Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Ten

A DIARY (also called a journal) is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. A personal diary may include a person's experiences, and/or thoughts or feelings, including comment on current events outside the writer's direct experience. Someone who keeps a diary is known as a diarist.



Have you ever wanted to read someone's diary? Here's your chance.......

........If you're here for the first time, I would recommend you start at the beginning. 



T-Boned” (2014)

“Turn the Page” (2014)

Obscure Arcanum” (2015+)

It's quite the story. You can tell from reading my journal, or as I tend to call it, "Dear Diary", how things in my life are going from day to day. You can really see a difference when you start comparing it year to year! For me? It's an interesting social experience, although it was not originally intended to become a world-wide phenomenon like it did; the whole purpose of the "Turn the Page Series" and "Obscure Arcanum" were for my family and friends back home to keep track of my whereabouts and the major events in my life during my move to Southern Ontario in 2014. Then, it morphed into something much more......

....back in the second chapter of "Turn the Page" I stopped writing. What was the point, right? I had made the move to Southern Ontario, and didn't really think much of discontinuing my writing. Suddenly, I had an influx of email from all over the planet asking me to continue writing. [Shrugs] Well, I haven't stopped since.

I hope you enjoy my adventures as I journey through this mystery we call life. It's had its ups-and-downs, absolute failures, and wondrous successes. I'm still working for "Max Agency" in Toronto, and I am trying to become a renown author. I still have quite a bit of work to do yet, but each step brings me closer to my dreams.

Please check out my short stories. Other than a written record of my daily happenings, I also write quite a bit.... Click on my favourites and have a read.

I always like to hear from you. Please feel free to write, text, or call. My twitter is @Zzorhn if you wish to tag me. (Although I don't use it - Ugh...Terrible self-promoter) I enjoy reading your letters, and the critique I get only helps me to get better.

Thank you for helping make this such a huge success. All my love...

....ZZ

October 29th - 3 AM

Good morning, Dear Diary. I'm ready to head to bed now. I've had a long night.

I thought it fitting to start a new chapter, as I'm basically starting a new chapter in my life right now. To be blunt, my life is in limbo at the moment.....

.....I'm having flashbacks of "Turn the Page - East or West" where I can't decide what to do next. I know that my dreams lie in the Big Smoke (Toronto), but my home is London, while my heart is somewhere in North-western Ontario. I'm a country boy, living in a city (Loving it, don't get me wrong) and although I've adapted after two and a half years, I still find moments where I feel out of place. I want to chase my dreams as an author and actor, but Toronto? All by myself? All my freinds are in London now..... [Sighs]...

.....I'm going to bed. I have lots to explain, but I will get to it in all due course. For now? Rest assured I'm safe....... We'll talk soon, Dear Diary. I need to spill my heart out when I can focus a bit better (Groggy ATM)

Cya in the morning.

October 29th - 1 PM
I woke up at 9 am, and the reality hit me as soon as I tried to see what time it was; the clock on the dresser is gone, as well as, the dresser. With a lump in my throat I started my daily routine - Coffee, pills for pain, and trips back and forth to the can. Being as that I ate nothing at all yesterday, I didn't have that many trips) My soul ached when I walked into the living room to see all my belongings piled up ready to go.

Diane has agreed to allow me to store my stuff in her basement for the time being. So, that's good. As for me? I'm not planning on staying there, because I feel like I'm an inconvenience to the family.

I realize that a few hours have passed since I woke until I decided to get online and pen this diary entry. I didn't do any packing, and only spent a short time on social media....

....but I had to laugh at something a friend of mine sent me on Facebook. He private messaged it to me, because he didn't want to publicly call me out. I took it in good nature for what it is, and decided to share it......... "Zzorhn's single again?".....


......Yup! So damn true, eh? [Laughs]

At least I know that my time spent with my (now ex) girlfriend for over a year has been one of emotional growth. Not just proof that I am no longer the man I once was back in Fort Frances, but that I am more capable to deal with issues when they arise. She is a very wise woman, and although we had a few differences she was always had good council.

Anyway, I got a chance this morning to talk to her about our situation, and I'm pleased to announce that we are both agreed on maintaining a friendship, and that this split is for the best. Some people don't mix well, and that would be the case in this matter. It's ended, but on a decent note, so that's good. Still hurts, but time heals the soul.

I do have a few other things I need to get done before my bestie shows up tonight to help me move.... Wow! Speaking of her, she just texted me. I'm going to call her and figure out what's going on. Talk soon.

November 1st
I can't believe what a great day it is; 19 degrees, the sun is shining, and there's a warm breeze. Hard to imagine that it's the first of November with this kind of weather. Good morning, Dear Diary, I hope you are having a great day as well.

I had a BLAST last night going out for Hallowe'en! I dressed up as an undead spellcaster and even got "into character" as I made my way around the town.

SO........................ I have an announcement to make.......

.............less than 12 hours after I had packed and moved my things out of Cara's house, she sent me a text. I was on my way to see a buddy at the time, so I had to get off my bike to answer the message. Being as that I'm not a texting guy I just called her. Turns out she had bought me flowers, and wanted to know if I was willing to talk. That night we listened to each other, and for what seemed to be the first time in a long time, resolved some of the issues that were plaguing our relationship. It became apparent that this was not just about Cara and I anymore. We had made a life together and our choices were impacting others; I learned that Cara's young child expressed sorrow over our choice to split.

It became apparent that THIS IS MY FAMILY, and I need to fight for them.

Now I'm left with a conundrum...... All my stuff is at the Lawrence's house, and Diane even stated when we were moving, "I'm NOT moving all this crap back to her house in a week!" [Chuckles] I'm a little frightened to have to explain this to her, especially after all the trouble I put her through in moving.

This is a good thing. It's unfortunate that we got so frustrated that I ended up actually packing up and walking out. I know how we got to that point; a stoical refusal to listen to the other on major issues, and denial of negative behaviour. Both of us were guilty. Both of us now realize how important the other person was in their life.......

.......You don't know what you've got, 'till it's gone.

Fortunately, the damage to our relationship was minimal. I didn't rush out and do anything rash, and neither did she. I imagine it's fair to say that some people are not shocked that Cara and I are together, and now vowing to stay strong.

That's the point in all this, I guess. The choice to leave was done due to levels of frustration within the household. Our biggest problem as a couple is not listening when the other one speaks. (We listen to reply, not listen to hear - Something we're both desiring to change) Well, that night we listened. I heard the passion in her voice, and the pride on her face when she looked at me. We reaffirmed our love, and stated how much we really cared, and need each other. We both promised to work on the problems that cause tension in the relationship.

I have a family. There's no doubt now.

BTW Cara gave me her permission to once again use her name in my publications.

There are going to be times when things get rough. We'll just have to deal with them when they arise. Who knows what the future holds for us, but at least once thing is certain; we're in this for the long haul..

Cya tomorrow.

November 2nd
Woke up this morning to my cell phone chirping, telling it was time to rise and shine. What's my mission at oh-six thirty? To get breakfast made and take the kidlet to school. Important stuff!! I jumped out of bed in a super mood.

What does upset me is the fact most of my things are not here. It's like this constant reminder that I made a mistake, or at least, that's how I feel....

.....see? Feelings are important. I'm learning that by being with Cara. Learning to be attentive to your own needs allows you to deal with issues much better. You can free your mind of guilt and negativity by merely being honest with yourself... I hurt, but it's my fault.

Did I act irrationally? No. At the time Cara and I had talked about separating. It wasn't a major event that caused our frustration, but rather a culmination of small incidents over a span of time. And even these weren't the reasons why were frustrated with each other...... It's because we simply weren't communicating like we used to in the beginning. Both of us were to blame for that.....

.....Now, don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, it's not like we snapped our fingers and suddenly everything was alright with the world. We do love each other deeply, and it's not hard to reignite that searing flame of passion for the two of us..... What has been the deciding factor in all this is a desire to work as a family, and not only forgive each other for past discretion's, but to both be consciously aware of the things that cause us grief.

If you want something bad enough, you have to fight for it.

Anyway, it's still bugging me that I don't have any of my belongings here. (Thank God I have my computer and bike) I just want to get back to my normal routine of being able to work at a desk so I can start writing again!

I gotta clean the house. Talk soon.

November 3rd
Good morning, Dear Diary. I hope you had a decent sleep. As for me I was wracked with gut-wrenching pain (See what I did there?) from about 4 AM onward. As of this moment, I'm at 14 trips to the bathroom and it's only 10 AM.

Sorry to talk about my poor health. I know it's a shitty subject.

I have MORE BAD NEWS. [Sighs and rolls his eyes] Last night I got a phone call after 7 PM asking me if I could be in Toronto the next day. Ugh! I scanned the email my agent sent me, and tried to see if I could find a last minute way to get into the Big Smoke. Nope. Bus lines charge an arm-and-a-leg for last minute ticket sales, and it turned out there was no seats left on the return trip. (Nothing on the "London Express" nor the 8 PM return to London) My appointment was for 5:30 PM, which meant I would have been forced to take the final bus. I had to say no to the audition. [Sighs]

So basically, I've been awake now for almost 4 hours, and haven't got a single thing done.....

......That's not true.... I've been walking back and forth to the facilities, I wrote an apologetic and heartfelt email to my agent, I debated a tad on social media, and I'm finally medicated enough to lean forward and type a bit in my diary. Slow going, but not completely useless. Well, it is, but I'm speaking from past experiences where I'm crippled up so bad I can't do a damn thing.

This too is my fault. I have a prescription that helps prevent flare ups in my intestines, and I've let it lapse a week. I also have my other pills at the Lawrence household, and the weather has simply been too crappy the last couple of days to go over there and get my medication. I DID get my prescription in from Tweed yesterday (Thank God I was here), but I still haven't chopped that up yet, as I'm holding off for another hour or so before I take that. As Cara puts it, "You have the ability to help control your pain, and yet you refuse to take it?" What she fails to understand is that I resent having to constantly use drugs (or alcohol) to deal with my health issues. Being medicated all the time is hard on my body and mind.

I keep hearing, "You have a pot card? Oh, wow! That must be SO NICE!"...... You what would be nice? Not having to need a medical marijuana card.

Wow........ Just realized this entry is pretty negative.

I'm looking outside and the dark clouds are rolling away. The cold, November sun is trying hard to peek out from the grey and blue rain-clouds that have darkened our doorstep for the last couple of days.  In a bit I'll see if I can get this cramping to stop. Cara is beaming from our ability to talk. (Another good conversation this morning) I guess things are getting better.....

.......I gotta go make a couple of phone calls. I should also see about getting uptown to get my prescription filled. Lots to do. Have a good one............

November 7th
Where does the time go? It's been 4 days since the last time I wrote in my diary. Much has happened, although, nothing of major importance.....

.....I'm finally using a keyboard for the first time since I moved my stuff out of the house. You cannot imagine my delight at being able to not use a laptop keyboard.

Everything is in boxes still. I finally got a chance to get to the Lawrence house to retrieve my things last night, and now that everything is finally back in the apartment I am left with the task of putting everything away. This is going to take some time.

I'd like to say that I'm good spirits this morning, but the fact is, I've been awake since 4:30 AM because of a flare up. Cramps and spasms have rocked my abdomen all morning. It's already 9:30 AM and I haven't got anything done.

