Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Eleven

A DIARY (also called a journal) is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. A personal diary may include a person's experiences, and/or thoughts or feelings, including comment on current events outside the writer's direct experience. Someone who keeps a diary is known as a diarist.


"What is a diary as a rule? A document useful to the person who keeps it. Dull to the contemporary who reads it and invaluable to the student, centuries afterwards, who treasures it." - Walter Scott

Have you ever wanted to read someone's diary? Here's your chance.......

........Is this your first time here? You should start at the beginning. 

T-Boned” (2014)

“Turn the Page” (2014)

Obscure Arcanum” (2015+)

Life is an adventure. From the moment you're born until the day you die, your life and how you choose to live is a series of choices based on circumstances relevant to each individual. Some are born with a silver spoon in their mouth while others are unceremoniously born into a war-torn nation rife with poverty, however, the manner of your arrival into the world is not as important as how you live each day; how you choose to live is more important than your genealogy or inheritance. It's very true that some people are alive but not really living. As for me, I not only stop to smell the flowers, but I enjoy watching those around me. I also enjoy sharing my experiences and adventures with others.

Hence the diary.

 It's quite the story. You can tell from reading my journal, or as I tend to call it, "Dear Diary", how things in my life are going from day to day. You can really see a difference when you start comparing it year to year! For me? It's an interesting social experience, although it was not originally intended to become a world-wide phenomenon like it did; the whole purpose of the "Turn the Page Series" and "Obscure Arcanum" were for my family and friends back home to keep track of my whereabouts and the major events in my life during my move to Southern Ontario in 2014. Then, it morphed into something much more......

....back in the second chapter of "Turn the Page" I stopped writing. What was the point, right? I had made the move to Southern Ontario, and didn't really think much of discontinuing my writing. Suddenly, I had an influx of email from all over the planet asking me to continue writing. [Shrugs] Well, I haven't stopped since.

I hope you enjoy my adventures as I journey through this mystery we call life. It's had its ups-and-downs, absolute failures, and wondrous successes. I'm still working for "Max Agency" in Toronto, and I am trying to become a renown author. I still have quite a bit of work to do yet, but each step brings me closer to my dreams.

Please check out my short stories. Other than a written record of my day-today activities I also write quite a bit.... Click on my favourites and have a read.

I always like to hear from you. Please feel free to write, text, or call. I enjoy reading your letters, and the critique I get only helps me to get better.

To date, over thirty-five thousand people have visited my blog! I remember when I first started writing and getting excited over a couple thousand. My goal to become world-renown is being achieved, and it's only through the help and support of people like you that I am able to continue chasing my dreams. Thank you for helping make this such a huge success. All my love...

....ZZ
_______________ 

January 1st, 2017
Happy New Year!!

[Looks up at the chapter] Yup. Eleven... Had to double check myself when I wrote the title. How time flies!

I'm a bit rough today. Some of it's the same-old, but the headache and grogginess is totally my fault. As my mother would say, I'm suffering from "Swine Flue" AKA hungover. Tee many martoonies last night, but I sure did have fun!

Cara and I went downtown London to "Richmond Row" to meet up with a couple of her friends. Our plan was to have a couple of pitchers and then head over to Victoria Park for the free concert featuring "Finger 11" hosted by the city of London. Gotta say, the city puts on a good FREE show. Well, we bundled up and braved the cold with thousands of other Londeners, but I kept wondering to myself, "How does the  band play instruments in the cold"? Turns out they had heaters.

At midnight the fireworks were launched, and I kissed Cara for the first time this year.... That's something I do hold precious and always have; the kiss at midnight. Not sure where the notion came from, but it has something to do with what I was taught as a child. The first kiss of the year belongs to your luvvie. [Shrugs] Not sure if there a precedence for that ideology, but to me it doesn't matter... I started 2017 holding Cara in my arms with fireworks overhead.

The city also waived the bus fare starting at 9 pm. Oh. My. God! Every bus was filled with merry-making people in various degrees of intoxication. One person would yell out "Happy New Year", and the whole bus would respond in turn. Big smiles, handshakes, and tons of noise-making.... Kinda makes you forget about that VERY sober person at the helm of the vehicle having to operate the slippery streets of London while a chaotic party rages behind them. I can't imagine what must be going through their minds......

...anyway, it was a veritable hoot I have to say. Took forever for the buses to arrive (Or just seemed like it) and once they did we were packed in shoulder to shoulder like sardines. One group piles off the bus through the back door as another pack piles in the front.

Quite the experience!

Got home and we decided to start 2017 with a bang. Didn't realize we got THAT carried away until I happened to notice the video on my phone this morning. Needless to say THAT won't be going on my website. [Laughs]

The sun is shining super bright today, but that might just be my headache. It's warm as heck though, and what little snow we have is melting. I'll take this kind of Winter weather any day!

[Stretches] Wow.. Still not feeling that good.

Sometime today I gotta figure out how to order my medication online from the new supplier. Not looking forward to THAT change in my life, but it does mean I get stronger dosages of marijuana, which of course helps.

Should go.... I SHOULD try and do some work o my novel, but I'm not sure where my head is right now. Maybe I'll just go kill someone in Mechwarrior..... That sounds fun.

May you be blessed this year with inner peace. For it is only through believing in who you are and finding comfort and love within your own self, that you can truly achieve greatness.

Talk soon.

January 2nd
Played a bunch of Mechwarrior yesterday, and then capped it off with a cuddle on the couch with Cara. Other than that I didn't do much.

Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is shining brightly again, and the temperatures are hovering around the freezing mark. Even after two years I still am left with a sense of wonderment at Southern Ontario's weather, and how different it is compared to back in the Rainy River District of North-Western Ontario. (I hear they are having above average temps this year though)

Ever wonder if someday someone reading this work will look back on my detailed analysis of day-by-day weather patterns and have first-hand account of climate change? No? Oh... I do.

