Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Twenty

A DIARY (also called a journal) is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. A personal diary may include a person's experiences, and/or thoughts or feelings, including comment on current events outside the writer's direct experience. Someone who keeps a diary is known as a diarist.

Is this your first time here? It's always best to start at the beginning.

Essentially, this whole blog is one big online diary; from my earliest attempts to share my thoughts with the world, to short stories and poems, full length novels, and a few different types of journals, I have been documenting my life and the world I live in, since 2006. The "Turn the Page" series explained how I came to live in Southern Ontario, and an earlier journal entitled, "Between the Bars of a Jail Cell" was not only my debut to diary keeping, but also a great way to burn away the time I spent incarcerated for crimes I didn't commit. "Fire-bombed" explains how I became homeless three times in a month-and-a-half.

That's what this all is; a record keeping process that keeps me grounded. As I read through my work I can get a better sense of who I am as an individual and how my life is evolving, and that's a very helpful tool indeed! Through my words I can get a clear sense of my mindset, emotional state, and focus. It's easy to see when there are dark times in my life, and you can definitely tell when things are going well.

Just a quick note regarding my integrity in this journal;

A) Once something is written / posted, I will not delete it or try to fix it in some way. I feel strongly about this, because it's usually during the times of extreme duress and frustration that I expose my raw emotions the most. Once my work has been witnessed by others, it would be akin to online trolling using a "Bait and Switch" tactic if I were to post something untrue or even libel and then erase it. Regardless of the legality of the situation, and / or the current punishment for posting any such information, there's my own personal integrity to take into consideration. I set the bar high for myself in all things, and my diary is to remain as unmodified as absolutely possible for prosperity sake. (To date there have been only three times I have deleted / switched content in my journals - They were done for extreme reasons)

2) I will not use names in my entries without asking first. Events and / or details can be used, however, any mention of names will be done only with verbal permission.

D) I don't write about every single little thing that I do. This is due to the simplistic fact that I'm certain most people don't care about all the mundane aspects of my life. On the flip side, I don't give away all my secrets...

......Which has come back to bite me in the past.

So as long as you understand how this works we should have a good time! You are welcome to email me or even text.  If you want to you can always look me up on social media.

Not every chapter in your life will be happy. As you read through the different chapters in my life, you can tell the times I am struggling and the times I'm happy......

.......We all make mistakes in life. As I grow and learn, there are going to be moments where I feel weak, just as there are going to be wonderfully grandiose moments. Due to my drive to become a better individual, these mere diary entries become a success story detailing the hardships and triumphs along the way.

This is my success story.

One thing I have noticed about the Obscure Arcanum series is that over time I am beginning to make more references to worldly issues. This is being done for two main reasons. The first reason why I am mentioning more politics is because I believe we are living in a transitional era of humanity, and the second reason I am making references to worldly issues is due to my desire to bring the truth to others who may not have the ability to see past the propaganda and rhetoric of mainstream media. From climate change to proxy wars and the subsequent mass illegal-immigration, this planet is being changed before my very eyes, and I believe that as a journalist and author it is my duty to record these occurrences.

This is Chapter Twenty of the Arcanum series!

Where do I start?

A) I am in a relationship with a woman named Tina. I'm very happy.

2) I have severe arthritis in two spots of my lower back and the nerves to my legs are being pinched. This means daily pain plus my mobility is still limited. I now use a cane to walk any distance. I still have abdominal issues; it's been 12 years since I first took ill.

D) I take medication daily for pain.

It's Spring of 2019 as I write the newest Chapter. My world has completely changed, so it only seemed fitting to start a new one. Who knows where life will take me?

Zzorhn

May 8th, 2019
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is shining, but don't let that fool you as the wind is brisk and quite chilly.

The last couple of days have been a grab-bag of mixed weather.

The family and I thoroughly enjoyed ourselves at Odessa Park on Sunday. The kidlets are eager to return, as am I.

