Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Sixteen

A DIARY (also called a journal) is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. A personal diary may include a person's experiences, and/or thoughts or feelings, including comment on current events outside the writer's direct experience. Someone who keeps a diary is known as a diarist.


Have you ever wanted to read someone's diary? Here's your chance...Is this your first time here? It's always best to start at the beginning.
Why do I keep a diary?

In retrospect, this whole blog is one big online diary; from my earliest attempts to share my thoughts with the world, to short stories, poems, full length novels, and a few different types of journals, I have been documenting my life and the world I live in, since 2006. The "Turn the Page" series explained how I came to live in Southern Ontario, and an earlier journal entitled, "Between the Bars of a Jail Cell" was not only my debut to diary keeping, but also a great way to burn away the time I spent incarcerated. "Fire-bombed" explains how I became homeless three times in a month-and-a-half.

That's what this all is; a record keeping process that keeps me grounded. As I read through my work I can get a better sense of who I am as an individual and how my life is evolving, and that's a very helpful tool indeed! Through my words I can get a clear sense of my mindset, emotional state, and focus. It's easy to see when there are dark times in my life, and you can definitely tell when things are going well.

Just a quick note regarding my integrity in this journal;

A) Once something is written / posted, I will not delete it or try to fix it in some way. I feel strongly about this, because it's usually during the times of extreme duress and frustration that I expose my raw emotions the most. Once my work has been witnessed by others, it would be akin to online trolling using a "Bait and Switch" tactic if I were to post something untrue or even libel and then erase it. Regardless of the legality of the situation, and / or the current punishment for posting any such information, there's my own personal integrity to take into consideration. I set the bar high for myself in all things, and my diary is to remain as unmodified as absolutely possible for prosperity sake. (To date there have been only three times I have deleted / switched content in my journals - They were done for extreme reasons)

2) I will not use names in my entries without asking first. Events and / or details can be used, however, any mention of names will be done only with verbal permission.

D) I don't write about every single little thing that I do. Now, this is due to the simplistic fact that I'm certain most people don't care about all the mundane aspects of my life. On the flip side, I don't give away all my secrets...

......So as long as you understand how this works we should have a good time!

You are welcome to email me or even text.  If you want to, you can always look me up on social media. After all, I am the only Zzorhn on the planet. My number is 519-694-9998, and I'm easiest to reach at zzorhn at hotmail dot com

This Diary was originally intended to be a way for loved ones to keep track of me when I moved from North-Western Ontario in 2014. Since that day I have discovered that many others from all walks of life enjoy to read my daily entries, so I kept writing. What was supposed to be a simple social experiment morphed into something much more, and I now receive letters and pictures from all over the world!

CHAPTER SIXTEEN!!!

It still amazes me that I have come this far! Who would have thought my diary entries have become a habit for me and end up a world-wide sensation!!

I know for a fact that I wouldn't have come this far if it wasn't for all the people that visit my website, read my work, buy my books, and take the time to write back to me. Hearing from people all over the planet brings me a sense of wholeness and worldly community, and I am pleased to have met so many wonderful people!

My life has changed.

Not every chapter in your life will be happy. As you read through the different chapters in my life, you can tell the times I am struggling and the times I'm happy. It's during the times of anguish and pain that I remind myself of an old adage regarding finding happiness.....

.......Everyone wants to be happy. Most people will say, "I want happiness", however, a smart person will realize you have to remove one's ego, by taking out the word "I", and you need to remove desire by taking out the word "want". Only then, are you left with "Happiness".

We all make mistakes in life. I certainly make mistakes, and it's fortunate that I have the tools like my written diary to review so that I can see my past mistakes and try to change. As I grow and learn, there are going to be moments where I feel weak, just as there are going to be wonderfully grandiose moments. Due to my drive to become a better individual, these mere diary entries become a success story detailing the hardships and triumphs along the way.

This is my success story.

I started writing at a very early age. By the tender age of 7 years-old I was creating complex universes and mythical monsters for others to enjoy. While much of my adventures were used for role playing games, I also did quite well in school when it came to writing reports and stories. After four decades of putting pen to paper it's safe to say that while there is still quite a bit of room for improvement, my skills as an author have become very established. For most of my childhood I was limited to hand-writing everything, as computers didn't become a house-hold item until I was 15. Can you imagine writing everything by hand, and then having to rewrite copies? I can still remember the joy I felt when I discovered the Church's photocopier for the first time! Using a computer to write was exciting for so many reasons, and the idea of printing copies of my work made me giddy. Needless to say, I took to computers faster than a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat. It was at least another 5 years before we hooked up a computer to the Internet for the first time, but, once online I quickly adapted. Taking my debate skills from High-school, my writing skills from countless articles and stories, and my desire to explore this strange, new, virtual world, I entered into debate forums with exuberance. In no time at all I had developed an online persona based on integrity of profile, fact-checking, and my ability to throw people around with the use of the written word.

One thing I have noticed about the Obscure Arcanum series, is that over time I am beginning to make more references to worldly issues. This is being done for two main reasons. The first reason why I am mentioning more politics is because I believe we are living in a transitional era of humanity, and the second reason I am making references to worldly issues is due to my desire to bring the truth to others who may not have the ability to see past the propaganda and rhetoric of mainstream media. From climate change to proxy wars and the subsequent mass illegal-immigration, this planet is being changed before my very eyes, and I believe that as a journalist and author it is my duty to record these occurrences for prosperity.

 To date, over FORTY-EIGHT THOUSAND people have visited my website! My goal to become world-renown is being achieved, and it's only through the help and support of people like you that I am able to continue chasing my dreams. Thank you for helping make this such a huge success!

If you haven't taken the time to read my other diary entries I suggest you do. Jumping into the middle of any story isn't as much fun as starting from the beginning. Don't forget all my free short stories that I have published for your reading pleasure. My favourites are "I Wish""Don't Read This""Two Doors", "One Last Ride""The Man and the Birds", and who can forget the ever-popular "Jell-O Shooter" instructional article featuring 72 types of different shooters. If you choose to go online to Amazon, there are even more stories of greater length for you to enjoy, along with a full length novel and a complete screen-play! There's lots to see and read, and I just hope you get as much pleasure reading my stories as I do sharing them with you. Thank you, again.

Zzorhn

October 31st - 5 PM
I'm ready for Hallowe'en, bring on the kidlets!!

Good evening, Dear Diary. Just thought I'd drop a short entry to validate my newest chapter in the Obscure Arcanum series.

I'm going to keep this brief, but LORD knows I have had a busy day! I punched out a new chapter in my novel, and for kicks decided to publish it. Have a look. It's "Odin's Reprieve - Chapter Nine".

Anywho, I have to go. Lots to do, and time's a-ticken. Talk soon!

10 PM
Well, we had about a hundred ghosts and goblins show up at the door looking for treats. Brian helped buy candyght more candy, and it was a good thing he did. Last year there was only about 20 or so kidlets from what the neighbours said, and when I noticed the weather forecast was pretty decent I instructed Brian to take me to the store to get a bit more.

I went in costume.

Of COURSE I went out in costume... Why wouldn't I? It was grand fun walking through the store wearing my robes and such.

Anyway, this was supposed to be quick check-in. Lots to talk about but it will have to wait for another day.

November 2nd
Good morning, Dear Diary. The weather this morning is foggy, rainy, with temperatures around 14 degrees Celsius.

Here's some food for thought; a sparrow cannot fly in a hurricane just like a flower cannot grow in Winter. When you ignore you own needs, or are in a stressful situation, you will be flung about by the storm of life and eventually wither. When you are in a state of chaotic stress or a perpetual state of anxiety, you have no resources or capacity to attend to your own needs.

I have an appointment later this afternoon, so there's not much time this morning to write. Hopefully when I get home I'll be able to delve back into the realm of Midgard, and the Yule adventure with Aslaug Kormaksdottir. The book is turning out great! I really like the way I describe the "Rainbow Bridge" that allows transportation between the various Norse realms. Chapter nine is quite the cliff-hanger, and it opens up the way for some serious climaxes in the book.

I stumbled on a concept, Dear Diary, to describe my personality. It was the day after I watched the newest mummy movie (Really good! Check it out!) and was delighted to see the fictitious character, "Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde" as one of the eccentric monster hunters. I don't want to spoil the movie for you, so let's focus on the wonderfully colourful character portrayed........

.......Dr. Jeckle. A brilliant Doctor who often breaks the limits of morality in his scientific and medical experimentation. Curses himself, or by an unfortunate set of events, ends up cursed by his own experiment...... Creating a veritable representation of the "Monster within the Man". His whole life is now suppression of the inner demons that dwell just beyond the edge of the subconscious, always whispering, taunting, and pleading to be set free. Even if that freedom is only for a little while.

Human, mortal, and tempted, the brilliant Doctor occasionally is thwarted in his attempts to contain the monster, allowing the beast to rise from a dormant state and completely overwhelm the man. Sometimes the Doctor allows Mr. Hyde to deliberately run amok. Sometimes the Doctor doesn't have the mental fortitude to ward off the attacks, and gives in to fatigue.

The destruction caused by the monster, Mister Hyde, is unfathomable. The monster is a sick, twisted perversion of humanity and delights in the torment of others. In this state, the man becomes locked within the monster, hammering on the inside, wanting to get out and return a semblance of normalcy to the situation.

The eternal struggle of a monster and a man, locked within a mortal shell. The story eventually ends, but the destruction of the monster is only possible by the destruction and ruin of the mortal man.

So...... What was the concept that rang so true for me, that I feel compelled to tell it to you? The duality of man is known to me well; the struggle between our limbic brain and our frontal cortex is something that has been going on for eons. The "Lizard-brain" that is responsible for our flight-or-fight responses, as well as, our more carnal desires, is what takes a normally calm, enlightened soul and turn them into a hormonal-laced mammal that ignores common sense. Let's face it, we often fall prey to our basic desires from time to time, and do things we normally wouldn't. This is all due to the basic make-up of humans........ NOW when you toss in those gibbering whispers from outside influences it's easy to see why we fail. The monster within each of us wants to get and play, and we sometimes let them because we're tired, frustrated, or even bored.

In my case, I'm a fairly normal man, but shares a body with a monster that eats away at my mortal shell from the inside out. Before I met this beast I was a busy, active guy, but the moment I was introduced to this Hyde character I became crippled by his presence. It turns out my Hyde is a Doctor, knowledgeable about every single aspect of his medical issues, and insists on frequent trips to specialists and medical experts. Meanwhile, I do all I can to contain this monster. From drugging it to attempting to ignore it, I struggle each moment of each day to keep this evil from escaping.


"Mr Zzorhn and Dr Hyde"

I just felt my abdomen twitch. Guess it's time to medicate and silence the beast for another hour or so. I'll have to smoke myself stupid so I can leave the house in an hour....

.....oh, the things we do to keep our monsters and demons at bay!

Have a great day!

November 3rd
Well, jolly good morning, Dear Diary. I'm in a decent mood today because apparently my large shipment of medication is on its way today. By this evening I'll be able to medicate to my heart's content.

[Gets up, and goes for a shower. Decides to make a LIVE video using Facebook. An hour passes]

Hey guys! I decided to make a live video entry this morning instead of typing. I entitled it "Rampaging lizards, full moons, and riots". Once I have it buffered and such I'll upload a copy for you. The topic of my video was about the upcoming civil war in the United States of America that is supposedly scheduled for tomorrow.... Once again, this is history in the making.

Brian just asked me to go with him for a ride. I guess getting out of the house for a little bit wouldn't hurt me.

Short entry today, but like I said, I decided to use video today instead of writing. Hope you all have a great weekend, and stay safe.


4 PM
I've been compelled to make a second entry today. The topic of the civil unrest in the United States proposed for tomorrow has me quite irritated.....

....for a couple of reasons.

I guess the biggest issue I have, is that this even exists! I mean, COME ON people! While it's perfectly fine to have a difference of opinion, it is never acceptable to allow division to run rampant! And then, to use it as a weapon!?! What the actual Hell?!

I guess I should explain what I'm talking about, because the things I know you will NOT hear on mainstream media. In fact, those in charge of what I'm about to describe are also behind the movement to shut down all freedom of expression. You have to understand, Dear Diary, that what I am about to tell you isn't conjecture, it isn't a conspiracy theory, but actual cold, hard facts.......

....but before I begin, I would like to tell a story. Jesus Christ enjoyed using parables to explain things more clearly, and so do I.

.......

Once upon a not-so-distant time, in a land not-so-far-away, there was a mighty sailing ship that graced the ocean waves. Her name is not important, for it was not the ship herself that brought forth great success, but rather, the brave men and women that kept her aloft and on course. They were the pride of the oceans, and every other ship in existence knew about the good ship and crew, and desired such strength and power. Some ship Captains and their crews would attempt to emulate the values, morals, and ways of the mighty vessel, hoping that by doing so it would equally bring them success and good fortune. Some ship Captains believed that if they attacked and plundered the vessel that they would gain the strength they needed to be successful. Each time the other ships would begin to make progress toward competition or attacking, the mighty sailing ship would come up with new ways to stay ahead of the others, always maintaining its status as the most feared and powerful ship on the seas.

And so it was that the typical arms-race between ships and their crews continued for generations.

Things eventually changed, as all things in life do. One day the Captain at the helm of the mighty vessel woke up to realize that half of the crew decided that for some strange reason they believed they were different than the others. At first the Captain dismissed the concepts that such beliefs could hold merit, foolishly thinking that after a few days or so the whole thing would blow over like a bad storm. After all, the idea that some of his crew were in any way different? The concept couldn't even hold water, or so the saying goes among ship Captains. How could they be different? All flesh and bone, breathed air, and drank grog. Nope! The Captain being an honest man, couldn't believe in such notions, nor that they could have any influence on the day-to-day ship matters, other than perhaps the usual on-ship scuffles that left the two responsible with a few lashes to deter future outbursts.

"No", thought the Captain to himself, "With the security, moral officer, soldiers on deck, and the fact that we ARE one crew, there is no way this will impact our ship or performance!"

The Captain couldn't have been more wrong.

It started slowly; at first it was whispers, but by the end of it all another ship's Captain was funding paid mercenaries to infiltrate and disrupt any attempts at order. With the crew immobilized by trivial matters that threatened to escalate in extreme violence at any moment, production and efficiency ground to a halt. Bickering and arguments became the norm, enhanced by the paid mercenaries working behind the scenes to cause disruptions by any means. The division in the ranks created "Sides" in a real-to-life mockery of Dr. Suess's book "The Sneeches". They started having secret meetings, which eventually became not-so-secret meetings as the groups grew bolder over time. They used pamphlets and posters all over the ship to influence the other side, and mocked anyone who didn't believe in their ideology. Through political manipulation and the subsequent pandering to political correctness, the history of the vessel was suddenly put in question. Whole generations of people were blamed and shamed for their great-great-grandparent's mistakes, and a kangaroo-court declared all such blame to be acceptable. Parts of the ship were torn down and replaced, or just removed altogether to bow to certain factions aboard the ship, because they suddenly felt "Offended", like feeling a certain way about something actually meant something. In fact, even the figurehead was torn from the bow of the ship; a beautiful, graceful woman that spoke of justice and liberty, it was found to be offensive to those who believed otherwise. The sabotage and violence continued. Terrorist acts by other ship's Captains, as well as, planted spies, occasionally punctuated the crew's lives, and they became fearful of each other not knowing who to trust or where to turn to for help. They became isolated, and started keeping to themselves out of protection, blamed everyone else for the problems aboard the ship, and turned a blind eye to anyone needing assistance for fear of becoming a target.

Like a frog in a pot of water being slowly boiled alive, the crew of the mighty ship didn't see the end coming until it was too late. The whole ship's crew became infected with the ridiculous notion that they were somehow different from each other, and eventually those differences lead to the inevitable downfall......

.......in the ensuing chaos, the Captain  realized too late that his ship was beginning to flounder. As he stood at the helm barking orders to a crew that wouldn't listen, he watched as the wreck of his ship slowly slid beneath the waves.

Some crew members were picked up and rescued by the other ships in the vicinity, but the losses were massive! Scattered to the wind like the chaff from a bushel of wheat, they lost their identity.

The legend of how they conducted their state, and the unity that built and maintained the mighty vessel was passed on from generation to generation, and while many other vessels took the place of the good ship and crew, such a thing will never be seen again......

....for that is the way with ships that travel on the ocean, and choose to find themselves divided.

.........

[Stretches] Well now..... That kinda sums things up a bit, eh? No? Guess I should tell you what I know about all of this.

Why is there even talk of a scheduled day of civil unrest? Like, how on God's green Earth did we arrive at this point? Last time I checked we're all advanced humans living in a digital age. Shouldn't we have not only solved this problem, but nearly every other problem mankind encounters? In an age of computers and conversations that move at the speed of light, shouldn't we be able to work out our issues much more efficiently?

Actually, no. It's the opposite. Technology has only allowed mainstream media to influence our lives in even more ways!

I know I'm not the only one who wonders if they are living in a world of insanity. I mean, there ARE other individuals out there like me who take the time and read between all the garbage lines that giant corporations like Google and Youtube, spew out of their corporate headquarters. Mainstream media is so heavily censored, and yet, there's only a handful of humans who look beyond the political slant and government censorship of the corporations that bring us our media and news. Like, there's days I turn on my computers and I'm just blown away by the sheer ridiculousness I see coming from the various organizations and corporations that feed the engine we call society. AND THEN, to watch the masses respond?!?

There's your main problem, folks; people accepting things for what they are without challenge.

So, basically what happened is common knowledge, but like the frog in the pot that is already too cooked and cannot jump out, USA is now so heavily mired in political correctness that it cannot even defend its own borders.....

...neither can many other nations on the planet, including Canada, but that's another matter.

The concept of division is a WEAPON that those on the extreme ends of the political end use to achieve their agenda. Why? It's an explosive and emotionally-charged topic. People are not born racist, but somehow the idea that skin colour makes us different is seeded into the hearts and minds of the people living in the United States of America. You can blame that on history being taught incorrectly in poorly-funded public-schools. Anyway, that division is fueled.... I'll say it again, FUELED by elite individuals who FUND organizations and groups to sabotage communication across the country and even use violence to achieve their goals. This has been seen time and again, which is why I state that this is fact, and not conjecture. Division is being used as a weapon to galvanize the paid mercenaries that seek to undermine the United States of America. Not just tear down a few statues and hold up a few interstate highways, but destroy the very fabric of what has defined the country.

People need to be reminded that if you are attempting to sink a ship, that the crew usually goes down with it. The same goes for a nation; if you seek to internally tear down a nation, you are destroying the very fabric of society, and your life will never be the same way again.

So, what do I know that mainstream media is NOT telling you?

I've researched this topic thoroughly. From articles to videos, I've spent quite some time trying to understand what is really going on. I mean, a call for WAR? In the United States of America? THE USA?!? The nation who's army makes other nations quake in their boots? The nation that practically has the whole world forced to use their currency? THAT NATION? Their citizens are going to arm themselves, rise up, and declare war on the current establishment?!?

You see people, that's what this really is.... Don't let the narrative fool you. This isn't about Police violence, or racial division, or anything like that. THOSE ARE WEAPONS being used to subjugate and control the masses. Take a knee? That's a distraction from the real picture! Russia investigation? HUGE distraction!! These kinds of things and other like them do nothing but to divide the people and fuel the division further.....

...and it's all bought and paid for by a few wealthy, evil individuals with their own agenda.

Let's get back to this civil war thing..... Once again I'll remind you, Dear Diary, of the might and power of the United States military complex.... And then let's compare that to the average "Armed" United States civilian.

Do you see a difference?

So, the question becomes, how in the freaking HELL does anyone in their right mind think that a civil war could EVER explode across the United States of America?!?

Well, the fact is, it won't. Not like you think.........

.......you see? That's one of the factors no one is considering; this is not going to be a war like we all watch on TV.

The days of lining up soldiers to be shot at, are long gone. Even the days of trench warfare are obsolete. In today's world, the USA military simply sits a thousand miles away and uses complex, advanced artillery and guided-missiles to take out their enemy...........

...but! You can't do that in a civilian complex such as a city!

Oh, but the Police are geared up to deal with something if violence explodes........

.....you mean, like the past riots in recent US history?

Sure, the Police lined up in force, but what are you going to do when the whole city riots like in Charoletteville, Carolina? We all saw the grim aftermath, but it could have been much worse if the Police hadn't been there to keep the peace, right?

Right?!

Well, it turns out that in that case and many other like it, the Police are paid to protect only certain installations and individuals. They are not going to go out of their way and protect the average shop from being vandalized, especially in the face of a large, violent mob. So in that manner, the Police are quite helpless to do much except make a few arrests and a show of force......

....and, let's not forget that in some cases in recent history, that some city lawmakers told Police to stand-down in the face of rioters.

For whatever political motivation*, some city officials and State lawmakers have decreed that they are not willing to participate with the Federal government on security matters, and will vindictively use their power to order law enforcement to not interfere with certain groups of people, or violent riots.

I'll say that again in case you missed it; current lawmakers within the country are purposely and vindictively committing treason to undermine the authority and effectiveness of the Federal government in Border Security.

What does all that mean?

Simple; when the violence occurs tomorrow, there will be certain places where the violence is going to be allowed to run rampant..........

...let that sink in.

Now, this is all fine and dandy, right? I mean, the Police will be able to identify the groups responsible, because they all wear black masks and matching uniforms, right?

Wrong.

That's not how this is going down, Dear Diary. Turns out, according to the various platforms on the interweb these groups are using to spread their message of hate, the order is to "Avoid wearing masks that identify you as a member of any organization, but instead wear MAGA "Make America Great Again" ballcaps, and dress like gun-toting Conservatives".

Instead of appearing like the members of the Alt-left, they are being told to appear as Conservatives in an attempt at political character defamation, and place the blame on the other side.

It sounds like something cooked up in a conspiracy laboratory.

Go see for yourself if you don't believe me. Check a few of the websites calling for action across America, and read the print for yourself. It's. Right. There.

So, here's where we're at..... A call to action by Left-wing extremists, that will be answered by brain-washed masses caught up by their emotions to cause violence, chaos, and murder across several States, and some of those places will not be met with any resistance by law enforcement. Not only will the perpetrators be dressed as registered law-abiding gun-owners, but when threatened with violence the law enforcement will arrest the gun-owner when he retaliates......

...you see, Dear Diary, that is what this is all about. Trying to distract the nation from the real problems, and divide it so it cannot respond properly. That, and attempt to smear law-abiding gun owners. **

"When you are in a state of chaotic stress or a perpetual state of anxiety, you have no resources or capacity to attend to your own needs."