I did start working on an article regarding a negative behaviour pattern I've witnessed emerging in the last couple of generations; shrieking children being accepted as normal behaviour. I'll post a link for it once I get it published.

Things with Cara are good.

So much to do. Ugh! On top of putting things away today I need to seriously clean the house and do some laundry.

Welp! Chat later......

November 8th
Good morning, Dear Diary. I'm having a much better day, thank you.

I got quite a bit accomplished yesterday. As the boxes emptied, the place started to feel more like home. I set up the computers (minus a cordless mouse - not sure where that is) and the surround sound. After that I tackled putting away my clothes.

There's still so much sorting of small stuff I'd like to do, but that's a task for another day.

I remember the first time I moved in with Cara. I did keep most of it in my plastic storage bins. This time is different though, and I've decided to integrate my stuff with hers.

Oh! I published that article I was talking about yesterday. Have a read. It's entitled, "When the Children Scream". I can wait..... All done?! ... Wow.. you read fast.

So, today I have a bit of laundry to do, sort more sorting of stuff, house cleaning, and I should try to have supper ready for the family, I might do some writing, but right now I'm still trying to get a feel for my surroundings (New location for the desk - Still not certain if I can hang up the storyboard)

Have a great day!

November 9th
Good morning, Dear Diary. I woke up to a brand new world..... The United States election was yesterday and in a historical event, a billionaire, self-made man has won the USA election instead of a life-long politician. This is monumental. I've been following the election coverage like many others all over the planet. The culmination of almost two years came to a fevered pitch last night in a nail-biting democratic election, that pitted political elite Hillary Clinton against Donald Trump. He won. This is historical! So, as the world reels from the fallout from the controversial USA election, I am merely going through my routine. My world hasn't changed for me, and I bet this is the same for many others all over the planet.

What to do today? I've already submitted my schedule for next week to MaxAgency. I know I have a Birthday Party for Diane on Saturday. My workstation is pretty much set-up,as is the dresser, et all. So no "unpacking"; I'm home.  The laundry is done.....

.......I could clean up the cupboard. I COULD clean the house more. I also could organize the shelves in the house; Lord knows that needs to be done. I might write a bit.... Did some more work on the background stuff for my novel. It's pretty slow going though, as I'm having a hard time writing about non-magic stuff. Still, it's very unique and has a great message (As well as an interesting plot line)

I have to go pick up the kidlet from the school bus. I always look forward to that. I find a sense of purpose when I'm fulfilling the step-dad role, and you can bet I try my best.

I should make supper, but I'm not sure what I want. Looks like we need to take a trip to the grocery store and pick up some things soon.

Oh! Got my meds going now. I feel much better this morning, but I still need to use all three medications just to function. Really sucks if you think about it....

...well, should get my butt in ear. I want jump on the rowing machine again after about a week of not working out. My body needs it. Talk soon, I promise! :)

November 11th
Today is the day we pause to remember those that gave the ultimate sacrifice on the battlefields. We remember soldiers from all walks of life who fought for our freedom against tyranny and oppression. One of the ways we remember these heroes is by attending memorial services, sharing stories and tales of the past wars, and by wearing poppies. The poppy; a flower that has since grown into a symbol of that sacrifice, came to fruition from a poem written during the First World War.

Lest we forget.

IN FLANDERS FIELDS POEM
The World’s Most Famous WAR MEMORIAL POEM
By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae


In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place: and in the sky
The larks still bravely singing fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the dead: Short days ago,
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved: and now we lie
In Flanders fields!
Take up our quarrel with the foe
To you, from failing hands, we throw
The torch: be yours to hold it high
If ye break faith with us who die,
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields
Composed at the battlefront on May 3, 1915
during the second battle of Ypres, Belgium

So, today I will be taking a pause and remembering those that died for my freedom. It's because of their willingness to lay down their life that I can write freely. Freedom of speech is something that should not be taken for granted.

Speaking of writing, I've been working on my novel a bit. It's slow going, but I think it's due to the sheer amount of work in background detail that's taking so long. I'm currently drafting 67 patients, complete with diagnosis and characteristics. Why am I doing this? Because, I have to.

[Chuckles] I'm "Zzorhning" it.

I haven't been feeling well since the London Airshow I missed due to illness. I'm tired, and ache in my shoulders and neck. I cough all the time and I keep waking myself up.... Not to mention the fact that I talk in my sleep.......

........A couple of days ago my luvvie complained that I woke her up yet again by talking in my sleep. I guess I sat straight up in bed, turned to her and in a serious voice, stated, "Don't take the airplane into work today!". Confused, she uttered, "Ok. I won't", to which I laid back down satisfied, and drifted off to sleep again.... I still don't remember even talking to her. Meanwhile, it woke her up, and once awake she has a hard time getting back to sleep again.

POoor Cara. I am a bit of a pain to live with. We have some pretty big differences, but in the end, love rules the roost. She does care for me, that much I know.... But when I'm "Trolling on the Internet" as she puts it (I'll admit, I have been doing so much more, lately) it ticks her off to no end. She knows I'm capable of much better things, and to see me wasting my time bothers her.

She's probably right.

Had a rough start (Health wise) today. That's two days in a row I've been all flared up... Really sucks.

The weather is somewhat sunny, but windy and cold. I have to keep reminding myself that it's November because the leaves have only started falling in the last couple of days. It's still not freezing either, which is always good.

The city kind of shifts when it gets colder. People move indoors. You won't see many groups of people lining the streets on Dundas; those that are waiting for a bus usually go into one of the shops to wait where its warm.

So tomorrow will mark the beginning of many people's Christmas routine. "No decorations until after Nov. 11th", is the common phrase. "It's to respect the veterans", is another I've also heard, usually tacked together with the first one.... Which is kinds true. Veteran's Day should be marked as a time not to be infringed upon by the commercialism of Christmas. But I believe it's more than that.... Any excuse to stop people from decorating their homes early.... Which I totally understand!

To me, Christmas has lost its meaning.For society, I meant.... I'm good with what Christmas actually is.... Wait! Am I talking about Christmas? Ugh! Sorry about that..... That's tomorrow....

...Well, I have 67 characters I have to develop, plus the medical staff. Lots of work.... Have a good one.

November 12th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is pouring into the house through the sliding glass doors. It's a balmy 7 degrees out there, but there's still a bit of a wind, so wear a jacket if you leave the house, Hope you're having a good weekend.

I'm in a decent mood. I'm not hurting that badly today, although I'm certain it was because I barely ate anything yesterday. Funny how that happens.....

.....but if the gain is no pain, count me in. A bit of hunger is hard to detect when I'm cramping. Seriously. I can't tell if I'm hungry or just in pain. Even when I imbibe my medical marijuana it doesn't give me an appetite like it does other people... I just get, normal.

So, I started working on my book yesterday. There. Is. So. Much. Behind. The Scenes. Stuff....... I'm not even certain if I need all this superfluous information available.... But as I've discovered in the past, the more you know about something, the better you are at writing about it.

I didn't sleep well, but I'm not complaining. I spent my awake moments listening to Cara making noises in her sleep. She mumbles, snores, fights with the blankets / pillows, and I love the way she purrs in her sleep when I wrap my arms around her. It makes you wonder how she knows it's me, even though she's asleep. Does she know? I'm certain she does.... One funny moment though, was when she woke me up, thinking I was a pillow or something, and was trying to wrap her leg around me and beating into shape be4cause I wasn't fitting the way a pillow should have. At first I was all, "What the heck?", and then I giggled about it.

So, I guess we both talk in our sleep. We flip and flop, cuddle and pull away. Back and forth across the bed we chase each other in our sleep. She gets cold and I get hot, and off come the blankets while she wraps herself up in them. (I now have my own comforter for that reason)

No wonder we're always tired in the morning.

Still, I couldn't sleep without my teddy bear. There have been times I went to bed without her, and when I do wake up without her in the bed it seems so lonely. I guess I'm willing to forgo an undisturbed night of sleep, for a chance to cuddle.

Well, I should jet. I was thinking about going out to fighting class today, but I really have no way to get there other than bus. A friend is supposed to stop in later, so that'll be fun. (He's from Fort Frances!!) I should clean up the house....... And write......Maybe play some Mechwarrior.....

....Guess we'll see. Have a good one, eh?

November 14th
Hello Monday. It's still dark out as I type this at 7 am. Thanks to "Day-Light Savings Time" it also gets dark at 5:30 pm. It's that cold and gloomy time of the year.

I've been violently sick for the past 24+ hours. On top of my usual problems, I'm wracked with coughs and bouts of severe nausea.

Turns out all the plans I made didn't come to fruition. I managed to clean the house this weekend, but that's about it.

Not much to report today. My creativity is on hold due to my health. Cya tomorrow.

November 15th

How did it even get to this point?! I mean, seriously? When I look back on my life there was never a moment like this. What can I say? I've lived a fairly normal life, albeit, I was a bit spoiled as a child. My Grandparents made certain I was afforded all the training a young grown boy could get. From structured, organized sports to fishing and hunting, rambunctious unstructured playtime to tediously-mind-numbing chores, I was crafted and molded into the individual I am today. In all that time, however, none of my combat and survival training was ever put to use in our domesticated society. That all changed in one swift political decision.

I've been fighting so long I've forgotten the reason why we're fighting in the first place. Was it a bad choice by our leader? Or was it something out of the government's control that lead to this? Who knows anymore. It's hard to tell who is who. I don't even know if there ARE sides in this pointless conflict. So many lives lost already. So much destruction! It feels surreal. Like I'm dreaming or something. It would make sense if I was dreaming, because I'm usually the hero in my dreams.

Because, here I am. The only one left out of group of 24. I mean, some may still be alive. I just happen to be the only one that stayed behind to try and disarm the bomb.

Oh yea. The bomb. Kneeling before this yellowish-brown molded lump of C4 plastique with wires coming out of it certainly puts things in perspective. The bright blue LED screen on the clock counting down says there's less that 20 minutes until the whole building comes crashing down.

I know in my heart how many people will die and suffer if this device reaches zero. The poor families trapped in the sprawling battle that has engulfed the entire country are the real victims in all this. Trapped in a hell they know, or face the uncertainty of a hell they don't. As the world around them explodes into war, the men, women, and children trapped within the confines of their own homes face a tough choice; hunker down and hope their home doesn't get swept up in the conflict, or flee with no guarantee of safety. Thousands will die if this bomb explodes.

I stared at the wiring leading to the digital clock slowly clicking down. Eighteen minutes, and thirty two seconds... Thirty-one... Thirty.

Red, yellow, or blue wire? All three lead to the large lump of plastique explosive. Was I supposed to cut one? Jesus! This isn't my job! Where the HELL was... Oh. Right.... Dead.

The fight to enter the building was intense and bloody. Once past the front doors it evolved into hand-to-hand combat in narrow hallways as we made our way to the parking garage in the basement. How many had I killed? I stared down at my blood-encrusted hands and suddenly felt a wash of shame rush over me. Absently, I wiped my hands on my pants, hoping it would remove the scarlet stain of my guilty deed. How many?! My brain reeled from the fog of war; the confusion that cannot be described except as a tranquil peace that settles over you as the horrors of war rage around you. Things become normal. Death stops becoming tragic. The roar of cannons and guns is muffled, becoming dull thumps and a rattle, much like shaking maracas. The cacophony becomes a song, and you feel at peace with yourself, your actions, and your surroundings. It's a fragile thing. One dose of reality can bring the delicate house of cards crashing down with disastrous results.