Speaking of kidlets, I was awoken this morning to the two of them tickling me and giggling. Today marks the first morning in a couple of weeks that I slept in. My wake-up call by the children was at 7 AM, which may sound early, but when compared against my usual wake-up time lately between 5:30 and 6 AM it seems like sleeping in.

Yea, my life is very busy now with the addition of two children and a loving woman. In a very short time they have become my family. I find myself so busy that I don't have time for myself to do the things I normally did, like scroll Facebook, analyze news, and even make regular, routine diary entries. Twice now I have started an entry only to be called away and ended up simply closing the diary without saving the few words I had typed.

There are a few who have cautioned me against moving so quickly with Tina. While it's true that we DID move forward in our relationship rather quickly there were some factors that came into play that greatly influenced everything. One of the biggest reasons for me to make a decision so quickly and decisively was due to the factor that children were involved; I've always claimed that IF you choose to date a single mother you are actually dating her children as well, and consequently, any negative actions have an effect on the children. So, the two of us skipped past a few normal dates and mutually chose to accept things for what they are.

It's very safe to say that I have learned quite a bit about women over the course of four decades. If anything I've learned patience and try to be as understanding as possible. Perhaps it's because I tend to look at romantic partners in the way I would want the man dating my oldest daughter to treat her. Every woman is essentially someone's little girl with her own hopes and dreams, thoughts and feelings, and they should be treated with the same love and devotion one would treat their own daughters.

When raising daughters, the role of any dad is to become the type of man they would want to see dating their little girl. (They grow up SO fast!!)

Speaking of which............. I am proud to announce that my oldest daughter has just declared that she and her boyfriend are now engaged to be married. I can only hope that the two of them find the strength and love they will need to work together through the challenges of life!

This also means I may be soon blessed with Grand-babies! The though thrills me.

That's what marriage is for; a legal contract to raise a family. I'm not jumping the gun by stating that I expect grand-babies soon by this choice they have made, as it is only a logical step in a young adult's life.

I have a few things to do today. While I might be living with Tina, I still have my own apartment for legality reasons. I do, however, feel split between the two houses and require more of my belongings to do my artwork and such. So it is that Tina and I are heading over in her truck to retrieve more of my stuff.

Hephaestusamazilion is doing extremely well! He loves his new kidlets and basks in all the attention they dote upon him.

I gotta jet! I've got places to see and people to do. Hope you have a great day! Talk soon!

May 16th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is shining for the first time in days; London, Ontario has been inundated with cold, damp weather for so long I forget what normal weather feels like.

Quite a bit has occurred in the last couple of days. For starters, Tina and I rescued a small dog. It was underfed, covered in matted hair, and was near death. We took it in and nursed it back to health. HOWEVER, yesterday a woman from across the complex where Tina lives mistakenly took the little dog as hers (Which we knew it wasn't). According to the neighbours, Evelyn is a well-known trouble-maker in the community, and has been arrested previously for violence. To make a long story short, Evelyn snatched the dog from Tina's arms, and then proceeded to run back to her apartment.....

.....I caught up with her. Like, how dare this woman steal our dog? And, so brazenly too!

I reached for the dog and got punched in the side of the head by Evelyn. Instinctively I threw her to the ground using a controlled Judo throw. My only concern was for the dog, so as Evelyn continued to hit me over and over again I simply wrestled the poor creature from her arms.

She threatened to call the Police, claiming I assaulted her. Tina beat her to the punch, because she was already on the telephone with the Police by the time I arrived back with the dog cradled in my arms.

The Police arrived, took our statements, and then went around the complex to determine the truth of the matter. Evelyn claimed she didn't hit me, and that I struck her. A neighbour claimed I threw her to the ground, but didn't see Evelyn hitting me.......

.....and, the original owner, the one that abandoned the poor dog to the extreme elements, claimed that the dog was indeed hers. It is my firm belief that she did this only out of fear of being prosecuted for animal abuse. Regardless, the Police came back to us and took the dog away and returned it to the original, abusive owner.