When a NATION is in a state of constant anxiety, they are incapable of attending to their needs. They are unable to maintain clarity of thought as a cohesive unit, and instead find themselves divided and feuding over petty things, such as the colour of someone's skin or organized religion.

There is only ONE RACE on this planet; the HUMAN race! Anyone that tries to say differently has an agenda.

Tomorrow when the bullets start flying and the fires start raging across cities and towns in America, it doesn't matter if one side stands up against the other. The moment one bullet flies the nation loses. The moment one canister of tear-gas is thrown at a mob of civilians, the law enforcement loses. The moment....... Wait.... It's already over because we're talking about this.

I wish it was different. I really, REALLY do! I wish I wasn't writing about division and possible civil war in America! But the fact is I am.... And the USA has already lost.....

...it lost the moment the riots began, and nothing was done to stop them. It was fueled when law enforcement were ordered to step aside. Whole sports teams decided to throw in the towel when they decided to take a political knee for a directive most of the players know little about. This division was fueled when political campaigns for elected officials became about immigrants and offering sanctuary to those who might find themselves at the wrong end of the judicial stick. The ongoing back-and-forth mindset of the "Sneeches" has now reached epic proportions, and whole monuments are being torn down to somehow rectify the wrongs of the past.

It's like we're living in a time of book-burning and witch-hunts.

Nothing of what I have just written is conjecture. Most of it is history, albeit, very recent. While the ugly sins of our forefathers have always managed to nag at our society from the fringes, the bare truth is suddenly being exposed and laid bare for all to see.....

....in all its unnatural, uninhibited, politically correct glory.

Do I think there's going to be a civil war tomorrow? I mean, that's like in 12 hours or so, right? Is the whole United States going to implode with the force  of a supernova and leave nothing but a big crater and Canada left floating all by itself in a brand new ocean? I doubt it.... A war? Not like you think.

But, there's already civil war. The United States is already under siege. Not just internally, but external forces work diligently to undermine and thwart the goals, morals, and efficiency of the mighty ship that is United States of America. The division is real. The funding by evil individuals to destroy the USA is very real. There are currently three groups I can think of off the top of my head right now that are PAID, and are willing to do anything to bring down the government... Wait....Four....[Laughs] Five.

United we stand. Divided we fall.....

.....yes, there will be war tomorrow. No one is lining up in rows or digging trenches...... It's an entirely different approach, but it will be akin to a riot..... One with specific targets.

Did I mention it's also a full moon tomorrow?

What about the date? November.... Is that significant for something? Where did I remember... Remember....OH! Remember, remember, the fifth of November. Famous Guy Hawkes thing.... Wanting to blow up Parliament or something..... Hmm... Coincidence?

Full moon? Check!
Symbolically significant date? Check!
Website to announce the date? Check!
Gear? Dress code? Mannerisms? Check, check, and check!
Targets? Locked and loaded.
Army? Thanks to propaganda, the internet, and mainstream media; triple check!
Concerns? Police are told to maintain civility but keep a distance. Military cannot target civilians in urban settings. Checked, and double checked...................

..................Keep your door locked.... I'm off to sharpen my pitchfork. You know? Just in case.

* They want to be elected / keep their elected position in a place with high numbers of immigrants
** The anti-establishment attack on the second amendment of the USA is old, and they will use any means necessary to keep the anti-gun debate raging.

November 6th
Good morning, Dear Diary. I'm up early to get ready to head uptown first thing this morning. I have court to attend. The weather is hovering at the freezing mark with calls for partly cloudy skies and a high of 9 degrees.

I realize it's been a couple of days since I wrote anything in my diary. I had a busy weekend. Lots of things were happening, but fortunately none of the drama was mine. Seriously, one neighbour had his girlfriend decide to move out, there was a big fight between a couple of roommates which culminated with the Police being called, and even the landlord got into the mix and decided to drop a bunch of drama..... And meanwhile, none of it managed to land on me.

Always good when the cops show up and it's not because of me.

Today was the second morning in a row that I woke up to my iguana tucked under the covers with me. It's one of moments where you wake up in the dark to feel a scaly little guy squirming around trying to get comfortable. He likes to drape himself across my chest, so when I feel him crawling around, I just cuddle him and pull the blankets over him. Next thing you know we're both fast asleep. I absolutely love how tame and social the little fella is!

So............ What happened on November 4th? Did civil war actually break out in the States?

[Laughs] The fascist group, oddly known as ANTIFA (Antifascist) who were one of the major organizations calling for civil war, barely showed up. There was less than a thousand people in New York City! With such low numbers there wasn't any chance of starting anything, so all they did was hold a rally and then tried to protest.... As well as, scuffle with Police. All over the country the scene was the same; barely anyone showed up, and those that did had very little impact.

I'm relieved that it completely fizzled out. No one wants war.

The other factor that makes me happy about this turn of events, is that no one is going to take the Alt-Left group, ANTIFA, seriously again.

HOWEVER, there was another unrelated mass-murder on Sunday in the United States; a 20-something white male entered a church and opened fire with an assault weapon. By the time the lone gunman was chased away by an armed neighbour, the body count was 27 dead with over 20 more wounded.... Words fail me...... I can only pray for the families of those who are suffering from this horrific event!

Well, I gotta go jump in the shower and get ready to head uptown. I have a busy day ahead of me.... Hope you have a great week!

November 8th
Good morning, Dear Diary. There's a heavy frost covering everything this morning. This marks the first time this year that temperatures at night have dipped below the freezing mark. I could really feel the cold coming through my window last night, and I think I'm going to have to take some sort of measures to prevent such invasive cold air from rolling through my window. Even with the window closed, the transferred of heat caused the temperatures to drop below acceptable norms for a tropical lizard......

........when I heard him stir this morning around 5 AM I plucked little Heffy off the perch above me, and placed him on my chest. I awoke an hour later to my predictable cramping, but by then my little iggy was toasty warm. A warm bath, some cuddles, and Hephestusamazilion is now happily sitting under his heat lamps.

I'm not having a good day; my health has flared up for the second day in a row. Don't think I'll get much done today... [Sighs]

....Hope you have a good day!

11 PM

Good evening, Dear Diary. Today has been gorgeous Fall weather with sunshine and temperatures hovering around 8 degrees. The leaves are really falling falling off the trees now, and I took advantage of the nice day by going outside and doing a bit of yard work.

While my health decided to rebound after lunch and allowed me the chance to feel human for a short while, my mind is completely overwhelmed.......

…...I had a conversation with someone yesterday that completely threw me for a loop.

I'm a pretty rock-steady guy that has witnessed quite a bit in the short 44 years I've been on this planet. I'd love to say that I'm not easily fooled or surprised, but every so often something is said or done that takes me off guard. Usually I consider the source when something extreme occurs, because nearly most of the time my gut instinct is spot-on, and in the majority of cases when something does occur it's not a shock when the source is taken into consideration.

EG: If you go to Church there's a good chance you won't here any foul language, but if you go to a bar you'll hear plenty.

Imagine if you went to Church and the Preacher kept dropping the “F-Bomb”? It would be completely out of place, and certainly out of character for a priest or Church Minister to be cursing, right? Even if a religious leader set foot in a bar, chances are they will still continue to act in accordance with their faith and refrain from using harsh language, even when surrounded by those who act otherwise.

Imagine my shock when I heard someone praising the mass-murderer who recently shot up the Church in Texas?!?! Their words, “Christianity should have been dealt with 50 years ago, or even 500 years ago”.

DEALT WITH?! What the actual Hell?! “Dealt with”, as in what? Eradicated? Killed off? Slaughtered like the innocent men, women, and children who died on their knees attending Sunday service?

They were dressed in their Sunday best, which basically means they were attired for their funeral. Let that sink in.....

...this is sick shit! It makes me dizzy and nauseated to even think of the details! In one case, an entire family was gunned down while the mother tried her utmost best to shield her babies from the spray of hot lead coming from that rifle barrel. She died, along with her unborn child and two of her other babies......

….and then to hear someone make a claim that abjectly sums up their lives and then callously writes them off? ....... I became quite angry, to say the least.

Now, don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, I see people spouting off garbage all the time over the Internet. When the pitiful-excuse-for-a-human opened fire on a country music festival this Summer, turning what was supposed to be a place of entertainment and safety into a killing field, there was some pathetic Internet trolls citing all sorts of horrendous things, like, “It was ONLY people that listened to country music”, or “They were probably Trump-supporting deplorables. No loss”........

…....like, there is seemingly no limit to the sickness that exists on the fringes of our society!

Toss in the fact that humans are despicable when it comes to becoming easily polarized. You see this every day, from racism to xenophobia, sexism to religious fervor, the ugly stain of irrational fear and personal bias exists and is woven into our society. These kinds of negativity are taught, not learned, however, it's important to note that much of this education comes from life lessons. A person who has been cheated on will always carry a resentment of the opposite sex, even if it's suppressed. When a nation watches as a tide of illegal immigrants storms across their border, it's easy to slap a label on the herd of economic migrants and dehumanize them, based on the evidence in other countries - There are many nations across the planet who are welcoming and supportive of disasters, but we're now seeing the result of unchecked economic migration, and the results are horrifying! Humans learn from their mistakes, or in many cases, from the mistakes of others that have a major impact on their lives, and they carry these lessons with them in life. Over time these ideologies take on a life of their own, and without realizing it the mind takes on a polarized opinion on the subject.

Another reason why people are fickle and cruel, is because we're taught to be detached from our emotions. Not just the ideology that displaying emotions is sign of weakness (Which it's not – It's a sign of strength), but a universal notion sweeping our planet due to technology; we're sharing more information about our personal lives, but we're less personally involved with other humans. This detachment of self and our emotions has created a stigma of “It won't happen to me” more than ever before!

[Snarls with a sarcastic tone] Why should anyone care about what happens on the other side of the planet, right? As long as it's not my Church getting burned to the ground or shot up, it doesn't matter, right? As long as my children aren't the target of some gunman, it doesn't really make a difference in my life, right? My kid's school is safe, why should I care? So what if they shot up a country music concert? Who likes country music anyway, right? They were probably Conservative voters with traditional families who believed in traditional values and all those notions of morals and personal rights, so it's maybe even a good thing, right? Right? RIGHT?!

[Spits on the ground] I'm (Explicit)ing disgusted! Like, I wish I was making this garbage up, Dear Dairy, but I'm not! The above paragraph was meant to be dripping with pure cynicism, but that's ALL BASED ON WHAT I'VE SEEN AND READ.

In many cases it's the silence that speaks louder than anything.........

…..take the attack on Christianity, for example. While Churches all across North America are the target for arsonists and hate-motivated graffiti, there are a rising rate of Christian Churches being turned into a place of mass slaughter..... In North America..... I mean, we've been seeing wholesale mass murders of Christian villages all over Africa for quite some time now, but with a rise of extremists all over the world, we're now witnessing a direct war on Christians all over the planet.

“Tolerance and acceptance” is the message spread by Christians worldwide, only to have their places of worship ripped apart by some evil madman's bullets. The WAR ON CHRISTIANITY IS VERY REAL! It's time the world woke up!

It's hard to get the real facts, however, as mainstream media is completely downplaying any incidents that target Christians, and in many cases don't say anything at all. In Canada, the Prime Minister is calling for an outright destruction of traditional Canadians and Christians, while he visits mosque after mosque, and travels overseas to meet with Muslim globalists in secret meetings......

…..seriously, the out-of-touch elitist, Justin Trudeau, is under investigation by the ethics committee for breaking Canadian law over his visits to the Khan family's private island.

So, the facts are quite clear that many world leaders, including Canada's, are actively working to destroy Christianity. Many extremist groups are slaughtering Christians, while the governments turn a blind eye and censor the news. THEN, they go and draft laws based on made-up words, like “Islamophobia”.....

…...You know why there's no “Christianphobia”, or “Jewphobia”? Because there's no such (Explicit) concept as “Islamophobia”! I am NOT fearful of Muslims...... I'm smart enough to realize that such ideals that people from the Middle East are NOT compatible with Western ideals! This doesn't make me a bigot, scared in any way, or any sort of (Insert derogatory label).... I'm just simply an individual who is examining facts and making logical conclusions. I'm not scared of a religion. I AM SCARED when you decide to try and shove it down my throat..... When it's tenants are completely contrary to the tenants I was taught, and the immigrants decide to cling to such alien beliefs and insist on forcing their traditions upon the public schools and other institutions, then I AM worried..... When I hear time and again of rapes, acid attacks, roving packs of teenagers threatening the local residents, beatings, economic collapse, etc, etc, it doesn't make me a horrible person to point out that it's being caused predominately by the flood of illegal, economic migrants..... FACTS, people..... Something this world seems to ignore.

Alright, so I'm angry. You understand the possibility of “Why” I could be emotionally driven to such an extent of feeling personally involved in this recent mass murder. I mean, I'm a father, a Christian who used to sing in the choir, and a passionate human being, so it should be easy to see why I could become so riled up by this. Why not?! Like, when you hear all the details, Dear Diary, about how close-knit this community was and whatnot, it completely breaks my heart, because I keep wondering what would happen IF MY little Church in a small town (Just like the one in Texas) had its door kicked in by a gun-toting scumbag who then unloaded his weapon on people I grew up with... Prayed and rejoiced beside each Sunday...... With my mom at the Church organ..... And possibly one or more of my family members sitting in the congregation......

….and I just lose it! Like, this is hitting me hard, because the details are so DAMN similar to my family's Church and the one in Texas that still smells of gun smoke.

There you go, Dear Diary. That's why this is kicking me in the feels. I've sat and analyzed this to death, and heard the mainstream media state details of the investigation over and over. My mind reels when I think of that deranged gunman specifically targeting children who whimpered, as survivors have accounted, and I can't fathom how it must have felt to have been in that Church, watching as a man dressed in black military fatigues systematically gunned down member after member of your family.

My heart just breaks for those people in that Church that day. Oh, the horrors they must have witnessed as many of them had their bodies broken by bullets and drew their final breath. I can only pray for the families and loved ones who have survived this......

….....anyway, I'm angry about it, and for good reason.

NOT going to get into the gun debate, but I will say this; A) Thank GOD there was a nieghbour who was brave enough to shoot back at the gunman. 2) Anyone that uses this incident for political gain is sickening! D) IF you mock or belittle these people, I am going to become irritated regardless of your perception or slant on the incident!

So, when I see people posting garbage on the Internet, I take it for what it really is....... Bias perception based on hate, all done behind the safety of a computer screen. BUT!!! When someone makes such comments to me directly??

It's never happened, until now. I mean, I've heard all the bullshit “It doesn't affect me” statements from selfish individuals, but I've never I my life heard someone belittle a mass killing..... Not in a direct conversation.

I was completely floored!

Sorry, Dear Diary, but I can't tell you who it is. Remember my policies about not mentioning names when the topic is about someone else, especially if I'm painting them in a negative light? So, no names..... But it was someone that is very close to me....

…..and now I'm left with an extreme bitterness towards this individual. This occurred yesterday afternoon, and I've thought about it since. It's now 10 PM the next day, so that's over 24 hours I've chewed on this.

Not sure what to do.

People say stupid crap all the time. In many cases it's instantly regretted, although there are people who can't see their own mistakes if they walked up and kissed them.... Literally... I have that regret... [Laughs] Kissing a mistake, I mean..... Anywho, the fact is there are times in life when you can take something someone has said and talk it through. In some cases time can play a factor and the problem works itself out. In some cases, however, once the mistake is realized there are no ways to fix it.

Jesus liked to use stories to make Himself more relevant to the general masses, and I also enjoy the use of parables.....

…....LET'S SAY I'm out hunting. I have my rifle ready to go, and suddenly a big buck walks in front of me. I take aim, and squeeze the trigger. BANG! Eagerly I inspect the deer, but to my horror realize I've killed not only the male deer, but a female I didn't see behind him. Just as I ponder my mistake along comes a game warden, and finds me with two deer and one hunting tag. Can I call back that bullet? Can I talk my way out of the situation? No.....

…...the most likely ending to that story is that I would end up temporarily in jail, as my vehicle, rifle, as well as, both deer were confiscated. I'd need a lawyer and end up spending thousands of dollars only to end up paying a fine or spending more time in jail. No amount of “I didn't see the female”, or “I only fired one bullet” would help. Trust me, I know someone who had this happen, as well as, a few other “Oopsie” hunting tales that left a lasting memory in the minds of people who simply made a “Mistake”.

Here's something you can try at home to prove my point. Take a tube of toothpaste and completely empty it on the counter. Now say “Sorry” and try and talk the toothpaste back in the tube. Does it work? How about if you take a plate and drop it on the floor, smashing it into tiny bits. Trying telling the plate “Sorry” and see if you can talk it back together again.

You see? In life there are times when “Sorry” just doesn't cut it.

The point I guess I'm trying to make is that I'm emotionally torn between forgiveness, and the realization that the statement uttered was indicative of character. Can I forgive this person for making such a ridiculous and cold statement? Sure... Do I want to? No. [Shakes his head] Maybe this is something that will sort itself out over time, but I keep wondering if this is an indication of something more. I have spoken with this person this evening and explained my utter disappointment, but was met by excuses...... [Scowls]

…..I'm going to sleep on this. Maybe time will help me sort things out. Good night, Dear Diary. Sleep tight.... It's cold out there, so bundle up in bed. See you in the morning.

November 9th
Heavy frost covers the ground. Last night the temperatures dipped below the freezing mark. This marks the second day in a row I've woke up to heavy frost.... Winter is coming [Shivers]

I'm exhausted this morning; last night I was jarred awake THREE TIMES by neighbours. At midnight, James came home.... But to his credit he tip-toed around. Still, that (Explicit)ing microwave doesn't have a "Silent" setting, and it's akin to an alarm clock when it beeps. The second time REALLY ticked me off; there's a neighbour who is conducting himself like we're living in a ghetto, and last night he decided to work on his car at 2:30 AM. The (Explicit)ing revving of that car's engine was so damned loud it reverberated through my closed window. The third time was the asshats upstairs acting like they are the only ones in the building as they prepared to head to work. So, yea... Physically exhausted, and emotionally drained....

...what a bullshit way to start a day!

It took all my effort to not go outside last night and confront the twat-waffle who decided to perform engine work at 2:30 in the morning. I wanted so badly to go out and set a precedent that fool wouldn't forget, but then I'm reminded that I have to be on my best behaviour for the time being due to my ongoing court case. Not sure how to handle this problem, but this is the second time this idiot has done this, and I need to have it addressed so that it doesn't occur again.

I'm going to clean the house today. I haven't been cleaning for about a week or so now, because I decided to go on strike; sick of cleaning after others, and not being able to medicate in my own home drove me to this point. The issue, however, is that the house has seriously fallen below my own standards, and I'm growing weary of the mess.

I also plan on doing a bit of writing, but we'll see how I feel in a bit. I DO want to bake some bread or a cake...... I dunno, just feel like baking.

Tried non-alcoholic beer last night. My mouth enjoyed it, but my brain was all, "What the actual hell?! Where's the buzz?" [Laughs]

I'd like to do some more work outside in the afternoon, depending on health. The call is for partly-cloudy skies for most of the day, followed by SNOW later this evening. [Shivers] Yuck!! Anyway, my goal is to ensure my shed is cleaned out and ready for the white crap.... I mean, after this it's all downhill until Spring.

I'll let you go. I have a full day planned, and I'm not feeling as bad as yesterday morning.

November 10th
Good morning, Dear Diary. Last night we received our first snowfall of the season. I woke up to see a small skiff of white shit covering everything, and was hit in the face with a brisk, cold wind. The good news is the sun is shining, but from the looks of the weather forecast we're stuck with ice and snow....

...for a week. The call for next week is temperatures well above the freezing mark. [Grins] That doesn't hurt my feelings at all.

I've been "On strike" when it comes to house cleaning, because I was ticked off at the double-standards within the house. Specifically, but not limited to;
-With the exception of Brian, no one else was lifting a finger in household chores.
-Andy* is reporting back to Michael anything the other roommates do.
-I am being forced to "Go outdoors" to medicate. Meanwhile, I have a quite odourless method of imbibing my medication that I have been using since January 2015 when I originally moved into this complex.
-My food is criticized because of a cultural difference, but I am not allowed to even grimace when Andy* decided to cook his ethnic food. I get a splitting headache from the smell, but I'm considered a bigot if I complain. Meanwhile, my choice to eat beef is "Open season" for an individual who believes that cows are gods. What we have here folks, is a major cultural issue..... As well as, a fine example of the double standard when it comes to immigrants**.
-I'm practically the only one who empties the garbage. The others (With the exception of Brian) would allow maggots*** to infest the bottom of the can before doing anything about it. Andy* won't touch a garbage can or a mop because of the Indian caste system; it's below his caste to clean. So, double standard based on some ridiculous notion of superiority, as well as, laziness and indifference makes a house full of adults play a game I call "Garbage Can Jenga".

So....................

......I decided to go on strike. I crafted a poster that indicated my terms and hung it outside my door, as well as, one in the kitchen. I would not clean at all until the others started buying cleaning supplies and started helping out around the house. I also stated that I am a medical marijuana user, and have my license from the Federal government to order, possess, and use marijuana.

Guess what happened......

......the next day there was floor cleaner, dish soap, and a pack of garbage bags under the sink. Two days later Andy took off and hasn't returned. (Fairly certain he's at his girlfriend's house in Toronto)

Now it's Brian, James, and myself left in the house, and between the three of us we've been doing very well. Everyone is pitching in, socializing, and even collaborating together on issues in the household.

See what happens when you remove the negative aspect from the equation?

Why would anyone in their right mind want to clean when there's someone in the house that won't lift a finger? If you're tip-toeing around the house because you're not certain if the individual behind their locked door is sleeping or not, how do you work up the ambition and desire to clean, which is typically quite noisy? One bad apple spoils the whole bunch, as the saying goes, and that holds true for many things in life, including the desire and energy in a household to keep a certain standard.

I like my house to be clean.

Not sure how long this peace will hold. For the moment, I'm just enjoying a high-level of cleanliness, camaraderie and cooking in the kitchen.....

....last night I was in such a good mood I made home-made bread and baked a chocolate cake. I'm like that......


.....when I'm in a great mood I bake bread, cookies, and cakes. When I'm in a bad mood I become a hissing demon-spawn from Hell. [Laughs]

I went around to some of the neighbours and gave them some of the home baked goods, and you might have thought I was handing them bars of gold. Even today three neighbours have told me my bread was amazing, and they can't believe I made my own icing for the cake.