I threw up. I'm not ashamed to admit it. The scent of the blood on my hands made me nauseated and I could help but retch.

Sixteen minutes, and counting. Fuck.

Where's the DAMN BOOK?! I fumbled quickly through my military vest knowing I didn't have the book that would tell me what wire to cut. That OTHER GUY had it. I sighed as I realized he was one of the first men cut down, and his body was probably lying somewhere in the main lobby.

“I need that book!” I shouted in vain, “It's not like inserting a pin back in a grenade!”

Suddenly, Cara's voice echoed through the parking garage. “You need a book to insert a pin back in a grenade?”

What?!”

I blinked and sat up in bed. Beside me, Cara looked confused but amused. “You were talking in your sleep again.....”

“Sorry”.

“........So, what were you doing with a grenade? And why do you need a book?”


Feeling sheepish, I jumped out of bed. “It's a long story”, I mumbled, still trying to fumble with reality, “I'll uhh... I guess I'll write about it”.
----------
Good morning, Dear Diary. How is your day going? It's another warm(ish) day here in London, Ontario. The sun is out, but the heat is definitely waning.

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty decent, and as you can see, creative. I should try and make the most out of today. Don't worry, we'll talk soon.....

November 18th

Good morning, Dear Diary. It's a beautiful day out there, so I should make the most of it. It's also a "P.A. Day" for the kidlet, so there's no school today. I'll be pretty busy.

I've been working on a painting. I can't say what it is just yet, but once done I'll fill you in,

Things are good. I'm out of medication though, so it can go downhill fast.... And yea... It's only the middle of the month. [Sighs]

I should go. Kinda busy here.

November 20th
Last night Winter showed up and temperatures dropped radically. The snow started falling at 9 pm, and even today it's still slightly snowing. Ugh! I guess my gloating over the wramth and sun came back at me. Karma is indeed a bitch.


I feel like garbage today. Another day of cramps and pain. No meds, and ten days to go until I can order more. I'm sorry, Dear Diary, if I sound like I'm bitching. I'm bitter today for a few reasons, and I'm just trying hard to stay out of the way. I'm probably just tired, because I haven't slept well in the last couple of days.

Since I'm sounding negative I'll stop typing for a bit. Hopefully things change. Talk soon.

November 21st
Dear Monday;

Fuck you! Seriously! I woke up in a splendid mood, but unfortunately you had other plans for me, I'm not certain if the stars are misaligned, or if I inadvertently did something that came back to bite me in the ass.

Perhaps I better start at the beginning.

Yes, I know I have a daily routine and it's sometimes not always convenient. Whatever the reason, my attempts to do my regular routine of absorbing news from a variety of sources while going back and forth from the bathroom, was thwarted by a series of events.......

.......it all started so innocently.  [Sits staring at the screen, unable to determine where to start]

Cara decided to tidy up the house. Now this in itself isn't problematic. To have one person within the household picking up a few things or tidying a home is never a problem. What is problematic is my personal life-experiences, in which I cannot watch someone else work....

.....it all stems from an incident that occurred when I was 16 years old. (This deserves some explaining even though it's off-topic, it's kinda the reasoning as to why I am the way I am)..... Anyway, I was working at McDonald's restaurant in Fort Frances. I had just worked an 8 hour shift and was sitting in the employee lounge eating my 1/2 price McMeal (Employee discount) My boss, John Myers, was doing inventory in the stock room about 10 meters away. He was moving boxes and actually working up a sweat that day. I cannot speak for his mindset, but what happened next influenced me for my entire life. He stormed out of the stock room and angrily approached me, growling, "If you're done your shift, go home. And, the next time you ever see your boss working, you do NOT sit there watching!"* Well, next thing I knew my shifts were cut, and I ended up being forced out of the restaurant. To this day I cannot sit idle while someone else works.

* - I'm paraphrasing. His exact wording fails me.

To make a long story short, I turned off my computers and decided to help her. Again, this isn't problematic; some light dusting or vacuuming wouldn't necessarily kill me. Besides, I told myself, the computers, keyboards, and everything else needs to be cleaned anyway. So, I went and got the vacuum cleaner out of the hall closet.

Due to the weather in the last couple of days, a scattered pile of boots, snowpants, and jackets now blocked the hallway to the door. Winter sucks, as well as, all the clothing required simply to function, and it tends to sprawl all over the house.Well, I clenched my teeth and started putting things away. My pain at that time can only be described as the feeling you get when you have stitches inside and you're foolishly over-exerting yourself and can feel them tearing apart your flesh. Grunting, groaning, I slowly did my best.

Once done, I turned my attention to the dusty keyboards on my desk. I made certain they were all switched off, and plugged in the vacuum. The moment I turned on the machine, however, I knew there was a problem. A quick examination revealed a large tear in the dust cover and I knew that the impeller was probably clogged with dirt.

Sighing heavily, I used a screwdriver to take the cover off. Yup! I was right. The impeller was choked full of hair and dirt. So................. I tried in vain to clean it to no avail. I knew that needle-nose pliers would do the trick, so I went to the closet to retrieve the tool kit.

Our closet is a state of organized chaos. I try to keep it clean, but I swear tiny leprechauns or something keep coming in at night and shifting things around. I'll dispense with the boring details as to the cluttered organizational skills or the devious, magical fairies that seem determined to make life miserable, and just get to the part where all H-E-double hockey sticks broke loose......

......a can of blue house-paint sitting on the top shelf suddenly and mysteriously performed a swan-dive onto the wood floor. I was in the living room when it happened. I'll say that again.... I had went into the closet, retrieved the tool kit and had walked 3 meters away when a can of paint decided to spontaneously fall.

Fall.... I hate that word! It's one of my pet peeves, really. Fall... Nothing good has ever come of falling. God-damned F-Word! To fall, or to fail. to flop uncontrollably. To become unhinged or loosened from a ledge or precipice. To fall.... Fuck me! I hate that fucking F-Word! Falling, flouncing, flailing..... fuck!

Whoa..... did I ever get off-topic. Sorry, eh? [Straightens his composure]

The can of paint was one I had used recently to prime a canvass for art. It was half-full at the time it fell. Bright. Blue. Paint.... Do you know how that soaks into wood? How it clings to white walls and doors? Well, hopefully you don't ever have to find out.......

......and as I peered around the corner my heart sunk. Yup! It was that bad. Right into the white metal tracks for the closet doors and everything...... Up the doors, the wall... [Sighs] I ran to the bathroom and retrieved a bucket of hot water and started scrubbing.

Did you know that you can't scrub fresh paint off a wood floor easily? I had no idea, but I found that out the hard way.

My water turned bright blue immediately. The second time I swabbed my cloth over the glob of paint, I only ended up smearing it worse! Ugh! With the speed of a determined, pissed-off, adrenaline-spiked-fury I bolted to the bathroom with the pail of bright blue water.

Don't dump the pail in the toilet, or you'll never get it clean, I reminded myself, so I gently dumped the contents into the tub.  Well.... That worked out about as well as a lead fart! The water decided to NOT go down the drain as I had intended, and instead splashed up the side of the shower curtain and ceramic tiles. (Seriously... It was like the drain burbled and spit the paint-laced water out in protest.) Realizing I now had to clean the bathroom AFTER the front hallway, I filled up my pain with fresh water.

It was then that I realized I had somehow stepped in blue paint, and it was now tracked all the way across the house.

The world got a little fuzzy at that point..... Details aren't all that clear... But I think I said a few flower-words...... You know?.... As in FUCKING FLOWERS! Or something..... I'm not really certain what I actually said, but I'm willing to bet it would have made a sailor blush.

All I wanted to do was vacuum out my computer keyboard.....

.....needless to say, the house is clean.

So, way to go Monday. You certainly stole my morning........ And my enthusiasm.

Sincerely;

Zz

P.S. My plans to write today didn't pan out. I'm almost crippled now and my whole abdomen feels like it's raw. I really hurt myself this morning, and it's going to really hurt for a while. I need medication. Now....

.....The end of the month can't come fast enough.

P.P.S. I just remembered the tub still has a blue-tinged ring in it. Ugh! Gotta go..... Hope your Monday turns out better than mine.


November 22nd
Good morning, Dear Diary.

So after yesterday's tragedy with the paint can, I decided it was time to start painting again. This project is going to be a collaboration with Cara, myself, and the kidlet. The pressure is on me to not be overbearing if either of those two decide to paint over stuff, and to just relax on the project. (I tend to be bossy - not a big surprise) So far it's quite enjoyable....

......we did get paint on the floor and and the walls, though.....


.... I watched as the youngster eagerly attempted to squirt paint at the canvass like I had done for about 5 minutes. With a bottle of paint in hand, it was aim and squeeze..... not a drip of paint hit the canvass, but instead went straight up in the air and plopped down right on top of the young artist's head. A second attempt ended up with paint going backwards and hitting the wall behind the kidlet....

...good thing it was water-based paint, although there is still a stain on the wall. It was quite a lot of fun, however, and it only serves to help teach some good life-lessons.

Tuesday. It's still below freezing, and the sky is gloomy and grey. Yuck!

My sweetie gave me a couple of bucks to go and purchase some medication to last to the end of the month. I know she's flat broke, so you can bet that I'm very thankful for the gift.

Speaking of presents, I still have Diane's birthday gift. I was unable to get a chance to see her on her birthday and I have something she will probably enjoy.... I want to show you a picture, Dear Diary, but I know she reads my journal from time to time, and it would spoil the surprise if I posted it. You'll have to wait and be patient.

Oh. My. God... you have to see Frank! My little bamboo tree is growing by leaps and bounds with new branches cropping up on a couple of the stalks, and he even has two brand new shoots coming out of the soil. That's right... Frank has two more brand new baby trees poking out of the dirt! For those who don't know what I'm talking about, Frank is a "Lucky Bamboo Tree" that I bought at WalMart for $1.50. He was only 5 CM tall at the time, cut from a single stalk. I claimed that he was a physical representation of my "Putting down roots in southern Ontario", and by the same analogy the roots system has flourished to produce 7 stalks, and now two new shoots. Basically, my world in Southern Ontario has firmly taken root, and I'm growing by leaps and bounds.

I'm in quite a bit of pain today. I sneezed a couple of times and almost threw up from the pain that wracked my abdomen.

Not certain what's in store for today, but I should try to write a bit. Hope you have a great day.

November 23rd
Good morning. The sun is having a hard time shining from behind the dark bank of cold clouds that cover the sky. It's gloomy and the temps are below freezing. I guess the weather is calling for a bit of a warm-up, but the call is for rain. Ugh!

Oh well, I do have plans to meet with Diane for lunch today. We haven't done much together lately because she's so busy with family stuff. At least I get an opportunity to catch up with everything, and finally give Diane her Birthday gift. (I really hope she likes it)

I picked up a tiny bit of meds yesterday. When I went to bed last night I imbibed a teeny bit, and woke up in great shape. For almost an hour I was pain free with no cramping..... Now, I'm not a Doctor, but I know what (Explicit) works! I'll wait until I have to get ready to leave the house before I have a bit..... Trying to ration myself here...

..........You know how much easier it would be to simply grow my own?!

