Obscure Arcanum - Chapter Nineteen

A DIARY (also called a journal) is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. A personal diary may include a person's experiences, and/or thoughts or feelings, including comment on current events outside the writer's direct experience. Someone who keeps a diary is known as a diarist.

Is this your first time here? It's always best to start at the beginning.
Technically this whole blog is one big online diary; from my earliest attempts to share my thoughts with the world, to short stories and poems, full length novels, and a few different types of journals, I have been documenting my life and the world I live in, since 2006. The "Turn the Page" series explained how I came to live in Southern Ontario, and an earlier journal entitled, "Between the Bars of a Jail Cell" was not only my debut to diary keeping, but also a great way to burn away the time I spent incarcerated for crimes I didn't commit. "Fire-bombed" explains how I became homeless three times in a month-and-a-half.

That's what this all is; a record keeping process that keeps me grounded. As I read through my work I can get a better sense of who I am as an individual and how my life is evolving, and that's a very helpful tool indeed! Through my words I can get a clear sense of my mindset, emotional state, and focus. It's easy to see when there are dark times in my life, and you can definitely tell when things are going well.

Just a quick note regarding my integrity in this journal;

A) Once something is written / posted, I will not delete it or try to fix it in some way. I feel strongly about this, because it's usually during the times of extreme duress and frustration that I expose my raw emotions the most. Once my work has been witnessed by others, it would be akin to online trolling using a "Bait and Switch" tactic if I were to post something untrue or even libel and then erase it. Regardless of the legality of the situation, and / or the current punishment for posting any such information, there's my own personal integrity to take into consideration. I set the bar high for myself in all things, and my diary is to remain as unmodified as absolutely possible for prosperity sake. (To date there have been only three times I have deleted / switched content in my journals - They were done for extreme reasons)

2) I will not use names in my entries without asking first. Events and / or details can be used, however, any mention of names will be done only with verbal permission.

D) I don't write about every single little thing that I do. This is due to the simplistic fact that I'm certain most people don't care about all the mundane aspects of my life. On the flip side, I don't give away all my secrets...

......Which has come back to bite me in the past.

So as long as you understand how this works we should have a good time! You are welcome to email me or even text.  If you want to you can always look me up on social media.

Not every chapter in your life will be happy. As you read through the different chapters in my life, you can tell the times I am struggling and the times I'm happy......

.......We all make mistakes in life. As I grow and learn, there are going to be moments where I feel weak, just as there are going to be wonderfully grandiose moments. Due to my drive to become a better individual, these mere diary entries become a success story detailing the hardships and triumphs along the way.

This is my success story.

One thing I have noticed about the Obscure Arcanum series is that over time I am beginning to make more references to worldly issues. This is being done for two main reasons. The first reason why I am mentioning more politics is because I believe we are living in a transitional era of humanity, and the second reason I am making references to worldly issues is due to my desire to bring the truth to others who may not have the ability to see past the propaganda and rhetoric of mainstream media. From climate change to proxy wars and the subsequent mass illegal-immigration, this planet is being changed before my very eyes, and I believe that as a journalist and author it is my duty to record these occurrences.

Welcome to Chapter Nineteen!

Where do I start?

A) I'm currently single. I'm also leaning heavily towards the MGTOW movement. (Men Going Their Own Way)

2) The “slipped disk” in my back turned out to be much worse; I have severe arthritis in two spots of my lower back and the nerves to my legs are being pinched. This means daily pain plus my mobility is still limited. I now use a cane to walk any distance.

D) I'm taking medication daily.

I ended up homeless on December 4th, 2018. More to come on those details.

The weather has been the same as February 2017; you can't rub three dry days together. That's two years that London has been under a constant cloud. This is based on testimony from several others who live in the Canadian city of 380,000.

I DO have a place to live now. I took possession of my new address on February 1st, 2019. I have many stories about that two month gap in my life, but that will be written as a separate article.

Watch for the links to those two upcoming articles, as well as, other projects I publish in the near future.

My life has been irrevocably changed since the last time I wrote an entry. It would appear that I have quite a bit of work to do.


February 8th, 2019
Good morning, dear Diary. As I stated in the introduction, I have quite a bit of writing to do. As for myself? Well, the weather is continued crappy with major wind gusts... Which resulted in the neighbours three floors up to have their porch door banging wildly from the wee hours until only recently. Hephestusamazilion is still adjusting from the move, and so am I.

The two articles I mentioned are my plans for today.

Right now I have no desk to sit at and write. I'm typing with a keyboard on top of my lap. I imagine this is what "Kicking it old school" feels like..... No, wait.... For that I would need a type-writer.

I'm worried about my iguana, as it's colder than his previous home. I'm thinking about options to help winter-proof our little home.

Home.... This place still doesn't feel like it. Not only am I doing without quite a few of my personal belongings, but my heart doesn't feel right either. Toss in my roommate's cat that has already damaged a plant, strange noises and lights, and the fact I feel quite lonely, and my mood is pretty grim....

......It's taken me months to write. This is indicative of not only my physical states, but also, my state of mind.

At least I'm writing now.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is what I wanted, because right now it doesn't feel very conducive to a positive mindset.

How about I stop being so vague, and go and write the two articles? At least that way I can clear up a few details, but also try to help you, Dear Diary, understand what recently occurred to change my life so much. Perhaps the experience of writing things down will help me... I hope so....

......Short entry today, however, I'll be writing for at least a day on the two articles I plan to pen. I'll just have to talk to you tomorrow.

February 9th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The weather today is more blowing snow and freezing temperatures, but at least we're not getting the dangerous digits like Western Canada is currently receiving; with temperatures of -30 and windchill measurements of -59, the cold snap is gripping the country like a steel fist.

As you know well, Dear Diary, I like to get information from both sides of any debate, and yesterday I watched a documentary on how the changing climate on Earth can be linked to several factors. The part that stuck out the most for me was when the documentary explained how we humans are currently living in one of Earth's most quiet periods in time. The predictable weather we've come to expect is more akin to a blunder or quirk. The fact we've had no super-volcanoes blow up recently, or worse, a basalt eruption that lasts for a thousand years, is a fluke. We reside on a tiny piece of space rock hurtling through the universe in what is effectively a shooting gallery of dangerous asteroids, gamma rays, supernovas, black holes, and the odds that ewe even exist are phenomenal!

OK, so the documentary didn't say all that, but that's what my mind garnered during the program.

So, a slow Saturday..... Perhaps, but then again, I have a couple of friends claiming they want to visit. So, it's hard to say what I'll be up to,. There's a good chance I'll be doing some light cleaning before my company arrives.

Didn't get much writing done yesterday like I wanted to. I'm having difficulty putting my thoughts down exactly the way I want. This is an important assessment of my personality and judgment-making, and I not only want to document it properly, but I'm also struggling with some of my choices.

Yes, I'm being vague. You'll have to forgive me, Dear Diary, but let's just say that the main reason I'm not divulging all the details at this time is because I don't want to perform character defamation or give you the wrong impression.

What's going on in the world? Well, Justin Trudeau is currently under fire for breaking the law, but that's nothing new. Donald Trump is slowly becoming a better President; there's even talk of another peace negotiation with North Korea. Europe is tearing itself apart while aristocratic-globalists quibble about what slice of pie they get when their country lies in tatters. The Philippines is experiencing political turbulence as their President comes under fire for the way he's handling the country's drug war. Venezuela is under siege while the world is directly interfering in the hopes of uprooting the current President.....

...shame shit, different day. Let me explain... No, wait.... There is too much.. Let me sum up........*

.......The Canadian Prime Minister is once again breaking the law and denying it. The matter will disappear like all the rest of his scandals. The Donald is slipping into his shoes, and learning that he can't bully congress. Brexit is dead, and Europe has no borders.** All the Third-World countries are corrupt or they wouldn't be a Third-World country in today's modern age. USA, Canada, Russia, et all, are constantly conducting regime change; while the US is the most guilty of this, Russia comes in a close number two.

The world spins around the sun, and time goes on.

Hephestamazilion is doing better this morning. He's been sleeping in bed with me at night to keep him warm. This also helps to work on the bond we have.

I guess I should go. I've got things to see and people to do. Hope you have a wonderful Saturday!

* Yanero Montoya, in the "Princes Bride"
** You cannot have a country if you don't have defined borders.

Monday, February 11th, 2019
Good morning ladies and potential rapists.  I'm in a bit of a fighting mood today as I'm getting frustrated with not being able to acquire the rest of my belongings from She-who-shall-not-be-named.