What can I say? I was in a good mood. Giving away a loaf of bread and half a cake made me also feel good.....

.......and there's NO WAY  I can eat that much sugar.

So, what's on tap for today? It's pretty cold outside, but I promised the landlord I would go and make certain the walks are shoveled. I'll do that before I hop in the shower, and then dive into a bit of writing...... didn't do a lick of writing yesterday, so I feel I should knuckle down and hit my book hard.

Oh. Here's the rules for that game I mentioned earlier. It's amusing in its own way, I guess.....

Garbage Can Jenga
-Game requires 2 or more roommates (Adult family)
-The game starts with a fresh garbage bag placed in a garbage can.
-The game proceeds as players create garbage, and then subsequently dispose of the garbage in the garbage can.
-Do NOT empty the can NO MATTER HOW FULL it gets! This is key! Only the loser is required to take the overflowing garbage bag to the curbside.
-The smellier the garbage the better. The best way to produce some seriously smelly shit is to use organic waste, especially raw. This is including, but not limited to, onion peels, fish heads, moldy bread, broken egg shells, and any leftover food scraped from the dinner plate.
-The height of the pile of garbage doesn't matter. In fact, the higher the odoriferous tower of trash gets, the better.
-The GOAL of the GAME is to NOT KNOCK OVER THE TOWER OF TRASH!
-The game proceeds until ONE PLAYER cannot place any more garbage on the pile, and / or the tower comes crashing down all over the floor during an attempt. In this case it is the losing player that is forced to clean up the whole mess, take the overflowing garbage bag to the curbside trashcans, and replace the garbage can with a fresh bag.

I seem to be in a bratty mood. This is good news.... Means I'm in a good mood. Since my health issues seem to be minimal this morning, comparatively, I should get my butt in gear and get some things done. It's Friday, but my plans are pretty simple; stay home and stay warm.

Hope you have a great day!

* Not his real name.
** He's here legally, as far as I know.
*** It happened this Summer, just before I switched houses. They allowed the garbage can to grow rancid enough, long enough, to grow maggots. Yuck!

Karma Kicks a Christmas Tree
LIVE Video taken from "The Iguana Cage, in London, Ontario, on November 10th, 2017.



4 PM
Well, today did not go the way I expected; I ended up in such severe pain that I needed to lay down at around noon, and by 2 O'Clock was bleeding internally. It hurts to move or even lean over and type, and I feel nauseated. I've just medicated for the second time in a row, hoping that helps, but now I'm more stoned than college kid on March Break. It seems to be helping, but I still feel like I've got an intestinal virus.

I couldn't tell if I got food poisoning or not; it would simply seem like a flare-up of my condition.

Anyway, I just came to pen a quick note that I was unable to do much thus far today, and I'm a bit frustrated by it all. These kinds of days suck! I make a bunch of plans and then I'm forced to cancel them.....

....hope your day is more productive than mine, Dear Diary. Talk soon.

November 11th
In Flanders field the poppies grow,
For the reason we all should know.

Standing proud and tall as can be, 
Its glory and beauty we all can see.

Remembering the men who saved us all,
Their bravery and honour we all may recall.

A symbol of courage we shall never forget,
For the men who died in the war they met.

They gave up their lives to save the rest,
Although they died, they did their best.

To the bravest of all man and your respected ranks,
We look up to you always and give you thanks.

By Helen Gardner

Good morning, Dear Diary. It's Saturday, the eleventh day of the eleventh month. Today marks Remembrance Day across Canada, and it's a time we pause to reflect on those who fought for our freedom.....

....because freedom isn't free. As the above poem states, "They gave up their lives to save the rest". This sentence hits me hard; would you fight and die so that others may live?

Would YOU fight knowing your death is quite certain, so that others in your home country may live? I'm certain many would emphatically cry "YES", but when the reality of the situation hits would you find yourself so patriotic? It is my humble opinion that if a world war ever broke out that the States would see a sky-rocketing number of draft-dodgers, while Canada would struggle to find the numbers to fill its ranks. I say that because I have a jaded outlook on the current generation, due to their selfishness....

....seriously, how would you get today's youth to put down their cell phones long enough to fire a military rifle at the enemy? I say this in jest, but the truth is pretty scary..... Today's youth are so self-centered that the idea of being patriotic and giving up your life so that others may live would be absolutely alien to them. While today's college kids need safe places, over seventy years ago thousands of youth from Canada, Britain, USA, France, et all, stormed across the beaches of Normandy under a hail of hot lead and exploding shrapnel. Their rifle and the soldier standing next to them was their safe place....

.............How we've fallen.

Enough shitting on today's youth, at least for now. The focus of my energy should be on productive things, like working on my novel and attending the downtown service. I'm hoping I can make the service, but right now I'm flared up pretty damn badly. Let's hope this clears up enough for me to go.

I'm tired this morning; I was rudely woke up several times by the twatwaffles upstairs. I guess they had a party, and the noise pollution filtering into my room kept jolting me awake. Not only that, but the last time I woke up it also woke up Hephestusamazilion. I heard the little fella stirring above me on his branch, and I realized how chilly it was in my room.........

......so I got up, stuffed earplugs in my ears, and plucked Heffy off his branch and laid him on my chest. Now you have to remember, Dear Diary, that this was all done in absolute darkness...... And yet, my sweet little iguana barely puts up a fuss when he hears my voice, "It's OK, Heffy. Daddy has you". The moment I placed him on my chest his cold-blooded body immediately relaxes against my warm-blooded body, and at 36 degrees Celsius I'm the perfect heater to keep my scale-baby warm and toasty.

Yes, my iguana will sleep on my chest or beside me on his own pillow, comfortably tucked under blankets. I think I'm spoiling him.

Well, I have a few things to do before I head uptown. (If I can make it due to health) I hope you are having a great weekend, and we'll talk soon!

10:20 AM
Looks like I'm not going to the Remembrance Day service. My health is causing me to still be doing "The routine". Cramps, bloating, frequent bathroom trips, and it turns out I'm still bleeding internally..... [Sighs]

...was really looking forward to the service. I feel like I'm letting everyone down.

Even now my abdomen is having muscle-spasms. Flick, flick, flick.... And each spasm is like a "Swimmer's cramp".... I've medicated already, and........

...enough about my health issues. Who wants to read about someone bitching all the time?

Since I'm somewhat confined to a computer chair, indoors for probably most of the day, I guess I should do some work..... Chat later.

November 12th
What a quiet Sunday morning! Hello, Dear Diary. The weather right now is mostly cloudy with temperatures at -1. The snow we received has now become a grey-tinged crust of crystallized ice, and with temperatures expected to slide a bit over the freezing mark I expect another day like yesterday. It feels and smells like Spring, rather than Winter..... Which, I'l happily take. Every mild day is one less it could be freezing cold. Amma'right?

I went to bed super early last night; basically not long after Hephestusamazilion's lights turned off and I had tucked the little fella into bed (Literally into my bed) I went to the bathroom and then just crawled in with him.

If you're wondering why I'm babying this iguana like I do, it's two-fold; the temperature at night drops below acceptable limits for an iguana to digest food and can cause serious health issues over time, as well as, the bonding experience I get from such constant close contact. I imagine this could be potentially problematic when he gets older and bigger, and still wants to sleep with his human, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

It's a good thing that everything starts out small and grows up! It gives parents and the community time to adjust to the addition of a new individual. Same goes for pets; if they were born big and independent than it would be exceptionally difficult to tame them. When our children or pets grow, they develop habits and learn to expect certain conditions. Each day is a learning experience for them and the caregivers. As time progresses the effects of proper or improper care becomes evident. As in all things in life, too much or too little of anything can have harmful effects, and when something become routine it can have positive or negative effects. From nutrition to sleep patterns, stimulus / education to personal space, everything a parent or pet-owner does impacts those little dependents.

This is why I don't see my iguana sleeping in my bed as a bad thing. Neither of us can pass a virus to each other due to the composition of our bodies, and he's too big for me to roll over on him. The only problem is when he crawls around the bed in the dark he might accidentally scratch me; from his knife-like barbs on the tail, his scales, and long claws, there's a potential to end up with an iguana-rash or cuts. No worries, Dear Diary, I would have to rub his tail completely the wrong way to end up being scratched by the rear-facing defensive spines on his tail, I wear an undershirt and pajama bottoms, and I try to keep his claws trimmed....

...Memo to me: Trim Heffy's claws today.

Not much to talk about today. Even in the news it's just more of the same; the Prime Minister of Canada is being investigated for fraud, as well as, the liberal Fiance Minister. Sikhs are now permitted to carry a ceremonial dagger called a kirpan aboard airplanes, but the rest of the other non-Sikhs can't bring a nail file or tweezers. You can't criticize Muslims or the institution of Islam, but it's open season on Christianity. The terms "Alt-right", "Racists", "Bigots", and "Extremists" have lost all their meaning as they are the terms used by leftists when they feel offended or just don't like what's being said. Democrats work ferociously to undermine the White House, and will stoop to new lows in their endevour to destroy the democratic party.. I mean, to unseat President Trump. Meanwhile, "The Donald" is over in Asia and working hard to secure allies and bring peace to a region that is seemingly on fire, and he's accomplishing things none of his professional political predecessors attempted. The Hollywood fiasco of sexual assault accusations is now reaching about a dozen names of men who supposedly raped, molested, or acted indecent toward cast and crews on a variety of films and companies. Europe is reeling from violence caused by economic migrants. A flood of illegals are spilling over the Canadian border........

.........Same debauchery, corruption, and government bullshit. Different day.

I have been chewing away at the Yuletide story, although I now realize that if I want this book to be as good as I know it's going to be, I need more time. I'M HEREBY MOVING MY DEADLINE FOR "ODIN'S REPRIEVE" TO DECEMBER 2018! The more I work on the book, the better the story-line is getting. It would be a shame to rush it...

....but speaking of working on the novel, I should go and do exactly that. I'll talk to you later, Dear Diary. Hope you have a wonderful day!

P.S. A Sikh can carry a sword for religious purposes, but a Viking cannot carry a sword or axe? Odin is very displeased with this double standard!

November 13th
Good evening, Dear Diary. Sorry for such a late entry. I've had a busy day....

.....snow's all gone. Temps were above freezing but it remained damp.

There's a reason I'm making an entry at the moment; someone called me out for being "Tasteless" with an ethnic joke. You know what? I'm sick to DEATH of political correctness......

......so, because I'm a French Norwegian..... I'l tell some French jokes. Why? 'Cause there's nothing fucking funny about a Viking! [Chuckles] I'm just kidding... Make fun of Vikings all you want... They honestly don't give a rat's ass....... Call it tough skin.

As for the French? We'll kick your ass and then sing songs about it. I dare ya....

....seriously. Look it up. My heritage comes from brave men and women who will GLADLY KICK YOUR ASS!

HOWEVER................ I've been lectured time and again, that if I want to tell a good joke, that it better be about my own heritage. That way I'm only making fun of myself. Right? At least, that's what Grandpa Fritz would tell me...... And he was French.....

...So............

....Here is my Grandpa's BEST French joke.

................................................

One bight sunshine-filled day, St. Peter was sitting at the pearly Gates. It was a slow day, which is a good thing in perspective, and the winged-Saint was enjoying the interlude. He kicked His feet up on the desk, and relaxed.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, St. Peter noticed a figure walking toward the Gates of Heaven. The Saintly man sighs...... "It's been so quiet", He stated to no one in particular, "And I was just getting comfortable too!", the Saintly angelic man complained. "I'm overworked, and when I get a....."

St. Peter sucked his breath in and didn't finish His sentence. Instead, He drew His legs off the desk, sat up straight, and then stood. With a big grin on His face, St. Peter mused, "It's a French man. All French men are stupid! I know what 'll do, I'll ask the ridiculous dolt a simple question. There is NO WAY a French man can..."

Just then the man approached the gates and the golden desk.

St. Peter quickly announced, "Welcome to Heaven, Frenchman. It is wonderful that you're here. But before we can let you into Heaven I have to ask you one simply question. Are you ready?"

The French-man, completely uncertain as to what was going on, said, "Sacre blue? Of course, I am ready for dis! I am ...ready for anyting...."

St. Peter said, "Very well. The question is, What is EASTER?"

The Frenchman suddenly became very serious. "Ohhh... I know DIS!", he exclaimed, "DIS is where the big man, dressed in a red suit goes around to all the keeds and geeves dem presents..."

St. Peter chuckles and reaches for a big red button leading to Hell. "No you idiot!", He explains, "That's Christmas". He hits the big red button and a huge trap door opens up under the French man and sends him into Hell as a loud siren erupts... BRRRRRPPPTTT!!!

Well.......

....St. Peter takes a deep breath , and stretches out. "Ahh...Stupid French men", he explains...

When, lo and behold, another figure walks up the golden steps.......

....."It's another French man", complains St. Peter. He stands up and announces, "Welcome to Heaven. My name is St. Peter, and I have but to ask you one question about God".

The Frenchman answers, "Tres bien! I know all about God!"

"Very well", answers, St. Peter. He puffs Himself up, and then asks, "What is EASTER?"

The Frenchman frowns, as he answers, "Dees is seemple. Easter is ween all de leetle keeds go around wit' de masks, and say TRICK OR TREAT..."

St. Peter interrupts the Frenchman, and laughs, "No, you dummy! That's Halloween!". He hits the big red button that opens the trap door to Hell.

BRRRRPPPTTTTT!!!!

The trap door opens and the Frenchman falls into Hell.

St Peter laughs, French men are so stupid!*" He kicks His feet back up His desk and prepares to have a snooze.........

.....when, LO AND BEHOLD another Frenchman approaches the Pearly Gates.

St Peter chuckles to Himself. "These Frenchmen are so dumb, I'll just do the same thing I did with the last two". He rises and greets the newcomer with, "Welcome to Heaven, Frenchman. My name is St. Peter, and you have but to answer ONE QUESTION to enter the PEARLY GATES".

The Frenchman seems amused, but calm as he answers, "Veddy well. Vat is Quvestion?"

St Peter does His best to quell a smirk, as He asks, "All you need to answer is..... what is Easter?"

The Frenchman becomes very serious, and replies, "OOOOH! I know DIS!!" He become very animated in his response, as he states, "Dis is where dey take duh guy..... And dey strip 'im... Und beat 'im...... And put a crown of t'orns on 'is head"......

St. Peter realizes that this man has a general gist about Easter and tries to stop him, "OK, yea... So, Jesus Christ, right?", He asks.

"Oh, yeas!", cries the Frenchman. He raises his arms to represent a Crucifixion as he continues, "Dey teake duh guy, uhnd drag 'im t'rough dug streets wit' dug cross.... And den dey nail him on duh cross....."

St Peter is all like, "Yea.. That's good... You uhh..."

But! The Frenchman KEEPS going..... "Den dey put dis guy, Jesus, up dere, and he dies...... And den dey put 'im in duh grave..."

St Peter just shakes His head, and stammers, "Yea., Yea... You got it.. Just...Uhh.. Just step forward".....

.........but the Frenchman keeps going. "So, den. Trois jours plus tard, de Jesus emerges from de den", he emphatically implies, "An' He sees His shadow.............. and den goes back in......"

BBBBBBRRRPPPTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!

"Stupid Frenchman. That's Groundhog Day".

...................................................

*Remember, I'm half-French

November 14th
Morning, Dear Diary. Today is not a good day thus far. I'm having serious health issues, as well as, emotional trauma caused by the asshats who live upstairs. Once again I was woke up by booted feet on my ceiling stomping around, and when I went outside to see what the commotion was, I was met by the millennial running down the stairs....

.....Well, I told him to start realizing there are people living below him, and he decided to threaten me. You know how well that goes with me? I ended up yelling at him, calling him to come back and throw down if that's what he wanted.... In retrospect it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but then again, I was half-asleep, in severe pain, and angry at being subjected to this constant abuse.

So, here I now sit.... My guts are rolling from the added stress of dealing with such stupidity on a repeated basis, as well as, my usual health problems. This is totally unfair! I fully expect some sort of repercussion from this, and I'm not looking forward to the fall-out. I didn't initially cause this, and I'm once again subject to another selfish individual's whims.......

.....seems to be a re-occurring theme in today's world.

I have to go and see my lawyer today. I can only hope this is going to settle a few things and bring finality, but I seriously doubt it. If history has proven anything, it's that I'm going to have to fight for my freedom in a court of law.

Am I angry this morning? Yep! I'm tried of being shit on by other people, and them getting away with it!

It's a fact that men are scared of women in today's world. The constant emotional and physical abuse perpetrated by women goes unchecked by a society that caters to females. I am petrified of women due to all the bullshit they've put me through, and I swear to God that I'm quickly growing cynical of relationships based on the existing double-standard. Time and again I've witnessed abuse by women and watched as they get away with it every-time. It's disgusting!!

OK, I'm done ranting.

I guess I'm stressed out that I am going to have to deal with several issues today, and all were perpetrated by someone else. I can barely think straight I'm so stressed!! I think the best thing I can do is go medicate and just wait for the fall-out. I know it's going to be bias, which is probably why I'm pissed off.... The landlord doesn't give a crap about the tenants in this part of the house, and he sees us as expendable, while he has repeated stated that the tenants upstairs are easier to deal with because he only has to collect one rent instead of 5........ And the kids upstairs are almost the same age as the young landlord, so there's that prejudice........

...I'll let you know how things go. Let's hope it's not serious, and something positive happens from this.... Like, the landlord enforcing a rule about excess noise, like TV's and loud parties. (Which occurred all weekend)

Oh, Andy is home. The house now stinks like curry again. Ugh! I get a migraine every-time he makes that ethnic dish... And he only eats Indian cuisine..... It was SO nice to not have him around for a week, and I know I'm not the only one who thinks that.

Wow! Looks like I better find a way to put myself in a better mood today, because I'm suffering physical discomfort! I've got myself so wound up inside, I'm ready to snap!

How about another joke?

............................

One day, two French Canadians decide they need to cross the Sahara desert. They knew it would take them several days to do so, and realized they needed a camel to help them carry all their equipment. A truck would simply not work in the shifting sands of the mighty Sahara desert, so their only option was to buy a camel.

The two Frenchman made their way to a camel dealer on the outskirts of the desert. The were greeted warmly by the camel dealer. "AHH!", he cried out happily at two new customers, "Salaam, and blessings be upon you!" He lifted his hands in the air with a broad smile,and announced, "My name is Gamal Baasim Mansur, and I am very pleased to be meeting you! I am the largest and best camel dealer this side of the Sahara, so if you are looking to buy a camel you have come to the right place!"

The two Frenchman look at each, and nod in agreement. They approach the camel dealer, and state, "Uhh, 'Allo. We are Francis, et Paul."

The camel dealer nearly falls over in a reverent, flamboyant bow. "Blessing be upon you Francis and Paul! What can I help you with?"

Paul, who speaks better English than Francis, pipes up, "Uhh, yees! Ve are lookink for a camel to 'elp us cross la desert. Ve 'ave heard it may take seex days u'hn nights to cross la desert, u'hnd ve need a camel who can do dat, eh?"

Gamal puffs up his chest with pride and flashes a huge grin. "It will indeed take you six days and nights to cross de desert, and I have just the camel to do that". He beckons the two men to walk with him over to the camel paddock, and calls, "Come see! I have a very beautiful camel that you will be very pleased with. Come, my friends."

Well, the two Frenchmen run to catch up, and in moments were staring at the docile, large, brown eyes of a female camel.

The camel dealer explained, "This camel will be totally fine without food or water for six days and nights because she is conditioned for life in the Sahara desert. She has made the trip before I am told, so there are no worries".

Francis excitedly exclaims, "Tres bien, monsieur! Eet is a veddy good cah-mel! Ve vill take 'er!"

The camel dealer makes the exchange of cash, and then with a wave and a grin, explains, "Now, all you need to do is fill her up, and she will be good to go!"

The two Frenchmen frowned. Fill her up? Like a car? Paul hesitantly asks, "Vhat you mean, fill 'er up?"

Gamal smiles and pats the camels flanks as he points to a nearby waterhole. "You see that water? You take the camel over to the water, and get her to drink as much as she can. She will let you know when she's had enough, because when she's full she will have a big pee. That lets you know she's had enough, and she's top-level. Full", he said with great animation.

"Oh, ok."

The camel dealer continued, "Now, sometimes you will get a camel who is stubborn and doesn't want to drink. So you need to be a little forceful and put her head in the water to get her started. Don't be afraid to let her know who is the boss, right?"

The two Frenchmen who didn't really understand everything the camel dealer had said, did their best to appear like they did. "OH! For sure!", they crowed, with large smiles, "Tres bien! Dees ees good!"

They shook hands with the camel dealer and set off for the water hole.

It quickly became evident that the camel didn't want to drink any water, so Francis grabbed the camel's head and pushed it into the water as he was instructed. Meanwhile, Paul went to the backside of the camel to watch for it to pee to let them know the camel was full.

They're standing there, one Frenchman holding the head of a camel under the water, and the other looking up it's backside, when something comes out......

........Paul frantically screams at Francis, "Eh! Francis!! You need to 'old her 'ead up a little higher!!"

"Pourquoi?!", asked Francis, with a frown.

"Because she's sucking mud!"

........................

Well, ladies and germs.... I think it's time I got my but in gear for the day. I'm still feeling very nervous about the potential fall-out from the landlord, but you never know..... After all, I wasn't the only one who was woke up at 6 bells. I hear James is pretty upset too.

Gotta jet. Talk soon.... Keep your stick on the ice.

Noon
Well, there's been some repercussions, but not as big as I thought. [Knocks on his wooden desk] Hopefully this matter will get fixed rather than blow over. Landlord is promising they will be more conscientious of their actions... And I'm told to call the cops if I get threatened again. No word as to how they plan on implementing said protocols, but we'll see.

I'm sitting here unable to properly concentrate on much of anything due to the overwhelming feeling like I'm drowning in stress. I'm literally vibrating from adrenaline, and have been for most of the day. THIS is NOT GOOD!

Perhaps another joke.... Won't say it's my last, but it's the last French joke my Grandpa, Fritz, told me..........

........TWO ALIENS are standing atop the Newfoundland cliffs, and staring down into the Northern Atlantic ocean. It's a beautiful Summer day, and the two visitors from another planet are basking in the warm sun, and enjoying the gentle breeze coming off the ocean.