Cara has charged me to write a new story. Her challenge to write about "The Great Hunt" of Norse mythology intrigued me as I'm descended from Vikings. (French and British, as well) I've always joked that I am "Zzorhn, son of Carl", because  my father's real name is Carl Carlson. (Neat, eh?) Anyway, the story is about a Norwegian woman who is struggling with the loss of her family, and happens to meet one of the Norse Gods. It's during the time of Yule, and over the course of two weeks she learns the truth.... After falling in love with Him. I'm chewing on the plot as I type.....

..........well, I gotta jet. not much time before Diane gets here. Hope you have a wonderful day!

November 25th
Is there STILL 5 more days in this month? Ugh! Please hurry!

Well, I went for lunch with Diane, and she was ecstatic over the painting I did for her.



"When Diane talk about CHAA ground crew and being "One of the minions", this is how I picture her...

.....BIG smile, sparkling eyes from the excitement, with your nose aquiver from the scent of aviation fuel, and surrounded by all your minion buddies. 
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. "

I had a very disconcerting experience this morning. As I was perusing the news on "CBC - The National", and "Al Jazeera", I noticed a story that was overlapping.............Turns out there is a terrorist sympathizer in London, Ontario. He's an Imam who preaches hate-filled messages all over London, and is calling for jihad against the West. (Praising the destruction of our allies, and denouncing Western ideals) This evil wretch is affiliated with the terrorist group Hibz ut-Tahrir. An in-depth search revealed website after website calling for action against this piece of shit, and I have now made it my personal vendetta to rid my city of London from this trash.

What would you do? Would you turn a blind eye? Or would you be like me and try to do something about it?

No worries, Dear Diary. I won't be personally confronting this waste of skin myself, but you can be certain that CSIS and the RCMP now know about him and his evil ways.

I want to go on record stating that I hate "Rats", AKA people who file reports with the Police or law enforcement. I've personally been affected by shit-stains that reported me for various things; fights with my parents, or my neighbour phoning the Police because I was smoking weed, etc, etc. These kinds of examples were personal instances that had little to no effect on others, and only managed to damage my reputation or cause me financial loss. THIS kind of petty behaviour is destructive and undesirable in our society. However, when it comes to terrorism, I have no such qualms about filing a Police report. A nation's security does NOT fall into the category of "Rat" or "Fink", and in fact can be labelled as protecting National ideals. I just wanted to make that point absolutely clear...... Because my personal beliefs contradict my actions this morning.

Turns out CSIS already knew about this guy. I certainly hope they do something about it FAST! Make no mistake, Dear Diary, we are at war with radical Islam, and there are terrorists in Canada.

So, what's in store for today? Well, once I get over these sensations of pain and nausea I hope to do some more work on the story about the Viking woman that falls in love with Odin. While I do have a fairly in-depth plot developed, I don't have the storyboard done, nor all the research I need to make certain I'm accurate when depicting the lifestyle, culture, and pantheon of the Vikings during the time period of 760 AD.

I'm trying to help one of my friends from back in Fort Frances move to Southern Ontario. It's a big thing to up-and-leave everything you know and love behind, but the end result is worth it. I know better than anyone what can happen when you take a proactive approach to your life and move to a foreign place..... Everything changes, but the result is worth it.

Well, I should jet. I think it's time to take some medication and start working. Hope you have a great weekend! We'll talk soon, I promise......

November 27th
I've had an interesting weekend. It started out pretty rough with a lack of medication, got better, THEN it blossomed into an indepth conversation that left me feeling emotionally drained, embarrassed yet relieved all at the same time. And THEN there was the episode with the "Spit Police".....

......[Sighs heavily] Guess I should start at the beginning, eh?

Hello, Dear Diary. It's a quarter after 2 on a sunny afternoon. I'm still vibrating from the adrenaline of being threatened by a motor vehicle on Saturday evening, as well as, a couple of other moments of stress....

.......I had decided to wait until "Black Friday" sales to buy a new keyboard. I used to go through a new one about every 6-8 months back in the day, and now usually only need to buy a new one every 8 - 12 months. I end up using the new one for the predominate part of my work, and trade out the older one on my other computer (Yes. I use two computers) Due to my hammering down on the keys during debates, the lengthy stories I write, and the times when I hold the keys too hard while playing video games, my keyboards take a pounding. Long story short? I was waiting for the sales to come on so I could get a decent cordless keyboard at a low price. So, on Saturday I rolled my butt down to one of the local stores.

The "Surplus Store" is a place that gets warehouse items for super deals due to a variety of reasons , like product discontinuation, product liquidation, lesser brand, bulk orders, etc, etc. They sell clothing, camping gear, military stuff, tools and other types of hardware, electronics, and a variety of nicknack's. It's a one-stop-shopping centre with discount pricing. I wasn't certain what they might have, but I knew what I wanted......

......and there on the shelf was the "Better" model of keyboards I wanted, for almost half price (Nearly the same price as the lesser version I had researched) Anywho, I snapped up the deal and bought a couple of other items.

When I got home I hooked it all up and turned on the computer. Everything seemed fine, but the moment I tried to log on to my computer I noticed something amiss; the keyboard wasn't typing the letters "A,E,L,and R". I thought at first it was a driver issue, so I checked online for support. Finding nothing that seemed to work lead me to phoning the company that made the brand name keyboard. For over 40 minutes I sat on hold as the robotic woman's voice kept repeating, "Your call is important to us. Please remain on the line and your call will be answered in sequence". To my utter dismay, after 42 minutes of waiting for anyone to pick up on the other line, my phone hung up. Ugh!

So I phoned up the company that sold me the keyboard. To say the conversation didn't go the way I wanted would be an understatement. I found out the keyboards were a refurbished product from the factory, which explained the lack of batteries in the box that claimed to have three. Once I found that out I decided I wanted a new keyboard, not something that was fixed. Well, due to store policies they would not refund my money and wanted to trade the keyboards for another. I panicked. In the same way someone would put extra salt on something they send back to the kitchen at a restaurant, I wrote "NFG - Keys don't work" on the outer side of the box. It was 4 pm when I left the house on a dreary afternoon, frustrated that I had to go through all that trouble simply to get a keyboard that worked.

When I walked into the store I was accosted by a employees telling me to put my backpack behind the front counter. I don't want to misquote the guy, but there was a mention of a lack of trust. Well, I told him that I don't trust anyone with MY stuff... And it kinda went downhill after that. [Sigh] To the store's credit they had three employees suddenly assist me to ensure I was satisfied before I left the store, and they even left the batteries in the keyboard and mouse after testing them.

I was in a kinda rotten mood as I made my way to a friend's house to pick up some meds. The weather was garbage and it was getting late. Needless to say that visibility was poor; that odd time between day and night when the glare of the headlamps cannot see the silhouettes of the pedestrians on the sidewalks or cyclists in the street due to the setting sun. With heavy overcast skies that threatened to rain at a moment's notice, I made the choice to remain on the sidewalk with my bike instead of going on the road. for my own personal safety.....

.......this lady waiting impatiently for her turn to merge into traffic was sprawled across the sidewalk with her half-ton air-conditioned weapon. It forced me to go around the front of her vehicle, treading extremely close to the first lane of traffic. I went slowly, half out of fear of being struck by a passing vehicle, and half out of spite because the woman had inconvenienced me due to her breaking the law. (A motor vehicle operator cannot stop on a sidewalk. They are instead to stop a meter before, and proceed with caution when the coast is clear. Many, MANY drivers pull right up to the road, blocking the sidewalk) Well, she honked. I shot her the finger. (Probably not the best thing to do, but I was cold, and ticked off, remember?) She revved her engine, threatening me with her car.....

......yup. Escalated that quick. Well, Dear Diary, I nearly hopped off my bike in a threat to smash my fist through her window. [Shakes his head] Probably shouldn't have done that either.... Anyway, she relented and backed up in a hurry to get out of my way.

Once home I imbibed, and for the first time in a couple days felt much better. I was having a pretty decent evening, when due to no fault but my own, caused an argument. I'm not going to go into details, but it was an emotional rollercoaster for about 4 hours. It was really weird though, as we never really raised our voices, and we both were seriously listening to each other. It felt a bit surreal, raw, and exposing as I admitted stuff I never talk about to anyone. Anyway, I believe it was a good argument that cleared the air a bit, and I believe it brought Cara an I closer together.

My attempt to block the alien mind probes.
There was one moment during our fight I want to mention. I  can't remember what we were discussing exactly, but Cara made some comment I thought was completely off the wall. She may have well had a point, but I thought it was outlandish. In fact, I felt it was so utterly mind-staggering I purposely went into the kitchen, ceremoniously ripped off a chunk of aluminum foil, and dramatically plunked it down on my head to make a point. (An aluminum foil hat to ward off the alien mind probes - It comes from a movie) Well, Cara thought it was so over-the-top that she burst out laughing at the spectacle of me...... I had her take a picture. What a dork, eh?

Which brings us to today. The spit Police.....

......I was outside having my second smoke session of the day when I felt this urge to cough. I started hacking up a lung, and ended up with a mouth full of spittle. (I'm certain this has happened to everyone) Well, instead of swallowing it, I leaned over the balcony of the apartment and spit into the bushes below me. From across the parking lot on the other side of the complex I vaguely heard some woman yelling, "Don't do that again!".

Was she yelling at me? For spitting? Totally laughable, right? I mean, it's kinds gross, but it's outdoors, aimed at the now-vacant flowerbed below me.... Someone really gives a fiddler's fuck about someone else spitting? Never heard of that before, so in an act of defiance I snorted a huge wad of spittle in my mouth and let if fly in defiance.

Turns out it was the building's maintenance man. And we're "Getting a letter from the head office tomorrow". For spitting..... Like, to explain this in all the stupidity that it is, we're being threatened because of something that so many others do (and worse) when they are outside.

Maintenance guy: You spit down below and someone is going to step in that".

Me: "Then, they're walking in the flowerbed."

I mean, what are they going to do next? Start yelling at dogs for lifting their legs on the hedges? I feel it's that ridiculous.... [Shakes his head] The Spit Police..... Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so.

I gotta go. I've got laundry to do and a house to tidy up. Hope you have a great Sunday.

November 28th
Hello Monday. The temperatures are slightly above the freezing mark today, and I even saw the sun peeking out a teeny bit from behind the clouds. I hear that tomorrow may hit double digits! I don't mind hearing that weather forecast.

My plans for today are to work on the Yule story of the Great Hunt.

The house is fairly tidy and all the laundry is done. I've been told cleanliness is next to Godliness, and I definitely agree; I love it when my house is clean. The laundry? [Sighs] You ever see that movie called "The Neverending Story"? I loved that movie as a kid! Now, my version the neverending story is the laundry basket. I bet if I go back and look there's probably a pile already growing within in it. [Laughs] Ok, don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, I enjoy doing laundry, and I've made a deal with Cara that I do all the laundry in the house. I'm really good at it too! All my towels are the same size. All the shirts are folded the same way. Hung items get hung, and the socks get sorted. It's attention to detail work that I can take pride in. It's also a way I can show my family how much I care for them by having neatly folded, organized, wrinkle-free clothing when they need it. It's the way I was taught. One secret to doing it I've discovered, is to put on a movie or something to entertain me while I fold clothes. I like the pride in keeping the drawers organized too, but that, like the laundry basket seems to have a mind of its own......

........Still swear we've got an infestation of evil pixies coming in at night and moving stuff around... Maybe that's where all the left socks have gone. You might think I'm joking, but I threw out a few right-only socks yesterday when I finished with laundry. I wonder what the evil pixies do with all the left socks? Maybe they eat 'em.