That concept is what drives me. As I sit here typing, history is not only passing but being recorded by me. The historical record is then published, read by others, and subsequently shared via social media, which in turn makes it a part of the collective awareness on the planet. While I might display a slanted disposition on certain occasions due to bias personal opinions, it is factually correct on worldly occurrences. Which makes this journal a history book. [Laughs] And here you thought you were reading a diary.......

......Anyway, today feels like a "Free day". Barely anything in the city is open due to it being Monday and a holiday due to New Years falling on Sunday. Banks, government buildings, and other kinds of companies are all closed. Including the rental office where I go to pay my monthly rent.... Closed from Friday at noon to Tuesday.... Like, wow. Sure makes things inconvenient. I certainly hope they don't view this as being tardy on my rent.

SINCE it's a "Free day", I guess the best thing for me to do is to knuckle-down and get some writing done. The story is good, and I'm pleased with how it's turning out.. Albeit slowly.....

......not sure what Cara has in mind for the day yet, so I better go see what she has planned before I make any concrete plans. Pretty certain she won't mind if I'm working though, but it is a nice day out there.

A reminder for my Canadian friends, eh? ....This year is Canada's 150th birthday. You can expect some serious "ramping up" in preparation for the big day, and a yearly promotion of Canadian pride. Just a heads up for ya hosers.

Well, gotta go... I've got my thinking toque on, and while it's really great outside I hope I can get some writing done, eh? Have a good one.

January 4th
Yesterday the weather was in the single digits above freezing. Today? It's windy as crap and back to freezing cold. Ugh!

So, I ordered from the new medication company, and although I was able to use my "Electronic Visa card" that's tied to my bank account (Which was super easy) the delivery cost is $10 compared to $4 from the previous company... And they've got less travel time being as they are based in Toronto. AND they didn't even process my order in the space of 24 hours. Not. Impressed! In an email sent by the company, they claim my order will be on its way by tonight. TONIGHT?!? For $10 delivery I should  HAVE that medication order in my hands tonight for fuck sakes! Hate the fact that I am forced to deal with such incompetency to get pain relief!

I slept in for the first time in what seems like ages. I'm pretty sore today, but not flared up like I was yesterday, so that's good

I've started a new article about relationships based on my personal experiences and what I read and hear from around the planet. The fact remains, the majority of people on the planet do not know how to conduct themselves properly in a relationship, and my article is going to highlight that. Why am I writing it? Like always, to get it out of my mind.....

......and in the same way I need to work on the Yule story. I've got the last sentence completed in my head, it's just a matter of putting it down on paper.

Speaking of which, I should go. Apparently I have a ton of typing to do. Keep warm... Talk soon.

2 PM
Hello, Dear Diary. I know I don't usually pen a second entry in a day except when I'm travelling, but I was reminded of something and wanted to write it down before I forgot.

You know how people have little ways of communicating with each other? A certain look, the clearing of a throat, or even little made-up idioms are among the plethora of ways we communicate with each other.

Cara and I have our own little code phrase, "Spackling the window". EG: Don't take that the wrong way, I'm merely spackling the window.

It stems from a conversation we had last Summer in which I happened to be outside on our deck and noticed that there was flecks of something adhered to the sliding glass door. I had cleaned the window earlier that day, but was unable to remove the hardened on bits of matter. When I pointed it out to Cara, she assumed I was asking her to clean it off, which in turn caused a brief argument. I tried to explain that I was not asking her to clean the window, but merely was pointing out that there was spackle of some sort on the window.

Well, the next time I made a comment whereupon Cara misunderstood me and I was only trying to make a statement, I looked at her and stated, "I'm only spackling the window". Well, the conversation immediately was resolved as she clearly understood the meaning behind the idiom. Argument avoided.

So, if you are ever wondering if I'm actually implying something or just trying to make a statement, all you have to do is ask, "Are you spackling the window?", and I'll know exactly what you mean.

January 5th
Good morning. I've been awake since 4:30, and it's now 9 AM. Flared up big time, but now I'm able to at least lean over to type. I've checked the parcel tracker on my medication and apparently it's in London just waiting to be delivered to me....

.....probably in for a day-long wait if history serves my memory correctly.

Wow! Is it ever cold out! -14 Celsius without the windchill, and it's pretty damned windy. Gone are the plus 3 degrees we had only a couple days ago.,,, [Sighs] At least we were lucky compared to other parts of Canada, who received ice storms causing serious accidents and power outages, or like Western Canada where it dumped tonnes of snow. [Shrugs] You can't shovel rain. Anyway, the highways were pretty treacherous for a bit, and the city looked like a ghost town on a Monday night. Things are back to normal now, but if you aren't sporting Winter tires you'd best park your ride.

Gas prices have risen by 4 cents per Liter and everyone is up in arms over the new "Cap and Trade" for carbon emissions that came into effect on January 1st. It's like, 4 cents. [Shrugs] And everyone is acting like it's the end of the world...

.....fact is, they are not upset over a four cent increase in gas. That would be silly. What has everyone all upset is a co-dependency issue of having a lack of control. You see, step one in Codependants Anonymous states that "You have no control over anything or anyone but yourself". (Or something like that - I could look it up) [Sighs] Ok, ok. Guess I gotta look it up anyway to properly provide an URL to link it anyway. Be right back......

.....Back. Sorry that took so long. Anwho, as I stated earlier the first step in the twelve steps of Co-Dependency Anonymous is to admit that you are powerless over others and only have power over your own actions.

  1. We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Not quite what I said, but the twelve steps are designed to deal with codependency and are modeled after the Alcoholic and Narcotic Anonymous programs. For more information on codependency and the program that can help deal with it, please CLICK HERE.