"Nice place, this Canada", stated the green alien to the other.

The other alien bobbed his head, and agreed, "Yes, Captain! Very nice!"

Suddenly, a tiny wooden boat rowed into view. The little vessel had only one occupant, and the man pulling on the oars was singing a lively tune. "Eye's the buy that builds the boat, and eye's the buy that sails 'er.........", he sings happily.

The two aliens watched in amazement. They had seen humans before, but never one so happy and seemingly carefree. The tiny boat hardly seemed big enough to venture out into the ocean, let alone being used to pick up fishing nets like the happy human was doing. And with such primitive technology! How was this possible? For many moments the aliens watched as the little boat rowed around the harbour picking up his fishing nets, all the while singing, "Eye's the buy that builds the boat, and eye's the buy that sails 'er........."

After some time of standing there in silence, the subordinate alien turned to his Captain, and quietly asked, "Sir. If I may suggest an experiment?"

The Captain turned to look at the other alien in curiosity, and replied, "What kind of experiment, Xxaxx'Blatt?"

The green alien pointed down at the human rowing around the ocean in a tiny boat, and said, "I'm curious about this Earthling. I wonder what makes him so innocently happy, and I believe it may have to do with intelligence".

"Carry on", stated the Captain, growing more curios by the second.

"Well", explained the alien, taking out his ray gun, "I set my gun to a quarter stun, and blow a quarter of that human's brain away. I want to see what effect it will cause him".

"Hmmm", said the Captain with a firm nod, "It IS only a human. I guess it would a scientific crime to NOT perform this experiment, Private! I fully authorize you to blow a quarter of this Earthling's brain away!"

"Aye sir!", replied Xxaxx'Blatt. He set his ray gun to a quarter stun, and took aim at the human below.

ZzzzzAAaaaaaaPPPPP!!!

Both aliens looked down at the human below, and to their amazement saw absolutely NO change. The Newfoundland fisherman kept rowing around, picking up his nets, and happily singing, "Eye's the buy that builds the boat, and eye's the buy that sails 'er........."

"Hmmm", mumbled the Captain, "Nothing seemed to have happened".

The two aliens stood for a moment, watching in silence as the little boat bobbed around the ocean waves like a cork, dumbfounded that there was absolutely no change in the human's condition. Finally, Xxaxx'Blatt broke the silence. "Sir, IF I may", he said with a bit of a whine, "I believe we should attempt this experiment one more time..."

"What?", snapped the Captain, turning to stare at the Private, "That would leave him with only HALF a brain!"

"It is ONLY a human".

The captain nodded. "You're right! I agree! Let's try this one more time. I fully authorize you to blow away a quarter of this Earthling's brain away, so that we may see what scientific discoveries may be found!"

"Aye, sir!", barked, Xxaxx'Blatt, and he pulled out his ray gun, took aim at the human below him and let fly with a laser blast.......

.........ZzzzzzzAaaaaaPPPPP!!!!!

"Eye's the buy that builds the boat, and eye's the buy that sails 'er.........", sang out the human happily.

Both aliens stared at the human in astonishment. This Earthling was now operating on only HALF a brain, and yet nothing seemed to have changed!

"Sir!", barked Xxaxx'Blatt, "There seems to be no effect to our test subject. I would offer that since we have come this far, that it would sensible to continue with our experiment and blow away ANOTHER quarter of this human's brai...."

"What?!", snapped the Captain, interrupting his lesser, "Blow away ANOTHER QUARTER of his brain away?" His eyes were wide open in curiosity, as he asked, "YOU DO KNOW THAT WILL ONLY LEAVE HIM WITH A QUARTER OF HIS BRAIN LEFT!?! RIGHT?"

Xxaxx'Blatt nodded eagerly. "Yes, sir! I am curious to see if there is ANY change to be had if this man is suddenly missing three quarters of his brain. After all, it's only a human".

The Captain nodded. "It's only a human", he echoed.

They both looked back down at the tiny boat bobbing around on the gentle ocean swells as the happy human rowed around to pick up his nets, and singing without a care in the world, "Eye's the buy that builds the boat, and eye's the buy that sails 'er........."

The alien takes out his ray gun and sets it to a quarter stun, carefully takes aim, and unleashes another laser bolt......... ZzzzzzzzzAaaaaaaaPPPPPPP!!!!!

"Alouette, gentille Alouette! Alouette, gentille plumerai......."

November 15th
Good morning, Dear Diary... Actually, it's damned near afternoon as I pen this, and by the time I hit the "Update" button it WILL be after noon. What have I been up to? Well besides my usual routine, I have been talking to roommates about this morning's drama...

....no worries. It didn't have a damned thing to do with me. In fact, it was Brian who seems agitated today, and for good reason..... Now remember the incident yesterday, where I caught the 20-something year-old coming out the front door and exchanged a few words? I was warned by the landlord to stay away from them and avoid any confrontation. So, when I heard the foot-falls of booted feet this morning, I just covered my head with a pillow. It was then that I heard the door slam exceptionally hard. About 4 minutes later I heard rustling around in the living room, and naturally I was curious..... It was Brian, completely ticked off, and looking out the door.

Turns out that when the little punk purposely slammed the exterior door, he turned around to give the house a satisfied smirk, and Brian  happened to be looking right out his bedroom window at the time...... OOOPS!

Wrong guy....... Yup! In this twatwaffle's endeavour to try and be vindictive and childish he completely forgot that there ARE other people in the house! Well, Brian was speaking in loud tones and woke up James......

.......Aaaaand, the house was abuzz with drama. No worries, Dear Diary, James isn't upset with Brain at all. In fact, he is siding with Brian on this one; these young adults need a serious attitude adjustment if they want to live in this kind of community setting!

THEN....... {Chuckles] Then we found a brand-new spare key that opens our front door, mysteriously sitting in the mailbox. That went over about as well as a lead fart. Why is there a key in our mailbox that opens our front door? No tenants have moved out recently, and the last one left both his keys on the table. The key is brand new, so who had it cut? Like, I mean, Dear Diary, it's as shiny as a polished penny the damned thing is so new. So, where did it come from? Keep in mind that we DO have a thief in the complex.....

.....did I tell you that? Not sure if I mentioned that. Yea, we have a thief in the two-house facility that houses over 20 souls, because one of the last tenants that moved out of the other house claimed he caught the guy in his room!!! Stuff has been moved and has gone missing over the last while, and it's only recently that Brian and I are adding everything up. There is indeed someone coming into other people's places when they're not around, and now we have a key to our front door suddenly appear?

Andy just came out of his room a few moments ago, and we talked about the mystery key. Turns out he knew nothing about it, so that confirms that none of the roommates in this house had anything to do with the key.

So................

......drama.

Anywho..... I was busy doing my routine, taking care of Hephestusamazilion, and ended up cleaning my room since I wasn't going to get any writing done. Now my room is clean, the house is tidy, I'm freshly medicated and ready to tackle today's project............

.............a report for my lawyer.

Yesterday's meeting went very well. My lawyer, Pamela Munn, is exceptionally brilliant, and definitely knows her stuff. I do have to state, Dear Diary, that IF this matter DOES go to trial that I have a 50/50 chance of the case going either way. In her words, "I don't want to mislead you, depending on the judge it could go either way. It's a 50% chance, and that's based on the simple fact we could end up with a bad judge, or even a really good judge having a bad day". Other than that ugly elephant in the room our meeting went well. Next court case for me is on December 4th for a remand, and then December 18th to set a date for the trial. (IF it goes that far) My lawyer has couple of meetings in between, and can hopefully convince the Crown attorney how ludicrous this all is.

Pamela and I discussed our terms; under no circumstances am I plea-bargaining. I WILL accept an offer for a "Peace-bond" between Cara and I if it makes the charges go away, however, I will not be pleading guilty to any of the charges leveled at me.

To sum things up? I was placed in a position where I felt I needed to defend myself, and in the end the witnesses over-dramatic accounts prompted law enforcement to overreact. That is the occurrence in a nutshell.

Now, I'm certain there are going to be those readers who might claim that I am being one-sided. [Shrugs] There will always be that claim. If fact, it's been mentioned before that I sometimes set up "Self-made" predictions to gas-light events. I've said it before, Dear Diary, and I'll say it again; I do not, have not, and will not lie to you. If there is something I don't want you to know I simply won't write about it. That's always been my mantra. As for being one-sided, it is VERY possible for it to APPEAR as such, especially if you feel polarized about certain contentious ideals. AND, let's all remember that THIS IS A DIARY of my personal thoughts and feelings......

.....actually, after several years and numerous chapters it's more of an ever-expanding autobiography.

So, my lawyer has given me homework. When she laid out the details of what she expected from me, which is a written account of the event that transpired on September 20th, 2017, I kinda.... [Chuckles] ...I kinda warned her.

ME: "Is there any specific length you want?"

PAM: "I need a complete written account of the night in general, but if you have any other information you want to add you can do so"

ME: "You do know I keep a diary, right? I can not only highlight specific dates, but exact occurrences, people present, and patterns of abuse...."

PAM: "Oh. That's good......"

ME: [Mischievous chuckle] "Let me see what I can come up with".

So, I really don't think my lawyer knows exactly what I'm coming up with , but I've given her fair warning that it will be complete, and with the ability to quote exact dates, it will be accurate.

Speaking of, it's now well after noon and I really should get to work on said court documents. I do have to admit that after going through all my diary entries there are many, MANY more happy memories than bad ones.... And being forced to only focus on the negative ones is making my heart heavy. I mean, four days before the proverbial poop hit the propeller blades we were on a fishing trip, and couldn't be more in love with each other..... It's just surreal to have to pick apart my relationship and sum it all up to show a pattern of problems. I mean, it feels like a kind of mental exercise, one in which I am forced to relive some of the darker parts of my life in London.....

.....made homeless and forced to live in a Salvation Army shelter is one that tops my list.

Having to go over those notes reopens wounds that were pretty much healed. So as I said, not the most pleasant thing to do, but I'm getting it done so I can move on with this chapter in my life....

...... I have to..... Just wish it was different. [Sighs heavily]

I'll talk to you later. Hope you have a wonderful day!

November 16th
Hello, Dear Diary. It's afternoon as I write this entry, because I had to run out for an appointment this morning. It's been very windy and rainy for most of the day. Gloomy clouds cover the sky, but the good news is those clouds prevent frigid Winter air from causing things to freeze..... So, raining in November, but being as that it could be snow I'll take the rainfall....

....you don't have to shovel rain.

Today has been ok-ish.... I guess..... [Laughs] Yup! That's about my mood right now... MEH! Or as the kids say, "Fair-to-middlin'"..... Kids DO say that, right? No? [Sighs]

I haven't been up to much today. I feel somewhat winded from the mental exercise yesterday of having to type up the report for my lawyer. Ugh! Anyway, that's probably why I'm feeling almost zero motivation to do much of anything...... I'm feeling defeated.

No worries, Dear Diary. I know that just because I feel a certain way, it doesn't mean it's real. As I've always said, perception is not reality. Ergo, just because I feel defeated doesn't mean I am. What is really frustrating is that I AM playing a waiting game to see how my life is going to turn out. I keep wondering "What IF?"..... I also know that regardless of what happens, my life is never going to be the same.....

......well, I do need to proof-read the letter for my lawyer. I checked it for length after I was finished last night, and it's about 24 pages and 11,753 words... Give or take...... I can't just write ONLY a couple of pages, can I? [Laughs] I better go and proof-read it and see how much of it is relevant, eh?

Hope you are having a great evening! I'll talk to you tomorrow!!

November 17th
It's well into the afternoon as I write this; Brian had to go for a trip out into the country and I went for a truck-ride. Getting out of the city was nice, even if only for a little while. Not much to really mention, so I'll make this short and sweet! Hope you have a great evening!

November 18th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's sitting at 8 degrees with heavy overcast and drizzles.

I'm not doing too badly this morning. Yesterday I went out of my way to eat a bunch of vegetables and some fruit, and this morning was akin to an exorcism of my bowels...... Too much information? [Laughs] Moving on.....

.......It's quiet this morning. Andy is gone for the weekend (yay) and the kids upstairs are sleeping off their trip to the bar. How do I know they went to the bar? Because they woke me up at 3 AM when they stumbled into the house.

Anyway, I think today is probably going to be an indoor type of day. I'm feeling a bit bratty today, so that means I'm in a good mood.

Frank has sprouted yet ANOTHER new bamboo shoot. Hephestusamazilion is molting again because of another growth spurt. My newest plant, a Boston Ivy, is growing like a weed and will probably have to be repotted in a couple months. All in all, everything is adjusted and showing growth.

As for myself, I feel like I'm in limbo. The letter for my lawyer has been sent. The dates for the meetings are set, as well as, the date when we "Set for trial". [Swears] Even now my chest is tightening up thinking about it! My life is a waiting game to see if the justice system realizes they made a big mistake based on sexist victim-culture, perception, and prejudice, or if they are going to waste tax-payer money on a witch-hunt. Am I innocent? Not really, but I'm NOT guilty! And that in itself is why I'm nervous about this whole thing.....

......the fact is we are living in a society where a woman simply has to make an accusation of violence or assault, and instantly the man is deemed guilty until he can prove otherwise. Seriously! If that was not the case, BOTH of us should have been charged on September 20th, or the Police realize that it was simply a distraught woman playing victim to hurt a man. That is the only way it would be equality.......


......women are upset that men are not chivalrous anymore. Feminism killed it. Don't believe me? Go have a look at how our society is moving when it comes to social issues, and you should arrive at the conclusion that there is a war on men, specifically type A males. Did you see I used the word "Should"? That's because I'm aware that there are going to be some who can't see reality if it slapped them in the face.

Now, don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, there are many women suddenly stepping forward to condemn men for assaults in recent days. More well-known are Harvey Weinstein, Al Franken, Bill Clinton, George Bush Sr., Roy Moore, Kevin Spacey, and Louis C. K...... As well as, a host of other men. Watching the unfolding events can only be described as seeing a web of debauchery being peeled away one layer at a time..... Because of the fact many were simply protecting each other, when the mighty players started falling from power it sparked a whirlwind that is exposing others. Caught up in the mass media hype of the kangaroo-court that is the Interweb, the cries for justice have emboldened even more women to step forward, and as they do it is displaying just how common place sexual assault is when it comes to powerful men.........

......but, the cries of the mob become distorted. Instead of a minor few being called out for their deeds, ALL men are hit with the same broad brush. Suddenly, being a male means we're potential rapists given the right time and place. Like, somehow the penis denotes an allowable prejudice for the general public, law enforcement, and the justice system. In other words, in an attempt to correct decades of PERCEIVED sexual inequality, it's now legislated open season on all dominate-type males. Not only do the laws favour women in nearly all cases, but domestic matters are automatically twisted to favour the women.

A fight in the home? Must the guy's fault! "Oh, she hit her man... That's OK, because he probably had it coming.... Oh, WAIT! He hit her back! What an asshole! Arrest him!!"

Do you get it now?

Now when I claimed "Perceived sexual inequality", it's because this whole feminist movement is based on the fact that women are somehow suppressed. Granted there were brief periods of time in North America where women had to fight for the right to vote and such, but in North American it is a FACT that a woman can achieve whatever a man can. Ergo, any talk of inequality is mere pandering.... In fact! Let's talk equality!! How about equal rights for men when it comes to domestic disputes? How about the courts take the unfair 80%+ pandering to women in divorces, knowing the 20% that women don't "Win" is including negotiated divorces AKA uncontested? It's NOT FAIR! And, I'm growing weary of this inequality in our society and watching the wild, free-for-all that is the feminist movement.

Now, you can't blame these women who cry victim. Society is now teaching all women that they are victims from birth! It's becoming ingrained in their psyche, and it's what fuels the sexism in our society. The downhill spiral of sexual equality is mere proof of this.......

.....Men hold their composure when a woman hits them or attacks them? They are mocked by their peers, and it opens themselves up to further abuse by the woman. Men fight back? They are IMMEDIATELY considered the aggressor!

Well, it looks like I'm fired up today. I guess it's because I can see the inequality in society, and not just bias sexist ideals. I'm watching as Christianity is being attacked with impunity, whole nations being driven to economic collapse, potential nuclear war or WWIII, and the raping of our Canadian culture by run-away immigration and a government who seems intent on aiding the destruction.....

.......[Chuckles] Yup! Locked, loaded, and ready to fire it would appear.... I should go find a debate or something.

Brian just asked me if I would like to help him paint his RV. I told him yes, because a chance to get out of the house and work inside a heated garage sounds like a decent way to spend a couple of hours this afternoon. Besides, Brian usually helps me out from time to time, so it's just good karma to help him.

I'll talk to you soon. I guess we leave in a little less than half an hour, so I better get myself in gear. Hope you have a wonderful day!

November 19th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The weather today is raining and mild.

Things are decent today. Hephestusamazilion is pretty mellow, the house is fairly quiet (Although I was woken up as usual by booted feet above my head at 6:30 AM), my laundry is all done, the house is tidy and smells decent, and I'm not cramping like I have been lately. All in all, a decent way to start the day.

I'm heading out with Brian to do some more work on his recreational vehicle. Today will be fairly low-key as most of the work he's doing is a single-man job, and I'm only going to do some recording for a Youtube video he wants to make. We've been shooting video of him doing the renovations, as well as, some one-on-one interviews of his future plans for the vehicle, and when done Brian wants to produce a couple of videos for others to watch. I enjoy being behind a camera, so this is enjoyable work in a heated garage. It gets me out of the house, which is always a good thing. Brian also helps me out in the medication department when I run out, so helping him is just reciprocating his generosity.

I have decided to put my YULE STORY on hold........

......as I've stated before, the project was being done FOR Cara. Being as that I may end up in jail in a month or so based on Cara's testimony (And little Tim) I don't feel motivated at all to write the story. I'm certain you understand why. SHOULD this matter go away, or I am found to be not guilty of the BS charges, I may decide to finish it......

...but if I end up incarcerated for any length of time I can promise you that things will never be the same......

....I'll have to find a new home for my iguana. I'll have to get someone to empty my belongings from the house, as I won't be able to pay rent. I'll have to put my entire life on hold while I spend time in a violent, stress-filled environment if the justice system decides to ignore the facts, and proceed with a sexist-driven witch-hunt. My life will never be the same, and I can promise you that it will impact me in such a way it will destroy everything I have built in the last three years! So, my plan if shit goes South, is to arrange storage for a few things, with orders to get rid of most of my stuff..... Cause when (IF) I get out I probably won't need it anymore.

With that, I hope you have a good day. I have to go.

7 PM
I received a letter today from a friend, as well as, a "TedTalk" video from another. Both of them shared a similar concern; that my mindset is possibly not healthy at the moment. The video, entitled, "Getting stuck in the negatives and how to get unstuck" is relevant to all people, not just me, however, it was informative and helpful. It spoke as to how individuals can get "Stuck" in negative frames based on perspective...... Which is totally true! I am "Stuck" thinking about the negativity in my life right now, wishing that things were different somehow. The email was just a short message to wish me well from someone who read my diary entry this morning, and just wanted to tell me to hang in there....

.....I had to go back and reread what I wrote just to see why it would inspire two people to go out of their way because they sensed I wasn't doing well.... I'm not! I'm miserable, lonely, and scared! If the words I write bring you pause, perhaps there's a reason. [Sighs] I really miss my family right now......

.......The fact is I AM by myself, even though I live with roommates. I could really use a good cuddle right about now, or even a meaningful hug from someone who can at least explain to me how things will work out.

I miss Cara!

It's easy to focus on the negative when I'm upset. When I'm lonely I remember all the good stuff that happened. Now that I'm done working on my legal defense it's a waiting game, and an idle mind can create trouble, however, now that all that stuff is off my chest perhaps I can get back to enjoying life a bit.

Just wish I could somehow go back in time and stop all this before it happened! I guess if I had one realistic wish it would be to just talk one more time.....

...well, tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to try and focus on the positive things in life and get on with living. Hope you have a good night!

November 20th
Cold. A skiff of snow layers the ground. The sun seems reluctant to shine. Good morning, Dear Diary. It's Monday morning, and I'm not well. Same old, so I won't get into details.

I slept like crap! You can blame the neighbours upstairs for that; woke up at 11 PM by excessive noise, and then again at 6:30 AM. I was also startled awake at 5 AM by Arthur from next door working on his piece-of-shit car like he's in some sort of auto-body shop. I honestly cannot fathom what goes through these people's brain. [Shakes his head] Like, have a little respect for others, for (Explicit) sakes!!

It hurts to lean over the keyboard. I'm out of medication. Hopefully a friend will step up and help me out until the end of the month, which is ten days from now.............

.....back on track; James and Brian are both speaking of moving out if this continues. I'm not the only one getting pissed off by this situation.

I feel a little better emotionally this morning. I guess it's because I did some self-reflection last night, and took the time to talk to God. As I have before, I realized that my life is best left in the care of our Creator, and I took strength from knowing that God will not steer me in the wrong direction, nor will He put more on my plate than I can handle. I surrendered myself once again to the Holy Spirit, and I now feel more at peace than I have in quite some time.

Whatever happens, will happen. Trust in God.

I had a nasty experience yesterday during a debate. Someone had posted a scathing statement about the Republican political party, and how they were a "Party of perverts", and I of course responded in an effort to point out that at this current moment in time the Democrats are the majority of those being accused of rape, debauchery, and corruption. Yes, there are a couple of Conservatives that are currently being accused of sexual assault, however, there are OODLES of blatant examples of the Liberals committing lewd or indecent acts. Now, don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, I am NOT defending any of these individuals! I would NEVER think to defend someone who molests, rapes, or assaults a child, and I believe that such crimes warrant heavier punishment than current Canadian legislation allows! However, I will quickly point out that ANYONE in Canada or United States of America is INNOCENT BEFORE PROVEN GUILTY!!! (We share that quality in our justice system) It has, and SHOULD always be that way! BUT!!! Our society in the digital age has now become a Kangeroo-court, and any accusation is taken as truth until the individual accused clears their name..........

.......So, I pointed that out, and was instantly lambasted by two feminists.

Those two silly twits posted propaganda after hypocrisy in their efforts to downplay the Democrat's perversion, while attacking a couple of Republican politicians. I mean, it was painful!!! I watched in absolute amazement, because I couldn't believe how polarized these two were.......

