Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Twenty Two

A DIARY (also called a journal) is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. A personal diary may include a person's experiences, and/or thoughts or feelings, including comment on current events outside the writer's direct experience. Someone who keeps a diary is known as a diarist.


Is this your first time here? It's always best to start at the beginning.
Essentially this whole blog is one big online diary; from my earliest attempts to share my thoughts with the world, to short stories and poems, full length novels, and a few different types of journals, I have been documenting my life and the world I live in since 2006. The "Turn the Page" series explained how I came to live in Southern Ontario, and an earlier journal entitled, "Between the Bars of a Jail Cell" was not only my debut to diary keeping, but also a great way to burn away the time I spent incarcerated for crimes I didn't commit. "Fire-bombed" explains how I became homeless three times in a month-and-a-half.

That's what this all is; a record keeping process that keeps me grounded. As I read through my work I can get a better sense of who I am as an individual and how my life is evolving, and that's a very helpful tool indeed! Through my words I can get a clear sense of my mindset, emotional state, and focus. It's easy to see when there are dark times in my life, and you can definitely tell when things are going well.

Just a quick note regarding my integrity in this journal;

A) Once something is written / posted, I will not delete it or try to fix it in some way. I feel strongly about this, because it's usually during the times of extreme duress and frustration that I expose my raw emotions the most. Once my work has been witnessed by others, it would be akin to online trolling using a "Bait and Switch" tactic if I were to post something untrue or even libel and then erase it. Regardless of the legality of the situation, and / or the current punishment for posting any such information, there's my own personal integrity to take into consideration. I set the bar high for myself in all things, and my diary is to remain as unmodified as absolutely possible for prosperity sake. (To date there have been only four times I have deleted / switched content in my journals - They were done for extreme reasons)

2) I will not use names in my entries without asking first. Events and / or details can be used, however, any mention of names will be done only with verbal permission.

D) I don't write about every single little thing that I do. This is due to the simplistic fact that I'm certain most people don't care about all the mundane aspects of my life. On the flip side, I don't give away all my secrets...

......Which has come back to bite me in the past.

So as long as you understand how this works we should have a good time! You are welcome to email me or even text.  If you want to you can always look me up on social media; I'm the only Zzorhn on the whole planet so I should be easy to find.

Not every chapter in your life will be happy. As you read through the different chapters in my life, you can tell the times I am struggling and the times I'm happy......

.......We all make mistakes in life. As I grow and learn, there are going to be moments where I feel weak, just as there are going to be wonderfully grandiose moments. Due to my drive to become a better individual, these mere diary entries become a success story detailing the hardships and triumphs along the way.

This is my success story.

One thing I have noticed about the Obscure Arcanum series is that over time I am beginning to make more references to worldly issues. This is being done for two main reasons. The first reason why I am mentioning more politics is because I believe we are living in a transitional era of humanity, and the second reason I am making references to worldly issues is due to my desire to bring the truth to others who may not have the ability to see past the propaganda and rhetoric of mainstream media. From climate change to proxy wars and the subsequent mass illegal-immigration, this planet is being changed before my very eyes, and I believe that as a journalist and author it is my duty to record these occurrences.

Welcome to Chapter Twenty Two of the Arcanum series!

Where do I start?

A) Tina and I have reconciled. I'm now living with Tina and her brood.

2) I have severe arthritis in two spots of my lower back and the nerves to my legs are being pinched. This means daily pain plus my mobility is still limited. I now use a cane to walk any distance. I still have abdominal issues; it's been 13 years since I first took ill.

D) I take medication daily for pain. My list of medications keeps increasing as the years pass by.

I realize that a WHOLE SUMMER has passed since I last made a diary entry. Some of this is due to being in a negative temperament due to instability in my life, part was caused from being super-duper-busy, and a tiny portion was due to moving back and forth..... Like, 3 times! This is where the instability comes in..... As I always say, you can't create art in a hurricane. In my case, this includes writing.

My Dearest Diary, I have a major confession to make; I wasn't able to completely hold myself together this Summer. Don't worry, I didn't break any laws, but I did kinda lose my proverbial fecal matter a couple of times. I could blame it on the situation, or the one time that I was without medication, but these are just excuses... In the end, everything I do and say comes down to me. The situation and hyperbole "Lack of meds" are legitimate excuses to be stressed out, but they don't define WHO you are.....