That poor little animal. I can't imagine what he must be feeling right now.

Evelyn wasn't charged for anything. Just more proof that the laws are bias when it comes to women abusing men.

Speaking of which, today is my final day of "Changing Ways"; the domestic abuse program I chose to enroll myself in. I still firmly believe that the Canadian courts created this gender-bias. Men are currently under attack by modern-feminism, and I predict it will get much worse before it gets better. Regardless, I am expected to say a few words at the conclusion of today's meeting being as that it's my final one I need to attend.

SO............ I wrote a small speech to deliver as my closing remarks.

"Ladies and potential rapists.

I'd like to thank the Norwegian Nobel Peace Committee for their nomination......

....Oh! Wait! That's the wrong speech! [Shuffle cue cards]

Changing Ways. It's an informative, helpful, relationship course. While it's true there is a level of resentment for many of its participants, this is due to several key aspects, notably, the major double-standard when it applies to gender. Not to mention that nearly every one of the participants of Changing Ways undertake the course due to a Canadian court ruling.

Being as the program itself adheres to these sexist ideals, Changing Ways is fundamentally flawed. However, the content provided by Changing Ways is invaluable! I personally believe that gender-neutral classes based on the sociological aspects of Changing Ways should be offered in High School as a required course. I verily believe that Canadians would be better prepared for future relationships if such classes were offered. Because, let's face it, there's no real information on healthy relationships in today's society. In fact, much of what we see on social media and various forms of entertainment merely enforce these bias ideals of unhealthy relationships, viewing intimate relationships as disposable as a plastic razor; once the relationship becomes dull most just throw it away and get another one. It also cements the ideology that women are allowed to physically hit men, but men can never hit a woman.

We're all here because we've made a mistake based on societal norms that are bias and contradictory. We're not the exception, but rather, average. The only difference between the men in this class and the men who are not forced by Canadian courts to attend Changing Ways or other similar programs? We got caught.

It's not all negative; I've actually enjoyed the last twelve weeks, and even looked forward to each class I attended. Perhaps this is is due to my desire to become a better individual and a better man. Perhaps it's due to the classmates I've grown to respect during our sessions; our group interactions were indeed enjoyable. Maybe it's the way our teacher lead the class and took the time to make this personal and relatable. I can honestly claim that I was impressed by the leadership and teaching skills of Louisa, and found her professionalism to be refreshing. After all, some of the content she provided must have been difficult to present given the circumstances. I was also impressed by the mannerisms in which our instructor challenged me; standing her ground on contentious issues, and never resorting to personal attacks or propaganda.

What did I learn? Much of the content was already known to me, and in fact I could take the classes one step further and talk about "The Law of Attraction", and how energy influences us as much as gravity. Being as my sociological studies have included The Law of Attraction I understand how this applies to the information being offered in the Changing Ways program. However, the course was a good refresher for me, and offered me some new insights into healthy relationships.

In the end that's what we all want; a healthy relationship. Humans are social creatures by nature, and we crave emotional and physical intimacy. It is my sincere hope that society will eventually adopt a gender-neutral ideology and even go so far as to draft some sort of legislation that would have relationship courses as mandatory for all young, impressionable Canadians.

I've enjoyed the time I have spent with you all. I sincerely wish you all the very best of luck in the future, and hopefully none of us ever have to undertake such a course again!

Thank you."

Well, I have to go jump in the shower and shave up before my last meeting. I'll talk to you very soon, Dear Diary. Hope you have a wonderful day!

May 17th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is shining and there's a fresh breeze prompting me to cast open the windows to air out the house. Looks to be a nice day so far.

My meeting yesterday went well. The speech I delivered was met with enthusiastic applause by the group. I can honestly say I'll miss our weekly meetings.

Looks like I need to find another outlet for outings.