"You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." Matthew 7:5

.......THEN, after running circles around these two with factual information, they decide to switch their tactics to personal attacks. By the time they were done I was supposedly defending pedophilia, and apparently a pervert, etc, etc, add nausea........ Like [Rolls his eyes] It was pathetic! I couldn't simply believe that people were so twisted up inside that they would decide to just start making up bullshit to defend their own lies! But, then again, it's becoming something I see more and more in society........

....people make up lies, and then repeat them often enough until they believe them.

I deleted my posts, and walked away from the debate. Yay! You little liberal trolls won. I simply didn't have the amount of time nor the crayons to explain reality to these two, and by association I was lowering my standards. Sometimes you just have to walk away from the bullshit.

Anyway, I have a few things to do today. I should get my butt in gear. Hope you have a wonderful week!! Talk soon.


November 22nd
Morning, Dear Diary. I'm not well in both the emotional department, as well as, health-wise. The weather consists of light snow and temperatures barely below freezing.

Why am I all twisted up inside? I got into a big fight with Andy* last night............

.........there I was in bed sleeping with earplugs in. Suddenly, I'm rudely jolted from my slumber by loud noises in the kitchen. Feeling frustrated, I got out of bed to go to the bathroom. and walked out into the kitchen.There's Andy*, cooking a full-blown meal at 11:30 PM, and acting like it's suppertime........ Like, DUDE! You've been home ALL DAY, but because you refuse to accept that there are others in the house you decide to alienate yourself and simply do whatever you want?

It's important to realize, Dear Dairy, that the crap he cooks is ALL Indian cuisine. Every. Single. Day. And let's not forget that the stuff hits me right between the eyes and I end up with a migraine headache every single time.... It's vile! And, [Laughs in disbelief] he's bitched about our cooking..... Steak / pork, chocolate fudge, cookies.... Like, what the actual fuck?!

Immigration without assimilation is an invasion.

This young man came from India, but refuses to adopt Canadian traditions. Do you see why I have an issue with him and others like him? In what world do you think you live in, to audaciously go to another sovereign nation and continue to act like you are in your homeland?! Seriously! I simply can't imagine what goes through people's heads! Like, "Welcome to Canada! We have two official languages, so pick one. We eat beef, so if your gods are cows we MAY have a cultural issue..........".

[Sighs] I can't express this enough it seems, because I am so frustrated.

Justin Trudeau is NOW allowing ISIS combatants who have Canadian citizenship to come back to Canada................

........not making this up. It's being debated in the House of Commons right now, with the official opposition, Andrew Scheer, repeatedly asking the Prime Minister how he can provide any guarantee for Canadian's safety....... To which Justin responded along the lines of "Integration education".

Say what? You're going to attempt to indoctrinate a polarized religious extremist? In what (Explicit) planet do you live on?!

........In parliament, Trudeau pledged to prosecute those who broke Canada’s anti-terrorism laws by joining the ISIS group, but also said his government would try to reintegrate them into society. “We recognize the return of even one individual (who joined the ISIS group) may have serious national security implications,” Trudeau said,“We are going to monitor them. We are also there to help them to let go of that terrorist ideology,” - Global News. CLICK THE LINK for more information.

Seriously! On what planet do you live on, Justin?

The fact is this is all a result of political correctness. When you have individuals, like Andy*, who immigrate into a different society and chose to NOT adopt the traditions of the new country, they are in fact setting an extremely horrific precedent for others to follow. This is what many like myself refer to as, "A slippery slope"; if you allow such tolerance for one individual, then why not others?

Let me be clear; immigration is necessary. There's TONS of information available on the Interweb as to this claim, so I'm not going to waste my time in explaining this. If you want more information, please feel free to research for yourself on the benefits and necessities of immigration, especially in our time.

However..............

.......this time in history is unlike any other. In the past, when a family or individual wished to leave a country and immigrate to another one, they were practically FORCED to learn the language and traditions. With little to no interaction from their homeland, they are surrounded by the culture of their new host country, and subsequently learned and adapted quickly. There were some forms of exchanges that were available such as letters from home, and eventually the advent of the telephone and even the television, but even these devices and personal exchanges offered limited access to the original country; when all you can get is cable television, it doesn't afford much opportunity to view programs in a native language or watch programs originating from the original country. All you can get is the new host country's media, and that was a major catalyst for migrants to assimilate. It was this was for centuries..........

.......Today? With the advent of the Interweb immigration completely changed. Instead of immigrants being isolated in the new country, they are able to freely and easily connect with similar ethnicity, maintain real-time communication in their native tongue, observe any media source from anywhere on the planet which in turns means that they are not forced to learn about laws and traditions of the new country, and migrants can easily establish places in the new country that resemble the old one. A good example of this concept would be China-town, with one MAJOR exception......

........"China-towns" (Please don't go all PC on me because I'm using an ethnic label) exist for the purposes of trade. Another euphemism people use is "The Silk Road", which describes the Asian trade route that has been in existence for thousands of years. The nomadic traders that plied the famous route from modern-day Russia to the tips of the Eastern shore of Japan was made up a hodge-podge mix of various cultures, ethnicity, and traditions, but all with one thing in common; they were predominately Asian. So, when these travelling merchants went from the original Silk Road and began to travel abroad (China was one of the first major Asian sea-travelling traders with massive ships) they took their traditions and image of an Asian trader with them. Even still, these merchants were isolated in these new communities and despite the establishment of a new China-town, they were still forced to assimilate. Today these types of places still look similar, and in many cases, the native tongue is still spoken, however, every single merchant in China-town knows what country they live in, and they are respectful of the host nation's traditions, PLUS there has NEVER been a case where the Asian population that immigrate to another country make demands that their old traditions be adopted by the new country. Like many other ethnic groups that migrate, they hold their homeland near and dear to their hearts, but do their utmost to attempt to adapt. Pick any European nation in the last hundred years where migrants have come to Canada, and I'll show you people that have adapted in the new land they chose to immigrate to; Irish, Norwegian, British, German, France, et all have immigrated in the last century, and while you see some organization to preserve the traditions of the homeland, there was NEVER a demand made to force Canada to adapt or change.

THIS is the problem with immigration today; ethnic groups coming to Canada and not only refusing to change, but insisting on changing Canadian law to suit them! I have a serious issue with this!!!

What we're seeing today is a whole host of people from different nations immigrating (MANY illegally due to the government's rampant political correctness) to Canada, without any incentive to adapt. Why should they? No one ever likes change! It's human nature to despise change..... And with ZERO incentive? You really can't blame them, can you?

Love to go to India, and cook a steak and see how that flies. Double standard much?

Now, to finish this off so you don't think I'm some raging asshat who is "Culturally insensitive" or some shit, let me remind you that the landlord told me that it was Andy* who tattle-tailed on me.... About my use of marijuana.... You know? The medication I need everyday or I'm bleeding internally? That stuff?  So you can imagine, Dear Diary, how much resentment I have toward someone who might be going around behind my back and causing drama in my life?

He claims it wasn't him that went to the landlord..... Swore on his mother. (Which apparently is the Indian version of "Swearing on my parent's grave") Do I believe him? Yup....

....know what that means, Dear Diary? The landlord lied (Not certain of the reason) and ended up creating a major issue in the house. Yay! Way to go, you educated idiot! They teach you that at University? (He went to school to learn how to manage facilities like apartments, etc) [Laughs] I swear to GOD that people are coming out of the education system more stupid than they were going in! It's not an education! It's an indoctrination.....

.....wow! I'm really getting off on a tangent, aren't I?

[Thinks] Where was I? Oh, right. Immigration, and how my roommate is a textbook example of why it's problematic when people don't change to adopt the traditions and culture of their new country. I've read about tons of incidents just like this where an immigrant in a community is problematic when they cling to their old ideals and refuse to change......... And that my landlord is a manipulative, lying jerk.

You know what he sent me this morning in a text? A request to voluntarily ensure the garbage is taken to the curb on garbage day. This after I'm forced to go outside to medicate, disallowed to hang any of my personal art in the common parts of the house where I'm paying rent, and let's not forget his excuses for those problematic children that live above me.

ME: They keep slamming the door at 6:30 AM

LANDLORD: They say one of the doors slams when you open the other one.

ME: Not if you close it quietly. you know? With your hand? Like, with the closing, and holding of the doorknob and all that stuff?

[Chuckles] Didn't actually say that last part, but I wished I had.

Anyway, I said some stuff last night that wasn't threatening, but it was offensive. I'm feeling awkward, and I'm sitting in my room with the door closed. I guess I'm just sick and tired of watching my country being taken over by migrants, as well as, Canadians being FORCED to change to adapt to these migrants! I'm angry, and you should be too! We're being invaded, and our government is drafting laws to prevent us from being able to resist the invaders!

There is a bit of silver lining in all this; Andy is moving out at the end of the month. Hopefully he finds what he's looking for as he heads to Toronto....... I'm just glad he's leaving. One less headache (Oh look! I made a joke) I'll have to deal with.

Guess I better go and get my butt in gear. I just hope there's no fall-out from any of this. I'm sick of drama! Hope you have a good day!

* Andy - NOT his real name. Please remember my policy regarding other individuals in my public diary.

November 23rd
Good morning, Dear Diary, it's Friday-Junior. The weather today is -2 degrees with no wind. The sun keeps trying to shine, but we'll see. Not really that bad of a day, I guess.

Slept like crap, but it was my health this time. The neighbours have gone quiet.....

....so is the world. Two months ago the world thought it was on the brink of war, as North Korea and USA exchanged insults and postured. In those two months there has been much negotiations, and while tensions remain high in the region it seems to have leveled off... For now; perhaps this IS the calm before storm that President Trump referred to. You have to understand, Dear Diary, that this isn't going to go away on its own. The United States of America and its allies are adamant that North Korea NEEDS to disarm itself. Meanwhile, Kim Jong-un is NEVER going to give up its nuclear weapons, because, history has proven time and again what happens to nations without them.... Libya, Iraq, Kuwait, etc, were all invaded in recent history due to the fact they had NO nuclear deterrent!

I heard something yesterday that made me sit up straight. Let me see if I can paraphrase.......

.........The launch of the Iraq war was based upon the premise of "Weapons of mass destruction". Do you know how many nations that are armed with "Weapons of mass destruction" have been invaded? None. Why? The answer is simple; you don't invade countries that possess "Weapons of mass destruction" because of the inevitable retaliation. These "Weapons of mass destruction" are used primarily as a strategic deterrent from invasion, although they do have the capacity to be used as a first-strike weapon. What this all means is that the United States government KNEW that Iraq didn't possess "Weapons of mass destruction", or else they wouldn't have invaded.

[Holds the microphone out in front of himself, and drops it]

[Curses, and quickly picks up the microphone] Damn.....Forgot I can't keep talking if I don't have a way to broadcast my voice.......

..........So basically, Kim Jong-un KNOWS that if he were to give up his "Weapons of mass destruction" that he would be subsequently (and quickly) eliminated. He would be an idiot to do so, however, recent measures taken by other nations to comply with the UN's sanctioning of the rogue regime may have some effect. It remains to be seen at this time, Dear Diary, which way Kim Jong-un will take his people, but make no mistake about the seriousness of the matter!

My personal prediction will be a formal truce and a final end to the Korean War, but only IF Kim Jong-un's legitimacy is recognized, AND he is allowed to maintain a small stockpile of nuclear weapons to be used as deterrents. I see a unified Korea, but not the way most people think; my unified Korea still has borders between the North and South, but with travel and trade permitted by permits and visas. This will all come about from the sanctions imposed by the UN and those who are working together in this joint effort.

It COULD go the other way too, if something like a "Red Flag" event is staged. The only relief I can take from this is knowing that President Trump is NOT a warmonger, but rather, a businessman who prefers trade and nations working together peacefully; the money only flows between nations during peace-time. War is not what he wants, nor is it the legacy Trump wishes to leave, but sometimes you have to play the cards the dealer gives you......

......."The art of the deal"; Donald Trump wrote the book. For all the petty posturing and whatnot that causes even myself to shake my head (Like, could someone limit the man's Twitter account when it's about petty shit, please?) the guy does have his own tried-and-true method of wheeling and dealing. In the well-orchestrated tour of Asia he took recently, Trump has garnered more possible trade for the USA, and well as, ensured allegiances with many nations.

And in the last two months, what has been the response from North Korea? Nothing. Not a darned thing! No missile fired, no nukes tested.

You'd be pretty silly to fire off more weapons, I personally believe, when you have THREE aircraft carriers PLUS their escorts, sitting off your coast. I mean, it MIGHT cause you to pause for a moment and rethink things. [Chuckles] Just sayin'.

Meanwhile the Canadian leader is letting over 60 ISIS fighters back into Canada. [Rolls his eyes and sighs]....... Will you excuse me for a moment, Dear Diary? [Gets up, and walks over to the wall. Proceeds to bash his head against the wall several times, then walks back to his desk and sits down]

Better now. What was I saying? Oh!..... Pretty colours!!

Not up to a whole lot today. I will probably try and help Brian a bit if I'm feeling up to it. Maybe I should go to the store and get something I can bake or make... Cooking puts me in a good mood.

Hephestusamazilion is doing well. For a month or so he wasn't eating, because it's that time of the year when males go in search of females for a little "Giggitty". During that time they slow down on the eating. I'm happy to say that the little fella is gobbling down his food again, and although not taking his calcium as easily as at first (He grew wise to my tricks) I can still manage to sneak in the necessary calcium powder.

I should jet! I need to go for another medication break, as the ol' abdomen is doing the usual rumba... What did I call it a few entries ago? Dr Hyde? [Laughs] Yea, that's it! I need to go and medicate my inner monster, and quell the beast before it's too late.

Have a great day!

I just want to give a SHOUT OUT TO MY AMERICAN COUSINS who are celebrating Thanksgiving today. I hope your celebrations are happy and safe, filled with laughter and good cheer from family and friends! But I also just ask that when you're out-and-about tomorrow doing your "Black Friday" shopping, that you remember all those things you are thankful for...... As you fight and claw your way past strangers for stuff you don't need.......

.....now I can drop the mic.

November 24th
It's an absolutely gorgeous day today! Good afternoon, Dear Diary! The sun is shining, and temperatures are a balmy 9 degrees!

I went with Brian for a truck ride to visit one of his friends this morning, and that's why I'm writing my journal entry now. My health is decent and I'm in a super good mood....

...and, it's Friday. Wait... That doesn't mean much to me now does it? [Thinks] Not really, I guess.

I think I'm going to take advantage of this great weather and good spirits to go outside. The yard could use a bit of a raking, and I could always organize my shed a bit.

I just stopped in for a little bit to say hello, Dear Diary. I do skip writing an entry some days, and I am now finding that the days I skip writing I really miss it..... So, hello.

Hope you have a wonderful day. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

November 25th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's raining and gloomy. So far everyone I've talked to is bitchy. Me? I was ok until I started talking to bitchy people......

......for the love of all that's Holy, would people start realizing I'm an energy-sensitive empath?! I pick up on other's emotions better than a "Mood ring" from the 1980's! Much of my daily temperament is influenced by my environment, so when I ask people to control their emotional state around me it's for a good reason. So, I'm doing my utmost to stay in a decent mood, but I'm finding it difficult due to the emotional state of those around me, as well as, the state of stress that hangs over this place like a cursed tomb.

To try and put myself in a better mood I chose to go to social media and toss around some trolls. Turns out it did the trick. A couple of "Likes" followed by the subsequent dopamine release, and my psyche is right as rain. [Laughs] Yes, I just admitted my online addiction. At least I have the ability to realize exactly what it is, as many people don't even know how social media in influencing them on a daily basis.

I'm still working hard on being a better person. While this may sound like I'm generalizing or citing some overused phrase as if it gives my motivation merit, the fact is I am spending quite a bit of time to reflect and find personal growth.

I'm having a hard time writing this entry, because I keep getting interrupted by others. I think I'm going to put down the keyboard for a while and go for a walk or something. I dunno.. I just need to get out of the house.....

.....before I go, however, I want to leave you with one little tid-bit of advice.....

......You can be critical of religion and you can pass judgement on an ideology. Doing so has nothing to do with racism, xenophobia, bigotry, or fear-mongering. Critical thinking is what has elevated our species to its present status. Don't let others dissuade you from speaking out! The fact is, we are having an influx of migrants into Canada under the banner of multiculturalism, and while there are many who claim this is a good thing, it's really not. It gets worse when you wake up and realize the Canadian government is changing the laws to suit the migrants; one law for natural-born Canadians, and one for the "Misunderstood migrants". I'm going to state right now that while multiculturalism is fine to a point, it is NEVER acceptable to create multi-legalism. ONE LAW to serve the entire country, NOT preferences given to one specific ethnic or religious group! People NEED to stop bending over backwards to cater to migrants, and realize that this movement in Western cultures of accepting migrants who's ideology are incompatible, are actually destroying their own culture!

Have a great day!

"You know what we call people who hand out their virtue, empathy, generosity, and inclusiveness like Halloween candy?!? Do you know what we call those people? We call those people (Explicit) HISTORY!! They are sedimentary layers. They are shit for anthropologists to discover a thousand years from now. They are not people who make it into the future!" - Stephan Molyneux, Oct. 4th, 2015

November 27th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's Monday morning, but the sun is shining brightly and I hear we are in for one heck of a great week in terms of weather. For example, tomorrow it's supposed to be +11 degrees! Heck ya, I'll take that!!

I'm in a great mood. I became embroiled in two debates yesterday, and even this morning it's still raging... And I'm spanking people with truth and running circles around trolls. Tons of fun! My saying for today? "Don't spread fake news. Leave that to the professionals". <-- ainstream="" media="" p="">
The weekend was harsh in terms of stress. Same old; groups living in isolation forget about the other people living in the housing unit. This morning seems super quiet and I even slept in, but then again, I wore earplugs to bed to ensure I wasn't woke up by ignorant neighbours.

I'm going to have to do something outside today to enjoy the weather. Hopefully I can scrape up some medication, because it's that time of the month where I'm fairly home-bound due to lack of funds and medication. Ugh! My bestie, Diane, just called to ask if I wanted to go out, and I had to reluctantly refuse. This is how my health affects my life; I cannot be the man I want to be, nor can I participate in activities that I want on a regular basis. People take good health for granted... I know I sure did.

I dunno, Dear Diary, I have TONS of stuff I could talk about, but it seems like no one in my life listens. Like, it really makes me wonder..... Why don't people listen to me?

I've made some serious predictions in my day, and I'd have to say my batting average for my ability to predict things coming true is extremely high, with many of them being knocked clear out of the park! I predicted an automobile accident in Fort Frances three months before it happened. I knew the colour and intersection, and even that there was snow on the ground. I learned all that in a dream. Same with a flood in my best friend's basement; two months before it came true I dreamed about a major flood in her basement. I remember asking Diane if the house had ever experienced flooding before due to natural causes, to which she said, "No", and went on to explain that there was no history of the house ever experiencing flood damage before..... Two months later a flash storm nailed London hard, and the sewers were inundated with water to the point where the flooding in the streets was up to an adult's waist..... Guess what happened.... Mt dream came true. Now for anyone rolling their eyes at this point in disbelief, just allow me to use a term you may not have heard before (Unless you read my journals)......

........Lucid dream.

Lucid dreaming is the ability to realize you are in fact, asleep and dreaming. In this state an individual is capable of controlling their actions in their dreams. When I am having a lucid dream I am capable of levitating, throwing fireballs / lightning bolts, and all sorts of other impossible things. During my lucid dreams I can also tap into something I cannot describe in mere words.... The ability to foresee the future. This is called lucidity.

[Chuckles] Just heard a ton of readers sneer. "Predict the future? Through dreams?"......

.....It's entirely possible, claim many people from all walks of life. From alternative media to historical documents, our species has been very aware of energy, magnetism, the law of attraction, and the ability to lucid dream, as well as, other types of phenomenon like astral projection or predicting the future through a variety of other means. While there are many charlatans when it comes to such things as futuristic predictions, there has been evidence of cases where such an ability is true, however, most of the time it proves to be a scam of some sort. This is why most people are wary of predictions pertaining to the future; we've learned from experience that most people who claim such a talent are just good at reading people and are not actually tapped into some mystical power. The fact is, anyone who can actually make future predictions usually do not have much or any control over the visions they foresee. It's not something that can be turned off and on at will, although with practice an individual is capable of putting themselves into a state where they are more likely to encounter such a vision. Direct control to see the exact future is something that only exists in movies or books......

...there are people that have the ability to foresee things, but it's not like you have been taught to believe.

Many individuals over history that have had the ability to see into the future or make futuristic predictions usually suffer from some sort of physical or mental issue that leads to alcohol or drugs. Most end up alone, being shunned by the average population and unable to deal with for anyone who attempts to get into a closer relationship. They are usually (Just look it up) tortured souls......

.......I like to tell stories, so to enhance my talking points on this issue allow me to tell you a parable.

One fine day in a place not so far away, a young man stumbled upon a magic lantern. As usual per the epic stories, a genie was summoned at the mere rub of the lamp.

"YOU HAVE THREE WISHES", cried the genie, "CHOOSE WISELY"

The young man thought himself clever when he announced with a wide grin, "For my first wish I would like to be immortal. My second wish is that I would like the ability to predict the future in all matters...."

"AND FOR YOUR THIRD", asked the powerful entity.

The man thought for a moment and stated, "I would like to famous."

"AS YOU COMMAND", replied the genie, and with a thunderclap and a puff of smoke, the genie disappeared.

Immediately the young man fell to his knees wracked by an overwhelming power that flooded through his mind. He couldn't help but watch as tragedy after tragedy shook his own family, and he realized that he was foreseeing each and every one of their deaths. He watched in horror as the scenes of a crumbling civilization flashed before his eyes when he simply thought about modern society. When he thought about returning home, he watched as his mind predicted he was about to be shunned by every single person that knew him, and when he instinctively asked himself why, was shown a bleak future of frightened people who couldn't understand the fits of depression, drug and alcohol abuse, and the explosive outbursts of anger. He watched in sheer fright as his predictions about war and famine became top-sellers, and although he was surrounded by glory and fame, the man was totally alone in a world that only desired to profit from him.

And then it all came true.

Over the eons the man slowly went insane. As he watched everything he cared about crumble and wither away, regardless of his attempts to stop it from occurring, he realized his eternal folly......

.....humans cannot enjoy the present if they are always looking to the future. No one wants to be told what to do, regardless if the warning comes from someone who CAN predict the future........ That, and humans are not meant to be immortal.

So..............