....it's how you handle yourself DURING that moment in time, as well as, the aftermath that follows really counts in the end. We're not judged by the influential factors around us, but how we act.

I'm still learning that particular life lesson. It seems to be the most difficult one to master for me.

P.S. I'm getting more skilled at detecting and controlling energy. Perhaps someday I'll explain this in detail, but if you understand the "Law of Attraction", then you are also open to such latent talents.

Zzorhn

September 4th, 2019
The Summer, for the most part, was extremely enjoyable. There was many moments where I took Hephaestusamazilion for walks to the park. I did some biking, some hiking, attended house parties.....

.....but, I also ended up moving a grand total of THREE times back and forth from Tina's house to my apartment. Why!? Oh......... Let's just sway that jealousy, pettiness, and greed all played a part. Just so we're clear, Dear Diary, Tina and I were NOT the reason for the break-ups. That one moment where I phoned the Police? Totally legitimate! Tina WAS being held hostage and forced to say that I was the one at fault. All that ended up being fixed, but it took months to find some level of peace with everyone involved.

Oh! And, we had a child-molester arrested in the neighbourhood! What a sick bastard! I'm not going to give any details, Dear Diary, but let's just say it was disgusting and we'll leave it at that.

The kids are fine. Tina is fine. We're all a little shook up that it happened so close to home, but we're all doing ok.

So, the Summer was decent, but dotted with some extreme levels of drama.....

...I hate drama.

As for today? We'll since this is the first entry of this chapter it's going to be short. I've already spent quite a bit of time just setting up the website for yet another chapter..... Hard to believe we're at Twenty-Two, eh?!

The house is quite tidy, but there's a closet or two I want to tackle. The kidlets are back in school, and we're all now on a routine. I enjoy routines, and I also enjoy the time when I have the house to myself. With school back in, that's a win / win!

Don't get me wrong, Dear Diary; I thoroughly enjoy the time I get to spend with the children. Time alone just affords more time to write.

Speaking of which, I gotta get going. I have yet another idea for a story. This is yet another tale I have added to my work-load of what I want to get done.... Better get crackin'

September 5th
Good morning, Dear Diary! The sun is shining and the air is crisp and fresh. Looks like a decent day, weather-wise, so that's a good thing.

Our Summer wasn't that bad in retrospect. We still received more rainfall and cloud-cover than normal.

My goal today is more work on the newest children's story. Research, and story-board building are on tap for me.

Tina is doing well. Our relationship has never been stronger. Sure we had to jump through some flaming hoops to get where we are, but God never gives you more than you can handle. We survived, and are now more committed to each other than ever.

Tina and I make a good team; I'm not a very good people-person, but I can calculate and formulate ideas extremely quickly. Our individual strengths make for a strong coupling.

Our experiences in the past have also played a role in how Tina and I are so connected. We support each other in our failing health and trauma due to the opposite sex.

Changing topics......

........I have been rationalizing my experiences, as well as, my studies on the topic of physical health, the spirit, and energy. I have made several conclusions, namely;

- Energy surrounds us and is within us. Our spirit (Soul) is comprised of mostly energy, although science has proven the soul does indeed have mass.
- There are THREE STATES that define humans; strength, energy, and intelligence. These three elements define our actions, thoughts, and even personality.
- The THREE STATES never stay the same. They fluctuate based on external forces, location, temperament, and many other aspects.
- STRENGTH is defined as physical strength. It is a measurement of the level of all physical aspects pertaining to an individual; burst speed, endurance, and raw physical power. This can change at  a moments notice based on activity, sleep or lack thereof, and the body's ability to perform. Healing is also dictated by the physical condition of the individual.
- Energy references the natural energy within and around us. Energy comes in a variety of forms; light, spiritual, radiation, etc. For more information on spiritual energy I suggest researching the "Law of Attraction", as well as, other texts related to the hidden mysteries of humankind. As humans, we can sense energy, as well as, direct energy. Most don't know this and blunder through life unaware of their impact due to untrained energy being thrown around like volatile cocktails, blaming others and their surroundings for their misfortune and temperament. The fact remains that the "Law of Attraction" and the "Law of Gravity" are very similar; you don't have to understand it to feel its effects. Given practice and time an individual can become extremely attuned to natural energy and the energy of others, as well as, being able to manipulate and direct energy.
- INTELLIGENCE is a measure of the ability to cognitively rationalize data. Every single millisecond of our lives contain data that our brains processes. The state of intelligence can fluctuate due to external forces, and is also dictated by genetics.