Back on topic. The reason people are frustrated is because they have no control over the legislation that came into effect on January 1st, 2017. As a general rule people don't like being forced to do anything, and while it's not only the climate-change-deniers that are upset over this, you can bet those people are doubly pissed off because they are being forced into a concept they don't even believe in. No one believes the government will do anything good with the extra income, and most agree it's just another cash grab. Fact is, those people are entirely missing the point. Carbon tax is not meant to generate revenue persay, but is actually designed to encourage people to start thinking about the way they travel. The ideology behind Canada and other nation's leaders choice to implement carbon taxes is only the beginning of the end of using fossil fuels for travel.

Well, I should get my butt in gear. I've got a good chunk of that new article written, but I still have more to say. Guess I should go. Talk soon.

January 6th
The sun is shining, but it's pretty cold at -16 Celsius. Good morning, Dear Diary, it's Friday.

The plan this weekend is for Cara's father to come for a day or so. This is kinda of exciting, as I've never met the man. It does mean we are going to have a full house, so any routine I enjoy will be placed on the back burner.

Had another problem this morning. I was sitting quietly at my computer when my health issue kicked in. Well, the bathroom was occupied, so I asked if they could hurry up. Next thing I know I'm being attacked for showing frustration with the slow-moving person in the bathroom, and tried hard to express how painful it was to hold it all in, to no avail. Somehow I end up the bad guy, again.

Why is it people don't listen to me until I lose my shit, and then get upset because I've lost my shit?

I'm getting frustrated with this aspect in life. You know how many fights have been started over the years by me sitting quietly at my computer desk minding my own business? Way. Too. Fucking. Many. Times! Seriously, I'm at my desk with my head down working and the next thing I know all Hell has broken loose. This isn't limited to anyone in perticular, as nearly all my exes did the exact same thing. Not sure if it's "You're not paying attention to me", or if it's even deeper, "You give that computer all your attention, and I feel resentment". [Shakes his head in frustration] Does anyone else have this problem?

Let me be clear; I'm a computer guy. I can find no other outlet that can give me all the information I need from day-to-day, and I type much faster than I can write. It's a tool for me to use, and while I might spend much of my time at a keyboard, it is not something to be jealous of. Being upset over me using a computer is like getting mad at your carpenter husband for using a hammer all the time. Or a concert pianist spending all their time at a piano. It's what I do, and to attack me at a computer desk is infringing on my happiness and work-space.

Well, I am going to try and get some work done. Cara has gone to the store with a friend, and I should take advantage of an empty house.

Hope you have a great day, and a safe, happy weekend.

2 PM
Cara's dad is here. He seems like a really nice guy.

Things are better, because Cara and I talked. This is the one advantage we have going for us in our relationship; we can resole our issues by talking.

Anywho, I probably won't be getting much work done for the rest of the day. Talk soon.

January 8th
I don't have much time to work today. Cara's dad is still here and we've all been having a great time. I haven't done any work all weekend, but I guess that's ok. Cara's younger brothers are here as well and I've been playing with the boffers.

It's too cold and miserable outside to do much of anything, but yesterday the whole bunch of us went to Masonville Mall to have a look around and do some shopping. That was fun too. After the kids went to bed we played "Cards Against Humanity".

Today there's even more company coming to visit. I'm guessing there's going to be more play-fighting and games.

Good thing I have medication, or this weekend would have been entirely different.

Well, I gotta go. Hope you are staying warm wherever you are. Have a good one, eh?

January 9th
Good morning, Dear Diary. There's a bunch of fresh snow on the ground, and it's pretty damned cold. There's no sun in the sky, and it's gloomy and miserable. I hear London wasn't the only place to receive such lousy weather, and it caused numerous accidents, as well as, knocked out power in some places. Not to mention how it also put a severe damper on everyone's plans.....

.......Enough about how miserable Winter is. How was your weekend? Mine was pretty decent... I got to meet Cara's dad and her brothers, and spent the whole weekend enjoying visiting with them and playing different games.

Oh look, the sun is trying hard to break through the gloomy grey clouds.

I should get my ars in gear and get some writing done. I've let myself go for too many days without working. I guess this isn't going to be a big entry..... Hope you have a great day.

January 10th
There is one side effect of the anti-depressant I'm taking; It makes me extremely groggy. No worries, Dear Diary, I'm taking the medication Elavil because I'm depressed., I'm taking it because the biggest side effect of the drug is constipation.

"Now why in the Hotel Echo double Lima would I want to do that?!?", I hear you ask. Good question.....

......It relaxes my abdomen while I sleep and stops the (Shitty subject). It's weird, I know.. But it works.

Unfortunately, the side effect of being groggy really makes my morning even more difficult.

I'll be frank about my condition when I wake up. It's like there's this big lever that I need to pull to get me from my sleep to full alertness, and some mornings that damned lever is seized up. I'm walking around groggily, still unsure if I'm awake or sleeping. Meanwhile, that lever in my brain barely moves even with liberal doses of caffeine, and I always joke about "Grinding gears". Anyway, these pills make it even more difficult to transition from sleep to being aware of my surroundings.

At least I haven't tried to cast any fireballs while I'm barely awake.... Yet.

Interesting concept my  mind loves to play with... IF you could cast magic, would you? I know what I would do, and I've even written a story on it. CLICK HERE if you want to read a bit of a sample of the "Perils of Power".

Speaking of writing, I finished that article I put off all weekend. It's entitled, "The Reality of Relationships". CLICK HERE if you want to have a read. It's pretty good stuff, I have to say.

Well, I should go. Now that my desk is a bit cleared I can focus back on the Yule story I was working on. Hope you have a great day.

January 12th
It's already past noon.... The weather is grey and raining, with temperatures of 7 degrees above freezing. I slept in today, but I have to blame that on the anti-depressants I'm taking, The other factor, is that the kidlet is trying hard to be respectful of other people in the house. This is good, because it shows development of thought and character.