....why did I tell this story and attempt to explain an issue of predicting the future? Because, Dear Diary, something is occurring right now that I predicted nearly 14 years ago!!! Now, I don't want to jinx myself so I'm not going to get into details... Yet. No worries, you can be certain I'll fill you in once things start rolling... I'll give you a clue, though....... It's about family.

Before I go, I just want to ask a rhetorical question; WHY DON'T PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME?

Seriously. Why don't more people listen to my advice and counsel on matters. YES, I'm a self-proclaimed narcissist with all the baggage that contains, BUT I'm also a very proud individual who prides himself on being factual and logical. CHANCES ARE IF I'M GIVING ADVICE, I'VE PROBABLY THOUGHT ABOUT THE TOPIC AT LEAST A COUPLE OF TIMES!!! Let's face it, I analyze things to the "Nth Degree", and have usually figured out the best possible way for something to work......

...I guess I'm just tired of people not listening to me. Oh, not you, Dear Diary... I'm talking about the people in my life who fail to hear my sound advice or predictions for the future.....

...tell ya what. The next time I have a dream and I come up to you and explain that I had a dream that needs to be called into question.... Just do us both a favour and take heed.....

.....Because I'm feeling like I'm going insane when I can't stop the future I keep seeing
Have a great week.

November 29th
Good morning, Dear Dairy. It's Hump Day. The forecast for today is 8 degrees Celsius with heavy cloud cover. Tomorrow it's supposed to rain.... Just more of the same weather I've been witnessing all year long....

...seriously, since February we can't rub more than three dry days together without (Explicit) rain.

I didn't do much of anything yesterday; my health was very poor.

My plan for today is to help Brian wash his truck. In return I get a pinch of medication. Hopefully my abdomen stops flip--flopping and cramping so I can get off my butt soon.

Still can't tell you what's going on in respect to the vision I had 14 years ago that is now coming true. Don't worry, Dear Diary, once the smoke settles I'll fill you in, but for the moment I don't want to jeopardize my current plans to deal with the situation by making it public.....

......after all, this diary IS accessible by the general public. I've passed 49,000 views, and heading toward 50K quite quickly. Thanks again to all my loyal readers!!

So, there's lots on my mind right now, but much of it is a waiting game. Meanwhile, I'm analyzing everything to death, and manifesting fears and doubts faster than a "Boggart" from Harry Potter....

.....so I try to get out of the house when I can.

In world news, North Korea fired an ICBM yesterday at 6:30 PM EST. I heard the alert broadcast from my sources, and immediately jumped on the world wide web to see what was going on. I was expecting a nuclear weapon detonated at sea to prove the credibility of their weapons, but again the missile splashed down harmlessly in the ocean. The most notable issue to come of all of this is the distance and trajectory traveled by the missile.......


......4500 KM straight up into space before successfully splashing down into the "Economic Zone" of Japan's waters. Had they fired the weapon in a straighter trajectory, it would translate to the equivalent of being able to hit Toronto, which is less than 11,000 KM away from North Korea. Kim Jong-un just proved to the world that he does in fact have the capability to hit North America with a nuclear weapon.

Meanwhile, the world waits to see what kind of response will occur......

......Well, I better get my butt in gear..... Time's a tickin'... Have a great day!

November 30th
LAST day of the month. Good morning, Dear Diary, it's Thursday. I've been up since 4:30 AM due to health issues. The weather is cloudy with no wind. A blanket of heavy frost covers everything. There's a call for rain starting about noon.

Today will be a busy day. It's only after 8 AM, but I've already paid my rent, phone bill, and ordered my monthly prescription. (Not my full dose - I don't have the cash for that) I have to go uptown and pick up some much needed groceries, and once done I'll be back to broke again.

In the last couple of days I've been really debating up a storm. I guess it's because I'm very limited in my ability to do physical activity, as well as, the fact I'm trying hard to bring truth to a dark world. Let's just say I've been doing some serious spanking of trolls and their ilk.

Can't wait to get my medication! This chronic pain is really causing me to be frustrated.

Not much to say; the world is condemning North Korea's latest missile launch, but doing nothing about it. Whole countries are being overrun by illegal immigration. Christianity and men are still under attack. Violence is running rampant, fueled by religious extremism and the left's globalist agenda. The Canadian government has been proven to be corrupt, yet won't step down from power.....

....same crap, different day.

Hope you have a great day! As we head into the last month of the year, I pray for common sense to once again return to humanity........ This year has been horrid for the future of humankind!!!!!

Talk soon.

December 4th
Health issues kept me from writing in my diary. I just realized that it's been three days since I last posted, and you can bet I reminded myself to write this morning. Didn't do much all weekend for the most part, however, I did manage to go out on Saturday night, albeit not for long.

I received an invitation to attend a house party a couple of weeks ago. Knowing that my health is hit or miss I figured I would probably not go. The theme for the event was a Hallowe'en / Christmas party, and it did sound really fun. A couple days before the party I happened to take notice of a constant mention of costumes, Christmas, and the correlation of pagan traditions that are ingrained in both holidays. Even on Saturday it seemed like I was being lead by some mysterious force pushing me out the door.... To go and purchase a mask to wear.... And some munchies.... And the next thing I knew I was at the party dressed up in a costume that encompasses BOTH holidays.

I went as a priest. I had a good time.

I'm feeling pretty depressed lately. On top of all my pain I have quite a bit of worry about my future. I just hope things work out. It's for this reason that I haven't been writing or doing any art.....

......Don't feel like doing much.

One of the biggest reasons I'm not well this weekend, is because PUROLATOR showed up at the house on Friday and somehow I didn't hear them at the door. The parcel, my medication for the month was then taken back to the office, forcing me to take a bus across town to get it.... Only, once I got there they made me stand around for nearly an hour AND THEN WOULDN'T RELEASE MY PACKAGE TO ME because I don't have photo ID with my address on it!!! So here I sit waiting for these jerk-wads to show up at the door and bring me my medication. I think it's safe to say I won't be using this company any longer unless I get some sort of reassurance a better effort is made to get my meds to me properly.

I'll talk to you later. I'm going to go and lay down to wait.

December 5th
Woke up this morning due to others. I stumbled in the dark over to my desk and within minutes of turning on my computer found a negative message on Facebook.

How do you respond to negativity?

The "Law of Attraction" dictates that "Like begets Like", or rather, the energy you put out into the Universe will be mirrored. In the exact same way, when someone approaches me with negativity I struggle to remain positive. I've defined what negative communication entails before, but for a quick recap, negativity relates to body language and verbal / written communication.....

......avoiding eye contact, not listening, and closed-body language are all indications of negativity. Speaking loudly (CAPS), using a scathing tone, guilt trips, dishonesty, cursive language, and / or the use of derogatory remarks are all types of vocalized negativity.

If you drop a guilt trip on me, you can rest assured it will piss me off every time....


.......To repeat my original question, how do you respond to negativity? How can I get people to realize that I'm empathetic and pick up on such energy faster than others? To get them to understand that it's never acceptable to act in such a manner, and that it's NEVER going to achieve anything good when used on me? How do I accomplish this task?!

Please help me!!! I'm frustrated as ALL FRACKING HELL that the people that keep claiming they know me the best are the ONES THAT KEEP USING NEGATIVE ENERGY ON ME!! How can I get them to stop? You would think that they would know better!?!

I gotta change the subject.....

......I'm planning on getting some sage. With all the pent-up negative PK energy kicking around this housing complex, things are flying off the walls..... Not kidding... Not even a little. Not about the sage, nor the fact that one of the neighbours had two flat-screen televisions fly off shelving units in a manner that he described as "Impossible". I asked him about what time it occurred... He says 3 AM.

[Pauses dramatically]

I'll recap; the neighbour who lives in the exact same room that I used to live in where such occurrences became the norm to the point where I stopped putting anything valuable on the wall, just had a flat screen TV take a nose dive in such a manner that is physically impossible. THEN on the exact same wall in the OTHER ROOM another TV took yet another impossible nose-dive to the floor....... At 3 AM.

Remember my closet, Dear Diary, when I explained how it practically exploded in the middle of the night? Take a few steps back, Dear Diary, when I lived in the other house and remember how I complained about my artwork constantly being tossed about during the night.. Sometimes on top of me.

PK Energy: Objects moved / thrown, lights (Usually in ball shape), manifestations in a variety of forms involving temperature / humidity, lighting...... Things are normally associated with "Poltergeists" and malevolent spirits......

....and unfortunately, much of the information that is available about this type of energy is mere guess-work with no scientific studies done. Much of it is labeled as paranormal or even demonic. I imagine it's for this reason that no scientist of reputation would wish to work on proving or disproving any theories regarding PK energy.

Please bear with me, Dear Diary, I don''t like posting garbage or propaganda, however, here is a copy / paste of a typical "Scientific" or medical review of the phenomenon known as PK energy......

......."Some scientists believe that poltergeist/PK activity may stem from emotional problems associated with anxiety, anger, over-stress, or mental disorders such as obsessions, phobias and schizophrenia. In many cases when the particular person/agent got treatment for their emotional or mental issues the poltergeist activity disappeared completely."........

...........You mean, when the stress levels and frustrations that create negative energy patterns were removed, the manifestations of PK energy was significantly reduced if not entirely?! Funny how that works,eh?............

......stupid scientists. Put a band-aid on a symptom, give it a label and some pills, and hope the problem rectifies itself... Believing in "Chemical imbalances", and caring not a bit for the holistic healing of the patient and not even once attempting to try the power healing through the mind.... The concept of using energy to heal wouldn't even be a comprehension to these educated men and women........

......This is starting to sound like a rant, Dear Dairy, and all I wanted to do was tell you a story about the severity of negative energy in this housing complex, and that I should attempt a cleanse. (I'm told that if you do a cleansing incorrectly it can have the opposite results. I'm going to do more checking into that)

You MAY think I'm talking crap. You might think to yourself that I am simply talking out of my ass, and that I really don't know anything..... You could think that way.....

....but you would be wrong. I DO know about positive and negative energy, "The Law of Attraction", and how all such things can cause REAL manifestations. Like I keep saying, THOUGHT BECOMES REALITY, or rather, what you think becomes reality.....

.....if you think someone is avoiding you because they seem to be not answering your phone calls or texts, then that thought can brew in your mind, eventually manifesting in feelings of anger, frustration, jealousy, and even resentment toward the other person. If you simply acknowledge that they might be busy and there is no negative correlation with not getting an instant reply, then that's what reality for you becomes; you can still feel a bit jilted due to the fact it seems like you are being brushed off, however, in your mind you keep the idea that it's really nothing bad, then no negative emotions manifest from this.......

.......What you think becomes reality. People project negativity and positive energy. We are made of the dust of super novas. Humans are capable of so much more than society tells you......

.......try this experiment: Take two identical jars with lids that seal. Wash and dry the jars and lids thoroughly, ensuring a sterile environment. Then take two small pieces of paper (Or Post-it notes) and a black magic marker, and on one piece of paper write the word, "Good". On the second piece of paper write the word, "Evil". Tape / glue / stick the labels on the clean, empty jars. Next, cook a batch of long-grain rice. When it's finished cooking allow it to cool. When the rice has cooled off, scoop the rice into the jars as nicely as possible, ensuring not to break or mash any rice. Fill the jars as best you can, and once done, seal the jars with the lids.....

.....take the two jars and place them in a spot where you will pass by them many times a day, but take care to not allow them to sit in sunlight, get frozen / overheated, etc. It should be a neutral setting if possible for the test to work properly, so places like a kitchen, bathroom, or bedroom are not the best......

....every time you pass by the two jars, stop and focus on each one of them. It doesn't matter which order you do so, but try to look at the evil jar for about 15 seconds, and then the good jar 15 seconds (The next time switch it up)... And then go on about what you were doing...... Keep this test going for about a month if possible.

For those who are too lazy to do the test, feel free to message or email me for the results. For the rest of you that do try, I think you'll be amazed......

........so, with that I have some homework to do. The house is quite clean, but it appears the energy levels are off. I imagine it has quite a bit to do with all the grumpy people in this place trying to pretend the other people in the house don't exist...........

...oh, look! I found the cause. What a shocker.... Have a great day.

December 6th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is shining, but it's really windy. I 'm guessing that's because the trade winds are passing over... Trade winds, or as some call them, the jet-stream. I call them the "Winds of Change". In the next couple days the forecast calls for steadily dropping temperatures.... But the term "Winds of Change" doesn't necessarily apply to weather; in my experience these powerful winds bring about changes in energy, the way people act, and sometimes events or occasions.

It would be an obvious correlation to state that with the so-called "Winds of Change" passing over the season of Christmas will truly begin. With ice and snow becoming part of the daily commute / travels it will seem more seasonable to ring-ding-a-ling Christmas tidings. It's more, however, and to point out that people will actually undergo a change in personality for the rest of the month is the most obvious occurrence that I can think of to highlight my talking points. As I said, it may seem almost redundantly obvious to state that with the change in more seasonable conditions, the time of the year, and all the events that are quickly coming up in anticipation of Christmas, people are going to behave differently. Seriously! Suddenly people will become more charitable, speak to others they normally wouldn't in an effort to "Spread Christmas cheer", and find themselves nearly going bankrupt when the rest of the year most people struggle to merely get by.....

...it's the same in the Spring; there will be two or three days of extreme wind that prevails a change to warmer climate, and it's also met with a change in people's behaviour.

Which came first? The wind? Or the weather?
What changes people? The weather? Or the energy?

Ask yourself this; what affect does a bright sunny day have on people, compared to a windy wet one? If you can notice that minute change in the way people act, imagine what happens when air pressure by trade winds bring about low and high pressure systems..... Toss some natural energy into the mix, and you may realize the point I'm trying to make.....

.....the jet stream brings more than just a change in the weather. This is why I've always called it "The Winds of Change".

Enough about the weather and the upcoming changes that will envelop the city.... I'm still struggling to deal with negativity that others extol upon me. I'm doing fairly well, I guess, but it's not something that seems to come easily to me.... Staying positive, I mean.... It's hard to stay positive when others are constantly taking a crap on me.

The court case I was hoping to see some resolution to, has been set back to January 2018. I guess the good news is that I can finish off 2017 without worrying about going to jail, but it also means that there's even more time for me to worry about all this.....

......I gotta get going. There's a few things I need to do. Hope you have a great day!

December 7th
My how time flies in December. Is that just me? Or do you experience the same phenomenon, Dear Diary? Good morning... It's Friday-Junior... The weather this morning is below freezing with a slight skiff of snow on the ground. And when I say slight, I mean powdery, drifting nothingness that only serves as a reminder that Winter with all it's fury is on the way. I guess it's not all bad as this is the first week of December and we're only seeing the first bit of snow on the streets of London, Ontario, for the Winter of 2017-2018.

The wind that ripped through the city the last couple of days has moved on. As I predicted the calmer air behind the trade winds has brought a new type of energy. All across the city right now people have transformed overnight. Don't believe me? Go have a look for yourself. You'll see the energy in the glow on people's faces as they go about their day. You can feel it in the frigid air; a type of giddiness that mere words alone cannot do justice, but exists nonetheless. It's evident in the generosity and spirit of nearly everyone you meet..... What IS this energy I speak of?

Faith.

Now don't think I'm getting all Religious on you, although in this case it does apply. For the moment we'll remove the religious aspect of the season from the equation just so I can focus on the shift in energy in people. To begin, Dear Diary, ask yourself, "What is faith?"

Faith is believing in something that is not tangible. For example: A child believes in Santa Claus, and with their parents assistance Santa is made very real for that child. The child holds faith that Santa is real, although it is not exactly true. In this way, the child's behaviour, emotions, thoughts and actions will all be influenced by the faith that Santa Claus is very real.

Here's another one: Consumers all across North America will nearly bankrupt themselves this Christmas in the belief that if they don't do so they will be judged negatively by their peers and family. Their faith in consumerism and trying to keep up with everyone else is the driving force behind this behaviour. Canadians (And our USA cousins) have been lied to by corporations, and we've come to believe their lies as true.

We also believe that if we don't do the whole feasting and gifting craze, that it's acceptable to feel guilty and depressed.......

.........Let's face it, this time of year is REALLY hard for some individuals.

This all has to do with faith and our perception. We feel a certain way at Christmas because we believe a certain way about that time of the year. Everyone holds dear memories about the Christmas season, and it's to those periods of time we reflect and base our future Christmases. Seriously, why do you think we keep trying to push the envelope each year at Christmastime? We're chasing the dragon tail on that magical feeling we had as a child, and although always out of our grasp, we never stop trying to spend more and more money and more and more time trying to "Get it right". Like that first hit (Toke, snort, etc) you took as a teenager and can never replicate in your adult life, we "Chase that dragon tail" hoping to catch a sense of that feeling again. We believe in our minds that this is the way things are, and we are mirrored by those around us, which in turn, bolsters the beliefs and faith we have in the Christmas season.

If I'm making this sound bad, please accept my apology. This festive spirit is a good thing, I guess. I just wish the faith we have in humanity would be something that could be something seen all year long.

I'm talking about the Law of Attraction; what we think becomes reality.

So, as I stated earlier, I can feel that transition that has overtaken the city. It's witnessed in the quiet hushed tones of the people and their pets that walk by on the sidewalk, and the way people are more subdued this morning. One could say they are taking their time in traffic because of the "First snow of the season", but I know better....

......everyone is just feeling a little more generous and festive this morning.

Moving on.................... Today I have a appointment with my counselor. I'm looking forward to this meeting, because it has taken me two months to set up a regular visit. I've done a couple walk-ins, but I need to find someone I can work with. It's my humble opinion, Dear Diary, that a strong man is one who CAN ask for help when he needs it. I realize there are others who would claim otherwise, but I subscribe to the theory of thought that strong men CAN cry.

There's a few things I have to do today.  I need to get the rest of my belonging back from the apartment. I want to start getting back into my exercise routine and need my rowing machine, and I also want to get my bike helmet. I'm going to try and make arrangements for that today.

Still not doing any artwork or writing. As I stated before, I feel like my life is in limbo right now.

I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow, Dear Diary. Hope you have a great day!

December 8th
Not well this morning, Dear Diary. My health is fine (Comparatively)... It's my emotional state.....

......yesterday I went to my counselling appointment. Now keep in mind I had tried to arrange for counselling over half a year ago, and it took this long to get me into the program. Much has changed since the time I first requested the need for professional services, and it turns out that length of time was detrimental to my ability to receive counselling..... Let me explain.....

.....I get there, pay for the services because I'm not covered, and then I'm whisked away to an office with an educated-looking older fella. I start trying to explain my life, and meanwhile this guy is still doing "Intake"... AKA asking questions related to billing; how I'm going to be paying, and how often I'll think I'll be needing their services...... And it was only when I stated that I am currently heading to court due to the charges leveled at me, that this man's head bobbed up, and he explained, "I'm so sorry, but I cannot provide counselling services for you if you have pending charges".

WHAT?!?! You mean to tell me, that in one of my life's darkest hours you cannot help me because of the reasons I'm at this low point?! That the very reasons I'm so depressed and stressed out is the reason you cannot provide counselling services to help me with my severe depression and overwhelming stress?!?!? Are you frakking kidding me?!!

You know what they call that bullshit? It's called IRONY.

Iro.ny (noun): incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result

So, that was basically my last crack at the bat in an effort to find help......

.......I have pushed all my friends away, I am alone in a city of 380K people, I'm not writing or crafting because my life is in limbo, and I have nothing but time for my mind to sit and manifest on the problems in my life.

There's reasons, Dear Diary, why I've pushed people away. I am constantly getting hurt by people who make certain claims early in the relationship only to reveal a hidden motive of some sort, horrendous negative habits, or worse, use me in some manner. I always feel there are double standards when it comes to others, and while I know that not many can live up to my personal standards, I'm smart enough to not hold people accountable to my standards..... But I do expect them to maintain their own standards....

....one of my greatest faults in life is believing that other people will do their utmost best. This failed perception of reality has caused me quite a bit of grief over time.....

.......Double standards ; I see it on a daily basis. From the blatant sexist divide where women get away with practically anything sexually derived while men are chastised, to the elitists making veritable slaves of society, there is a flagrant double standard in most aspects of our life. Want some examples?

I can't be proud to be Caucasian, because apparently that makes me racist.

I can't be proud to be male, because apparently that makes me sexist.

I can't be proud to be Canadian, because apparently that makes me a bigot.

I can't be proud to be Christian, because apparently that means I'm an oppressive, out-dated-traditionalist who hates all liberty and freedoms. In many countries it's fair game to slaughter Christians, and the North American media is helping fuel the flames of hate toward Christianity.

I can't ask for immigrants to be properly screened, because that makes me a racist, bigot, xenophobic, Islamaphobe who needs to jailed for my thoughts......

.....anyone that can't see the double standards in our society should slam their head into the wall and see if that shakes any brain cells loose!

So, it's Friday. I'm not up to much again.... It's like "Ground Hog Day".... One COULD say that this is all my fault since I have the capacity to write / craft / walk / bike / etc, and that by choosing to not do so I am subjecting myself to emotional discomfort.... Yea, I know... It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.. I believe that things are bad, so I punish myself accordingly.... Which is true.

Let's run through a checklist, shall we? Items are not arranged necessarily in chronological order.....

-Figured out that most mainstream media sources are fake.
-Realized that nearly everyone in my life was difficult to relate to.
-Realized that EVERYONE on the planet is brainwashed in some fashion, with some beyond repair.
-Realized just how much society are slaves.
-Woke up and tried to bring the truth to the world.
-Lost friends / allies due to my efforts to bring truth to the world.
-Realize that most slaves don't want to know the truth.
-Realize that Canada's freedom of speech is quickly evaporating.
-Joined a few groups on social media to help bring awareness. Realize they don't do much except operate as an echo chamber for people of like-minds.
-Debate people into the ground.
-Realize that debating people "Into the ground" means absolutely nothing.
-Realize that barely anyone is reading my material because I've become labelled and polarized by most.
-End up in a domestic dispute that resulted in charges.
-Lose my talent agent.
-Push everyone away.
-Become depressed.... Then even more depressed when I realized I'm back to being as depressed as I was in 2014
-Seek help for depression and stress. Turned away for.... reasons.
-Realize I'm dwelling in a soup of negative energy, and can't switch my inner core to positive energy.

.......I'm going to go. Hope you have a good day.

December 9th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The temperatures are hovering just above the freezing mark, and there's a brisk wind. The sun is trying to shine, but perpetual clouds prevent the golden rays from reaching our little corner of the world.