All three aspects intermingle with the others and affect each other accordingly. The raw, physical stuff from long-dead supernovas that make up our bodies can be impacted by the "Law of Attraction", whereas, if a person is constantly negative they can actually make themselves physically sick. An intelligent person who constantly views the world through a sarcastic and critical lens will find themselves isolated and both their physicality and energy levels will be dictated by their brain's processing power.

Everything is balanced between these three states. Everything that surrounds us is in balance. It's when we fall out of balance with our surroundings and ourselves that problems arise.

Ever notice that some mornings you can wake up feeling drained, but fully alert? Like the whole day is one big drag and you feel like you are over analyzing everything? Well, that morning you woke up in a state where the physical and energetic state were at a low, while the intelligence levels were high. Some days you can be physically strong, but feel brain-dead. During moments of confrontation our energy levels spike and we are suddenly capable of great feats of speed, strength, and are even more attuned to the "Law of Attraction", but intelligence is quite often replaced by instinctual "Flight or fight". The three states can vary each day, and even change over the course of the day.

Never stop learning, I always say. Challenge yourself to new ideas, and open you mind to new possibilities. Only then can an individual find enlightenment and peace within themselves.

It's human nature to want to be productive. Just remember that if one of the three states is impacted, you can directly influence the other two to rise above any shortcomings.

As we age our physical strength ebbs while our intelligence increases. Energy is not affected by age.

On a personal note, I believe they REALLY need to teach the "Law of Attraction" in schools!

Welp....... It's getting along in the morning. I need to go and feed the iggies and tidy up the house a bit. As I claimed earlier, I have a few things I want to do today.

Hope you have a great day! And in the famous words of Red Green, "Keep your stick on the ice".

September 6th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is rising into a clear, bluer sky, and temperatures are fairly decent.

It's Friday. This means the kidlets will be home for a couple days, and I'll be busy. I still have a few closets to clean, and I  keep vowing to one day tackle the basement.

Not much to report, which is a good thing in retrospect. I DID get a question from a friend about the second iguana..... My ex gave me Konika. Right now I have two iguanas, but we're really only lizard-sitting... Not sure how long we'll keep the second iguana.

Anywho... I'll let you go. Hope you have a great weekend!

September 12th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's raining, and has been for the last couple of days. Sunshine is once again in short supply.

It's Thursday, and I have nothing really important to do. Hopefully I can get some work done....

......as for "Not getting things done"? Oh well! I'm happy to be busy and taking care of my family. So I'm not writing like I used to.... I also didn't have responsibilities that come with having a family when I was writing full-time.

Yes, it's true that I'm a care-taker to Tina; she has health issues, and I spend many hours each day ensuring she's content and able to do what she wants. I really love her.

Tina has told me that I was much too vague on my description of the issues the two of us suffered. She believes that this information is exactly the type of material that should be presented in my diary. As per her request.............

.........Tina and I met on April 19th, 2019. In that time we broke up THREE TIMES. The first time was due to direct interference from her ex; Steve took it upon himself to go to housing and report me. He believed that his actions were protecting the children, when in fact, it was mere jealousy that motivated him. The second time was because Steve threatened to report my iguana, Hephaestusamazilion, because iguanas actually break the London city bylaws... Which I didn't know..... And don't understand as to why lizards over 12 inches are banned. Anyway, Tina and I broke up to protect Heffy. Steve then admitted he actually didn't phone anyone, and that he was being jealous again..... Well, he didn't use THOSE words, but we all knew what his real motivations were.  Steve THEN went and found another man to move into Tina's house to Help her" with the intentions of having Tina and this other man potentially fall in love. To make a a long story short, Steve told two other people about his plan, and ended up getting caught; Steve KNEW the other guy was a pedophile, and knowingly put that man into a house with his two daughters with the hope that Tina would accept this other guy and then Steve could phone Children's Aid claiming Tina has a dangerous criminal and sexual predator in the home.... I'm not making this up, Dear Diary..... Like, real sick, twisted shit. It was at this time that Steve was directly controlling Tina, and making me out to appear as if I was a stalker. (If you don't remember THAT moment, go back and read the end of Chapter 21) The THIRD ( And latest) time we split was due to a big fight between Tina and myself. Yup! The third one was actually OUR fault. I left the house with barely nothing, and ended up having a serious moment....