Let's not beat around the bush; I have a restraining order that prevents me from being in the vicinity of the house in which my stuff is located, and I am not legally able to contact the individual who is waiting to have my belongings removed as soon as possible.

This all makes for a very complicated ordeal!

To break this down, I cannot contact the person where my stuff is to make arrangements of any sort. IF I wanted to go inside the premises to pack / move I would need a Police escort.... You only get one....And I burned mine on January 31st, 2019....

...UGH! What a shit-show! Seriously.

Imagine if you will, having made all the necessary arrangements to have everything accomplished in one day, only to have it completely fall apart and fizzle out? The day of the big move everything was in order; the workers were ready, the truck was rented, the two movers were strong and able.... And then, they cancelled due to weather......As it was completely crappy outside with windchill rocking negative thirties. But!! When I tried to make other arrangements the moving company won't return my texts So, no movers, no truck, no helpers, and I had to call off the Police escort.

That was my one and only chance to help get my belongings from the house.

Since that day I have sent a friend over a few times to get what he could in his car. The problem now is that everything left is too large to fit in a car..... So....

.....I've spent this morning trying to see what can be done to fix this problem. As I pen this diary entry it's nearly noon.

I forgot to give today's weather forecast. It's cold! Damned cold! Cold, so cold it freezes people to death! Toss in some irritating variable wind and a mix of rain and snow, and what you have there is a recipe to ensure the insurance companies take a hit. More clouds... Yadda, yadda.....Same old... No sun.

You'd be surprised what the sunshine can do to living creatures, including humans. From receiving vitamin D3 to lifting our spirits, the sun plays a major role in how people act, think, and most especially their mood and temperament. For example; right now everyone is gloomy and in partial-hibernation mode.

Hephestusamazilon is doing ok. Still being picky about what he eats for the moment, but this is due to the sudden change he underwent. He sleeps with me every night for warmth, but I also suspect he enjoys sinking down into the soft body-pillow I place him on. Much better than a hard bumpy branch or log, eh?

My sleep is better. That's a good thing.

My depression seems to have lifted. This weekend I tackled a few walls and even the kitchen stove. Everything is a bit dirty as the roommate I have now has limited mobility. I fully vow to do my utmost to keep our little apartment clean.

I've spoke with my new roommate about my online diary, but haven't yet got her permission to use a name.

Things are OK-ish at the new place. It would be a heck of a lot better if I had my computer desk upon which to work! It would also help to get my paints and such so I can get back to doing art to make a little money on the side.

Most importantly, I need to start working on "Debunking the CBC", and "Odin's Reprieve". These two tasks are of the utmost importance right now in my life.

Changing topics, when I was in the homeless shelter and pushing myself around with the use of a walker or cane, one of the other people staying there asked me a series of questions about my health and how it has impacted my life. Then I was asked if this impacted my faith.

I told them the story of Job from the Bible. For anyone not familiar with the story of this man just go look at the portion of the Bible labeled "Job"; start at Chapter one, Verse one.

In my use of the story of Job I explained that HAD I NOT been stricken with the physical ailments that plague my day, I would not be in the place that I was....

....back in North-Western Ontario I had two companies and tried to work a full-time job. Then, as you well know, Dear Diary, I was hit in the guts with a major medical problem, pun intended.

I ended up in London with not quite 200 pounds of belongings to my name. Heck! My mom was the one who bought me the bus ticket, even paying the overweight fee for the luggage I was toting. We both knew I had to get out of the Rainy River district, and although it hurt dearly to leave, I resettled in the city of London. Since that time I have made a life for myself and knocked more things off my bucket list than you can imagine! I've also become physically worse....

.....a recent MRI confirmed that I have a pinched nerve in my back in two places. I now take medication to keep me mobile and able to deal with the pain.

ANYWHO, since 2014 I have garnered a few more things along the way. No longer can Diane simply load up the back-end of her van, as it now takes a trailer to haul everything. I am powerless in this situation, and quite at the mercy of others.

Like Job, I have been beaten down, battered, broken, and bruised. I've been tempted, had my faith challenged in more ways than one, and lured away from the Church due to circumstance..STILL!! I have my faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Trinity!

Maybe that's why I'm in such a determined mood today; my faith in God and my friends is as strong as ever! It could also be that I am determined that I have made the right choices in my life, not to mention the fact I never would have started writing had I not become stricken with health issues,

I spoke with Diane, and we're going to somehow gitter-done. James is also willing to help out, but between the two of those individuals it might be hard to schedule anything! Both are busier than a cat trying to cover crap on a tile floor.

So, I wait.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is the place I picked to make a new home. Even with all the aged cracks in the walls, and the paint-stained carpet from sloppy work (Not me), this is the place I chose to make my fresh start. My goal should be to take this time and use it to tailor the house into a home for my iguana and I to enjoy while I wait for friends to come to my literal rescue.

I do want to address domestic abuse; both physical and emotional.

Physical abuse is easily identified by family, friends, and law enforcement. Emotional abuse is hard to see.

Emotional abuse is more damaging than physical abuse. People don't remember the wounds they received as much as they remember the trauma. Wounds heal, but trauma and broken hearts are hard to heal! Sometimes you can end up with physical scars from the damage done, but these are nothing compared to the wounds on someone's soul. Emotional abuse is longer lasting and more destructive than physical abuse.

There is a double standard between the two genders; women can be physically abusive while men cannot. Don't believe me, Dear Diary? Ever see a woman hit her man in public? On TV or the interweb? What was the reaction?! Now, let's say that a man hit that same woman in public; what kind of reaction would there be? Do you see the difference?... Double standard.

When it comes to emotional abuse, women are far more likely to commit this type of abuse on their spouse than men. When couples fight it can drag on for minutes, hours, or potentially days. Sometimes the fights can get pretty ugly. it's sad to say, but most arguments involve a major amount of emotional abuse as the couple tries to win the argument and bring it to an end. Now, a man can get mad, then go into his safe-zone (Man-cave, bar, basement, lounge, etc) crack a beer, have a smoke and a toke, and come back to his partner wanting to put the matter behind them because he'd like to have make-up sex. But!! When a woman gets mad, look out! Women can pick something they don't like and turn it into a seven-month-long hurt. Women (In my personal experience) hold a grudge like the Hoover Dam holds water. Oh! And when that damn breaks?!?1 Whoa, Nelly!! Boy, you're in for some serious guilt trips and negative connotations!! The best thing a man can do in this situation is back away slowly stating "I love you, Snookums", while tossing candy bars in your wake as you make your way to the closest establishment that sells alcohol by the pitcher......

.....if you're in trouble already, adding a few minor charges to your spouses list of things that tick them off is akin to Ontario courts; most of the silly charges will get thrown out in the end when the male makes a plea=bargain with the Crown... Errr... Wife.

In all seriousness, women commit more emotional abuse than men do. This could also be because males are too linear-minded to concentrate on more than one thing at a time, whereas women tend to multi-task in their brains.....

...seriously; go look it up if you don't believe what I just said.

70% of domestic assault incidences are initiated by women. Again, go look it up. This is an average.

Speaking of averages; in college and University rape cases, 50% are found to be bogus. In these matters there are no repercussions for the accuser (Female).

I realize I'm being vague, Dear Diary, resorting to the use of describing the possible scenarios in which domestic abuse takes place. I'm hoping that you might be able to read between the lines, as I left a trail of bread crumbs.

Moving on.

You should see my iggy; as I write this he is in what I call ""Godzilla mode".  He's moving around the room and checking everything out...... Knocking stuff over or off shelves...... "Godzilla mode", get it?

Well, I should go. Typing on my lap is difficult for me. Seems so foreign and strange. The monitor is so tiny for my eyes to read, and I have to hunch forward to make corrections.

I have a few more things to do today. Have a good one, eh?.

February 12th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's windy and snowing, mixed with freezing rain. Schools are cancelled due to the dangerous conditions London is receiving......

.....I swear, if Mother Nature gets any more bi-polar I might try and date her.

I had planned to go uptown today and get a few things done, however, those plans may have just gone the way of the dodo bird.

Maybe I'll work on some writing, but I'm just hoping the weather clears up a bit and lets me go get groceries..... I need bread.... And coffee.

My roommate's stupid cat woke me up today at 3:30 AM. I did try to go back to sleep, but to no avail. Looks like it's going to be a long day.

I'm not a big fan of cats. I think I've stated that before, eh?

I don't feel like writing at this moment, mostly because of how tired I am. Perhaps a small nap to see if I can rejuvenate my senses.