My brain is really chewing on this notion of co-habitation and the creation of family units. The fact remains, humans are NOT easy to live with as a general rule. Sure, we love our spouses and children, but the clash of personalities, desires, dislikes, mannerisms, morals, habits, and all the other little "stuff" that makes us who we are, creates an atmosphere rife with opportunities for negativity and problems. This isn't me being pessimistic, but rather, stating simple fact. Everyone is different. Even my own children were all different from each other in personalities and wants / needs. Ask any parent who has more than two children, and they will all say the same thing; each one is different in their own way. When you factor in mixed families where you run into step-children or adoption, it creates an atmosphere of greatly enhanced differing values and desires. Now, please don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, I enjoy diversity. To merely point out that differences in individuals that live together has the potential to be problematic, is simply stating fact. There are many benefits to having different values and such, but from what I have witnessed in my lifetime, the more diverse a couple is in their values, morals, and mannerisms, the chance of negative issues popping up in the relationship is increased. Anway, my mind is abuzz with the notion of understanding my little family; did the kidlet be quiet this morning out of respect? Or out of fear of reprisal for waking me? You see, I am seriously hoping that the effort was made because of moral understanding, and not because I have the potential to be an asshole first thing in the morning.

I've stated quite a few times how much difficulty I have waking up. Couple that with the fact that once I wake up I am confronted with the worst of the day's pain. (Once I start medicating things get better - usually) It hurts bad, I have to contend with my routine of running back and forth to the bathroom, and all this contributes to me being grumpy. If I'm startled awake by loud voices or noise, adrenaline pumps through my body. This would be a great thing if there ever was a break-in, because I'm instantly awake, snarling and frothing at the mouth, but when it's an ignorant child who doesn't know any better, that aggression can be overwhelming. (I'm told my negative energy can make the walls vibrate)

I come from another time....


.... Any adult who was an acquaintance to the parents had the unwritten permission to scold a child. Scolding a child could be done firmly, and with enough emphasis that the child being scolded knew they were in trouble. An open handed slap on the mouth was permissible, even in public. Spanking could be done by parents, the school, or even the Church. A loud child was undesirable, and parents were praised for a quiet child who stood still. Children were rarely seen and seldom heard form when there was company. At the age of 10 we were given matches to light cooking fires on our own. Children were given .22 caliber rifles as Christmas gifts at the age of 12. Every boy carried a knife of some sort in their pocket. The established pecking order in schools were acceptable bullying. There was no participation medals given to the losing team. You could still play "Kick the Can", a game that involves two metal cans being intentionally kicked, sometimes at other players. We had no cameras, cell phones, gaming stations, or computers, and because of that we had imaginative play. Child Protection Services were never called to report a child playing outside without adult supervision. Children were expected to sit up straight, do as they were told, and behave in a mannerly fashion. Having a dose of fear when it came to your parents was considered healthy, and a big part of life's lessons on respect.

I can go on.

It's true that I have outdated morals, being raised by my maternal Grandparents. I was told to never wake anyone, not make phone calls before 9 am, clean up after myself, yadda, yadda. I remember tiptoeing around the cabin in the early morning so as not to wake the other people in the cabin. Or when Grandpa would take me hunting first thing in the morning, and I would get up quietly, get dressed, and go and turn on the porch light to let him know I was awake. I also remember getting in trouble for being rude and waking people, but these times were few and far between as infractions in my day were actual deterrents. Heck, I remember getting the strap in public school 3 times from grade 5-8! This wasn't because I was a bad kid, but rather, a common way children were disciplined. Anyway, as I was saying, many of these kinds of values and mannerisms don't exist in today's society and although I identify with such actions, I need to not use those life lessons to raise children today. Insomuch, these out-dated values don't work... At least not in the city of London.

To make along story short, I simply hope I was afforded the luxury of sleeping in this morning because of a conscientious effort to be respectful, and not because I'm difficult to live with sometimes.

As for my mind all a twitter in relation to co-habitation and family units, I often wonder.......

......when any family attends events, goes on vacation, or even goes through the average day-to-day routines, how big is the percentage of disappointment in the group? Parents often make the choices for their children, but I've witnessed the utter disappointment from said children on numerous occasions. Lacking the ability to express themselves properly, they resort to crying, whining, or even lashing out physically. I'm certain there ARE things the whole family unit can agree on, like, "Hey kids. Do you want to go to Disney Land?!", but the majority of things that occur within the family home are not all fun and games. What child likes chores? And what degree of chores should a child be expected to do? How much responsibility should children have based on their age? Then there comes in factors like hobbies, and habits... and not all the good ones, either. How does a family unit co-habitate and make choices?

[Shrugs] You know my mind..... 3-5 things going on all at once....

....but one of those little thoughts in the back of my brain is speak of knuckling down and working on the Yule story..., I slept in, so I'm a couple of hours behind schedule today. I'm not too bad, healthwise anyway. Better get to it.

Talk soon.

January, Friday the 13th
Didn't get a single thing typed yesterday.

Apparently, I'm not getting anything done today either. Talk soon.

January 14th
It's past noon as I start to pen this entry. I'm not feeling very good today.

Oh, Dear Diary, I wish I could tell you every little detail that is happening to me right now, but due to my vow to not mention negativity when it comes to others, I cannot. I can tell you that I am feeling very frustrated right now.

I'm sitting at my desk trying to think of how to make today's Dungeon and Dragon's game really great. This will be the first game of the year, and I really want to do a good job as Dungeon Master. The best thing for me to do is to somehow make the PC's panic a little by restricting them to being unable to sleep, and thusly unable to memorize spells. Most of the time they have the opportunity to rest between battles, and I'm not going to allow that this game. The goal is to see if I can scare them a bit (I've done it very well in my past - Had to take a break one time because I had unnerved the PC's, although, that was a much younger me a couple of decades ago) So, yea. That's the plan, and now I just have to figure out how to implement it..... Which means I have to go get my notes, log off the computer, and start working on the adventure.