Speaking of activities, I fully plan on being as active as I can at Belgareth AKA Medieval Combat. The kidlets love it, and it's a wonderfully healthy activity..... When my health allows it.

Hephaestusamazilion is doing great! He's perky and looking health from all the fresh dandelion greens and his time spent basking in real sunlight.

Changing the topic, my daughter is engaged to be married. I couldn't be happier for her or more proud of her accomplishments in life! This major decision holds much more for my baby girl than she currently knows, but like everything else in life she will only learn with time and experience. I really do wish her fiance and her all the best in their upcoming nuptials and the rest of their married life! However, since my daughter is getting married, I believe it's probably time to have "The Talk" with her........

......No! Not "THE Talk" about birds and bees.... I'm very certain she knows ALL about that. I'm speaking of "The Talk" where I explain what being married really is.

Love is wonderful! It's the very fabric that holds human social structures together, binds relationships, and affords creativity while fueling goals and dreams. It's not an emotion, nor is it tangible. We can feel passion and desire, but those feelings can dissipate. Humans can fall into a relationship with intense passion only to have time, unfortunate circumstances, and negativity erode that passion. In some cases, negativity under the pretense of love can destroy it. Insomuch, love can be fleeting, fickle, and even blind.

Life isn't kind. We are born into this world naked and helpless. It's only through time and making mistakes that we learn. Sometimes our life lessons are harsh and leave scars on our souls, but in many cases life is a wonderful journey. Humans are born curious about their world, and as a nurturing species we crave intimacy. Having family in our lives is one of the most important goals for people as having someone you can trust intimately is a rare thing to find. In most cases family are the ones who fit  this role of social intimacy, our siblings and parents are usually the people that know us best. And, as is the case, family are the ones who can hurt us the most.

Getting married is choosing a family, spirituality, genetic future, and trustworthy intimacy, but it's also choosing potential heartache and pain.

Every choice we make in life is a gamble. Some you win, some you lose, but the most important thing to remember is that win or lose it's how you conduct yourself that really matters! One of the best pieces of advice I could give anyone is to always be who they want to be, and always carry yourself with pride regardless of what life throws at you.

"The Talk" includes many aspects of life that should be explained before someone chooses a life partner and signs a legal marriage contract. Some factors include honour; both personal honour and family honour. Another major factor is self love. I've always stated that people are incapable of loving someone else if they do not love themselves. When it comes to family I would suggest that instead of viewing the children produced as "The Kids", but rather see them as tiny individuals with personalities, personal desire, and are just as prone to negativity as the adults in the home. When it comes to health and home I suggest logical gender roles, as we are who we are, so why fight nature? Be true to each other in ALL ways, and that means even when it's something that is tempting beyond measure; if it's real love there's no temptation on the planet that can destroy the fabric of a marriage vow! Putting yourself first is another big factor I would like to impart, for it is only by putting yourself first over others that you can be the very best YOU in life. The only way to balance a happy, healthy home in life is to be honest, true, loyal, loving, dedicated, and realize that everything in life is fleeting..... So, it's best to enjoy life to the fullest in all things when you can, because moments in time will never come again. Marriage is not something that just happens; the wedding day is simply a day, and albeit one of great importance, it is only the BEGINNING of a couple's relationship, and it TAKES WORK each and every single day to make the marriage last. Each day should be treated as special as the day a couple takes their vows, and forgetting this very important fact is the biggest reason most couples drift apart. A marriage takes dedication and working hand-in-hand to make it work. Marriage is NOT 50% - 50% like most people claim, but rather, 100% - 100%. It's only when both individuals in the marriage work together at their very best does a relationship last to the "Until death" part. I would conclude "The Talk" by explaining that as humans grow older their health degenerates, they decay and wither away, and eventually die. To love someone means to know there is an ultimate end to the relationship, and that bitter pain and anguish veritably await. But! To know love is the only way a human being can truly live. To know intimacy with a life partner is one of the most greatest joys in life, and it is something that should be cherished.