Oh! Last night I tried to tuck Hephestusamazilion into bed on his branch using a small, warm towel. Nope!! He wasn't having it, and just like a little kid the iguana fussed and farted around, refusing to go to sleep. Once he even pulled the towelette off with his hand! Eventually I went over and picked him up to sooth him, and then plopped him down on the full-body pillow on the bed. He instantly closed his eyes and snuggled into the soft pillow. I shook my head as I pulled the thick blanket over him, amazed at how spoiled the little lizard has become.......

......he wants the soft pillow.. On the bed.. Next to me.

Well, I should bugger off. I imagine the world won't stop and wait for me will it?

Hope you have a warm (and safe) day! Keep all four wheels on the road, and the shiny side up, eh?

February 13th
Good morning, Dear diary. It's snowing, windy, and the sun refuses to shine. All across Canada there are school closures due to weather; either too cold or too much snow and ice.

Hephestusamazilion is doing well. His bedtime routine is becoming structured, and I can tell he enjoys snuggling on the bed, because the moment I place him on the body pillow the little fella snuggles in and closes his eyes. What a little cutie, eh? He's so gentle! I can tell he enjoys the quiet cuddles he gets, as well as, a space where there's no competition from another iguana.

I know for a fact that when he was in the care of She-who-cannot-legally-be-named that there was no structure to his day. Just like humans, animals need routine, and do much better when they have a structure to their day.

I just finished watching the news. It's easy to see that there have been major changes to the way CBC is producing their news program. The episode for February 12th, 2019, was actually quite bi-partisan, and my intelligence wasn't insulted watching the hour-long program. Could this be caused by the pressure I've placed on them by debunking them? A few people I've talked to claim that it is entirely possible that CBC was forced to change their ways due to pressure from analysts like me. There are many people who want me to start writing again, specifically for "Debunking the CBC".

I have to wait for a desk to properly start working again. Not sure when this will occur.

With the shit-show of weather we're receiving there's not much I can do today outdoors. I imagine I'm not the only one in the city of London who feels this way. Perhaps I'll tackle some writing today, but most likely I'll do some more cleaning.

Not much else to report. The cat wasn't as bad last night, so I managed to sleep nearly the whole night without interruption. My roommate and I are getting used to living with each other; some of our interaction yesterday solidified that.

It's very quiet where I'm currently living. I'm so happy about this! True, there is a bit of noise from the busy street I live on, but I can deal with such noise pollution; it's people that I have a hard time dealing with, or rather, the unpredictability of other people that I have difficulties with......

........humans are fickle, and they are the only species of mammal that will throw their own kind under the bus to save their own skin. This is just personal observation.

I should jet. I have court tomorrow, but that's not going to be anything major. I'm representing myself, and I've already reached a plea-deal with the Crown. Now it's just a matter of going through the legal motions.

Still haven't managed to get all my belongings. Still typing with a keyboard on my lap.

Well, I hope you have a wonderful snowy, cold day. Just remember that Spring is just around the corner, and all this white crap will eventually melt. For now, just keep your stick on the ice.... Talk soon.

February 16th
Good morning, Dear Diary. It's Saturday morning. The weather is cloudy and damp, which of course lends toward the chilly side of things.

My plans for today are flexible, as James is coming over to pick me up. I DO have to go and turn my paintball gun into the Police as directed by court.....

....oh!?! How did court go? Let's just say that I defended myself and ended up having two out of three charges withdrawn. I plead guilty to Mischief under $5000, and have a weapons ban.... Hence my being told to hand in my paintball gun because it looks like an assault rifle.... Ugh! But! The good news is all the other BS got tossed. I do have to attend anger management classes, but between you and I, Dear Diary, this is something I actually wanted.

It takes a strong person to admit they need help. It takes strong will to seek help. I do want to see a counselor for the issues that cause problems. As I've told you before, I endeavor to become a better individual in all I do.

Not sure when James is coming, so this might be a short entry.

My office is set up enough for me to start working. I expect to start working on my stories, as well as, "Debunking the CBC". I'm excited!

It WILL be difficult to snap out of this unproductive slump I've been in. Netflix and YouTube are a nasty way to distract you and waste hours! So is Facebook, now that I think of it. No to mention "Clash of Clans", "Star Trek", and some other little application where I defend my walls.....

.......looks like I have some habit breaking to do.

The best way methinks to ensure I get my work done each day is to make a schedule. I do fairly well when I have a structured day. I allot time for certain projects, and even give myself deadlines. It works... most of the time.

Oh! gotta jet! Talk soon!

February 17th
Sunday morning; no news to watch / debunk, and everyone is gearing down from the weekend which means all my friends are busy. A quiet day....

.....Memo to me: Find out where the closest, relevant* Church is located. It might be time to get my ars back to regular Worship.

Yesterday, James an I went and got a car-load of my belongings. I managed to get some art supplies and a few other things. My office is missing a computer chair, but other than that I'm ready for Monday morning's debunk. We also managed to pick up the rest of the things I need to work on my plastic models..... There were many that ended up broken during the move, or as I said, "....Looks like they went through World War Two".

I need fishing line to hang them from the ceiling. Maybe I can find a buddy that can spare a few meters. I suppose if I ever get my fishing equipment back I'll have lots. Just have to leave the airplanes parked for now.

You know what, Dear Diary? A bit of modelling might do my soul some good. I have a canvas tacked to the wall now, so I COULD do some painting. I also COULD work on a dragon head or such with paper mache....

...and from the looks of it the sun might shine this afternoon, basking my baby in real light.

Not much else to report in my life right now. I don't have anything worldly to share; no news is good news they always say.

Enjoy your daily revolution on Earth... I forget how fast the planet spins, but I know it takes 24 hours to complete one revolution. Talk soon.

* Relevant - A denomination that applies to my beliefs.

February 23rd
Good morning, Dear Diary. I realize I've missed a couple of days, but to be frank not much of note has occurred.

The apartment is super quiet. I can't hear any of the other tenants at all. I sleep well at night, and I'm not bothered by anyone.

My roommate are getting along well. Let's hope this is a lasting friendship.

Hephestusamazilion is frisky and loves to chase the roommate's cat around. He's doing pretty well, and is back on his routine. He really enjoys sleeping on a soft pillow at night, tucked in like a baby. How do I know he likes that? He snuggles into the pillow and immediately closes his eyes ready to be tucked in like a little kid. I really do love my little scale baby, and he brings me great joy.

I'm OK; back on the debunking team I find myself fulfilled by bringing truth to Canadians.This really keeps me busy and gives me focus.

Forgot to tell you what the weather is like today. Wanna venture a guess? Yup, you guessed it; cloudy. I guess I can't complain because we got a day of sunshine yesterday.

I have a busy day ahead of me, as I do have to go out later. For now I am going to tackle last night's episode of "The National" and bring my thousand of political fans the material they so desperately crave.....

...the truth.

February 28th
Good afternoon, Dear Diary. It's nearly 6 PM as I write this entry, mostly because I REALLY need to get some things off my chest.

Weather? Cold. Cloudy. Crappy.

As you know well, my Dearest Diary, I am once again subject to the Canadian court system for a domestic altercation. You also know that this isn't the first time, either. Since we're on a roll, I bet you can guess that it's due to the same elemental factors, eh? Correcta-mundo!

It takes two to fight. I've never claimed innocence, unless I was trying to crack a joke. you know? "I'm the poster-boy for innocence"..... Lord knows I've said that in jest more than a few times! When I've been involved in a dispute there was always a damned good reason.

If I've raised my voice, there's a problem. If I have resorted to physical violence, there's a problem. BOTH are choices that I make at the time and deem necessary. PLEASE don't make me raise my voice, and good LAWRD don't make me have to move quickly!

My mom raised no wuss; we were expected to be tough as nails. One thing I love about my mom, even growing up in the 70's, was she was non-judgmental, accepting and held no gender bias; boys and girls were both expected the same level of competence in all matters. I distinctly remember my sisters hitching up their skirts and beating the boys at football or softball. There was no expectations on my siblings and I due to our gender; everyone had a role based on their competence and individuality. I guess this is where I draw my own personal beliefs of equality; if my father ever chose to raise a fist to my mother, you can bet your ass she would bring the whoopass. Another aspect that I recall as a child? Tattle-tails got the same punishment as those who committed the crime. As far as my parents were concerned we children were to settle our differences by ourselves, and only became involved when it as necessary.

I've told you stories, Dear Diary, of heading out into the woods armed with matches to build a campfire at a tender, young age. We were responsible children in a different era. My childhood holds no resemblance to today's average child.

ANYWHO................ What's ticking me off right now is the fact I just attended my first "Changing Ways" class. I'm attending this 12 week course due to a plea deal I made with the Crown Attorney; I go to this class and they withdraw two of the three charges I currently have before the court.