Gotta go. Hope you are having a great weekend! Talk to you tomorrow!

January 15th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's a beautiful sunny day out there with temperatures above freezing. The sun is flooding into my apartment through the sliding glass doors, and it feels really good.

I'm afraid to say we didn't get to play Dungeons and Dragons last night. Only one player showed up, which really sucks. I have a whole adventure planned, complete with a believable dungeon.

The house is fairly tidy, but I think I need to do some laundry.

I bought a cheap laser pointer at the store for $1.25 plus tax. For such a small investment I have brought great pleasure to two cats that live in our home. Everyone seems to enjoy using the laser pointer to play with the cats, and they now come running when they hear me pick up the tiny handheld laser. Pretty funny, eh?

Our house is infested with tiny, red, whachamcallits.... They poor kitteh's can't catch them no matter how hard they try.
Have to admire their persistence, although, I think it's become personal for them now...... "Must. Catch. Red. Dot."

OH! We just got company... Not sure what's going to happen now, but it should be a nice day. Have a good one.

January 16th
There's green grass on the lawn outside my apartment with temperatures slightly above freezing. Good morning, Dear Diary, how is your Monday shaping up? I had a bit of a late start today, but sleeping in when you need it is always a good thing.

I am going to have a somewhat busy day. I've promised Cara to go grocery shopping, so I have to make certain I'm medicated well enough for at least a couple hours. Better get at it, eh? Shit, shower, shave and...well, I don't really need to shampoo anything, but that's how the phrase goes....

.....So yea. A short entry to say hello, and inform you as to what I'm up to. I didn't get much done this weekend, so the laundry still needs to be done sometime soon. Doubt I'll get much writing done today.

Have a great week!

January 17th
I'm out of medication. The weather is above freezing, but it's raining. This makes for cold and damp conditions. Good morning, Dear Diary, hope you're having a great day.

I'm cramping up as I type.

Not sure why but the rain prompted a day off from school for the kidlet. I guess the school board figured that with rain comes black ice, but the rain is preventing any ice from forming. Just another example of how the city is different from country life, as our mother would have kicked our asses out the door and made us walk 5 KM to get to school.

Not sure what I'm going to do today. I imagine I'll be cleaning, because there's always something to clean, but I doubt I'll get any writing done because the kidlet is home from school. It's hard to concentrate and do any quality work when there are others distracting me.

Well, I should go. With the way I feel today and the fact I doubt I'll get anything done, it's fair to say I may as well take today out behind the back shed and just shoot it in the head. Hope your day is better than mine.

January 18th
Yea, yesterday was pretty dismal on account of all-day cramping. When I cleaned the closet out I found a few bucks in empty beer cans, so I recycled them at the Beer Store for 4 Tall-boys. That at least stopped my cramping, but this morning I awoke to internal bleeding. Don't be too shocked, as it happens anytime I'm forced to go any length without meds to calm down my health issues.

Anyway, I went for lunch with Diane, and got a chance to clear my head a bit. It's always a good time when I do stuff with her, but mostly it's because we can talk about anything. I find that by talking to her I can feel a bit more grounded in life.

When I got home a friend of ours had come for a visit, and lo and behold, he brought meds. Cue the angel chorus......

......so now I'm pain-free with only a bit of bloating. It sucks that I am the way I am sometimes. Certainly is limiting!

Well, it's just after 5 pm. Cara has gone to work and the kidlet is doing French homework. Thought I should stop in and say hi...... Guess I'll talk to you later.


January 19th
Last day for the USA President, Barack Obama. As of tomorrow, the United States will have a new President. I'm kinda excited even though I'm a Canadian, but that's because I have watched as the US has stumbled under Obama's leadership both Internationally, and at home. Change can be good, and right now the whole world needs to change, because the dogmatic ideology currently framing the hearts and minds of modern civilization is outdated and illogical.. For every guy like me, however, there is someone filled with loathing and dread over the newest President, but that's to be expected, right? I spend quite a bit of time reading and watching the news each day, and I make certain to check out different sources for accuracy. What I have observed in the last two months is a radical shift in the political spectrum, and not just in the United States of America. All over the world, countries are electing right-wing politicians in light of the current problems plaguing the planet. Issues like border security, illegal immigration, aging military weapon platforms / machinery / facilities, bloated out-dated government, terrorism, and a rise in racially motivated crimes are suddenly becoming a popular idea, and many people all over the world are pushing their elected heads of state to address these important issues. Perhaps 2017 is the year that rampant political correctness finally gets reigned in.

"The destruction of North America will not come from bullet or bomb, but political correctness run amok". - Zzorhn Carlson, September 2009


Good morning, Dear Diary. How are you today? The world outside my sliding glass door is dreary and wet. A perpetual cloud has settled over the city, and it's blocking the warmth of the sun, and although it's not raining persay, it's misty enough that the droplets are falling down as a slight drizzle. Another day to spend indoors, unless you enjoy damp, cold weather. Don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, it's three degrees above freezing, but the dampness in the air cuts through you like a knife. At least it does for me.. Pretty certain that has to do with aging, because as a youth I didn't seem to mind the cold as much.....

....we'd build snowforts, go skating, snow-machining, tobogganing, as well as, a plethora of other Winter sports, and if we ever got too cold we would simply go in for a bit to warm up, I wouldn't be discouraged to go back out again once my feet and hands had thawed out and the feeling had come back, just because it was cold outside.

I'm not feeling to bad this morning, but you can thank medication for that. I really want to work today, and see if I can get a good chunk of my book written. In that case I should jet..... Have a good one.

January 20th
It's 1 PM as I write this, having just watched the Presidential inauguration, streamed live over the Internet. I wish the United States of America all the best in the next four years.

Things are changing, mark my words. We're watching history in the making.