Evil left-sock-eating pixies. I buy it.

Guess I should put my butt in gear. I'm pretty happy with the story-line of the Great Hunt, but I'm being overly critical of my work and it's proceeding veeerrry slowly. Hope you have a great week.

10 PM
Cara advised me to make my screen-play entitled, "The Answer" available on Amazon. Check it out. I'll write more tomorrow about it. Good night.

November 29th
Good morning!! It's damp, but the weather is pretty darn decent. How are you? I slept well, and aside from the usual health problems, things are good.

I have to admit that I barely got any work done on my Yule story. Instead, I focused on one of my unfinished projects instead. It was Cara's idea, but it was a good one....

....do you remember a couple of years ago when I had that Alien Invasion dream? Hmm...It was November, if I remember correctly. Anyway, the dream was pretty vivid; running for my life from alien machines that silently floated in the air, while avoiding other people because of possible zombie-like mind control viruses. Yup. I'll admit that dream shook me to the core. So much so, I had to write a screenplay about it.

Zombie Zz
Why a screenplay? Simple. This one movie would be the Canadian version of "Independence Day", without once infringing on the premise of it. I'll give you a hint... Those aren't aliens at all..... Yup. Humans... Just like us, but more advanced... And like any superior race, they swoop in and show us some tough love by way of mass murdering 6 billion people, while at the same time riding the planet of mass weaponry, nuclear energy, fossil fuels, and replacing it with cold fission technology.

Well, now you know the plot, it's not like you need to rush over to Amazon and buy the book, right? Well, I didn't really publish it to make a bunch of sales, only to make it readily available to potential producers, hoping that the right one will help make my dreams a reality. I want to write and act in movies.....

........However, if I had to take a role in the movie, it would be minor. My name on the credits as "Author" would be super cool! Maybe I could be a zombie.... One of the mind-controlled guy trying to catch other victims......

.....Well, I should try and get some writing done today. Have a good one, eh?

December 2nd
Good morning. The temperature is above freezing, but that only means the wet crap that fell last night has created damp, cold, bringer-of-death weather conditions. I feel sorry for the animals that are forced to endure this kind of conditions that has a tendency to bring about respiratory problems due to moisture-laden cold. I mean, if it's going to be cold it's better to be dry, or at least fall in the form of snow.

I've made my medication order, so now it's a waiting game with Canada Post. Predictions are that my meds will be here on Monday are disappointing, especially since I'm paying premium pricing for delivery.

I've been busy. Haven't done much in the way of working on the Yule story, but I did draft up a proposal for a producer for "The Answer". Have a read....

........I'm also painting a new project. It started out as a family mural, but as the other two members drifted away from boredom (Paintings, especially good ones, take time) I have somewhat taken over. It's really coming together, and I promise that once I get more work done on it I'll post some pictures.

I DID make a new shelf for the computers in the living room. Now that I have my desk set up in the living room (Was originally in the bedroom) I have been writing more often. The venue is better and it affords me a level of creativity I felt was supressed when the desk was located in the bedroom. I know I felt trapped and limited to one room of the house, whereas, now I have access to faster Internet, the surround-sound system, and I no longer have to be quiett during times my luvvy is sleeping. Anyway, the computers needed to be lifted off the floor a bit so I crafted a computer-look-a-like stand for them to sit on. It turned out pretty good, but I'm not quite finished - The goal is to find a set of twinkling Christmas lights to install so that it looks like the stand has blinking computer lights. Still, it looks rather decent if I do say so myself.

I'm planning on doing some more sorting of stuff. The goal is to organize things for more efficiency and aesthetics. I like a tidy house, but I also take pleasure in having everything in its proper place. It's easier to find things when you need them when things are organized. In the last couple of days I've tackled the two closets, and today I plan on working on the living room.

Gotta go. Time's a ticking and I've got a busy day planned. Hope you have a great weekend!

December 3rd

Good morning. The weather is still warm for this time of year, but we got more rain last night.

Not much time to do any writing today. I have plans to clean up the house and then we're having company for some Dungeons and Dragons. Should be fun!

Short Entry, but I wanted to announce that after a long break from role playing, we are back at it. Have a good one.

December 4th
Last night's game was decent, but I felt like there was too many people distracted to properly play. Meh.. It happens.Lots of stuff was going on, and there was an unexpected visitor....

....a friend of mine from Fort Frances has decided to move to London. Cara and I have taken her under our wings until she gets on her feet. The move was a similar one to mine; a choice to leave a stagnant, caustic life and choose to pursue a positive life of opportunities. It's my little way of "Passing it on", because only a few years ago Diane did the very same thing for me.

Anywho, we didn't accomplish all the storyline I had ready, but I'm sure everyone had a good time. I notice the PC's have started knocking over the bad guys like they are child toys. That's fine, because I've always said that characters in the fantasy role play game SHOULD be akin to godlike. After all, they are the reason legends are written, mountains are moved, and the social and political structure of whole worlds are disturbed due to player character interference. HOWEVER, I think I should kick things up a notch in ters of traps, puzzles, and bad guys with substance. Maybe I'll start now..... I do have a neat idea for the part of the storyline we didn't do last night.. I'm going to change things up a bit....

....Time to introduce a God I think.

They already have at least one or two Gods of Light watching over the party, but it only makes sense that kind of Divine intervention isn't going unnoticed by one or two of the Gods of Darkness... Vordian... The God of Death has taken an interest in why so many powerful denizens are suddenly entering the Gates of Final Judgment. Nice twist, eh?

Gonna do some writing this afternoon and try to crunch out more magic on the Yuletide story. Not sure how long it's even going to be, or if it will be ready in 17 days. o.O Better get cracking.

Have a wonderful day, and I'll talk to you Monday morning, k?

December 6th
It's TUESDAY morning. Sorry, Dear Diary, I didn't get a chance to write yesterday. Probably because I was so damned busy. I had a whole day planned for myself, and didn't accomplish anything I had planned. Oh well, it happens I guess.

So? How are you? I only ask because of the increased traffic on this website in the last 48 hours. Hundreds of people have stopped by this week to check out my stories and other stuff I keep in my diary, and I only noticed because of the massive spike on my website counter....

......in one day over two hundred, and fifty people from Russia have decided to see what I've written! When I checked out more statistics on what story they were interested in and what platform people are using to read my work, I discovered that they are interested in my Jell-O Shooter recipes and reading my diary. Another interesting factoid is that people are using Google to find me more than having a link to click on. That means that people are purposely going out of their way to find me on the Internet.

I'm achieving my goal of becoming world renown.

What's on tap for today? I have medication and I am feeling rather creative. So, I plan on doing some writing and possibly a bit of painting. The house if nice and clean, and even the closets have been organized.

Things are pretty solid for Cara and I. We have our usual hiccups, but all couples do. One thing is certain, we both really want to do what's best for our little family.

Anywho, I hope you have a good day. Just remember, keep your stick on the ice.

December 8th
It's windy and gloomy outside. The sun can't penetrate the thick, ugly clouds, and a brisk, damp wind seems to cut right through to the bone. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a teeny bit, but it's not very nice out there.

Good morning, Dear Diary. I slept petty decently and feel refreshed. My goal today is to really knuckle-down and work on the Yule story. Time's a ticking...

.....I have a big confession to make, but before I do that I would like to explain a couple of things.

I had to get a new phone. My old one suffered from a common defect on the model; the power button breaks off and needs to be soldered. It would have cost me $60 out-of-pocket to get it fixed, so I opted to just get a new one. The new phone is pretty neat, and it's not only bigger in size, but storage space too. It allows for a much wider variety of applications than my previous one. So, win / win.

I have been trying to find a point of commonality with Cara. You know? Something we both can do and enjoy together. To be frank, we really don't share many activities in common with the exception of TV time, combat sports, and a couple others. We both like art, but do it completely differently. We both enjoy singing Karaoke, but who can afford to drink at a bar? (We are looking for a CD+G player for at home) ....ANYWAY.....

....I decided to join the "cell phone mentality" masses and start playing a game called "Pokemon Go".

Yes, I know I've teased other people about it, and even went so far as to create memes to mock those that play the game. Call me a hypocrite if you like, I can take it. My choice to play was based on me trying to do something that Cara and the kidlet enjoy, and perhaps be able to have something in common with the rest of my family.

It's not so bad.... It definitely makes going out more interesting....

......the game is based on real locations. You have to actually go out and explore to find the stuff you need to keep playing the game (Or spend money) I can see the health benefits of it, and I guess it's based on the Pokemon Universe and the story-line that comes along with it. I don't know who this professor is that I keep sending these poor Pokemen to that I keep trapping in Pokeballs, and I'm not even sure what he does with them. But I do know that if I get my own trained Pokemon good enough I can do battle in a Pokegym. (Actually, I think it's just called a gym) Basically it's pit fighting for these originally wild animals in a race to see which team can rise to the top. When your Pokeguy gets ripped apart and knocked unconscious in battle, you merely have to give him a bit of smelling salts and some heavy-duty-fast-healing narcotics to get him back in the game. These items can be found at places in the real world called Pokestops that only your cell phone can detect.

I don't think I'm describing it correctly. [Laughs]

Gotta Pokejet. Lots to do, including going for a Pokewalk to get more Poketraps to ensnare more Pokeanimals. Have a great Pokeday!

P.S. I've already walked into a tree playing the game. Who knew those warnings about "Being aware of your surroundings" were a real thing?!

December 9th
Snow. [Shivers] Woke up this morning to a decent dusting of the white crap. I guess we're lucky... Some people I know have been dealing with snow and cold temperatures for over a month already.

I attended a school Christmas concert last night for the kidlet. The production was done very well, and the children did a fantastic job. I kept having moments of deja vous, because I remember attending these things when my kids were little, and then for another step-child later on.... It's been years since I went to one.

There is a major difference since I last attended a child's Christmas concert. From much better props, lighting, wired and wireless microphones, and the way they organized the show to ensure every parent stays the whole duration, the concert is vastly different from the ones I've attended before. One BIG difference is the use of not only cell phones to capture pictures and video, but the use of giant tablets (Ipads, etc) as well.

I'm sitting two rows back from this lady who is using a tablet to video tape the show. There she sat with her giant screen up in her face, not really looking at the production itself, but rather, trying to be an amateur cameraman from an odd angle. The thing blocked her face when she was using it, but at least she wasn't holding it aloft like other parents......

.......it doesn't matter if it's a hand-held phone or a massive tablet, when it's held above the crowd it blocks the vision of those sitting behind them. I guess it's the new thing now that organizers have been forced to deal with, and from school concerts to rock concerts the attitude is the same; watch the damn show and quit being inconsiderate of others by blocking the view behind you with an electronic device.

I understand snapping a couple of photos for prosperity sake, but with the emergence of digital cameras people are not limited to one or two attempts to get a good shot. With the mindset of getting the absolute best picture or video of their dear darlings to post on social media for personal gratification in the form of "Likes", people today will act like a paid photographer by trying to capture every moment, hoping for that one golden picture that captures the moment perfectly.

During all this, these people are missing the show. That's really what it is. They have gone from simply enjoying the moment to utilizing the occasion to bolster their own self worth. In the same way people will take pictures of their meals to share on social media, or log in to tell the world where they are and what they are doing, people will upload videos of the Christmas concert for the world to see, but oddly enough it's one they didn't actually watch themselves.  This is all part of the cell-phone mentality that has swept the planet; people are too busy staring at their electronic device to enjoy what's going on around them.