....I planned to kill myself.

Not exactly a shining moment in my life. As I've stated before, Dear Diary, I have mental issues, specifically, depression.

I was serious in my attempt; I had everything I needed, and was calling and messaging my family to let them know of my intentions. The fact remains, I WAS off my medication.

What stopped me? My sister told me she was going to pray for me. Not sure what happened in that moment, but I suddenly didn't have the drive to go through with my plan anymore......

.....I think that was evident when I started walking toward the homeless shelter. Once there, I threw away all my plans and surrendered myself to Police and the shelter's administration. They got me some assistance, and well.... Here I am.

Tina and I have made a resolution to never allow anything to interfere with us anymore. If you want to call it taking vows, then so be it. I have vowed my life to Tina, and as far as I'm concerned we're married, just not on paper.

I'm proud to say that I'm doing much better, and that Tina and I are doing wonderfully!

Time indeed heals and fixes things. Even though it seems like the hardest thing to do in life, the best thing to do in most situations is to simply wait it out.

Anywho... What's on tap for today? I have a phone call to make, some cleaning to do, and hopefully I can work on my latest children's book. Guess what see what today brings as it unfolds, eh?

Hope you have a great day! Try not to get too worked up about being body-checked into the corner by life....... Just take things in stride, and wait it out..... Trust me.

September 20th
It's 6 PM as I sit here and type. I'm not in a good frame of mind, Dear Diary, and haven't been for quite some time.

I guess it's time to come clean.....

........I've stopped writing. I've thrown out ALL my paper mache artwork. I don't craft or model. Each day is spent merely struggling to please everyone else around me.

It's been this way for a long time!

The fact remains I didn't do a damned creative thing when I was with the last woman. For proof merely go back and read previous chapters where I explain this all in great detail.

I have been SO BROKEN by women that I struggle to maintain a healthy relationship due to severe depression, anxiety, and numerous flash-points that trigger me. I've been beaten, screamed at, threatened, broken down to the point of feeling worthless, and my heart ripped to shreds by infidelity and the intervention of law enforcement coupled with a corrupt, sexually-bias judicial system.

Today is not a good day. No details, Dear Diary, but I'll state that I cannot do a damned thing correctly if my life depended on it.

Gawd, I feel like a piece of shit!

My desk is cluttered; a reflection of my mind.

No one takes responsibility for their words and deeds in London. This is something I've noticed since I moved here. It's lie, deny, and find a scapegoat while playing victim. This applies to both sexes. Is it the city life? Or specific to London, Ontario? Don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, you can see this kind of behaviour reflected in our cancel culture where everyone is oppressed and a victim of some sort, thereby granting them some sort of special immunity status.

People get away with bullshit that would land me in major trouble on consistent basis. This bias pisses me off to no end! I really don't get this phenomenon! Why am I always the target and others get away with their crap?!?

Anyway, I've stopped writing. This entry is merely to let you know that I'm not well and I struggle to find joy in things that once brought me fulfillment. Who knows when my next entry may be.

Hope your day is better than mine.

P.S. I gave away Frank. You remember the little "Lucky Bamboo" tree I bought for $1.25 and claimed it was my representation of putting down roots in London? Do you remember how proud I was with each new shoot that sprung forth, indicating that my life in London was not only taking root but growing by leaps and bounds? Yea?! Well.... Frank's gone. I gave him away.

Oh, and Konika died.

Toodles.

[TO BE CONTINUED... Maybe.......]

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