Enough about politics, let's talk about my little family.... For some reason all three of us came down with a case of the shits. I believe it's due to the fact we rarely eat "Kraft dinner", and last night that's what we ate. Now, none of us threw up or anything, so it's not a case of food poisoning persay, but the fake food that is Kraft Dinner apparently does not bode well with the three of us. Memo for next time, right? Anyway, she wasn't feeling good this morning, either, so Cara kept her home from school.

Don't know about you, but back in my day your arms had to be practically falling off to warrant a day off due to illness. Today? They want you to keep the sick child home so it doesn't spread to others.... Which makes me wonder once again how the hell it is that we possibly survived!!?! Seriously.. Seat belt poking you in the back? Mom would tell you to tuck it into the seat. Wanna ride stretched out rear view mirror and watch the world zip by you backwards? Sure! No problem! - "You having fun back there?", was pretty much all we got from mom at the steering wheel. Riding bikes with no helmets, and swimming in the duck crap-infested skating rink, with no need for a boat / ATV / chainsaw license... Nope! I was driving a 2 ton dump truck sitting on Grandpa's knee at the age of 12 down the gravel road to go to the local garbage dump. Hell, you would be arrested today for doing the stuff we did, let along how dangerous, or potentially viral things were back then. But, nope.. We had snotty noses, but were never sick. We played outside all day long with no chance to watch TV or play video games. Foam-covered boffers? Heck, no! We used sawed off hockey sticks for our swords, and we actually hit each other with them! But! the biggest difference between back when I was dodging dinosaurs as a child, was that if you were sick you stayed in bed, and the moment you started feeling better it was either chores or go to school. The emphasis I was made to understand behind this logic was that staying home from school sick was undesirable, especially if mom knew you were faking it! Times change, I guess..... Look at me, I'm starting to sound like an old man... "Back in my day..... We were innocent, but believed we knew it all. Today? Kids have the world at their fingertips, but still think the Universe revolves around them..." [Chuckles] "And get off my lawn, dammit! Pull up your pants while you're at it, you damned whippersnappers!"

Wow. Quite the tangent....

.....[Takes a deep breath] So, as I was saying earlier, Cara made the choice to keep the kidlet home from school. To be quite frank, this ticked me off. I don't get many windows of opportunities to write anymore since I was adopted into my new family, and I enjoy the peaceful times from about 10 AM to 2 PM. [Shrugs] I do write better in the morning, as all people do, because of the yadda yadda about the brain, and the yadda yadda of the chemicals in the brain and how they diminish over the day, which is why people require sleep. Yadda yadda. Back on track, I have a certain time of the day I get most of my work done, due to my health issues and the way I structure my day.

-Wake up
-Don't eat, because I'll be cramped up for the rest of the day
-Depending on the way I'm feeling it's scrolling through social media and news while debating online, or there's the times I'm barely even able to lean over type, able to simply scroll through social media while walking back and forth to the bathroom.. It's the shits. Believe me.
-Write
-Clean / chores / work-out / etc
-Eat, maybe
-Art / Video games / TV
(And, you can add in a host of other things that can pop up during each day. Especially when you have a family)

It's structured, but only because that is what I have found works the best for me and provides the best quality of art, family time, and doing regular chores. Keep in mind this is all paramount on how I'm feeling that particular day.

So, when I have a change in my structure I get frustrated, as most people do.

I love having the Kidlet around, however, it's important to remember that I take my "job" seriously, even though it's chasing my dreams of becoming an author and actor. It takes hard work and dedication. The problem arises when I cannot work or become frustrated, because my creativity goes down the tubes. Anyway, to make a long story short, when the kidlet is home, it's difficult for me to stick to my routine.

So, what does Cara do when she finds out that the gastrointestinal issues the two of them were having is now passed, and the kidlet is no longer sick? She goes shopping with a heavy emphasis on me getting work done while the two of them is out. She is so thoughtful, but I sincerely hope it's being done out of respect, and not out avoidance of when I get frustrated. Maybe she is learning my secrets.

Don't worry, Dear Diary, because unlike others in my past, Cara dos not like reading you. She's openly stated that to me on several occasions, and ONLY happened to read it when others brought issues to light. For that matter, I have no reservations as to putting down things that occur between her and I.

Anyway, I believed it was thoughtful, and I've managed to make decent use of the free time. I've done some writing on a new article I've been batting around in my brain for a bit now, learned that I need to remove and reinstall my word processor program, watched the 45th President take his oath of office, started two loads of laundry, and now I want to go and work out. Thanks to Cara and the wonderful effects of medicinal marijuana I feel pretty good about today and my accomplishments. But I do have to go...

.....So I leave you with this piece of advice for those protesting the Trump inauguration; he IS your President, and hoping he fails is like letting the other team win in a game of hockey. We're all in this together, and no one makes it out alive.

"The destruction of North America will not come from bullet or bomb, but political correctness run amok". - Zzorhn Carlson, September 2009
Talk soon.

January 22nd
Good morning, Dear Diary. I awoke this morning to a house full of slumbering friends having stayed the night after a long Dungeons and Dragons game. I spent a few hours in silence as I went through my morning routine, trying to be as quiet as possible. Now? Everyone is up and doing their thing.....

.....It's my luvvies Birthday in a couple days and she is throwing herself a party today. This means cake and board games. It's also the main reason everyone just crashed here last night rather than go home and then come back again for the day.

Yesterday's game was quite a bit of fun. I ACTUALLY UNNERVED a couple of the players and had them almost ready to roll up new characters believing their fate was sealed. It's a good thing when the Dungeon Master can rock a group of cocky adventurers back on their heels, but I do have to say that they still did an amazing job at tackling the adventure I had planned for them.

They were introduced to White Elves for the first time. Needless to say, they didn't stick around long.