As for when I publish a full account of that moment? The gods only know. Give me a bit and some medicinal motivation, K?

Back on track, I'm frustrated with the program I'm currently taking. Why? Allow me to explain.....

......Let's start with addressing the elephant in the room; the double standard that exists with the two genders. Before we do that, it needs to be understood that men and women are very different. I could write a book on this particular topic, but to make a long story short? Well, just reference pop culture, societal norms, accepted expectations based on gender, historic references, et all... Men and women are different....

....our physical bodies are built differently, our choices of food and drink are different, our minds are WIRED differently*, and although we're both built around our sexual reproductive organs like an A-10 Warthog is designed around its main weapon....... Men and women are different.

There are only two genders. I also know that God designed each of us perfectly, even those who differentiate from the status quo. (Norm)

The reason I am "Frustrated and disappointed" with my first class is very simple; it is completely sexually bias.

Can't give you details, Dear Diary, because I signed a waiver. So don't go looking for specifics on who-said-what. I CAN talk about topics and discuss how I feel about the way the material is presented and the way I feel about the topics and, or program in general.

I agree with one fella in the class; coffee should be served. Make it on a donation basis, but it wouldn't hurt to have a large perk coffeemaker in the corner to ensure the participants stay alert. I write this in case one of my workers decides to read my entry... Hint, hint.

Men ARE more violent than women. Women are more emotionally abusive than men.

Which hurts more? The physical abuse? Or the emotional abuse?

I think I've used the analogy of a person who has been both physically abuse and emotionally abused, and I described how the scars will remain, but the bruises and pain go away.... BUT!! The emotional pain of the incident NEVER goes away fully.... Like a scar on the heart and mind it lingers and remains. In my experience and observation I personally believe that emotional abuse is much more damaging than physical abuse.

The class is lead by women, teaching about women being abused.

I realize that I've taken this course back in 2012. For more information on that, please read "Between the Bars of a Jail Cell".

This time around it's my choice. I find myself constantly butting heads with modern-feminists and I decided that "Why not get the information from the horses mouth, eh?"

My instructor stated something akin to "Oh! I've heard about you". This was due to the way I answered one of her questions. I found this amusing, but annoying at the same time.

I analysed the whole class. Perhaps I am being too hyper-sensitive or over-analyzing. The term my buddies use for this is "Zzorhning it".

I was active. I chose to offer my thoughts. I was honest, and in some cases... brutal.

They can't pull the wool over my eyes. I'm too old and too educumaced for this.

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO MY NEXT CLASS. This sin't sarcasm, nor does it have any emotional attachment whatever. And, uh, no I didn't hit my caps lock. I sincerely mean that I am looking forward to my next session. The more I learn in life......

.......[Chuckles] But then again, I could just be taking pointers on my instructors on how to better deal with the opposite sex and modern-feminism.

Yea..... Feel much better getting that off my chest. To heck with the ladies, I say; as long as I have my Hephestusamazilion and a keyboard as a weapon I'm good.

Night, dudes and dudettes.

*Women and men have differently wired brains.

March 6th
Good afternoon, Dear Diary. It's been a cold couple of days.

I haven't written much, mostly because there's not much to really talk about. The house is very quiet, so there's no complaints there. Each day is very drama-free in my surroundings, so there's nothing to write about there. No lady in my life either, so nothing to report on the romance aspect. Hephaestusamazilion is doing well and growing; I can see his girth getting bigger, and he's a super-tame, gentle, teenage iguana. The roommate's cat is annoying, but that's just a cat being a cat.

Don't know why anyone owns a cat. They have no personal boundaries and are destructive, not to mention the hair and dander they leave behind. Not like a cat will stop a burgler or anything remotely productive. Lord help you if it's a female cat that hasn't been fixed; the meows and invasion of personal space is enough to drive a person bat-shit-crazy.

I've been spending my time writing for "Debunking the CBC" and working on plastic models, as well as, my art. I'm STILL fixing broken models that were broken because you-know-who packed them in a reckless manner.

Anyway, I should get my butt in gear. I just laid down to deal with pain and ended up falling asleep for four hours. Oops! There goes half my day it seems.

March 6th - Half hour later
Just got a message from You-know-who. Now I'm all stressed out from her use of negativity and guilt trips. All my plans to work on projects just hit a brick wall, because I can't concentrate when I'm stressed out. Ugh!

March 8th
Good afternoon, Dear Diary! The sun is shining, and the temperatures are expected to rise. It's Friday, and my roommate helped me out with a bit of medication, so my internal pain was gone; I decided to clean the house, and here it is afternoon already.

How time flies when you're having fun, eh?

Hephaestusamazilion is doing well. He has notably grown in the last couple of months, but he's still being a picky eater. He's extremely active and loves to roam around the house, or as I call it, "Godzilla mode"; Heffy doesn't remember he has a long tail and tends to knock things over. He gets along well with the roommate's cat, and the two of them play together all the time. He's quite content in his setup and the way his little world is at the moment. Who can blame him? He has his own personal waterfall to drink from!!

I attended my meeting yesterday for domestic violence against women. Remember I cannot divulge many details of the class under contract, so please don't ask. What I can tell you, however, is that the class yesterday wasn't too bias.....

......well, until I went and pointed out the double standard for men and women when it comes to societal expectations and the Canadian Justice system's extreme bias position against men. Things got a teeny bit awkward.

Our instructor took offense to what I had to say. She's a professional, and I certainly cannot fault her teaching skills or personality. However, the micro-expressions she flashed and the way she jumped to the defense of women spoke volumes about her position on the matter.

We debated my talking points for about a minute, and then the teacher called for a show of hands to see if anyone else agreed with my position on the obvious double standard between the two sexes.....

.......a large majority of the people in the room raised their hands. Some even gave verbal exclamations of agreement.

Well!! Our instructor flinched. When she called for a show of hands who thought she was correct, a few hands meekly raised into the air. She flinched again.

Saved by the bell, she was called out into the hall and placed our other instructor in charge of the group. When she came back in it was obvious her composure had been regained, and she took over the class again. The topic of a double standard was over.

Just thought that was amusing, Dear Diary; to see a self-declared feminist flinch at truth that defies their logic. Don't get me wrong, eh? I believe in equality for men and women, but I can see and have experienced the extreme levels of bias that exists in court and societal norms. EG: Women are "Allowed" to hit a man "If he deserves it". It happens in movies, public, and in the privacy of the home. A slap or a punch, or even throwing things is acceptable in society's eyes. (To a point) Men are thought of as weak if they strike a woman, even in retaliation or defense. Men are aggressors, while women are viewed as victims in today's society and modern feminist ideology.

Let's just move past this, because I could probably talk all day about the topic. Notice I mentioned no specifics, but managed to get my point across about the incident in class I found so amusing? Besides, I have something I really want to tell you!

I'm not certain where to start......

.....Do YOU REMEMBER me ever talking about the "Woman of / in my dreams"?

I say it like that, because this woman appears in my dreams at times, and if she were real I would date her in a heartbeat. She's a beautiful, strawberry-blond woman with sparkling eyes full of love and life. She can be gentle at moments and brutally savage at other times. She's a warrior and a poet, a strong equal in the household and the bedroom, and she has a strong moral ground.

She comes to me during times in my life that are both stressful and peaceful. When I've been in my darkest place, like jail, she would come to me and bring comfort. There was moments of peace and tranquility where we would simple talk in a setting of extreme comfort.

Don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, I'm never intimate with this woman in my dream. We do flirt back and forth, but there's a good reason nothing ever comes of it......

.....apparently she is an ancestor of mine.

Yup! There it goes; I saw your eyes roll. A ghost coming time and again to appear in someone's dreams, and not only that, but claims to be a long-lost relative? Sounds like it's time to call the nice men in white who give out jackets that latch up really tight, eh?

Believe what you want; it's happened for so many years that I know it's not some fluke or something my brain has picked up from watching movies or in real life.

Yesterday got a call from my daughter. It brought me great joy to hear her voice! Living apart from children is hard for any parent, and I think about my kids every day. To hear that she was doing well, as well as, the strength in her voice, brought me peace in ways I cannot describe.

But!! (And here is what gets freaky, Dear Diary) Apparently the red-headed woman is now visiting my daughter. We talked about what she looks like, and both of us came up with the same description. Not only that, but the woman told my daughter to talk to me about it for validation of her existence. EI: The red-headed woman in my daughter's dream wanted her to ask me about it for proof that she was indeed real. "Ask your dad", was the demand.

So, what does THAT mean?