[Laughs] Don't get me wrong, I was super impressed by the children and loved their little show. It melted my heart a little bit, and even made me a little sad because I miss my own children. It also hammered home the fact that Christmas is indeed coming up fast, and there isn't much time to work on my gift for Cara..... That's what she really wants this year.... Is for me to write about the Norse tradition of Yule, not only in an attempt for me to better understand my own heritage, but to also understand how Cara views the world in which we live.

Cara celebrates Yule, and I celebrate Christmas. Once again we are totally different, but together we make a great team. We'll be doing both this year.

I gotta go. I don't have much time to write today, so I better take advantage of the time I do have. We'll talk soon, I promise! With much love and thanks for all the support you have given to me, I'm signing off . Have a good one.

December 11th
Good morning. It's as cold as a witch's tit out there. A white dusting of fresh snow covers everything, and there's no one moving. Welcome to a sleepy Sunday morning.

I've been up since 6 AM. I woke to severe cramping and I've been awake since then. Haven't been able to do much until now, which means that for 5 hours I've been limited to simply scrolling through news and playing the Facebook version of "Simcity".

I guess you could say my major health problems this morning are my fault; I ate a large meal last night. It's not often we get pizza for supper, and I happily ate more than my fair share. The problem with doing that, is my body doesn't like food apparently, and within 3 hours had to lie down. [Sighs]

We played Dungeons and Dragons last night. Our attendance is still pretty minimal at the moment, and I have to say it's become esoteric; the group has taken on a personality of its own. They walk into fights without fear, because so far no one has actually died and been forced to roll a new character. There are times it seems like I'm herding cats, and even when an old-hand like me states "I'm banning gamespeak", they continue to talk about random tangents, using real-life names and places / etc,  and sometimes outright ignore the DM when I'm trying to describe a room or situation. They are quite wealthy from good dice rolls and plenty of powerful monsters slain and raided, so they all assume "Money is no problem", and try to buy what they need rather than work for it. Part of this is my fault, and part of it is good playing and lucky dice rolls.

No worries, Dear Diary, I'm not complaining, but rather, simply pointing out fact. I had a decent amount of prep work done for this adventure, and we barely scratched the surface yesterday. Oh well, they are still learning. I look forward to the next time we play with exuberance, since I can only polish the storyline I have prepared.

Well, it's late. As I said I haven't got a whole lot done today, so I better rectify that. We'll talk soon. Hope you have a great day!

December 12th

I've been awake since 4 AM. It's now 8:30 AM. Hello, Dear Diary, how are you?

You would not believe how much snow has fallen in just 24 hours. Well, it's really not THAT much, but in a city it has a tendency to shut things down. Take today, for example.... The kidlet is home from school on a "Snow Day", which means the school is open, but the buses are not running. [Shrugs] It does look kinds pretty.

I hear we are in for some severe cold in the next couple of days. A "Polar Vortex" is gripping Canada in -20 to -40 degree temperatures Right now Western Canada is taking a hit, and Eastern Canada is going to get it by Wednesday. I guess the weather system is temporarily stalled and pulling frigid conditions down from the Arctic.... Cue the "Global Warming deniers"...... "Can't be climate change if it's so cold, now can it? Global warming? PFFT!".......those kinds of people will continue to ignore the signs, even when the ice melts from under their feet. I hear scientists claim we are heading into the 6th extinction, because thing are getting so bad.

Since we're getting all worldly now, and instead of focusing on the fact I should be working on the Yule story.... I hear that the United States government is "looking into possible allegations of Russians hacking email servers (etc) and using that information to sway the United States election. Now, if this is true it holds extreme implications! Can you imagine another country actually influencing an election? Pretty bad, right? But, what I can't push aside is the fact that none of this would be possible at all if there actually wasn't corruption to expose in the first place....

[Crickets]

.......right? I mean, if these are the people who are supposed to be leading an entire nation you would think that corruption is the last thing you want. And if said corruption IS exposed, it should be addressed for what it is. To place blame on any one organization or country is ludicrous, because if someone wants to run a country they should be open to any and all information being disclosed.

Call me old-fashioned, antiquated, or even eccentric, but I personally believe that whoever runs a country should be of not only high-moral standards, but they should be THE STANDARD for what the country represents. I wouldn't even mind having someone with a decorated military background either, because I think that's a valuable asset when it comes to International matters.

So, what's in store for this snowy Winter day? Well, try to get a handle on my health problems, and after that we'll see. I'll probably write a bit while I wait for things to calm down....

......Have a good one, and don't hurt yourself shoveling snow, eh?

December 14th
It's cold.... Damn cold! The weather forecast for today is double-digits below zero, and tonight it's supposed to drop to almost -30 Celcuis! YUCK!

There's a transformation that happens to the city when it gets this cold. It's not like suddenly everyone has a warm place to stay or food to eat. Not everyone has a car, nor a computer with high-speed internet...... So the idea that everyone in the city is just hunkering down and staying home during this dangerous cold snap, is untrue.... There are many people who are really suffering because of this extreme cold. But! They do disappear... So where do they go?  Homeless shelters for the most part, but when every bed is taken and there's no room, what do those poor individuals do? They ride the bus, huddle in doorways, and hang around malls and other large facilities. Gone are the large packs of people on Dundas Street, scattered by temperatures that can kill the ill-prepared. Meanwhile, the shopping malls and buses are overcrowded......

......on a side note, since the drop in temperature I have been taking the bus to get where I need to go, and I haven't been hit by a vehicle once since I started taking the bus. Guess that's because a bus is too big for motorists to intimidate with their air-conditioned weapons.

Oh look... The sun is shining through the window, and it feels warm on my face... What a deception!

I have a ton of writing to do. My plan to gift Cara with a story she's asked for is only going to happen if I put my mind to it... So, today is going to be hammering down on the Yule Story she's asked for..... Yes, Cara wants a book written for Yule and Christmas. Don't tell her, but I went out and bought a couple of little things for her and the kidlet with what little money I had left.

Gotta go. We'll talk soon.

December 16th
It's past noon. I've had a rough morning, but I don't want to get into that.

I realize I haven't written in my diary for a couple of days, and I felt I better say hello. [Waves] Hello. Hope your Friday is going well.

Like I said, things are ok. A couple of days ago things were really great. Today, not so much. Simply said, every couple has problems, right? Enough about that.

I DO want to talk about something, and while it seems almost a little surreal, it is indeed true.....

......APPARENTLY the Unites States of America is demanding a social network used by millions of people all over the world called FACEBOOK to be accountable for "Fake News". This call for action also includes satire and the websites that are known to produce such "Fake News", and the demand has been joined by other countries around the world.

Why? Is this even really necessary?

Fake news? Satire? It's easy to disseminate what is real and what isn't, but too many individuals fail to do any research, merely accepting everything they read as fact.

Why punish the rest of us because they are unable to disseminate fact from fiction.

Life doesn't come with a safety net. Stop pandering to the brainless and lazy individuals in society!
Like, you're scrolling through your newsfeed and something that offends you pops up. What do you do? I mean, are people honestly sitting there, blabbering in their brain, "OH GEE! I really don't like that! How DARE that happen?! BUT.... IT does seem a bit far-fetched. IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME WAY TO CHECK TO SEE IF THIS IS TRUE OR NOT!!! Thing is, I want to share because I care, but no one wants to look foolish by spreading misinformation, right? Right?!"

Or not.

Most just read the headline without even looking at the source, or even clicking on the link to read the rest of the story. Those that do probably give up reading quickly if it disagrees with their point of view. Those that do agree with the content scan the page quickly, nod their head and ignore the rest. Chances are they click "LIKE" or an angry emoji. A smattering of venomous individuals may even comment (That includes those that haven't read the article) on the article. A few share it with their friends....

...it balloons. The "You won't believe this is true", becomes "LOOK at THIS! SO TRUE". And it gets shared over and over like a bad game of "Telephone". Blogs are written, articles are written either debunking the rumour or bolstering the cause. Some of it may be true, but much of it isn't true.....

....But, no one cares. "If I read about it on the Interwebz it MUST be true, eh?". And while we all scoff at that, you have to take one factor into consideration......

....We go to school to learn how to conform, not how to think. We believe everything that media says because we were taught to do that from a young age. Due to the fact the average human being is not trained to question the information given to us, as well as, bolstered by a sense of nationalism, manipulation of an entire population becomes easy.

That's it. Seriously. That is the honest truth right there. Companies and corporations have been doing it for decades, and they are only getting more and more sophisticated.

Ok, so why is all this an issue anyway?

The Unites States of America President believes that Russia is responsible for the leaked information  about the Democratic party during the 2016 election, and thusly influencing the election in favour of Donald Trump. No proof, I might add, and the old adage of "It must be the Russians", is growing (bad word) old!

Back on topic.... Why is this necessary for companies and websites like Facebook to adhere to helping people disseminate fact from fiction? Is it so hard to simply GOOGLE something? Being as that you are using some electronic device to view the website content, wouldn't it make sense to check things out a bit, perhaps get more information on the topic, and even be able to add to the conversation a bit?

No? Please mother to (Explicit) Gawd tell me I'm not the only on the planet that fact checks things before posting it!?!

It feels like a situation where every single car on the planet is suddenly being retrofitted with those "Dummy shifting lights" that tell you when it's optimal to shift gears, even though the intelligent drivers don't need them. (Black electrical tape covers it up really well, I might add)

"A good chunk of the population can't figure out how to fact check. We must make every satirical website and fake news post warnings, like on cigarette packs"

Shoot me now.

Part of the fun of posting satire was the reaction of those who are too lazy to fact check, or easily riled. I mean, I'm not going to say that I'm an Internet troll sometimes, but I'm an Internet troll sometimes. Forgive me if I enjoy throwing people around with the use of the written language or a cleverly crafted meme. Now they are going to flag my shit because a few ignoramuses might not realize it's fake?

(Explicit)! What's next? This slippery slope leaves wide a huge hole for abuse! Anyone that can't see that is probably the reason why Facebook needs warning messages on the Internet.

[Laughs] That's a second degree burn, (Explicit) [Drops the mic]

December 19th
Happy Birthday to me. I know I don't act my age, but if you're curious I'm now 43.

I doubt I'm going to get much done today, but I should try and work on my story.

Diane is taking me out for lunch in about a half hour, so I better get my butt in gear.

Hope you have a great day!

December 20th
Good morning!! The sun is shining today, but it's still really cold.

Everything is in full-blown Christmas mode now. From commercials to decorations, the whole world seems to be in the Christmas spirit....

.....but this year we're doing things a bit differently. We'll be observing Christmas, but we'll be celebrating Yule.