They have frustrated an evil God, made an enemy out of a few major Demon-Lords, and are now being stalked by a large fire elemental. While they might claim a victory from yesterday's game, they actually furthered their destiny to end up meeting Vordian, the God of Death, Decay, and the Undead.

Gotta jet. Lots to do, and I'm not going to have any time for myself today. That's ok... Cara's Birthday only comes once a year and I hope to allow her a really great day filled with friends, family and laughter.

Talk soon.

January 23rd
Good morning. It's rainy and dreary outside. Yet another day where we don't get to see sun. [Sighs] On the flip side it was in the double digits on the weekend... But with cloud cover... Still, it certainly beats shivering from the snow and ice, right?

So as I mentioned, we had a really great game of Dungeons and Dragon on Saturday night. As my duty bring Dungeon Master I have to prepare for next game... Well, the good news is, I already have hours of material ready to  at the drop of a hat, and I already have the "Filler" written for between the adventures.

Don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, typing up a complete story is NOT necessary to play the game, nor is having to write a full blurp to move the plot along. It's just one of the tools I have at my disposal that I enjoy using and I've been doing it for decades, so why stop, right? I look at it like map-building or prop building. It's just part of what I do as a DM.

So, without further ado, I give you the latest chapter in the adventures from Forest Realms. Talk soon.
..........
He stood in the doorway of the old sage’s magical shop, holding the poor man’s dead body upright by a handful of bloodied hair. The frenzied look in his eyes matched the maniacal grin plastered on his fanged face. Azzuel, the Demon Lord dispatched by Vordian Himself had stood and watched the mortal band of heroes long enough to realize that the old man was of great importance. He knew full well that the demon blade he had sliced Peter’s throat with had trapped the mortal’s soul within the black, razor-sharp blade. Even the most powerful Cleric couldn’t save him now. He could feel the anguish rolling from the pitiful band of elves and dwarves, and the evil creature revelled in it, nearly giddy from excitement and elation.

He unceremoniously dropped the lifeless body to the floor. Peter’s body snagged the beaded curtain that hung in the doorway as his body collapsed, and it was violently tore from the doorframe. When the glass marble curtain hit the floor it exploded in tiny shards in a cascading tumble of breaking glass and fine thread.

“YOU FOOLS CHOSE TO QUIT BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T FIND ANY BAUBLES TO SATISFY YOUR CURIOSITY!”, the tall, black-haired, demon-in-human-form screamed, referring to the challenge the God of Dead had laid out for them. When they discovered that all of the traps and monsters defeated suddenly turned to ash, and there was places where even their own magic failed them, the Champions had chosen to leave and return home. The fanged man turned his head suddenly to stare at Rayden, and snapped, “And for your information, I did NOT run away as you so claim. I was with you the whole time, watching and waiting to see how you would progress. Unlike you, I didn’t run like a little bitch…”

Rayden’s eyes flashed angrily and tiny bolts of electricity coursed up and down his body. Angry, hissing, blue and yellow elastic sparks, snapped and snaked their way up and down the specialist’s magical armor and equipment.  His finger stabbed at the demon, and he threatened, “You kept running away from fighting me. Now who’s the little bitch?” The elven Mage levelled his powerful staff at Azzuel, and challenged, “Stand and fight! Come on!...”

“Before we go any further”, interrupted Azzuel, waving his hand to dismiss the taunts from the Mage, “I have something extremely interesting to tell you”. He looked to see a hush settle over the group, and continued, “When I returned back to Hell the last time, I was made aware that for some strange reason a certain Fire Elemental has decided to become..” He paused and tapped his lips with his index finger as if thinking. “Hmm”, the demon purred, “How do I say this?”. His eyes opened wide as he snapped his fingers, and blurted, “Ah! Violently agitated”. He settled down a bit, but a grin crept its way onto his face as he continued to speak, “Apparently the thing has taken an intense hatred for you”. He paused again and pointed at Amethyst, the dwarf, and added, “More specifically YOU”. Azzuel shrugged and started to turn toward the back entrance, “I have no idea why it’s taken developed such an animosity toward you, but I couldn’t really have the damnable thing rampaging around the 8th level of Hell, now can I?” He paused once for dramatic effect, and the demon’s grin took on an even more mocking overtone. His eyes opened wide in excitement,  and he purred with delight, “Fight? You want a fight. Oh, I’ll give you a fight”.

The confusion was suddenly gone, as was the surprise of seeing one of their most trusted dealer in antiquities brutally killed in front of their eyes. Like a well-trained army the members of the small group of elite warriors, spell casters, and healers drew their weapons and began to start chanting.

The demon laughed. “You pitiful fools!”, he roared, “I’m not referring to me, but the Demonic Fire Elemental, Flambe, I just  gated out of Hell. It’s just outside Port Solace’s town limit. Go check for yourself if you don’t believe me….”

Just at that moment Rayden’s staff roared to life, and a lightning bolt of epic proportions streaked from the staff and hit Azzuel directly in the chest. The sparks exploded in a shower, and the loops of coiling electricity lashed out at anything metal or grounded. The glass display cabinets holding a variety of different oils, potions, herbs and spices, magic ingredients, alchemy experiments, and magic scrolls were obliterated in the cascading electrical discharge. Anything flammable immediately burst into flame, and the extremely heavy scent of ozone began to mix with choking smoke from papyrus and parchment.

Azzuel stood there, totally unfazed. He teased Rayden by flicking his hand across his shoulder as if to wipe off a tiny bit of dirt, and he shot a wink. “Ta ta for now”, he mocked as he calmly walked out the back door.


A violent cascading explosion suddenly shook the building……. 

January 24th
The sun refuses to shine, stuck behind a perpetual overcast sky. It's getting old, fast.

Well, hello, Dear Diary. How are you today? I'm ok'ish....

....Tons of writing to do, and I need to get the house in order. Cara's Birthday is today, so I will be spending some time with her. Not certain if I'll get any writing done. Just a short entry to say hello. Have a great day.