It gets freakier.

Having spoken with my adult daughter I began to Netflix and Paint. That's when the video-phone rang. (Yes, we now have Star Trek video conversations. Isn't that cool?!)

I've never written about my other daughter (To my knowledge) in any of the "Turn the Page" series or the "Obscure Arcanum" series, but I do indeed have another daughter. As usual I will not be providing any details about my child's whereabouts and such for safety reasons.

However, I have a young girl that I have considered my daughter for over a decade.

I met her mom a long, long time ago; in fact we grew up together, so to speak.... She's 11 years my junior. To bring you a little clarification on the length of time I've known this woman, Tyna* was the flower-girl in my wedding.

One day, Tyna was walking down the street where I lived pushing a baby carriage. I naturally went over to greet her, and subsequently teased her about babysitting. Turns out it was hers. We parted ways and didn't speak for some time.

Then a while later Tyna came into the place where I was working. To make a long story short, we exchanged phone numbers....

........and eventually began dating.

I remember the first time I went to see her for a date; I went to her home and was greeted at the door by this little toddler with a suckie in her mouth. From behind her Tyna called out, "She's shy.....". Almost immediately the young toddler popped the soother out of her mouth and babbled, "Hi". Both Tyna and I was shocked, and once I was settled in for a bit and had offered a chocolate to the youngster, I had a new best friend. (It was Valentine's Day - February 14th, 2007)

Let's just say that Tyna and I soon found ourselves falling in love, and three months later the young toddler called me "Dadda". Again, both Tyna and I were shocked. Neither of us had told her that, or even talked about it. Where she learned that from still remains a mystery.

The youngster and I soon developed a strong bond. In fact, her mom began to complain that her daughter was beginning to act just like me.

I fell sick in 2008-2009. By the Summer of 2009 I was unable to work from my intestinal issues. Tyna took on the role as primary breadwinner while I stayed at home as primary caregiver to our young daughter.

I would love to describe in great detail all the moments and times I shared with my youngest daughter, but suffice to say she was "Mini Me". Just think of how I act on the paintball field, how I talk, my body language and mannerisms, et all, and you'll have a decent image of the young girl.

FYI, my oldest daughter is also like me in so many aspects I couldn't begin to list them all.

ANYWAY, at yesterday's meeting the subject was children and relationships. During that meeting my thoughts drifted to ALL my children, and I went home and continued to think about moments in time spent with my babies.

My oldest daughter called. That in itself was "The Law of Attraction" at work...... Having meditated on a certain person I had induced an energy wave into the Universe and felt the reply. The Law of Attraction is basically, what you think becomes reality. It's a little more complex than that, however, that's the basic function. It's like gravity; we know it exists and we feel its effect, but we can't necessarily understand everything about gravity. PLUS even if we didn't know anything about gravity or how it works, we would still feel the effects regardless... That is how The Law of Attraction works. Those that are attuned to it can actually use it to some advantage, like helping to understand moments in time, or even initiate a set of circumstances.

I've used The Law of Attraction at times in my lifetime. It does indeed work.

Tyna, who I have not spoken to in a long, long time, suddenly video-called me.

We spoke at great length! It was really great to catch up with her, and see that she is doing ok....

...and then I saw my kid's head poking out from behind the cupboards in the background. I called her over, and she shyly approached.

I got to speak to my youngest daughter! You have no idea, Dear Diary, how that feels!

So..... As we're sitting talking, Tyna giggles and lifts the sweater she's wearing to show me the shirt she was wearing underneath...... We. Were. Wearing. The. Same. Shirt.

Like... POW!!! Mind blown, eh?! Apparently both of us got dressed in the morning in the EXACT SAME shirt, thought about each other for much of the day, and then end up talking for over an hour.

Speaking of which, I think I was using my data... Oops! Better check that.. .Oh! Safe! Only used a gig of data or so.

SO.............. Are you keeping track of how many random occurrences just "Happened"? Two kids calling after a day of me thinking about my children, the mother of my youngest daughter calling out of the blue after me thinking about her, PLUS the fact we were wearing the same shirt?!?

That's the Law of Attraction in action, folks.

I gotta get going. Lots to do and now I have very little time to do it in. We'll talk soon, I promise. Hope you have a great weekend!

*Tyna - NOT her real name

March 10th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The weather today is cloudy, extremely windy, and laced with freezing rain. Yet another day of garbage weather. Yesterday the sun actually shone, and you would not believe how much that lifts the souls and energy of people. What a difference weather can make when it comes to the moods of people.

I woke up this morning to find my iguana staring at me. Apparently he woke up before me and crawled over to see "His hooman". I said, "Good morning, Heffy", and he gave me a couple of licks on the nose. So much love!

Not much to report today. With the kind of weather we're experiencing I don't believe I want to go outside for much of anything. The plans for today is to work on a plastic airplane model, and perhaps some painting. I'd like to write but I'm lacking medication, and hence, the ability to lean over and type causes me intestinal pain. Sitting in a chair, leaning back and slowly working on a model is about as much as I can do at the moment.

Hope you have a great day!

March 15th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The weather is above freezing, but it's cloudy and damp. There was one day of sunshine a few days ago, but like common sense in Canada it was fleeting and was more about appearances than substance. This weather pattern has been holding on since February 2017.

See why it's helpful to keep a diary? One can simply look back to check on the past and see emerging patterns.

It's not just weather that is easier viewed by keeping a diary, but also my actions and deeds during times of stress. Being able to go back and perform such a review of my life shows patterns, but also shows personal growth. In that way this diary has been a great help to me.

I attended my court-mandated class yesterday. Once again I am reminded of how different I truly am.....

......I participated as expected, however, my choice of language and understanding of human behaviour is plain for all to see. At one particular moment when I answered one of the other people in the class blurted, "Can you dumb that down and explain that to the rest of us?"

One of my answers got the instructor so twisted up she became extremely vocal and dominated the conversation in an attempt to diminish my talking points.

Once again, Dear Diary, I cannot talk about what went on in the classroom in any specifics. I have signed a confidentiality clause in order to attend the class. However, I can tell you the topic that was discussed.....


About half-way through the class I was reminded of a line from the classic movie, "The Princess Bride", because every-time the instructor would mention the word, "Respect", my brain kept repeating, "How come you keep using that word?! I do not think it means what you think it means!"

Let me explain. No! There is too much. Let me sum up..... (Also from Princess Bride)

........according to this ideology we are to automatically give EVERYONE respect, right off the hop, without any requirements beforehand. This kind of thinking flies in the face of everything I've ever been taught, because in my life I was instructed that people earn respect over time through words and deed.

That wasn't the only topic I found completely contradictory to everything I've ever learned.

Apparently there are more than two genders. When I corrected the instructor she went into a complete meltdown, reciting rhetoric and propaganda that's been programmed into her by "Higher education".

I've spoken on the topic of gender before. I feel no need to fully explain myself.

My biggest claim in any matter of diversity is simple; if what you do doesn't affect me then I'm fine with it. As long as your actions and words cause me no ill effects than I'm perfectly content with differences. However! The moment you affect me or force me to respect your differences? Well, then I have a major issue! The concept that everyone is to be afforded respect is absurd! I don't have to respect anyone if I choose to! This idea that I'm going to viewed as negative for not adhering to modern ideology is as bonkers as the concepts it bolsters!

As I explained to the instructor, everything in life is determined by time and location.

How an individual acts in a public setting, say, a crowded bus, is completely different to how someone would react to having those same people in their home. On the street I conduct myself much differently than I do in a setting aboard mass transit; I'll walk over to you on the street and say hello, but chances are if we meet on a crowded bus I'll avoid eye contact.

There are many people I don't respect. In fact, when asked WHO I respected the list in my head was VERY SHORT. Is it weird that as time goes on I find myself with less and less people I respect? This self-analysis caused me mixed emotions at first, but now I'm perfectly content to realize just how few people in life I actually respect.

The same goes for gender. I'm educated enough to not fall sway to the rhetoric, and realize that there is very-real pressure on those who don't choose to fall in line with the rest of the indoctrinated masses.

My instructor doesn't understand the difference between modern-feminism and the original intent of feminism. She became agitated when I brought up this point, and quickly moved on from the topic.

So, what am I getting from these classes? That's a good question......

.......it's 5 hours out of my life each week by the time I leave the house and return each time. What exactly does any of this accomplish?


I feel this is more of a review for me, but like all things in life it's good to occasionally go back and review things. Just like going back a few chapters and seeing how I am dealing with stress can make a difference in my life, the same goes for life-courses like anger management.

Who knows, eh? Maybe one day I'll figure out how to deal with women.