Something extremely interesting happened this year to me. Every single year I try to celebrate Christmas I'm left with a hollow feeling deep in my core. I've always blamed it on the fact that Christmas is supposed to be family-orientated, and every single year my children were somehow used as ammunition to hurt me, by their mother. I mean, Christmas is really for children, or at least the way we celebrate Christmas it's for kids. So each year I was left with a depression that stems from what I know about the religious holiday and how I end up not being able to celebrate it properly. My personal belief in God and His Son, Jesus Christ, was a relationship that was started when I was but a few days old when my proud parents took their little Christmas bundle (Me) to Church on Christmas Eve. Over the years there were several more additions to our family as my parents eventually came to raise 6 children in total. Christmas for us was a HUGE event that involved Church, reading from the Bible, and of course, presents on Christmas morning. Sure, there was Santa Claus, but the "Jolly old Elf" wasn't the focus; he'd fill up our stockings and usually brought one big gift like a sled or a toboggan. The rest of the gifting was done by family members and it was a shared experience. I've already written about this topic in much greater detail, and I entitled it "The Ghost of Christmas Past". Have a look if you like. ...Anyway, you can imagine how I continuously felt each Christmas morning as an adult, when I would wake up alone, Christmas has now become a negative thing for me, and no matter how hard I try to get into the Christmas Spirit, I only end up being cynical and feeling jaded.... But! This year is different, and already I am feel better about the upcoming holiday. So, what happened? Due to the fact that Cara does not celebrate Christmas because she's pagan, the focus on Santa doesn't exist. The idea of "Stockings hung by the chimney with care", does happen, but all the family members know that we're just filling up each other's stocking, and it's something everyone gets to participate in. Same with gifting, we still have presents under a tree, but they are not for Christmas at all.... They are for YULE. You see, she celebrates the Winter solstice, and observes the pagan traditions of the Germanic and Nordic people...... And instead of a gift, Cara has asked me to write her a story about Yule..... Now here, Dear Diary, is where things get really interesting..... I feel better this year, because I can now understand why we do the things we do. Not only will I be celebrating Christmas this year with my new family, but the Yuletide celebration we're planning makes much more sense to me than celebrating a holiday that was only created to mix Christianity and paganism in an effort to control the masses. Yup, my research to write the story for Cara has really opened my eyes.


I still believe in God, or a higher power. I am predominately Christian in my beliefs, but if I had to pick a religion that suits me the best I would have to say Ba'Hai, which basically believes that all religions are correct in their understanding of the Creator. To think that every religion would call "God" the same thing is ludicrous, as the Spirit made Flesh would appear to everyone in a way they would recognize. My journey to enlightenment in exploring other religions has not diminished my belief in the Almighty, but rather bolstered it.

Christ was not born on Christmas day. Scholars believe He was born sometime during the Summer or early Fall, and have logical pointers as to why He could never have been born during the coldest, rainiest months of the year in Bethlehem. The census that required His parents to check in with the town of their original birth (Bethlehem) would have been self-defeating if conducted during the Winter. No shepherds would have been in the fields tending flocks because it was too cold and miserable to have the sheep outside. Only in the Summer months would any of this be able to have occurred. So, if Christ wasn't born on December 25th, why do Christians use the 25th as the marker for Christ's birth?

The Christmas tree is actually a pagan tradition of "Wassailing the trees". The wreathes that grace our Christmas decorations are actually from the Viking tradition of lighting a wheel of wood on fire and rolling it down the hill to pay homage to the sun god. Mistletoe, holly, ivy, gift-giving, the decorated trees, the sharing of community, and much more all descend from paganism. The reason why the Christian church adopted the date of December 25th as Christ's birthday, was to help facilitate the conversion of the heathens into Christianity, by blending the traditions of paganism and the Winter solstice with those of the Christian beliefs.

Suddenly, everything made sense to me! Like a light being switched on in a dark room, my faith was illuminated and thoroughly examined. The traditions, the fruitless steps I kept trying to take each year to try and make myself happy, but only ending in bitterness, were put under a microscope and analyzed. In the end I am left with a much better feeling about myself, my situation, and the traditions I choose to enjoy (Or not do, as the case may be)

This year is going to be better, and not just because I am sharing it with someone I hold near and dear to my heart, as well as, the energetic kidlet, but also because I have stopped lying to myself about the holiday.

Well, lots to do today. I need to keep working on that Yule story, and I've got a few gifts to still wrap. Better get my butt in gear! Talk soon.

December 21st
Today we celebrate, for the sun has finally reached it's seasonal tide and the warm rays of growth will soon grace us. The fruits of our labors in the sacrifice of blood, alcohol, and food as we wassail the tree is in our hopes of a fruitful harvest. Tidings of wreaths decorate our doorways as homage to the sun God. (We cannot light it afire and roll it down a hill because the city somewhat frowns upon that, but I'm sure Odin won't mind) The bread we break, and the wine we share are mingled with the laughter of good friends. Harken to my tale and rejoice with me. Be you friend, foe, or even the Gods themselves, tonight finds you as equals in my eye and redeemed of all transgressions. I plead you to do the same for me for the gift of life and love is more important than precious gold. Come, sit. Join my table and feast until the fires die from the hearth and the rafters no longer ring with cheer. The honoured traditions of our heritage are the foundation of what we are, and today we give thanks to our ancestors, the Gods, and each other. It is a time of boasts, roasts, and oaths, for it is the time of Yule.
Blessed be.

December 22nd
Good morning! It's warmish outside with temperatures a tad above freezing, but the sun is not shining. Today is going to be a busy day as I have to go uptown for a Doctor appointment, as well as, visit my case worker. All this means quite a bit of waiting for buses, and I'm glad it's not too cold.

Yesterday was pretty fun. We had a full house over to celebrate Yule, and there was music, dancing, some fighting with boffers and tons of food. I did spend much of it in the kitchen, but someone has to do the dishes, right?

Things are decent today, but because I have to get showered, get dressed and leave the house, then come home to clean, I gotta go. Hope you have a great day!

December 23rd
The weather is cloudy but warm. I guess we can expect temperatures above zero for the next couple of days for our high. Lows are expected to still be mild.... Good news for the kidlets getting out for Christmas break.

Good morning, Dear Diary, how are you?

I went to bed extra early last night, and awoke with tons of energy. Unfortunately I'm flaring up, but at least I have medication.

Speaking of which, my prescription has been renewed. I'm now using 45 grams a month at 20% THC. So glad my condition is taken seriously by Doctors!

There's an interesting scenario that has developed in my life; having celebrated Yule, the expectation of Christmas is nearly non-existent. We had tons of friends over for good food, drink, and Yuletime gifts. Now, Christmas is just another day for me....... And as I watch everyone gearing up for the big day, I feel a bit left out. Don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, I'm not upset in the least. The fact remains that Christmas is a commercialized event created by early Christians to subjugate the Pagans, and has little relevance to the actual birth of Christ. Sure, it's a Holy time for Christians, but now that I have educated myself on the subject I feel much different about the holiday.

People that celebrate Christmas fall into two camps; those that recognize the birth of Christ, and those that don't. It's becoming increasingly common for families to anticipate Santa Claus but not Jesus, and I personally believe that those who don't celebrate the Savior's birth are the cause of Christmas feeling hollow and empty. I mean, if you are just viewing Christmas as a season of gift-giving or a vacation from work / school, but have no Pagan or Christian ties, it begs to ask the question, "What are really celebrating"? Seriously. Why observe a religious holiday if you aren't religious?

"It's for the kids, and we wouldn't want to have them fall behind", is the common answer most parents give, to which I reply, "Your children are entirely missing the point to begin with, so why pretend"? That probably stings a bit if you fall into the commercial Christmas camp, but the truth does indeed hurt sometimes. The fact is people don't just tell a couple of simple lies to their children to enhance the holiday, but actually go out of their way to make the lie believable! From visiting Santa to "Elf-on-a-shelf", the extreme attempts by parents to fool their children into believing some immortal magic-using-fat-man breaking into their house and depositing gifts in return for a few dry cookies and some warm milk, resonate long into their adult life.

I'm not being jaded or cynical. To merely point out known facts, is merely pointing out known facts.

Anyway, I have a busy day planned. My story about Yule is not ready for this year, but that's because I'm really taking my time in writing it to ensure it's factually accurate. The house needs to be cleaned from top to bottom, but I'm not looking forward to pulling everything apart to do so.

Hope you have a great day, and if you are doing any Christmas planning today please take some time to examine the real reasons for Christmas and Yule....And if you left with some level of guilt or that empty, hallow feeling, I hope you find solace and peace by educating yourself....Talk soon.

December 24th
Good morning, Dear Diary, it's Christmas Eve; a time of the year where the magic seems so real you can feel it. The whole world waits for the big day. I remember this as a child, and I can still feel it today. It's in the air, the glow in people's faces, the music, bells, and lights.  You can see it in how people treat each other in day to day interactions... Compare it to any retail outlet come the middle of January to see how stark it is.... Huge difference! Is it because of the holiday? Or is it something else?

I really wouldn't want to be at the mall today. No... Wait.. I take that back.. I WOULD like to be at the mall, but only as an observer.. Maybe with a video camera, perhaps. [Grins] I love watching people.

Might write. Might workout. Might play some Pokemon Go. Not sure what's in store for today, but I know I should clean the house and perhaps do some laundry.

I'm thinking I should make bread. At the very least I should make some buns for tomorrow. I guess we're going over to James' house for Christmas dinner. "Who's that?", I hear you say. Well, James is a guy I met through Dungeons and Dragons. He's pretty cool.. Very laid back. Keeps to his word. Good guy... Anyway, we're heading over there for supper. Should be fun.

I might go to Church for the Christmas Eve service. I know I haven't been going to Church regularly, but that's because it's about 8 KM away from me now, and I simply can't afford bus tickets like that. I really do miss it. And today is a very special day for Christians.....

.....For unto you a child is born. He is the God made Flesh. The third part of the Holy Trinity. For anyone that cannot understand why, there is a small parable I wrote entitled, "The Man and the Birds". I encourage you to read it.

May the Peace, Love, Joy, and Hope of Christmas fill your heart and home. I wish everyone a safe, and happy holiday season.  Rejoice, I say unto you, rejoice. Jesus Christ is born! Hallelujah, hallelujah!

December 25th - 7 pm 
Another Christmas had come, and judging by the clock, almost went. It's going to be 7 bells when I post this, and I don't really have much time.

I missed a bus. Which lead me to taking the wrong bus. Then, due to my health issues I had to come home for a bit.... Meanwhile, I was supposed to be at James house already, but apparently that isn't in the cards.

Maybe I should start at the beginning.

Due to a deal I made with Cara, I will not discuss the details of Christmas Eve, nor this morning. I can say, however, that I spent most of Christmas Day alone, in pain, and not able to do much.

By about 2ish I started feeling better, and thought I better join James and the rest of the bunch over at his place, but then I realized THE HOLIDAY BUS SCHEDULE sucks! I tried hard to get downtown on time, but I ended up missing the bus....

....now you're caught up.

I did open a gift from Diane this morning. She always knows exactly how to make me feel better. Her gift was thoughtful as always, and I love the Star Wars card. I ALSO got some money from my mom, and my plans are to purchase a new computer chair for myself. Big thank you to my bestie and mom!! You certainly brightened a very cloudy day.

So, yea. Went across town on a couple buses, then came home. Now I gotta go try again and see if I can make the right bus on time. I guess we'll talk soon.

Merry Christmas.

December 27th
The weather is wacky. Last night we got a rainstorm that melted all the snow, and now it's windy as all heck. Hello, Dear Diary, hope you're well.