January 25th
Another gloomy day. I keep hearing "I'd take freezing temperatures with sun over this constant overcast sky", and I have to say I agree with them. It's currently above freezing at the moment, but with the dampness in the air and the wind, it feels damned cold.

It's after 1 PM as I write this. I slept in due to those mood-altering pills I'm taking to help relieve the cramping. Dumb things make it super hard to wake up in the morning, but they do help a little to keep my trips to the bathroom down to a dull roar. The problem today, however, is that I'm out of marijuana and couldn't even lean over to type until just now.

Doubt I'll get a workout in, but I want to. I need to do laundry, because that just keeps piling up on me if I let it go for too long. (For a guy that wears his pants a few days in a row, there certainly is a lot of laundry - I swear others in the household throw things in the laundry hamper if they just trying on the outfit)

I didn't do what I expected yesterday. My plans didn't turn out the way I thought they would, and now it's gloomy in my house, as well as, outside. Ugh! Emotional rollarcoaster. Can't tell you all the facts, but needless to say I am at blame for about three things right now, and I had little to no involvement in creating the issue. Fuck I hate perception! How others perceive things has caused so many problems for me in my lifetime, and it frustrates me every single time someone blames me for shit I didn't actually do.

For example... (Keep in mind this is not just Cara)

ME: "I have to go do ________"
THEM: "Oh, so you don't want to spent time with me?"
ME: "This was something scheduled a couple weeks ago. I have to go, and I've told you ____ times".
THEM: "You don't need to use a tone".

ME: "I'm frustrated and stressed out about __________, and know it needs to change".
THEM: "No, your attitude needs to change".
ME: "That's akin to putting a bandaid on a cancer patient".
THEM: "I can't listen to you when you talk like that".
ME: "What? Use common logic"
THEM: "I'm done talking to you".

ME: "I've got ____, and ______ planned for today. What are you doing?"
THEM: "Oh, OK. Well, I just got a last minute idea, and you need to change all your plans".
ME: "What? [Sighs] But I just told you what I was doing..."
THEM: "Fine! Don't help me then".

Due to six degrees of separation, I'm always at fault, somehow. It fucking sucks.

Well, it's obvious my mood is as gloomy as the weather, so rather than sit here and spew negativity, I'm going to go do something productive. I scraped a tiny bit of resin from my bong, so that at least took away some of the pain and cramping. I still feel as bloated as a beach ball.....

.....well, Hope you have a great Hump Day. Later, gator.

January 26th
I'm single. Couldn't take any more of Cara's bullshit, and I now have to pack and sort my life. FUCK!! So sick of having to live out of a suitcase and have my stuff in storage. My path in life seems uncertain right now, and I'm stressed out like you wouldn't believe.

Why am I single? Couldn't stand the abuse any longer.

I am NOT at fault for everything. I am NOT an asshole. The fact remains, I'm a nice guy, so if I'm having a problem with someone, they should analyze their own actions and words.

Ugh! Another new chapter in my life.

The old guts are just rolling today. Not only am I stressing out and feeling the usual tightening of the chest, etc, but it also makes my abdomen crawl. Due to the fact I have no medication, I cannot see things becoming better today.

I gotta go start sorting my shit. This sucks, and it's going to be a couple of days of trying to sort my life out. I have to figure out what can go in storage, and what I need to use from day to day.

Don't know where I'm going, but I know I cannot stay here. Now that Cara has decided that I'm at fault, her heart has hardened and she's even more abusive.

I doubt I'll be working on my writing for a bit. Everything in my life just got pushed to the back-burner.

Don't know when I'll post next. Not sure if I'll even have internet in a day or so. I'm scared, and feel utterly alone in this big city.

I cannot live with Diane and Greg this time around. I'm too disruptive to their family, and they have their own lives to live.

Talk later.
January 26th - 9 PM
I'm sitting here alone in the apartment. Nearly everything I own has been sorted and boxed... Twice... I did it earlier this morning, and then decided I wanted a bit more order to things. You know? To make it easier to put my stuff in storage for a to-be-determined amount of time, and easier to unpack once I get to where I'm going.

I'm nervous. My stuff can go to Diane's house for storage, but I'll have to find a place to crash for a while until I get my game plan formulated. Right now I'm in defensive mode, trying to make certain I leave nothing behind....

.....don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, I did leave the artwork and paintings I did with the kidlet. If anything I would like to minimize any pain the kidlet is bound to feel.

In fact, I feel pretty good about this. I'm taking it upon myself to not mention her name again as I'm certain she has withdrawn her permission for me to write about her. [Shrugs] What can I say? The bare truth is this does hurt and I'm a bit scared of the unknown, but I know that once I get things figured out it will be better for me, I'm sure. I know in my heart that I have not been able to work like I need to in order to achieve my goals, and many people have noticed it as well. I've received letters from individuals who are concerned about my mindset, as they can see just like anyone else how my diary has been an emotional rollarcoaster in the last while. Heck! I don't know how long it's been since I wasn't happy one day and then fighting mad the next. [Shakes his head] And I'm not like that. I don't like drama, because it disrupts not only my thought processes, but the energy I send out into the Universe. When I compare my work from two Summers ago to now, you can notice a BIG difference in the quantity of writing. I wrote more because I was able to write more. [Shrugs] It's that simple.

My future is akin to driving on the highway at night. I know where I'm going, but I can only see a hundred meters or so in front of me. While my path may be bathed in a bright light, the edges of shadow and darkness are beyond my sight. Even in front of me beyond the headlights, all I can really see is darkness. My future comes slowly at me, and only my current location and situation is relevant......

...... my past doesn't dictate my direction, and the future is mine to choose.

Due to the sudden and radical change in my life I believe it is only proper that I start a new chapter. See you at Chapter Twelve!

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