since the third week in September..... I also hear of other parts of Canada that have already received a dump of snow. [Shivers] Ugh! Winter is coming.

My plans for today include cleaning the house, writing, and hopefully doing a bit of a work-out. After supper I plan on working on a couple of paper-mache projects I have on the go. A freind has contracted me to design a bird mask for him, and that needs to be finished quickly. I'm also helping the kidlet make her own dragon-head sculpture. Should be a bit of fun...

......Things have settled down for my sweetie and I. It's possible we're moving past the problems we had, which is a good thing.

I should jet. Gotta go fix a protein shake, do some writing while the vitamins and carbs are absorbed, then jump on the rowing machine and burn as hard as I can. After that, I want to clean the kitchen cupboard........ Hope you have a great day!

October 25th
“I'd hardly call that a success! We lost three good ships and their crew in that attack, or are you forgetting that fact?”, snarled the exotic woman. Her hands were planted firmly on her shapely hips in defiance and frustration. As she snapped another retort at the gloating man sitting smugly behind a polished oak desk, she stabbed her index finger at him like a weapon, “I'm sick of you treating our resources as expendable!”. She ran a slender hand through her long, silky, bright-blue hair, and her intense eyes flashed dangerously.

“Anyone ever tell you that you're beautiful when you're angry?”, teased the clean-shaven, bald man. Bracing himself for the inevitable outburst, he flashed a practiced smile, shrugged indifferently, and crossed his arms.

Her eyes narrowed, and she hissed. With a dramatic roll of her eyes , the blue-haired woman crossed her arms in defiance. She hated him when he refused to take her seriously. How long had it been this way? Decades? Centuries? The adult female dragon-in-human-form shook her head in annoyance, and turned away from her mate. Sighing heavily, she crossed her arms and looked around the room.

It was a veritable treasure trove. The walls were laden with small chests filled with gems and precious metals like gold and platinum. The floor too was sprawling with wealth from all over the continent. A King's ransom in fine artwork was stacked neatly in one of the corners. A small stack of ivory sat next to a couple of large stuffed wolves. The taxidermist had performed an extremely good job, and it appeared that the two creatures could start moving at any time. A large skin carpet made from a ferocious white bear decorated the middle of the room. The glassy eyes staring blankly ahead met those of the dragon-in-human-form. She sighed again as she peered into the eyes of the dead beast. “Isn't this enough?”, she muttered under her breath.

“What?”, snapped the male blue dragon, as he frowned. “I didn't hear that. Could you repeat it?”, he said with as much enthusiasm as possible. It was obvious that his attempt to make a joke about the situation wasn't going to work, and might only piss off his wife. It wasn't usually a good idea to make her angry.

She turned quickly, and looked straight at her mate. “I said, isn't this enough?”, she stated softly. With a slight wave of her hand she continued, “I mean, all this stuff. Isn't it enough, my love?”

His eyes narrowed, and he let out a huge sigh. Their plan was working perfectly; enlist a few pirates to plunder a few targets, and earn enough gold to start a family. The fact that pirate hunters had chanced upon their crew was inevitable. To think that someone was specifically hunting them? His wife was just being paranoid, he thought. “Well”, he replied, “It should be enough to legally buy that castle you wanted, but it certainly won't be enough to live happily ever after”.

“It's better that we make the pretense of doing everything legally”.

“I know, dear..”

“And if everyone thinks we're just a normal couple who want to live in an abandoned castle in the middle of nowhere...”

“......then our children will be safe. I know, sweetheart”.

She smiled with a twinkle in her eye. To think that she might become a mother gave her goosebumps. Sighing happily, she nodded, “So, it's agreed then? We take what we have and disband our..”

“No”, the bald man interrupted, shaking his head, “We still need the fleet”.

Her smile melted off her face. “For what?”, she said with an exasperated sigh. The beautiful woman gestured feebly at the treasure behind her. “We've got..”, she started, but was interrupted by her mate.

“What we've got is a problem”, blurted the bald man. He paused for a moment to watch the blue-haired woman's reaction, but seeing no objection, continued, “Those people that attacked our convoy were not regular pirate hunters. Do you remember the chariot made of fire that fled the scene when their vessel sank?”

“Yea. So what?”

“There was a couple of magic-users aboard that ship. Powerful ones I might add”, he explained. As the male dragon spoke his voice grew louder and more determined, “They were NOT part of the Eastern Fleet, which means they were on that pirate hunting ship, but represent something else entirely”.

Her frown was real. She too had witnessed the escape of their would-be prey, but had dismissed it at first. Now that the evidence was laid bare, she had to agree with her mate's assessment; those were not regular pirate hunters. Quietly, she asked, “So? What does that mean?”

It means, my dear”, he stated boldly, rising from his chair and walking over to his lover and best friend, That this has become personal. Those people who attacked us are working with the Eastern Fleet, and I bet my left wing they will not stop until you and I are destroyed”.