There's other things I would probably tell my daughter, like health, finances, budgets, et all. Hopefully one day I get a chance to have "The Talk" with her.

Well, Dear Diary, I have to go. I have a major paper mache project that is due at the end of this weekend and there's so much left to do. I would like to spend time with Tina, and I'd love to get a chance to enjoy this sunshine. Hope you have a wonderful day, and a safe and enjoyable weekend!

May 21st
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is shining and the air feels fresh. Compared to yesterday's doom and gloom this is a welcome change. Spring keeps trying to break out in full bloom, but the cycle of cloud and cold pervades over the city of London. Each nice day is to be celebrated.

I don't have much to really say this morning. I just dropped in to say hello. Everything is great in my life, considering, so there's nothing to really report.

Have a great day, eh?!

May 30th
Good morning, Dear Diary. Weather is the same; a smattering of sunshine with the rest consisting of cold and pervading dampness. Thundershowers keep rolling though the city. The sky seems to be perpetually overcast.

Much has occurred since the last time we spoke, Dear Diary. Please forgive my long lapse in writing, but there are a few reasons why I haven't taken the time.

Firstly, there has been some high levels of drama in the household.* I've always stated that I cannot write or do art when I am not motivated, and drama completely wipes out my motivation. It's akin to attempting to create great works of art while under a slave-master's whip; I find you cannot force motivation.

On the flip side, always remember.... You cannot force motivation upon yourself, but you CAN fake it. Oddly, if you pretend to be motivated and act accordingly, you will find motivation thrust upon you. It's the same as sleeping; in order to fall asleep you have to pretend to be sleeping.... And the moment that sleep overcomes you is just as subtle as motivating yourself.

Second, I'm busier than a dog with a box full of bones. My responsibilities in the house are vast, and it's not always easy for me to sit down and work.

Thirdly, I'm often interrupted. This is nothing new as I have "Worked" from home for over a decade now. Since I took sick in 2007 and was unable to hold a full-time job by 2009, I have done what I could, when I could, just to make enough money to get by. The term "Starving artist" does indeed apply. Regardless, it doesn't matter if it's a roommate or an intimate partner, I am often interrupted as my location doesn't change at all between the times I'm working and when I am "Playing". What I need to do is make a red light I can switch on during the times I'm "Working" to let others know... Maybe an "In recording" sign or something. I'm sure you get the picture.

Fourth. I'm not disciplined like I used to be. Lately I have been contenting myself to watching a veritable ton of documentaries, political and psychological podcasts, news, and various forms of entertainment. While I'm not playing very many video games or debating online (Or even trolling) my computer is always in use in some form or fashion. What I need to do is develop a routine for myself and stick to a schedule... Something balanced between household duties, art, and writing.

Fifth-est, My meds help me immensely with pain and the depression that comes with chronic pain, however, they also knock me on my ars; I feel groggy much of the time and often need naps.

Six.... Meds, again. My drive and motivation are thwarted by the fact my anti-depressants make me less passionate; it makes me less passionately angry or depressed, but it also makes me less passionate about dreams and desires.

ANYWHO..... It's not like I'm forgetting about you, Dear Diary. For that reason I feel it necessary to catch you up on the latest occurrences in my life.

COURT IS OVER! The ongoing saga of the London judicial system is settled. My completion of the "Changing Ways" program sealed the deal with the judge. I pled guilty to cutting a cord on my ex's vacuum, and the rest of the charges were dropped....

....yes, I cut the cord on her carpet machine. She was using it at midnight and wouldn't shut it off. A quick snip with a pair of scissors put an end to that, but it cost me months of court proceedings, and now I have SIX months of probation. I also have a stipulation that I cannot contact "You know who".

Tina and I had our first fight.