On that joke..... Errr, I mean, note, I'll let you go. Hope you have a great Friday and best wishes for a safe, happy weekend!


I wrote a small backstory for the latest plastic model I have put together. The model was a gift from James (You remember my buddy James from a couple of chapters ago?) As I explained to him, I wrote a small backstory for the vivid paint-job on this model. I hope you enjoy....

......oh! You should see it hanging from my ceiling... Under the black lights.


As he stared at the custom green and orange paint on the Douglas Skyraider, or “Flying Dump truck” as most of the lads on the ground crew adoringly called it, he vividly remembered the Commander's stark words, “Tell that DAMNED crew of yours to make that aircraft stand out like a neon beacon, Lieutenant!”, although the old Navy Officer never explained as to why. Now that he looked at the plane he wondered what kind of mission would require such drastic colouration.

There was no camo markings, in fact, the entire aircraft appeared to be one giant splash of paint; vivid green on the top and blazing orange on the bottom. Only the typical Navy insignia adorned the plane, and it seemed only to identify the aircraft even more so. It made no sense to have typical markings on an aircraft that a bystander on the ground could visibly spot from seven Kilometers away on a bright sunny day.

It made absolutely no sense.

“You almost need sunglasses to look at it”, chirped the burly mechanic beside the Lieutenant. He broke out in a chuckle.

“It's pretty bright”, muttered the Ace pilot. With a squint he quipped, “Any particular reason as to why my aircraft looks like a Christmas tree?” Turning to the ground Chief, he shook his head, “Or does such news trickle down to you grunts...”

The Chief scoffed, and chided the Skyraider pilot, “Be nice, sir!” His face brightened up, however, as he teased, “What?! They didn't tell you at headquarters?”

“No”, stated the pilot bluntly.

The ground Chief chuckled and teased his friend, “Well, I just so happen to know the reason your aircraft has been painted like that”.


The Chief nodded his head and walked over to the lighting panel on the side of the hanger. As the lights flicked off and the entire airplane hangar was plunged into darkness, the Chief's voice rang out, “It's because you're grounded for the evening, Sir!”

There was a loud click followed by an audible hum on the ceiling. Bright purplish lights flickered to life all over the ceiling, and the Lieutenant’s aircraft glowed with an unnatural intensity. The Chief's excited voice rang out once more across the hanger, “We're hosting a party in your honour tonight, and we've decided to use this kind of fluorescing lighting our scientists have discovered.....They call it black-light”. The Chief’s teeth glowed brightly under the black lights as he grinned and called out, “Your wife has been flown in for the occasion. Happy Anniversary, Sir!”

March 16th
It's nearly 6 AM as I type this entry. I've been awake since 4. Why? I think the weather caused a nightmare....

.....like some re-occurring disaster the wind and snow has returned. I awoke from a nightmarish dream of being isolated and alone in a barren winter landscape, only to wake up to the wind howling through the cracks in the window of my room.

This sensation of being isolated is something I have experienced before. I'm not talking about feeling alone, like being in a crowded room and feeling left out; I'm talking about being utterly and completely alone without any humans around as far as the eye can see.

In my dream I felt like I was in a snowfort. If you've never crawled into the far end of a dug-out shelter constructed of snow then it's highly unlikely you'll understand the sensation I'm speaking of. There's no noise as the snow acts like an insulating blanket and it becomes so silent that you can hear your heartbeat. It's dark with hues of blue and white, but trying to see any detail is impossible.

What made such imagery a nightmare was the pretext; in my dream I had barely survived getting out of a post-apocalyptic world and had travelled North to find safety and refuge, only to find cold isolation. My emotional state was desperation and feeling like I was in complete limbo.

I imagine this would be exactly what would happen if someone was to choose to strike out on their own after a world-wide disaster. Each day isn't about living, but rather, mere survival. There's no endeavours for the future except to make small personal plans to survive from day to day. Gone is the intricacies of human interaction, not to mention the attention of the opposite sex. There's no variety of food, drugs and alcohol would become a thing of the past, and there's no news of any sort.

I suppose that's one thing that most people would have a major difficulty with; from being completely surrounded by information to having absolutely nothing.

Seconds seem like minutes. When you're waiting for the dawn in the cold, dark night, it can seem like forever.

I've lived like this. Each day is the same. Eventually you stop talking, finding conversation foreign. There's no need for a clock, because time is measured by the sun's movement. Food is all cooked over a fire, and sometimes you have to plan days ahead. There's no time for games. The entire world passes you by, and there's no knowledge of what's occurring beyond the horizon.

I think it's the isolation that bothers me the most. I know that if a few days pass me by without some sort of news I feel anxious.

Anyway, it's the sensations that made it a nightmare. Being alone, cold, and having no future except survival seems to cause me great anxiety. I certainly hope that was simply a nightmare and not some sort of lucidity. That's certainly not a future I'd like to have.

The interesting part in all of this is that if you were to change one aspect in the equation it would completely change my attitude; replace being alone with being surrounded by a small community or even a family and I would feel completely at peace, even in such a remote survival setting. I guess that's what really got me feeling upset over this dream; being alone.

As I was saying the other, my circle of friends has become quite small over the years. I'm not certain if this is caused from age, but rather, stems from awareness gained over the course of years. It's often been stated that intelligent and educated people find themselves isolated and lonely. I suppose this is caused by a few factors, namely, being unwilling to put up with other people's bullshit.

After some time you get to a point where you decide to stop arguing with idiots. I guess this comes from realizing that people won't change even if the truth slapped them in the face, and besides, most take it as an affront when they are corrected. The concept of picking and choosing your battles seems to become more important with age.....

....and right now I'm at the point where I realize most humans are happy in their ignorance. So, what's the point of correcting people when all they are going to do is get ticked off?

I need to change my attitude today, but then again, I really need to sleep. The sun isn't up yet, so perhaps maybe I'll go lay down for a bit. Hope the rest of my day is a bit more positive.

March 21st
Good evening, Dear Diary. It's 6 PM as I write this, and really needed to get something off my chest.

Oh! Weather is damp, cloudy, cold, yadda, yadda. We did have a sunny day yesterday. I felt like, "What's that bright shiny object in the sky?".... Just kidding.

ANYWHO..... I REALLY need to talk to someone about this major issue that is plaguing my mind. It's like I can't get it out of my head, and it even haunts my dreams in the last couple of days.

New Zealand is reeling from a terrorist attack. Over 50 people were killed, with many more injured. The whole nation is coming together to combat the fear and help understand the senselessness of this violent act.

The Prime Minister of New Zealand is calling for a ban on all semi-automatic weapons and anything that can modify a rifle.

Unlike the United States of America, the nation of Kiwis don't have a strong gun culture. Unlike Canada, the residents of New Zealand don't have a rooted history of hunting and trapping ingrained in their minds. They do hunt in New Zealand, but the attitude is much different that Western nations in North America. So, to try and understand the mindset and reaction of the nation of New Zealand you would have to remember their history and attitudes towards rifles.

The nation is reportedly happy to be turning in their firearms. Media sources make it appear as if the whole of New Zealand is adhering to the new gun laws.

You know who isn't following the gun laws? Criminals.
History proves time and again that when a population is disarmed it is subject to the government. There are some who are calling the Kiwi Prime Minister a hero, claiming she should receive a Nobel Peace Prize for disarming her nation. If that's the case then Hitler deserves a metal as well. See how ridiculous it is?

My FEAR is that Canada will be subject to a major terror attack of some sort, either from the sleeper cells that exist in Canada, or a government-initiated red-flag event. My fear that I cannot shake is that the Canadian government will use that act of violence as a political tool, just like the New Zealand leader is doing.

The political-left often uses tragedy for their own personal gain and agendas. It revolts me in ways words cannot describe.

I fear for our species. This run-away political correctness will be the destruction of nations! History proves this as well; any nation who adheres to political correctness has suffered catastrophic damage, and in some cases even been wiped off the map.

In 2009 I stated that the fall of North America will not come from bombs or bullets, but political correctness run amok! That was a decade ago.......

......and just look at how much society has degraded in that time-frame.

My dreams are of a disarmed nation. Canadians suddenly subject to the whims of the government and other nations. Citizens essentially held hostage by their leaders.

"But it's a democracy...."

No. Canada is NOT a real democracy. Neither is the United States of America. We have a democratic system, but much of that is smoke-and-mirrors for the public. Canada doesn't elect the Prime Minister; the political party selects the leader. USA is a Republic, not a real democracy, either. So, anyone claiming that Canada is a democracy is full of crap. Canada is a socialist nation, don't be fooled.