There's a bit of tension in the house; one of the roommates is pissed off at me. Why? Because I snapped back when he verbally hissed at me..... Yup! I was taken by surprise by negativity, and in return sent a blast of negativity back. Now he's mad at me for being frustrated.....

...all because his socks got wet.

Keep in mind, Dear Diary, that I am practically the only one in the house that does any real cleaning. Sure, the others pick up after themselves, but no one washes walls / doors / bathrooms / etc like I do. Each day I do my thing in the kitchen and bathroom, I do my utmost best to clean up after myself. Being human, I sometimes forget things... Like to wipe the bathroom floor after taking a shower.....

......so, here comes the roommate stomping over to my door, hissing at me, claiming, "I got HIS socks wet"......

......Hold on. I got YOUR socks wet? How the hell did I get YOUR socks wet? The only way that's possible is if there was a puddle on the floor and I pushed you into it, OR if I were to force you to the ground and tear off your socks and soak them in the sink. What you MEANT to say was, "I didn't see the water on the floor and I stepped into it. Now my socks are wet. I would appreciate it if you make sure to wipe the floor when you're finished......."

[Sighs] Positive and negative. One way works wonders with me, and the other falls flat on its face every single time.

So now my roommate is all ticked off at me and avoiding me in what I can only describe as childish behaviour. I'm already over this incident, but it once again bears repeating....

..... I HAVE A SEVERE KNEE-JERK REACTION TO BULLSHIT!

The thing is, I can't seem to relate to anyone anymore. There's an observable phenomenon in our culture where sarcasm, satire, and outright debauchery are becoming the acceptable norm for communication. Instead of people partaking in meaningful conversation or listening to inspiration music / programs, people in North America are choosing to indulge in a slippery slope of ignorance, and such, their communication skills are degrading. It's causation.... A reflection of their life-lessons..... And I simply cannot relate to such people. Everyone is going on about their favourite sports team, the latest handheld smart phone, the newest application / game, the recent political gossip, and I'm over here, like, "WAKE UP!!!" If I could use an analogy to describe my perception of today's society it would be that of the block-buster video, "The Matrix", where everyone is a mindless slave to the system, with only a handful of individuals who have broken free and are doing their utmost to free those willing to wake up from the distorted reality.

I guess if I could say anything about all this, is that the citizens of Canada need to realize that the government is supposed to work for them, not the other way around.

Still in limbo. That won't change until there is resolution. Regardless of what is going to happen I am beginning to pack up my things. There's two reasons for this, Dear Diary;

1 - I end up in jail, in which case my belongings must be ready to be dealt with by someone else.
2 - My case is dropped or I'm found not guilty. In this scenario I am moving down the hall to a room which is hopefully quieter. (I've already spoke with landlord about this)

Still waiting to hear back from my Disability claim. Not sure if this long wait is a good thing or a bad thing. I know they received my application. For anyone thinking I'm not deserving nor in need of assistance, perhaps a reminder is in order of the fact I owned and operated two companies and held a full time job all at the same time, to not being able to hold a job to support myself. Yes, I am that sick.

I have a couple of letters to write today. My other plan is to really start organizing my stuff. I may even go outside and tidy up the place. Who knows? I'm going to let you go. Hope you have a great weekend!

December 11th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's Monday morning. The snow really fell last night, and I hear we're in store for even more this afternoon. I will say that it's kind of pretty looking, and does put me in a more seasonable mood. I guess that's because where I come from I would have been contending with the white stuff for over a month now. (Or more) I guess it just feels a little bit like home.

I'm feeling a little better about life today. I suppose this has much to do with my outlook on life. I have to remember to surrender myself to the will of the gods and see where life takes me, and not try so hard to steer my ship against the waves.... So to speak. I guess the fact remains that it's good to be prepared for what life may throw at you, but there's no use in worrying about it.

All that worrying and focusing on heartache was dragging me down.

So it is today that I will try to not dwell on negativity, but just try to work on rebuilding my life.I should try to engage with other people and try to make new friends. I HAVE been invited to go and play Dungeons and Dragons with a couple of people I know, but I hesitate because it's 5th edition and I play only 2nd... That I don't know any of these people......

....maybe that's a good thing. I'll be going there to engage in some role playing, and I don't really need to focus on rules and such due to the fact this group probably already knows everything there is to know. We'll see... Anything can happen, right?

Things are still tense between the roommate and I.....  hope this blows over soon.

I'm not feeling inspiration today. Perhaps I'll tackle a few more things I want to get ready before I move.

On the news side of things, things are still tense on the Korean peninsula, and now things are heating up all over the planet as scores of protesters angered by President Trump's declaration of Jerusalem as Israel's capital, took to the streets en mass. Skirmishes between law enforcement and rioters broke out in many major cities, especially centered around Jerusalem. All told, however, I personally didn't think it was as violent as it COULD have been, nor as much of an outcry or violence called for. I mean, the Palestinian people were calling for second intifada, and yet the armed soldiers of the Israeli Defense Force were met with only a bit of an annoyed outcry with minor isolated incidents.....

....why? The answer is simple; this isn't something new like everyone would like you to think it is. The fact that the USA embassy has always had to be renegotiated every time a US President took office since 1979 and have all chose to NOT recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, has been a pattern that Donald Trump decided to forgo. I personally believe he couldn't bring himself lie about the truth of the matter, and in his heart he knows that such a declaration against Israel would be the equivalent of a carnal sin. Like I keep saying, The Donald isn't being lead by some conglomerate of puppet-masters behind the curtains like many former leaders were, and instead is actually doing what he thinks is right, and if I may add, what he promised to do on the campaign trail. One last thing; anyone shocked by this was simply not paying attention.

Back in Canada, we're currently undergoing the Trudeau "Diversity" experiment. Much similar to the Chinese Famine that killed millions due to the "Great Leap Forward" experiment by the Communist party lead by Mao Zedong, a blind ideology mixed with fanaticism from a fascist-style government proved to have disastrous results for the citizens and society, Canada's current social experiment is ripping to shreds what took centuries to build.

Diversity: It means non-native, or in Justin Trudeau's case, it means non-European culture.

The same European culture that Macron (France) and Merkel (Germany) are working so hard to destroy. All across the UK mass immigration of economic migrants are overtaking whole towns and cities. Trudeau would love nothing more, it would seem, to allow the same thing to happen to his country that is happening in France and Germany......

.......Diversity? Sometimes it's easier to explain things in the form of a parable to help people understand easier. For this story let's pretend that Canada is a big fishtank, and the government is the tank's keeper.

For this story to begin, you must imagine a giant fish tank. In this aquarium there are all sorts of natural rocks and unique features not found in other such aquariums. Throughout the fish tank there are all sorts of natural vegetation; sea grasses, tall ferns, clinging lichens and moss, and a whole menagerie of various green and growing things. The water is fresh and clean, and the lighting is perfect.....

.....and absolutely wonderful habitat for some fish!

Now, in this tank there are three types of fish; an indigenous Native variety, a British variety, and a French variety. (Although the British and French variety of fish are extremely similar, with the only real difference being the bubbles that come from their mouths) Originally when the tank was set up, the Native stock did quite well on their own and used the entire aquarium as they chose, and even managed to colonize every aspect of the tank. As time went on and the two European varieties were abruptly added into the tank, the Native stock took a massive hit to their population, as well as, their dominance in the aquarium. Eventually, however, the three varieties of fish learned to get along, and although some parts of the fish tank became isolated pockets of ethnicity, the three type of fish would intermingled and in many cases, interbreed.

Over time a few other varieties of fish trickled into the aquarium. Some were brought in by the tank keepers, and a few managed to sneak in. Why not, right? This aquarium is MASSIVE and there's all sorts of resources. Why shouldn't other kinds of fish want to come and live in the tank?

The fish imported or sneaking into the tank were of a varied diversity, although the majority were still predominately of the European variety. Some were Asian, some Russian, some Australian, and a few were even Mexican fish, but all of those fish that were integrated into the tank instantly tried their best to get along with the native stock consisting of the three original varieties.

One day, along comes a new tank keeper, and he looks into the tank and doesn't like what he sees. "I must have more diversity", he claims, and he begins to search out ways to find it. Does he go to Europe and get more fish? No, because that wouldn't make his fish tank more diverse, now would it. Does he go to Germany, Australia, or even the Asian market to find new fish? Nope! Once again, those fish wouldn't bring about a major change of diversity in the tank. So, what the new tank keeper does is imports an entirely different type of fish. "THIS!", he cries with delight, "Will firmly establish a new diversity in the aquarium". And with a flourish he dumps the new stock of fish into the tank.

At first not much happens. The new stock of fish huddle together for comfort in this strange new tank. They established areas where they felt more comfortable, and did their best to change the landscape to resemble what they know. Rather than try and integrate with the native stocks, the new stock of fish kept to themselves, unlike the other varieties of fish that had come before. They bred rapidly, and forced many native fish from their established part of the tank, forcing them to flee to a different part of the aquarium.

The tank keeper noticed that many of the native fish were getting agitated and even lashing out against the new stock of fish. "I cannot simply have this", he declared, and promptly began making life hard for any fish that rose up in such a fashion.

To make along story short, the aquarium eventually became overrun with the new stock of fish. They didn't blend into the natural surroundings, but rather, destroyed the tank systematically to resemble what they found more desirable. The native stock were too worried about ending up harassed by the tank keeper, so they didn't speak out until it was too late........

......a few years later a new tank keeper eventually took over, but to his dismay there was barely any of the original three native stock left, and those that were alive lived huddled together in fear. The end.

Have a great week.

December 14th
Good morning, Dear Diary. There really hasn't been much to report in the last few days, and between feeling like garbage and decent enough to shovel snow, it's been a bumpy ride.

Snow? Oh, yea! We've got a WHACK of it! And when I mean WHACK of snow, I'm talking quite a bit in two days! How much exactly is a WHACK of snow? Not really certain if it's an exact science, but I believe it has to do with a combination of "Precipitation Patterns" exceeding the historical norm, the amount of snow, the type of snow (Sticky vs fluffy), temperature, the period of time the snow accumulates (How fast), as well as, the ability for people to deal with the temperamental wrath of Mother Nature and the frigid heart of Old Man Winter.

To break this down..........

Quantity x (Type + Temperature + Time) - Individual coping mechanisms = WHACK

ALL the variables in the equation can affect the score. One of the variables that makes the biggest difference is "Individual Coping Mechanisms". Individual Coping Mechanisms AKA "Life Skills", are learned traits that are non-instinctual, like survival, courtesy, fishing, fire-building, cooking, courtship, or driving a vehicle. When it comes to extreme weather, humans are usually counterproductive and usually panic. If no one explained that being prepared is a good thing, a great many of the population wouldn't stockpile food or drink at all. It seems that surviving extreme weather is a learned trait, much like hunting, administering First-Aid, and other such "Extreme moments" in life.

Individual Coping Mechanism / Survivability
10 - Very poor: This pertains to individuals who have no grasp of reality. Usually absorbed in the latest video game or can't see past their own cell phone, these kind of people usually live in their parent's basement.

25 - Poor: Most urban-dwelling people who have grown accustomed to the electricity always being provided, the lanes plowed, and the heat on, and can get stuck in the driveway when there's a light skiff of sleet with their 4 x 4 All-Wheel-Drive SUV's.

50 - Moderate: Grew up with Scouts / Guides, or even a few 4-H certificates to show for their early teens. Fire building is a natural skill and most can build a temporary shelter, let alone pitch a tent.

75 - Good: Grew up hunting / fishing / camping / etc. Old-school work ethics were ingrained into them as a youth and carried with them for the rest of their life. 4-H (Etc) was a way of life, and they probably teach the courses. Mostly likely knows First-Aid. Most likely owns at least one weapon or firearm.

100 - High: Extreme woodsman. All the skills of those in the "Good" category and much more! Able to read maps, use a compass, tell time using the sun, and can track an animal for Kilometers, these types of people are rare. Preppers fall into this category. Most likely knows "Military-grade" First Aid. Has a stockpile of weapons.

..................So, let's try and example. A person living in Toronto just experienced the trailing edge of the lake effect, known as a "Clipper", which sent bands of snow across parts of Southern Ontario. In the first 20 minutes of the storm there was 7 automobile accidents. Using the above scale we can determine why.

Quantity x (Type + Temperature + Time) - Individual coping mechanisms = ____

1 CM X (Fluffy + Barely below freezing + 20 minutes) - 10 = ____
1 x (1 + 2 + .2) - 10 = -6.8

Now to their credit, not everyone in Toronto is THAT unprepared, so with a pitiful score of -6.8 on the low end, it's only fair to add that they score could differentiate between Poor and Moderate, as well.

1 x (1 + 2 + .2) - 25 = -21.8 (Company CEO)
1 x (1 + 2 + .2) - 50 = -46 .8 (Girl / Boy Scout)

See how the score is affected the more prepared an individual is? In the case of -6.8, it indicates a WHACK of snow has fallen. The individual with the score of -46.8 would only see the snow as a chance to spin their tires a bit and perhaps pull a donut in the Walmart parking lot.

Now, let's compare that to a country-boy from North-Western Ontario who gets walloped with over 40 CM (Almost a foot and a half) of snow in about 16 hours. It's fairly sticky, so the perimeters change a bit, and it's obviously colder.

40 CM snow (Sticky + -12 +16 hours) - ICM = ____
40(3 -12 + 16) - 50 = 230 (Sportsman, drives a 4 x 4 truck with plow)
40(3 -12 + 16) - 100 = 180 (Extreme sportsman. Likely already homesteading and off the grid)

By comparison, our Torontonian who has never left the city would have a score of
40(3 -12 + 16) - 10 = 270

See how the ICM, or Individual Coping Mechanism score can radically change the score? In the example of the 40 CM snowfall in a 16 hour period, the individual from North-Western Ontario who is accustomed to such types and amount of snow on a regular basis would see the occasion as an opportunity to tear up some fresh power with the sled, or a chance to break out the snowplow and help out the neighbours. The guy from the city sees it as an entire shutdown of all regular activity for the next 48 hours.


SO................. When a guy from North-Western Ontario tells you that London, Ontario got a WHACK of snow in the last couple of days, I've done the calculations........

......I do see an opportunity. I have been given a used snowboard and I want to try and practice a bit. So, I am going to build myself a platform in the backyard to do a bit of a run to practice standing up and such. There's more to this....

.......being as that my life is in limbo at the moment, crafting a sled-hill and perhaps doing a bit of snow-carving might do me good. It's not a major commitment, and it will give me something do, as well as, give my mind something to think about. I'll let you know how it goes.

There's tons of stuff going on in politics, but I'm just disgusted by the current events and have been trying to stay away from debates. It's all just more of the same.

Well, I'm going to go and work on that hill a bit after I get something to eat. I'll talk to you later. Have a great day, Dear Diary, and I'll see you soon.

December 15th
Good morning, Dear Diary. Today is actually quite a decent day thus far. I awoke on my own accord, and went through my routine with minimal issues. I'm all medicated up and feeling better than most days. This is a good thing as I have promised to head uptown this afternoon and go donate blood.

I'm the Universal donor. Type O-Negative... I make certain to donate as much as I possibly can. It's important to remember that during the upcoming holiday season there will be a increased need for blood and blood services. PLEASE DONATE if you can! You may just save someone's life!

So, the platform I'm crafting out of snow is coming along. I built the base yesterday, and last night poured a few buckets of water over it to freeze. It should be decently solid by the time it's ready to use.

Heffy isn't eating lately... At least not very much. Call me silly, but I worry when he breaks from his eating habits. I'm like an  overbearing mother, "You too skinny! You need to eat more..."

Still in limbo. No word from my lawyer about anything, and I hate to bug her. I'm sure she knows what she's doing, and if anything, perhaps this delay is a good thing.

There you have it, Dear Diary, I'm keeping myself as busy as I can, trying to be a productive member of society, and doing my best to keep a low profile. I feel better about myself right now and I've made some future plans. It's just a waiting game to see what direction things will go in my life, but you can be certain I have a plan for each contingency. There's still much to do in that regards, however, since I have time I'm allowing myself the opportunity to think everything through.

I'm still choosing to avoid the debate sites, and I'm staying off social mainstream media. My mood is definitely affected, but I feel uninformed. I do watch the news each morning as per normal, but I haven't seen much in the way of super important news..... Everything is still the same.....

.......and I've explained myself in enough detail I don't believe it needs a repeat.

Hope you have a wonderful Friday! I will talk to you very soon.

December 17th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's a gloomy Sunday morning; the sky is overcast, and it doesn't look like there's even a sun in the sky. The temperature is hovering just below freezing, which has created some magnificent frost sculptures.

I awoke early this morning due to pain. Didn't sleep very well last night, either. Not sure why, but I flipped and flopped trying to get comfortable. Meanwhile, it's been cold in the house to the point where I am forced to leave the red night-light / heat-bulb on for Hephestusamazilion. To help him stay warm while he sleeps, I cover the little fella with a small, soft towel, but the stubborn iguana wakes up sometimes during the night and shakes it off. He's so like a little child in his ignorance; here I am trying to keep him warm and healthy, and he doesn't want to work with me. In his defense, he is still very cuddly and likes attention. He's still not eating very much though. I think this is due to temperature in his cage, and between last night and today I have been moving the two heat lamps around a bit to create more of a "Bubble" of heat for him to bask in.....

........Summer can come back anytime now.

So....... It's obvious Cara is reading this Diary. This morning there was a private message on social media from her making references to entries I've made. Now remember, Dear Diary, that I cannot have contact with her of any kind, and the moment I respond to anything she texts or messages I could be arrested. Which means, unless I take measures to block her (Which I really don't want to do - It's childish, and I rarely block people anymore) I am subject to a one-sided conversation. Granted, it might be construed that this journal could be considered one-sided, but then again, I'd have to refer you back to my personal terms of service in this journal; I am allowed to omit things, but not allowed to lie. Which means that I will not post information that could lead future problems for myself and others. When I make reference to someone in a negative way I make certain to NOT use their real names, or just not even mention a name. I use parables to make my talking points, rather than real-life instances, and I do my utmost to avoid libel or slander. This isn't just by coincidence, nor by preference; it's a calculated limit I have set to protect those around me and myself. Just so we're clear, Dear Diary, I have not, and will not lie to you..... I WILL make predictions, explain my thoughts and feelings on particular matters and events, and I'll most certainly share my successes AND failures, because that's what a balanced individual like myself, does....

......let's be blunt, shall we? Who on God's green Earth would willingly share the intimate details of their life on the Internet for the entire world to see? What would motivate someone to write each day in an online journal about things they would probably rather keep hidden? What do you, Dear Diary, think a person who writes about their failures, as well as, their successes is hoping to attain?

Think about it; someone like myself could "Pad" the story of my life with nothing but smiling-selfies and stories of epic adventures shared with friends. An individual who is writing an online diary, much like this one, could simply set the entire framework around the endevour to be nothing but sunshine and roses, displaying their entire existence as rainbow farts, world peace, and flying unicorns. You could........ But I won't........

....and that's probably why my online journal is such a huge success!!

Now, to the point at hand. (And I'm trying VERY hard to word this correctly to avoid any legal ramifications) My claims of "Being in limbo" are quite valid; what is the point of starting or working on projects when the prospect of incarceration hangs over my head, with the very likely chance of losing much of my belongings if that should occur. Each day is one step closer to a date that will irrevocably remain forever etched in my mind, and the part that kills me.... I mean, is absolutely eating me alive from the interior, is that this can all be stopped right now before it even sees a set court date! There were no eye-witnesses to anything, except the two who are charging me with assault. It's a "He said, She said" situation with no evidence whatsoever, except in this case there are two versus one. I already know that one charge is getting tossed, but the others could EASILY go away if the aforementioned two individuals were to go of their own volition and fix this mess! It pains me to think that such power can be held over someone, and even moreso, by those who were close to me. I cannot fathom what goes through their mind... I just simply can't. As I said before, had the tables been flipped and it was one of my buddies accusing a lover of assault, I would have been all, "(Explicit)ing DROP it, man! Own up, and stop playing the victim. You're an adult, and I don't understand what you think you are going to get out of this! This is my lover! Fix this, whatever it takes..."....... I'm sure you get the drift....

......So, once again, Dear Diary, I am going to state that my life is in limbo due to a waiting game based on a grievously overblown situation. This could end right now if those involved took matters into their own hands. If they choose to NOT do anything about it, a court date will be set. IF they choose to not take any action, they WILL be forced to go to court AND TESTIFY AGAINST ME, ergo, by choosing to take no action to stop this it is a conscientious choice to force this to go to court!

Due to all of this, I am currently packing my things and cataloging them for the person(s) who MAY be forced to clean out my room should I end up incarcerated, and due to this overwhelming dread, I am living in a depressive situation.....

.....is that clear enough?

Wanna hear the kicker? SHOULD this matter end up in court, and SHOULD Cara be forced to testify against me, and SHOULD I be found guilty and end up in jail...... Cara has volunteered to take care of Heffy for me.......

.........Couldn't respond to that message because I'd end up breaching my release conditions, but if I could respond, I'd mostly likely drop an F-Bomb and tell her to not let this get that far..... And if she DOES end up in the witness stand testifying against me, my iguana nor anything else is ever going near her again!

Have a great Sunday!

December 18th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's a dreary-looking Monday, but I'm in decent spirits. I didn't sleep well again last night, but that was because I was worried about the temperature in my room for Hephestusamazilion. To negate my worries I plucked the little fella off his branch and laid him on top of me sometime around 2 AM. We both fell back asleep and awoke this morning toasty-warm.

So, I figured out why I wasn't sleeping the last couple of days; I'm worried about the night-time heat for my iguana.

I've been asked to bake a couple of cakes for my roommate. The company he works for has sampled my cooking because I keep sending James to work with cakes and cookies I bake, and now they want me to make two chocolate cakes for next Friday for a function. Sounds fun! One slight issue, however....

......Thursday afternoon I am scheduled for foot surgery. The operation is to correct a bone deviation caused by a dinner plate dropping on it while I was washing dishes in 2009 AD. The bone spur is now causing severe arthritis, and can lock up on me from time to time, so I had it examined. Without barely a word from my Doctor as to why, I am now facing the surgeon's knife to correct the deformation......

....WHICH MEANS I'll be hopping around to bake the cakes my roommates ordered... And probably medicated to all heck. [Sigh] Not exactly what I had in mind when I agreed to this cake contract, but I'll just make certain I have the cakes baked in the morning and ready to finish when I get home and feel better. A few chocolate slab cakes will be fine for a few hours, I'm certain. You can rest assured, Dear Diary, that I'll be looking into a few tips and ideas as to preservation and storage of cakes for transportation, as well as, presentation.