I had a decent day yesterday, although it certainly wasn't what I had expected. My plan to go out and do some people watching never panned out. Instead, at 10 AM Cara tells me she messed up the days as to when we were supposed to spend Christmas with her Grandparents, and that we were getting picked up at noon. My plans to buy a new computer chair seemed to fly out the window, but then, I was taken to a store and afforded the time to pick out the chair I wanted.  Like, wow! Now I no longer had to drag my chair home on the bus, because it fit perfectly in the truck of the car.

Spending time with Cara's grandparents was nice. It felt awesome to share a family event, and I certainly felt welcome. I get along pretty decently with her family, which is always a good thing. Very nice people. We had supper, opened a few gifts, and shared an afternoon of laughs and stories.

When we got home we put the chair together. The first time I sat on the leather chair I melted. So comfortable! I'm very happy that I now have a chair that isn't broken.....

.....but the chair sits higher than the old one. Right now I have it lowered to the floor as much as it will go, but amusingly, when fully extended is so tall that my feet can't even touch the floor! I'm not used to the armrests because they too sit higher, and it makes typing a bit weird. Hmmm.... Look at me being stubborn about change. [Laughs]

I have a problem, Dear Diary, but it cannot be discussed on a public forum. There are somethings that I cannot speak of, more specifically when it comes to others. While I am open about many aspects of my life, when it comes to writing about other people I hold back. [Sighs] Anyway, I have a problem and I don't think I'll be getting much done today. My mind is too cluttered with frustration to concentrate on much.

The Winds of Change are overhead. I can feel it in my soul.....

...have a good one.

December 28th - 5 pm
Yes, it's late.  Normally I write these diary entries in the morning, but today is different.

Woke up to Cara's alarm clock. The plan was for her and I to get picked up by her mom and go see a movie. Well, when it was time to go I wasn't ready. I sat at my computer feeling guilty, so I thought I should make the most out of the day.

I started cleaning.

I washed the bedding, vacuumed the carpet, mopped the wood floor, did the dishes, took out the garbage, and washed and folded 6 loads of laundry.

Thank God for meds.

It was a decent day, and after I made supper I decided to write, so here we are. Hope your day is good. I didn't get any writing done, but the house looks great, and smells terrific!

Well, I wanna go kill something in Mechwarrior, I've got some new Battlemechs to play with......

...have a good one, eh?

December 29th
Again, afternoon. Could barely even lean over this morning to type anything. Hello, Dear Diary, hope your day is going well.

Turns out my brand new Battlemechs kick major butt!! They have a different feel about them, but every chassis operates differently. So, yay! I needed a good 50 ton mech.

I have an announcement to make..... Drum roll, please?

35,000 Views!
I want to wish everyone a big thank you for helping me achieve my goals! Since the inception of www.zzorhn.ca my life has never been the same. My work reaches far around the world and I've received letters from Australia, France, Britain, United States, Canada, and many more. The feedback has been helpful for the most part, and I love to hear back from those who have read my work. For me, this has been the biggest reason I keep trying to become a better author and artist, and it's because people believe in me that I keep reaching for the stars. Thank you, so very much!
Here's a few facts.
I started blogging in 2006. At the time of "Turn the Page" when I moved to London in 2014 there was only 2,000 page views. That's an increase of 33,000 views in less than two years.
Looking back, the work on zzorhn.ca has always been a record of my life in some way. Insomuch, I have kept a diary for almost a decade.
I use Blogger because it's free. If someone knew of a way to create and host a decent website, I would consider changing. However, I do enjoy the way the Blogger is set for ease of use and design.
My most read entry is "Jell-O Shooters". 
You would think that Canada is the country that enjoys my work the most, but it usually comes in somewhere in the top three each week. Oddly, Russia usually beats USA for views each week. The weeks where Canada is number one I do a little happy dance in my head.
My children's story "Fritz the Frog" was enjoyed by a whole classroom, and the teacher even used Fritz* as a prop for the book.
*Fritz is a 4 foot green stuffed toy frog.The pictures for the children's book were taken by Diane Lawrence of her son's favourite stuffed animal.
I simply cannot list the amount of adventures and new people I've met since I started writing! But, then again, I guess I HAVE written about it....

I'm extremely excited, and it only renews my vigour to work harder on my writing.

Speaking of, I've put off the Yule story long enough. (I know, I missed it) Cara had mentioned that she would rather me take my time and do a long story than have me whip up something short. So.... Guess it's going to be the next novel I write.

Today is kinda crappy. It's right on the edge of freezing, but it's raining and snowing at the same time. The roads are slippery and I wouldn't blame anyone if they didn't venture outside today.

There's quite a bit of buzz how 2016 is one of the "Worst Years" for well-known artists, authors, actors, and other kinds of talent suddenly dying. Many of the major news networks are even swept up in the social media outcry over the amount of celebrities who have died in this year. I'll admit, it does seem like there are an above average amount of deaths, but it could also be due to social awareness. I mean, up until now most celebrity deaths have gone somewhat unnoticed due to the way people got their news.... It was very select stories on early television or the radio, or from the printed news. How do most people receive news in the form of print? They glance at the "Top Stories" and quickly thumb through the paper to see if anything catches their eye. Most people skip the obituary section.... And I personally believe that is one of the main reasons we're seeing an increase in awareness about famous people who are dying. Today, we've got social media to help us be more aware. You simply cannot compare the past to today's methods of sending and receiving news and information. The other reason I believe we are seeing more famous people dying, is simple; this is about the right span of time when the increase in celebrities all started due to television, to now, the end of their natural life cycle. This increase in deaths is not due to some over-active grim-reaper with an A-list on its to-do-list... It's just cyclic......

....but, could you imagine if 2016 WAS JUST A TEST-RUN FOR 2017 ?!?! [Giggles] My twisted sense of humour......

......So, guess I better get cracking at my book. The house is really clean and I have bread rising (and cinnamon buns - yay!) so other than that I should have no problems finding the time to work... Well, whatever is left of my afternoon....

......keep your stick on the ice.

December 30th
I finally received my confirmation of registration for the new medical marijuana company I'll be dealing with. Only took 8 days to set it up and email me.... Which sounds like a snail's pace in a digital world.....

.....good morning, Dear Diary. How are you? I'm ok... The weather is cold and damp with temperatures hovering around the freezing mark.

Second last day in 2016, and I still don't know what we're planning on doing for New Years Eve. With my budget there's not much we can do, and I'm not a fan of cold so I don't feel like standing outside. Victoria Park is having a band playing with fireworks at midnight, but that sounds like standing around in the cold for hours to me. I must be getting old, eh? I remember in my youth how cold weather didn't seem to bother me as much. We'd play hockey on the skating rink, build snowforts, and go skiing, all the while thinking nothing of a little bit of cold weather. So what am I doing to help ring in the new year? Not sure yet.

I should go. Not much to really report at this time. It's that lull between Christmas and New Years Eve where you're not certain what you should be doing.

Have a good one.

December 31st
It's the last day of the year. As of tomorrow, it's 2017! I'm kinda excited... So many things are already poised to occur in the next 366 days, and I want to have a front row seat. My world, as well as, the world around me, is changing. This upcoming year is going to be a time of planning for a Hand-binding ceremony between Cara and I for 2018, and in International news the world seems poised to explode. From Russia waking up after a long nap, Israel becoming embolden with the changing political stage, the incoming Trump administration in the United States, the illegal mass migration of hundreds of thousands from the war-torn Middle East and the problems that's creating for many nations, to the new space race, the biggest threat of nuclear war since the 1980's, China building new islands thereby disrupting commercial traffic flow and creating border disputes, and we can't forget North Korea's continued pursuit to build weapons of mass destruction capable of reaching Japan and even mainland USA. Whew.... [Wipes his forehead] Did I forget anything?

Oh, yea. A carbon tax rolls into effect as of tomorrow across Canada. Be prepared to pay a couple bucks extra for fossil fuel energy. (0.04 cents on the liter. Approximately $40 a year extra for heating your home)

Anywho, it's that time of the year when people tend to make resolutions. You know, "The changing of a chapter, or the turning of a page" adage. Many will make promises to lose weight, bike to work more often, or drink less, etc. It's a solid tradition, dating back long before I was born. Even as a teenager I remember making promises to myself for the upcoming year. To me, it seems like a good bookmark to start change. Right? As we go through life we tend to pick up bad habits, or let ourselves go a bit. The same is true for relationships, insomuch after a length of time with someone, couple's can pick up some bad co-dependent behaviour. It's perfectly normal to argue about issues, and sometimes get a little out of control. I mean, who hasn't lost their mind with their spouse on occasion? Anyway, the point I'm attempting to make, is that sometimes we need a starting point for change to occur, and New Year's resolutions aren't really a bad thing.

The goal to making resolutions, is to be realistic.

Most people break their promises within the first month claim experts. It's perfectly normal for people to sneak "one cigarette", or eat that second donut in the office lunch room, but the guilt that comes with breaking a promise to yourself goes beyond a few extra calories or starting to smoke again. Lying to yourself is never a good thing.

Always be honest with who you are.

Completely giving up drinking if you're an alcoholic, for example, is actually dangerous, both to your physical health, as well as, your mental well-fare. Punishing yourself in any manner over poor choices is not the best way to fix things in your life and bring about real change. If your resolutions are to stop smoking, drinking, drugs, etc, there are organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous, as well as, many people who are willing to help. Going cold turkey from any drug or habit is hard to do, so the goal is to be realistic in your approach. If you really want to quit doing something that has become habit-forming, do some research on the topic and set realistic goals.

For example: Cara came to me this morning and during a conversation we had, asked me to stop "Following negative news links"for three months. At first I got all defense, because I couldn't imagine giving up watching or reading news for three months, but then she explained that she meant to stop responding to negativity on social media, and reading news or watching TV programs like "The National" were perfectly fine.

You know what? She might be on to something.

I can understand how I can get heated during an online debate, and then vent my frustration in the house. It does carry over, and can cause real problems. Cara is a smart woman and can put things into perspective for me. So, for that reason I have decided to make some New Year's Resolutions.

My New Year's Eve Resolutions
(In no particular order)

1. No following negative news threads. This includes (but is not limited to) trolling, baiting, as well as, fact checking others posts. The goal is for three months, but could be extended if needed.

B. Smile more... I have serious "Resting Bitch Face" when I'm thinking, and I need to enjoy the moment more, and analyze it less.

3. Spend more time doing family things. Plan little trips, go to the movies, and even take Cara out on dates. Stagnancy is not allowed, because it leads to co-dependency.

D. Write more. Paint more. Sculpt more. Creativity makes me feel good, and I need to focus on making that a priority.

5. Exercise more. I need to get back into a routine. I'll admit, I'm getting a wee bit out of shape.

F. Promote myself more. This includes (But is not limited to) publishers, Max Agency, and a new website (hopefully).

7. Be positive.... The Power of Positive Thinking is a rule I keep trying to live by. I need to be more positive about my life and let the reactions speak for itself.

I'm sure there are a few other things I could change, like not being so grumpy in the morning, but let's not get out of control here... [Giggles] .. a guy can only change so much, ammaright?

I guess tomorrow is a new chapter. What's that bring me up to now? Oh, yea.. Eleven.....

.......a new blank slate, a new year, and endless possibilities.... [Salutes] I'll talk to you next year.

P.S. IF you are planning on going out to celebrate tonight, please do so responsibly! Remember to use your head, and arrive alive. Take a cab, the bus, or call a friend. Please, don't drink and drive.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

Popular posts from this blog

Jello Shooters

Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Eighteen

Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Nineteen