So, the socialist nation of Canada would be vulnerable to hostile take-over by any other military or subject to attack from any kind of terrorist or sleeper cell. It scares the living be-Jesus out of me!

Just so we're clear, Dear Diary, I have no rifles or "Guns"; the court system took away my right to own such weapons back in 2004 for a marijuana possession charge. Ugh! Pardon me whilest I rolleth my eyes.

What really constitutes a "Weapon"? In my experience it can be anything. Even a rock or a tree branch can become a deadly weapon. Vehicles are becoming a common terror weapon to commit mass-murder. It always makes me wonder why society always looks at "Guns" when something horrific occurs.

Don't disarm the population, let everyone carry a weapon and see how much extremest violence occurs. Just my personal thoughts, but to me it all makes so much sense; if the population is armed to the teeth it would make a would-be lone-wolf terrorist think two or three times before attempting mass-murder.

If I could I would carry a sword and daggers. If you're packing a "Gun" you better hit me on the first shot, because you won't get a second. Seriously; science has proven the fact that a person using a knife can move faster than a attacker drawing a gun and taking aim. I think it's around 12 - 16 feet that a knife-wielder can catch the gunman off-guard. It was on "Myth Busters".

I dunno... I'm so crippled up now. I'm eventually going to have to admit I'm not as fast as I used to be. That, and I walk with a cane......

.....hit by too many vehicles, I say...... I'm up to 15 now.

I feel a little better getting my fears off my chest. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone, you know? Thank you, Dear Diary, for being there for me.

Gun control: It's like, one person speeding down the highway and killing a few people and the government taking away the licenses from everyone that was obeying the speed limit.

Have a gooder, eh?

March 22nd
Good morning, Dear Dairy. It's Friday, and I have a full day planned. I had to get up early to get my day started, so here I sit with the lights off waiting for the time when I untuck my Hephaestusamazilion from bed.... I just don't want to wake up my scale baby. Sleep is important for physical and mental health, and it doesn't matter if you're warm or cold blooded.

The weather is supposed to be chilly, but there's rumours of the sun making an appearance.

My plans for today include getting some work done on the tattoo on my leg.

Before I go I need to get my room tidied up, and since I'm not certain what time I'll be home I have to prepare the iguana's breakfast and get everything I need ready to go. Basically, Dear Diary, I'm stating there's not time for a long entry.

I just wanted to say good morning, and I hope you have a  great weekend. Talk soon.

March 24th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is shining, and the temperatures are above freezing. Looks like it's going to be a decent day in terms of weather. Actually, the forecast for the week shows a bright cartoon sun for most of the time. Let's hope this is an indication of changing weather patterns, eh?

Sunday morning. Still haven't located an applicable place of Worship at this time. My main problem with modern religion is the fickleness and political correctness that has seeped into the ideology of religion. I find many Church-going people to be very hypocritical, and due to this I am having a difficult time convincing myself I should join their worship services. So, no Church for me again today.

Don't get me wrong, Dear Diary; my belief in a God has never been stronger. I just find too many faults in today's Worship services to join.

Things are good at my little apartment. Relations with my roommate have never been better. It's super quiet in this place, and I consistently manage to get a full night's rest. During the day it is also a place of refuge and wonderfully stress-free. I am able to find it within myself to write, when my body will allow it......

....still subject to the whims of my disabilities. That's something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

I went and had some tattooing done on Thursday afternoon. The new tattoo is a dragon band around my left leg. Still more work to be done, so I'll have to go back later this week.

The house is clean; I spent a few hours yesterday doing my usual weekly-cleaning. My roommate loves my standard of cleanliness.

Today I expect to do some writing, and perhaps work on a bit of plastic modeling. I might sew a bit if given the time.

Hope you have a wonderful day, Dear Diary. I'll talk to you later.

March 26th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The weather is chilly, but the sun is expected to shine. That makes... THREE days in a row that we've had sunshine!

I better not say anything.... Maybe even knock three times on something wooden. {Hits head}

Yes, I'm in a decent mood this morning. I'm fairly pain-free. Good news.... My plan for today is to head uptown to attend a meeting and hit a few "Pokemon Go" stops along the way.

Yes, I play Pokemon Go. The game forces me to take a walk everyday, plus it keeps track of how far I go each week, even encourage me to walk further than I usually would. So, in all respects I say the game is good for me.

Hephaestusamazilion is doing well this morning. With two days of sunshine the little lizard is radiating energy and colour. It helps that I ensure he gets his calcium powder along with his usual diet of vegetables and the odd fruit or two. What exactly does he eat? Well, iguanas require a green vegetable, an orange vegetable, leafy greens, legumes, alfalfa, as well as, a supplement of vitamins and calcium. As I've stated before, iguanas don't make easy pets to take care of and tame. Mine just happens to be a very spoiled rescue iguana that I believe knows how good he really has it. His heart must be made of pure gold, as he's the most gentle lizard I've ever seen. He understands a few words, that much I'm certain, because he does what he's told in many of the routine cases each day. I'm very happy with my scale baby as you can probably tell!

Speaking of my iggy, my roommate's cat has developed an odd relationship with the common-green iguana. The two of them spend quite a few hours each day lounging and playing, not to mention all the routine moments the cat never seems to miss. EG: Each day Heffy has a bath, and the cat is right there to "Kiss" and inspect bath-time. It's the weirdest thing!

My roommate told me that if I ever caught them doing it again to whip out my camera, so I did. Have a look, Dear Diary. Isn't that cuteness overload?!

I meme'd the two of them. They say a word speaks a thousand pictures, and I felt this moment of two dissimilar creatures just doing what they love only proves how animals on our world should be!
Love, respect, coexistence knows no race or species!

What do you do with all those "Extra parts" when you're finished a model? How about the left-over sprue?

WHY, build an anti-aircraft tower, of course!!

FREE. All the pieces came from previous builds, and much of this would have ended up thrown away. Never let your creativity be limited by economics! The point, I believe, is to simply have fun!

Well, I should gt my butt in gear! Hope you have a wonderful day! Talk soon!

April 12th
It's just after midnight as I type this entry. For the third night in a row I am having an extremely difficult time falling asleep. I figured that since I was wide awake I should do something productive with my time, like write this journal entry.

Much has happened since we last spoke, Dear Diary. Most importantly, the freedom of speech most Canadians believe exist proved to be extremely false, as 4 days ago the government of Canada has cracked down on what they deem dissenters. From Stefan Molyneaux to "Debunking the CBC", several professional analysts were removed from social media. Off the top of my head I can think of a few free-thinkers who have lost their ability to spread the truth; Lisa Haven, "Press for Truth", and "Alternative Media Television" have all been booted from Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites. The crackdown is on against those who oppose the "Fake News" of the mainstream media, and who routinely expose the truth to concerned Canadians....

...not only that, but WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, has been arrested. For a decade the whistle-blower has enjoyed amnesty, but no longer; Julian was carried out by law enforcement and is expected to be extricated to the United States of America to answer for his exposure of criminal activities sanctioned by the US government.

Yup! They are punishing people for spreading the truth.

What does this mean for me? A few things, actually.... Notably, I no longer have to spend hours analyzing the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. It also means my life has taken a turn in a new direction. It means I won't be getting "That knock" on the door from some government agency or media source, so that's both potentially good and bad news.

My plan is to go back to writing fiction.

I'm having a massive slump in terms of creativity. I expect much of this is due to stress, but the fact remains that I have gotten into a bad habit of being unproductive. It's true; since my surgery on my foot I have been putting off my projects until "Later". Now that "Later" is here, I am not jumping back at being productive like I had originally planned. Many times have I stared at the computer screen waiting for the inspiration and creativity to flow, only to have time slip past with nothing accomplished. It's not necessarily a writer's block, but rather, a bad habit I've allowed myself to develop.

Still single, however, I had a two-hour phone call earlier with someone I met on a dating site. Yes, I've been testing the water to see if any "Fish in the sea" take a nibble. I have had no success until today. Not sure why the ladies have been so hesitant to approach my profile on a dating site, but in my experience it's usually pretty slow. The people I talk to about such dating sites claim the same thing, that it's difficult to get a decent response from potential partners, and most express some level of frustration. What does this mean to have spent two-hours talking to a complete stranger? Well, you have to start somewhere.

I've always stated that dating after 40 years of age is basically, "So, are we doing this, or what?" I'm kidding, kind of.....

.....think about it; in our youthful, inexperienced years we fumble around and spend oodles of time second-guessing ourselves around members of the opposite sex, but when you're my age people tend to be much more blunt.

"We gotta meet up for the sniff test"......