A gasp escaped her pouting lips. “Then we must flee this pace, now!”, she cried with panic edging into her voice.

“No”, he answered bluntly, as he took her in his arms and held her tight. The determined man looked at the ill-gotten goods lining the walls of the chamber, and then back to his wife's tear-streaked face. “No”, he echoed, this time much softer. As he shook his head in defiance, he added, “You and I will find those responsible, and destroy them by any means necessary”. She nodded quietly, and he kissed away her tears. “Worry not, my love”, the bald man cooed, “When the going gets tough, we get stronger. You and I will show these puny mortals what it is like to face an army lead by two blue dragons......And once we crush them, we will be safe again.”
The above is the opening for the next Dungeons and Dragons game.

Good morning, Dear Diary. It's cold outside, so make certain to bundle up.

Not much to report today, so I'm going to make this a short entry. Hope you have a wonderful day!

October 27th
It's wet, windy, and cold. You can smell the scent of death in the air. (Decaying vegetation)

Morning, Dear Diary. I'm out of meds until the end of the month. The pills my Doctor has me on takes away the pain, but does nothing for the bloating and cramps. This basically means I'll be spending the whole day going back and forth to the bathroom.

I haven't been spending my Thursdays with the Lawrence family for a couple months now. Their children are too busy to make proper plans anymore, so I don't have the time to visit.

I heard from my daughter yesterday. Was really great to hear what's going on in her life. Wish I could be there, but life in North-Western Ontario is rife with hardship, and I'm trying to make a better life for myself.

We got a new bed. Not sure why we needed one, but we got one anyway. There's a ton of money down the tubes. Oh... Not the frame part, but just a single mattress. I personally had no problems with the bed we had, but as usual, what the girlfriend wants, she gets.

Rough day today. My mood is as miserable as the weather....

October 29th
Morning, Dear Diary. Or should I say "Evening", as I haven't gone to bed yet? I've had a long, rough day.

You'll have to forgive the late night entry as I've just got back from "Gordies Pub". I'm not intoxicated, just in case you're wondering (4 beer is hardly enough to make me tipsy) I just got back from being uptown, and went for a brewskie or so. ( The Karaoke bar is a block away). Belted out a couple of tunes and relaxed. Believe me, I needed it!

Perhaps I should start at the beginning.....

.....The night before was another emotional disaster. Now, I've promised not to write about a certain someone, and I'm going to respect her wishes.

To make along story short, I'm single.

Done. Finished. I packed most of my stuff today (Like, I have nothing barely to pack but kitchen stuff and some paintings under the bed)

I just couldn't take being at fault for everything. If you missed my reference to the "6 degrees of separation" and how I'm somehow guilty of everything wrong, go back and reread the beginning of this chapter. Or last chapter. It's a repetitive cycle, and it became a daily thing.

Let me be clear; I can be an asshole. I'm a good guy, but I am a narcissist that automatically (subconsciously) delves in sociology*, and as much, can pick someone apart by the mere use of my knowledge of their body language, infliction, tone, gestures, and of course, the way they speak. I've used it as a party trick where I can freak out boatloads of people by my ability to be perceptive. EG: "You are the ___ born child. You have children of your own ( Or not) Your parents got divorced when you were young. Yadda yadda tadda...." Seriously, it freaks people out when I do it.....

.....But I can also use my power for evil. When I find something becoming annoying or irritating after some time, you can bet your butt I'll ask you to refrain from the activity that's causing me anguish. Perhaps we'll talk about it, and how it impacts us as a couple. Once again, yadda yadda.... You get the point in that I try to resolute the issue using peaceful, productive mannerisms and customs. However................... If  I'm met with harsh attitude, negativity,  (Guilt trips are my "Go" button) scorn, or rude behavior, I can turn mean.

I believe I've discussed how I can always one-up someone in a contest of crazy? It's not a gift. [Sighs] Sometimes I wish I could turn off my verbal diarrhea when I get frustrated. I mumble. I think bad thoughts, lots. When I say you wouldn't want to see the inside of my mind, I am serious when I say you would not want to spend a day in my mind.

Believe me, I'm sane. I've been tested.

I ALWAYS have 2-5 things running in my mind all at the same time. Multi-tasking? I do it nearly the entire time I'm awake. I'm not bragging..... I'm complaining.

Anyway, I can be a real dink at times if I am extremely irritated. Same goes for anyone.. All men have the capacity to be an asshole, just as, all women have it within them to be a bitch. [Shrugs] I have a dark side. I can be mean.

There. That's why I am single. There's more to it. I didn't cause, nor start the conflict that broke the proverbial "Camel's Back", but I did end it.....

..... So there. Boom! Plans gone. Bridges burned. Bloody wounds to the heart? Accomplished,

I did care for this woman, but I believe in my heart that we are not meant to be together. Friends? Definitely! She is a smart lady, and her council is wise and just.

I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Turn the page.

*Sociology - The study of humans, and their behavior. AKA "People watcher".


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