* Drama - Tina opened Pandora's box by using drama on me. As I've told you before, Dear Diary, I approach drama as a contest of craziness.... One I am willing to win at all costs. So......

.....we fired a few broadsides at each other, and both realized that this relationship was not like any we've ever had before, and the tactics used in previous relationships simply wouldn't work in this one. Rather than weaken us, the argument cemented our resolve to each other and exposed our true selves in all its glory and shame.

The honeymoon is over, but that's not a bad thing; rather than being blinded by love and physical intimacy, we've moved into the phase of realism and acceptance. Scientists have proven the effects and phases of love in human relationships, and their conclusions are all the same; the honeymoon phase is only temporary and is usually based on the reality of the situation. IF a couple were financially secure and jet-setting around the globe with their new lover, it may take some time before the honeymoon phase wears off. For those that find themselves in less-than-stable conditions or living pay-check to pay-check, the honeymoon phase is much shorter. HOWEVER, there are some couples who never get over the honeymoon phase. There are also some couples who never experience such as sensation due to circumstance. Every relationship is different, and so is the length of time a particular phase lasts in a couple's relationship.

I gotta jet. Tina needs me, and I have quite a few things to do today. I'll talk to you soon, Dear Diary... I promise.

June 3rd
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is shining, but the air is chilly. The weather has been more of the same; rain, clouds, cold, thundershowers, with a smattering of sunshine.

It's Monday morning. Tina is out running errands and the kidlets are in school. I have the house to myself. Oddly, I'm still wearing headphones and the house is quiet enough to hear a pin drop; one might think that if I had the house to myself I would be tempted to crank up the music...... On the new television.....

......I've never owned a large flat-screen television. The monitor I use is the biggest flat screen I've had the pleasure of utilizing for work and pleasure, and the concept of owning one of those massive flat screen televisions seemed foreign. I remember reading Bradbury's "Fahrenheit 451" and loved the idea of the technology capable of turning whole walls into a television, and then I saw a few movies with the same concept and felt the exact same way; it's a science-fiction, technological marvel that I'll never own......

.....Tina bought one. The television takes up most of the wall. The picture is crystal clear, and the sound rivals a movie theater. I can now watch television like a boss.

Wait! With no one in the house, why am I wearing headphones and not testing out the volume on the new tv?! Be right back......

.......I also have to bake bread, buns, and cookies. My end goal today is to get some sewing done on the kidlet's medieval combat outfits.

Guess I should go. I have a full day ahead of me, and sitting here isn't getting anything accomplished. I hope you have a wonderful day and a great week!

June 7th
Good evening, Dear Dairy. The weather today was absolutely fantastic!! The sun shone, the air was sweet and fresh, and I got a chance to take Hephaestusamazilion outside for a walk.

I wish I could say things are well, but that would be a complete lie......

.....I'm back at my apartment.

Tina and I have decided to separate. It was not some massive blow-up or drastic disaster that caused this change, but rather, a mutual decision to split. We both want friendship, but only time will tell if that comes true.

I've spent the entire day getting my room set back up. Yesterday I spent my time moving all my stuff back. Even Heffy had to be moved.

I set up the iggy enclosure a little different. It's coming up on Summer and I won't need to keep Hephaestustamazilion protected from the elements like I have to in the colder months. He's really enjoying his little roost.... I'm sure pictures will follow.

As I stated, I took my iguana to the park. He's so tame!! The little fella passes by trees as he walks at my side. Children rush to him and he soaks up the pets and attention. The colourful climbing gym made him pause.... Like, looked at the children climbing and screaming for joy, and watched and watched...... It makes me wonder what goes through his little lizard brain. Anyway, I couldn't be happier about my teenage iguana. I expect him to grow into a wonderfully-intelligent, calm, gentle soul even as a full-grown adult.

I'm going to start another chapter; it only makes sense as I'm moving into another new chapter in my life....... Herein lies the end of chapter twenty. I'll talk to you in chapter twenty-one.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

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