I am working on a new piece entitled, "The Ghost of Christmas Future". It's the last in a three-part series of the Spirit of Christmas, and although it's just barely started I am already pleased with the direction the article is heading. I imagine my goal today is a bit of cleaning and some keyboard-pounding as I work to get this new piece finished in time. It IS almost Christmas, after all.....

.....On that note I'm going to go. Not much to say in the political theater at the moment, but I personally believe this is just the calm before the storm.

NB: Personal prediction - The Winter Olympics scheduled for February 9th - 25th, 2018 in South Korea will be marked by heightened tensions with North Korea. It pains me to say, but if North Korea ever wanted to strike a major blow to the entire planet, that would the time. IF they were of intent to provoke a major confrontation, it would only take one "Red Flag Event" to initiate the entire situation. I hope there are no such weapon exchanges, and it stays as one of the most militarily-guarded Olympics in history. (I think - I'm speculating on this, but given the armada along the Demilitarized Zone it's very likely)

Anywho, I hope you have a great week! Talk to you later!

December 22nd
Well good morning, Dear Diary. It just occurred to me that I have missed THREE DAYS of writing. What have I been up to?

The term "Busier than a cat trying to cover poop on a marble floor" would apply..............

.........On December 17th I had a visit from my bestie, Diane, who came over to drop off my birthday and Christmas gifts. She stuck around and visited for a while, and it felt really great to talk to her. It's been so long since we last spoke, that it felt like a catch-up session.

She bought me a shirt for my birthday, and I love it!! It's a Star Wars holiday shirt, that reads, "Sith Faced", with a picture of a drunken Darth Vader.... How appropriate for my birthday?

My mom sent me a bit of money for my birthday (Thank you, mom), and I went out and bought a turkey and a 6 pack of beer. I figured it would be a great idea to do the Christmas thing, as well as, usher in my 45th birthday with a bit of beer... My plan was a quiet evening by myself.....

........it certainly didn't turn out that way.

One of my roommates decided to join me in my celebrating and before I knew it were were at the bar shooting pool and singing on stage. I had an absolutely amazing time, and I know that this birthday will remain forever etched in my mind.....

..but the next day I was extremely sick. Turns out that if I try to party like a teenager, I get reminded I'm a 45-year old man. It took me until 4 PM the next day until I was able to function........

........Oops.

Changing the subject, I was recently contracted to bake a couple of cakes for a Christmas social. What's that about, Dear Dairy? As you may know I quite enjoy working in the kitchen, and I constantly am crafting cupcakes, cookies, and cakes. Not because I like to eat them... Good Lord! I only nibble on such treats as I try to keep my rock-hard figure, but I really like to bake... SO... I usually end up just giving away most of my goodies to my roommates and neighbours..........

.......well, James keeps taking my goodies to work with him, and his co-wokers can't believe the treats coming out of his lunchbox. I guess they sampled several of my home-baked goods and when it came time for their Christmas party they decided to get me to do their desserts..... Two chocolate slab cakes with homemade icing and shaved chocolate on top... Or as I like to call it, "Death by Chocolate"........... They. Turned. Out. Amazing!!! These two cakes are by far the best I've done to date! I'm very pleased!

I better get my butt in gear and finish that Christmas piece, "The Ghost of Christmas Future".... I only have a couple of days left.......

.....Brian just popped his head in the door. He wants to know if I want to go with him for a ride across town and do a pick-up of some furniture. I told him yes, as I know he'll toss me a bit of medication if I offer him a hand. So, Dear Diary, I'm off to shower and then medicate myself stupid enough to leave the house.

I hope you have a wonderful day, and I'll talk to you very soon!

7 PM
Well, hello Dear Diary! I know it's not usual to see me write an entry twice in one day, but I have a special announcement to make...... Drum roll, please?

We reach "Milestones" in our lives all the time. Some benchmarks come with time or age, while other landmarks only come with hard work and dedication. Today I crossed a threshold I never would have once thought possible....


.....50,000 views!!

I cannot thank you all for helping me make my dreams come true. With subscribers in countries all over the planet, I am fulfilling my goal of becoming a world famous author / artist!

All my love!!

Zz

December 23rd
Good afternoon, Dear Dairy. I've been busy today, so it's taken until now to sit down and write. When I awoke this morning it was lightly snowing, but by 8 AM it was really coming down. I went out (Feeling pretty decent health-wise), and shoveled the sidewalk and steps for my neighbours. I then went for a walk to the store to pick up a few things before the BIG EVENT of EVERYTHING SHUTS DOWN, AKA Christmas Eve through to Boxing Day. Sure, fast-food restaurants and such will be open, however, most places will be closed..... Sorry, Dear Diary if I sound a little tense.....

......I went to get groceries and ended up with road-rage in the shopping mall.

[Chuckles] It wasn't as bad as all that...... Well, it WAS (Explicit) painful, but I kept a smile on my face through most of it, and was even generous with my Christmas spirit...... Until I got out of earshot, at least .... I think I grumbled for a good city block. Oh well, at least I kept it together in public, eh?

So, here I sit ready to (Hopefully) finish the article I've been crunching on. I seem to be having difficulty being positive about Christmas, and perhaps that';s the reason why I have "Writer's Block" at the moment.

I'll talk to you before Christmas, but I do hope that each and every one of you stays safe. Please don't drink and drive!  Talk soon.

December 24th
It's that time of the year I hate so much... Christmas...... Morning, Dear Diary, I'm not well this morning, nor am I in decent spirits. You can blame my poor health and my roommates for my pissy mood.....

.......I am sick to DEATH of repeating myself! Having to say something a second time or more drives me freaking BONKERS! And yet, here I am in a situation where...

A) No one takes anything seriously
2) No one listens
D) History keep s repeating itself regardless of my attempts to correct it.

Why am I so pissy? I tried to implement a cleaning schedule for the house, and was met by severe condemnation. I spent almost an hour yesterday putting together a three month schedule for house-hold cleaning, and everyone seems to think it's not necessary.............


.....tell ya what, fuckers. I'll stop cleaning and we'll see if a cleaning schedule is needed.

Meanwhile a new tenant moved in and I've been going out of my way to make certain he was comfortable and welcomed, and then last night he turns on me like a rabid dog........... SO...........

......Happy Fucking Christmas.

Iguana isn't eating, I discovered the room I'm supposed to move into is SMALLER, and I'm freaking ALONE during a holiday that's meant for family....

......that's what it really is..... I'm alone and miserable.

I want to send a quick thank you to my mom who sent me some money last night for a Christmas gift! I plan on heading to the store to get some food, as well as, head down to the medical marijuana store to pick up some meds.

I'm going to let you go, Dear Diary. I'm not in a good mood today, but I expect that once this BS holiday is over things will be better.... Have a great day.

December 25th
Merry Christmas!!

The sun is shining, and the freshly-fallen snow last night has created a picture-perfect Christmas day. The temperature is below freezing, but not uncomfortably so. A perfect day for all the children to try out their new winter toys they received from Santa.....

....I'm in a much better mood this morning. Even the roommates are in good cheer. Hephestusamazilion is walking around the whole house in alpha-male mode, curious as to why everyone is all home at the same time. The mood is light and heartfelt.....

....ahhh yes! The spirit of Christmas!

Speaking of which, I finally finished that short article about the future of Christmas. If you haven't already had a look at it, I suggest you do. Using the similar moniker from the two previous articles, this one is called, "The Ghost of Christmas Future". Turns out that after yesterday morning's rough start I managed to push past the negativity and focus on the optimistic spirit of Christmas.

At 6 PM I had a friend come to visit. We had a great time! In true Christmas fashion we found a teeny Santa hat for Hephestus, and then watched the cult-classic from 1988 "Die Hard" where the whole movie is based on Christmas Eve.

I awoke this morning rejuvenated. Sometimes all you need is a bit of company to make everything feel better.

Today is going to be one of relaxation. I would like the chance to get outside and maybe push some snow once my health allows me to, and perhaps even go for a few runs on my snowboard. I'm baking buns to go with my turkey for supper. Sounds like a great day!

Hope you have a wonderful day!

December 26th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's Boxing Day, which means another holiday for most people. For me? It's just another day.

I found an article this morning on social media that speaks about being alone during such holidays like Christmas, and it reaffirmed my belief that Christmas is for families. When you are alone it seems be an an insult. Anyway, thank God Christmas is finally over and we can get back to a normal routine.

Did some research on Hephestus; turns out it's MBD (Metabolic Bone Disorder) re-emerging. That poor iguana has been through Hell it would seem, and each time her refuses to digest his calcium and vitamins he is slipping toward severe health issues. Last night I took matters into my own hands and force-fed him some calcium. I'll be doing this until the little guy decides to start co-operating. Sure makes me wish I could just explain things to him, and let him know that his own actions are causing him pain and discomfort. It's so hard trying to rehabilitate an iguana once they have slipped this far. I know, because Heffy had one foot in the grave when I rescued him, but now he's become accustomed to my tricks and it's difficult to keep him medicated.

So, how do you get a four-foot iguana to take a spoonful of calcium powder? Not easily. When all the tricks stop working because your picky-eater figures out your attempts, your choice is to either head to a veterinarian for a hypodermic needle filled with liquid calcium, or you gotta force open that mouth full of razor-sharp teeth and force-feed the calcium to your lizard. Have you ever tried to force-feed an iguana? It's harder than getting a human child to take a spoon-full of foul-tasting medicine.... And your human child doesn't have 128 teeth that are identical to a Great White shark........... I wrapped Heffy up in a towel, took a teeny bit of liquid honey and dabbed it on his scaly lips. What does he do next? He starts licking..... With a deft hand I quickly take the spoonful of calcium powder and dump it into his mouth during one of the licks......

....and then watch him sulk for the next half hour. [Laughs] Yea, Heffy is now hiding, upset how I just handled him. Sorry, little buddy... Just trying to keep you alive. Don't like being force-fed? Try eating.........

........Well, the sun is shining and time seems to be flying by this morning. I guess I better get my butt in gear and tidy up. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day! Talk soon.

December 28th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's colder than a witch's tit out there, and the frigid weather isn't just limited to Southern Ontario; the entirety of Canada is experiencing a severe cold warning right now. An Arctic front has settled over most of Canada at the moment with record-breaking temperatures and conditions smashing historic lows.

I moved. Remember, Dear Diary, when I said I was packing? Well, I ended up moving down the hall to a smaller room that was supposed to get me out from under the stairs.....

....turns out I'm right underneath the twit who is the loudest. Basically, I jumped from the frying pan into the fire. This morning the guy rolls his computer chair across the floor (My ceiling) at 6:20 AM like he's the only one in the house. I heard the smack of his workboots on the floor (My ceiling) and then the inevitable Thump, Thump, Thump, as he walked to the door. Even from the other side of the house I heard the childish-adult slam the door....... So as I stated before, this isn't fixing a damn thing and only allowing the problem to continue unabated.

I received a message from You-Know-Who this morning. You know how hard it is to NOT message her back?! The only thing that prevents me from typing a single letter in return is the fact I would end up in jail. To be frank, all I want to hear from her right now is that her male buddy who is pressing charges has dropped them.... Which won't happen...... But! If I could pass on any sort of message to her it would be a very simple one; trust is probably the most important thing we need at this moment if we expect to get through this to perhaps have any chance at a future, but if this goes to court it will remain etched in my memory forever.

Heffy is doing better, although his appetite isn't what it should be. As I stated a few days ago, I am force-feeding his calcium now. The option for him is to either nicely take a calcium-laden piece of collard green, or have me dump a spoonful of powder down his throat.... Guess what he's choosing? [Sigh] IF I ever get another iguana I am going to ensure it's a healthy one.... Trying to rehabilitate a sick one is very hard!!! Make no mistake, Dear Diary, Hephestusamazilion WAS doing much better this Summer, but with all the changes going on between moving back-and-forth, a severely-fussy iguana (Eating), and fluctuating temperatures, he is suffering from stress which is exacerbating his pre-existing condition of metabolic bone disorder. At least I've managed to get rid of the lizard mites that exploded again... [Sighs]

......I even super-cleaned his whole perch yesterday... Again. Washed and sterilized all the fake plants..... Again.

If you haven't heard it before, I'll say it again.... Don't get an iguana if you are looking for an easy pet to own. These scale-babies take much more attention than fish or furred animals, and when it comes to lizards and reptiles they are some of the harder to maintain. I know all this, and yet, still take pleasure in owning one. Why? I don't see all the effort as excessive like others would.... However, I am struggling to keep this one healthy due to the condition he was in when we found him 9 months ago. Thank God this was not my first iguana, or I would probably be wary of ever owning one again! The first one I owned grew to a length of 6 1/2 feet long, and topped the scales at 15 1/2 pounds before he was tragically killed during a break-in. I know what they can be like from experience and research, so I know that Heffy has had a rough go at life and this is not normal.

Over 750,000 iguanas get shipped North every year for the pet-trade, but you rarely see big ones. Why? They die. This isn't a pet trade, it's mass-murder! IF you don't know how to properly care for these animals, PLEASE do not get one!

I guess it just tears me up to see my baby sick from someone else's neglect. I thought Hephestusamazilion was on the rebound because he was growing, but it turns out he has developed an eating disorder due to his extreme dislike for the calcium and vitamins he requires. In the wild he naturally gets these kinds of essential nutritional building blocks from the food they eat, but in North America they need supplements. My first iguana knew what was going on when I offered the rolled leaf with calcium, but took it anyway because I trained him that way. Heffy? Nope! Once he figured out what the trick was, he wouldn't try again. This is a psychological problem due to cramped quarters, poor diet, and lack of UVA / UVB lighting, which is made much worse by stress. If I sprinkle calcium on his food (As most herpers do) Hephestusamazilion won't touch it and for a day or two avoid his food dish. Offer hima treat and sneak in the wrapped calcium leaf, and the next time he's checking to see if your other hand holds the hated calcium...... [Sighs] Seriously... He's smart enough to figure out my tricks, but too stupid to realize this is for his own good.

An iguana will literally stuff themselves into a cold corner and refuse to eat or drink when stressed. While they are capable of standing more extremes than a warm-blooded animal, they will kill themselves out of fear and pain.

PLEASE don't get one of these beautiful creatures if you don't have the time to invest in it....

............[Sighs] Rant over.

[Straightens up in his chair]

I just had an epiphany..... You know that cartoon moment where the light-bulb flicks on above someone's head? Yea... That just happened to me.....

.....Let me ask you a question... Where does fear come from?

There are two parts to our brain; the more evolved section responsible for speech, problem-solving, and self-awareness, and the lesser-developed "Limbic" section responsible for "Flight or Fight". The "Lizard Brain", or "Limbic brain" as it's more commonly known, is why all creatures big or small will run away from danger or stand and fight.

When we become paralyzed with fear it's akin to an iguana crawling under a cold, damp rock, and laying there to the point of becoming physically weak or worse. In this case, our own psychosis creates health issues.... Does any of this sound relevant? We retreat within ourselves, and in that isolation formulate dark thoughts. Those thoughts then manifest inside our minds, building negativity energy which is then subsequently released into the Universe. The problem, however, is the negative energy that manifests inside of us when we create these situations actually takes a physical toll on our bodies. I'm not just talking about some of the side-effects that come with such stress, like poor diet, smoking, drugs, alcohol, depression, risk-taking, et all, but the actual physical effects that are created by negativity itself. If you go to a Doctor and explain that you are suffering severe headaches and blurred vision (And it has nothing to do with your eyesight) the Doctor is going to ask about the stress in your life, and then prescribe some sort of pill. Not ONCE will he ask about your mental health and how you deal with such stress......

....happy to prescribe pills, but don't take the time to find out the life-skills and coping mechanisms of the patient. THIS is modern medicine.

So............ The next time you get stressed out or depressed, ask yourself.... "What am I scared of?". Solve that*, crawl out from under your rock, and bask in the sunshine. The brain can heal.....

.....or manifest disease.

The choice is up to you.

* "Solve that" - Sometimes the solution can simply be that there is no solution. Solving an issue does not mean finding a complete resolution, but rather, a compromise..... And sometimes even the effort is all that matters.

December 30th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is shining brightly, but the cold front currently experienced by much of Canada is expected to remain for about a week. I read that on December 28th the temperature recorded on the surface of Mars was -23 Celsius, which was the exact same or COLDER in several Canadian cities for the same day. [Shivers] Colder than Mars? Heck! Even the Antarctic was warmer than parts of Canada that day!

Enough about the cold.......

.......yesterday was a nice, busy day. Bills were paid, food and meds purchased, and I capped the evening off with a trip downtown to shoot pool for about an hour and a half. Came home (Alone), cooked a pizza, and went to bed.

Today I was woke up at 4:30 AM to a computer chair trying to tear through my ceiling... Well, it wasn't REALLY trying to tear through the wooden floor, but in the dark it sure sounded like it. Adrenaline spiked through my body, and I was destined to be awake for the rest of the day. Ugh!

I don't have much time for anything, Dear Diary, so I'm going to let you go. With the New Year coming up there's a new chapter to start, and this one to finish..... And in typical Zzorhn fashion I expect there'll be a story....

....have a great day.

OH! Get your butt to a liquor store if you need something, because "Holiday Hours" could find you wanting more when the stores are all closed. You've been warned!

Later.

December 31st
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is shining, but the air is bitter cold. Many New Year's Eve events all over Canada are being cancelled due to the mind-numbing cold we're experiencing as temperatures are about 20 degrees colder than normal all over the country.

As we head into a new year, it's fairly typical to review your life and what direction it is heading. This is healthy for many reasons, and so it is that I feel it only appropriate to write a review of 2017.......

...........As many of my avid readers know, I have been taking a hiatus on writing. There are a few reasons for this.... My art, as well, has stopped entirely. As I end 2017 my life is in limbo, and much of what I took pleasure in has become bittersweet.

I've lost and gained fans. At the end of 2017 I reached an all time record of 50,000 views on my website! Goals I never once even considered are now being smashed. Goals I've always dreamed of have been crushed.

It's been quite a year!

I started out the year in Victoria Park. At exactly midnight I kissed my girlfreind and sang along with thousands to usher in the new year as fireworks exploded overhead. I thought I was on top of the world at that moment; a family and a home, who could have asked for more?

By the end of January things had taken a completely different turn. Most of the month of February was stressful as I moved my things out of my girlfriend's house, and voluntarily surrendered myself to a homeless shelter. For a month I was living day-to-day, wandering the streets of London with only the Salvation Army homeless shelter to return to at night.

The beginning of March I moved back into the housing complex I originally started from. In fact, I moved back into my original room! During this time I took to crafting and writing with a vengaence, determined to make some extra money to help me pay some of my medical costs.

I took my girlfreind back in the Spring. This time, however, I decided to NOT move in again, but rather, kept most of my stuff at the housing complex. It was at this time that we decided to rescue two iguanas that were in dire need of medical attentiopn due to neglect.

On July 1st I participated in Canada Day by crafting a 6 ½' pinata. The red dragon was filled with over $70 of candy, and all the neighbourhood children lines up to have a crack at it. I have to say this was my most intricate and biggest paper mache project I have done to date, and I am very proud of the way it turned out.

By August I was living with my girlfreind full-time, but still paying rent at the housing complex. It turns out this forsight was indeed a good thing....

...on September 20th I was involved in a heated argument with my girlfreind and one of her buddies. The details of this are cronicled in the “Obscure Arcanum”, so I won't bother describing it here. I WAS dragged from her apartment by heavily-armed Police and spent the night in jail, charged with assault. The fact I HAD my own place to stay was the only reason I was allowed to be released, but with conditions.

It was at that time that I lost my talent agent.

Forced to move back to a place that filled with various stressful situations, I was faced with the realization that the money spent on chasing my dreams was now quite worthless. During this period of time I reached out to a few people, but in typical fashion, everyone was too preocupied with their own lives to take the time to talk. I slipped further and further into a depressive state due to my isolationism, and subsequently chose to stop crafting and writing. I now believe this was counter-productive, as it only exerbated my stress. I unintentioally drove a few long-time friends away due to my hostile attitude, and then made excuses for my behaviour.

It takes a strong individual to admit their shortcomings.

I was wrong on many levels in 2017. however, it's very important to reflect on the things I did correctly. If I could point my finger at any one contributing issue to my problems this year, it would have to be my belief that I can solve everything. This predetermined attitude of mine is nothing new, but even after all this time I keep mistakingly beleiving that I can somehow change people, regardless of my good intentions. There has been many instances over the year involving several individuals where I tried to help them “Better themselves”, only to be met with rebuke, and in two cases, severe condemnation and punishment. I keep forgetting the first lesson in Co-Dependant's Anonymous, in which it states, “The only person you can control is yourself”. It doesn't matter how badly I want to make things better for someone else, if they do not wish to take thenecessary steps to make that change then I am going to be chastized each and every time. Not certain why I am having such a hard time learning this life lesson.

As I head into 2018 I am faced with the possibility of standing trial for a couple of assault charges, with the real threat of incarceration hanging over my head. My life-long friends I once held near-and-dear to my heart are now alienated; there are a couple of acquaintances I hope to never hear from again due to their life choices. My circle of people I keep close has nearly collapsed; I can count on one hand the amount of people I now trust in my life. The iguana I rescued is not doing well due to the health issues he previously contracted, and I am very worried about him. There are no books deals, and I have no talent agent anymore. My health is the same daily struggle, and I still haven't heard back from long-term care. My life is in limbo as I head into the new year, and many of the uncertainties hold drastic changes if they should come to pass.

One major occurance during 2017 was the awakening I had. The only way to describe this is like some invisible barrier was lifted from my mind and I could suddenly see reality in a new light. I am now seeing world events and news in an entirely different way, and it's due to this fact that I continue to record world history along with my own day-to-day events.

So I head into 2018 with more awareness than ever before, but also with severe uncertainty. This marks the first time that I have felt this way since I moved to Southern Ontario, and will admit I really don't care for this at all. I am going to be spending the upcoming year focusing on my needs and desires. My plan is to continue digesting self-help material, and use that information to suceed.

I hope everyone has a safe and HaPpy New Year's celebration. I wish you all the very best for the upcoming year! Let's all pray for an end to world hunger, war, and violence, and hope that 2018 will be the year that humanity strives for real change.

See you in 2018!

THIS MARKS THE END OF CHAPTER SIXTEEN. IF YOU WISH TO CONTINUE READING MY STORY, PLEASE TURN TO CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.

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