.....I heard myself say it out loud, and I heard her giggle. Immediately I realized she had taken the statement the wrong way. All I was doing was attempting to be coy about the fact that smell is one of the major determining factors that determine a couple's chemistry. Attraction not only deals with physical looks, intelligence, and personal quirks, but also scent. Science has proven how a person smells has a major determination as to how compatible they are, and in many cases can be a deal-breaker. So, after I explained myself a bit we agreed that we should indeed meet up to see if we are in fact compatible.

There you go, Dear Diary; I have a potential date in the near future.

Oh, one hundred hours.... Still not sleepy. Don't get me wrong, Dear Diary, I'm physically tired, however, the ol' brain just doesn't seem to want to shut down. The night before was 4 AM before I finally nodded off. The night before that it was well after 2 AM before my eyelids felt heavy enough to attempt to sleep.

Fun fact; you have to pretend to be asleep in order to fall asleep.

Maybe that's why I'm not able to fall asleep quickly like I normally can; I don't feel like laying in bed pretending to be asleep for hours. It's quite boring just laying there hoping sleep will overcome you, only to find your mind running through all the mistakes you've made lately, or better yet, over-analyzing the situation I currently find myself in.

I have recently discovered a new fear after some soul-searching. Apparently I am frightened of growing old alone. This discovery has been prompted by the sudden end of my last relationship, as well as, a life-long culmination of heartbreaks and disappointments; my worry is that as I age there will be fewer women who find me attractive......

....and, let's face reality; I now suffer from at least two disabilities.

Being physically "Broken" pervades my mind when I think of what I potentially offer a new partner. I know I suffer emotional scars as well as the physical ones, and it worries me that this emotional trauma will hinder my ability to fully partake in a new relationship.

Mom has told me I should cut off my penis. This is her way of warning me to stay clear of women. I know she's completely joking, but she does have a valid point; I've gotten in more trouble chasing the ladies than any other influence in my life. Sorry, mom.... That's not happening anytime soon.....

.....I just have to find someone mom will approve of, I guess.

My brain must be getting tired; things are making sense to me, but I'm having difficulty putting my thoughts into words. I guess it doesn't help that I've only had a few hours of sleep each night for the last couple of days. There are so many things I want to say on the matter of online-dating, relationships, and growing older, but I don't know where to start. So many questions come to mind that they spiral around and around in my head making me dizzy......

.....what happens if we don't have "Chemistry"? Better yet, what happens if we DO find chemistry between us? Where do I go from there?  I know I'm ready for some heart-felt cuddles and developing a growing bond, but the idea of meeting someone new frightens me. I guess my fear of being alone is overruled by my fear of meeting someone new, eh?

See what I mean by "Many questions"? Am I the only one who thinks like this?

Changing the subject; I tuned up my bicycle yesterday. I'm eager to get back to the wonderful trails that London has to offer. I just need to find myself a fishing rod and I'll be set for the Summer!

Oh, Summer..... Please hurry!

Speaking of weather, it's been crappy, cold, and cloudy. Same garbage weather, different day.

I'm going to sign out. I hope I manage to get to sleep soon, but until then I'm going to watch some Star Trek on Netflix.

Have a good Friday!

April 20th
Happy 420! This marks the first year that Canada will enjoy the legal use of cannabis. Many who are choosing to partake in activities surrounding the infamous date are claiming it's still a protest. As for me I won't be partaking in any "Celebrations" as I have my medical license for cannabis. I've been legal for a few years now.

The weather is MORE rain and clouds. In fact, Southern Ontario is declaring a storm-watch for the rising flood waters in some areas. Eastern Canada is claiming this year has broken historic levels for flooding.

Dear God;
We don't need anymore rain for a couple of months.
P.S. Can you let the sun shine, pretty please?

I realize it's been a few days since I last wrote an entry. I imagine this is due to how busy I've been, but also because I haven't felt like writing much lately. There HAVE BEEN a few incidents of importance.
-I've had more tattoo work done.
-In exchange for tattoos I am helping clean my ex's house. (Even trade if you ask me)
-I met someone online.....

.......I've never had success with dating sites. I've always viewed them as a money-grab, with success only guaranteed for those willing to spend money, as most dating sites are set-up to encourage paid membership.

You know my rules, Dear Diary; no names without permission.

I went over to this woman's house yesterday for a few hours. Time flew by extremely quickly. I got to meet her little family, and we made "Slime"* and subsequently played with the stringy, gooey mess. It ended up the consistency of a "Nerf" football, and the children invented a game of bouncing little balls of the slime across the table with us.

Yea; our first date consisted of tossing home-made slime back and forth across the kitchen table.

Memo to me: Our anniversary date is April 19th, 2019. This should be an easy date to remember. (4/19/19)

It's safe to say that things went well on our first date as I have been asked to come back today. This request comes not just from "Her", but her kidlets as well.

I'm on cloud-nine. The prospect of new love is always exciting. Let's hope things work out, eh?

As for worldly matters, Trudeau is still getting away with murder, protected by mainstream media, while the same mainstream media attacks Trump. Trudeau has broken several laws, and Trump has broken none. Never has there been such glaring evidence of corruption of mainstream media and news sources like CBC!

Speaking of Trump, the report compiled by Robert Mueller has found NO evidence of collusion. Two years, millions of dollars later, and a political division deeper than the Mariana Trench are the only result. It boggles my brain that anyone would support the Liberals in North America after such extensive evidence of division, hate, and corruption in the US Democrats and the Canadian Liberals. Simply boggles my mind!! You have to be literally brain-dead to not see the criminality of modern Liberals who desire to see our perspective countries destroyed.

Don't believe the Liberals are destroying Canada? Exactly how politically polarized or clueless are you?!!

North Korea test-fired another missile. Analysts are not certain what type of short-range weapon this was, but most believe it was a tactical EMP nuclear missile. This comes in the wake of the failed denuclearization talks in February.

This weekend is Holy week. I am still choosing to not attend a Church due to the propaganda and drastic changes in modern Christianity. It seems that modern religions cherry-pick from the Bible to suit their own needs. Not only that, but while Christianity is under direct attack from Islam and the Muslim community, Christians are turning a blind-eye to the violence and murder perpetrated on their own kind AND actually supporting the plights of Muslims who are caught in the cross-fire of repercussion. All I can do is shake my head in disgust.

Liberal logic: they will protest against a President who said a few words, but won't take a stand against female genitalia mutilation. Liberals cry out in disgust about the children who are placed in detention centers when they attempt to illegally cross an International border, but will donate money so that other women can kill their own babies in abortions. Liberals cry out against poverty in other nations, but ignore the poverty in our own nation. A Liberal will cry foul against any Right-of-center politician for a perceived faux-pas, but will cover up REAL criminality in their own political party.

Enough ranting about the hypocrisy of modern Liberals.

There IS a war coming, mark my words. I seriously hope that Canada and the United States of America find it within themselves to rise up and protect our way-of-life.

A massive fire has destroyed the Roman Catholic Cathedral in France. Christians are forced unto the street for Holy Week services. Meanwhile, authorities are offering a weak explanation for the cause of the blaze, and it's safe to say that I don't believe their narrative. I personally believe that this fire was deliberate, and just another attack on Christianity.

I guess that's all I really have to say at the moment, Dear Diary. Common sense is still a rarity in our society, and people are still basing their actions on personal perception. Selfishness, greed, and ignorance run rampant. Canada needs a miracle.

Hope you have a wonderful day, and may God bless you this Easter season.

*Slime: Made from school-safe glue, shaving cream, hand lotion, water, and borax. Don't ask me why it works the way it does, but the stuff is addictivly fun to play with.

April 22nd
Hello, Dear Dairy. It's Easter Monday, and the sun is shining brightly. I wish I could claim that life is good, however, the reports coming out of Sri Lanka are mind-numbing; 200 people have been murdered in 8 orchestrated explosions. The target of the suicide-bombers was Christianity and Western ideals; 3 Churches and 5 well-known tourist resorts that cater to Westerners were hit. The world is reeling from the devastating news! Even mainstream media is bluntly stating the unfortunate fact that Christianity was the intended target. At this very moment the authorities don't know who did it, and no one is claiming responsibility as of yet.

Claiming responsibility? Yea, right?! Like, the actual perpetrators are going to stick out their necks. Most likely it will be a well-known terrorist organization that eventually claims responsibility, and everyone will assume that the narrative is correct.

The attacks were orchestrated, and occurred at the moment Christians knelt in prayer for Easter services. The Churches were packed as is usual for such an occasion.

What hit me the most is the mainstream media's reaction; they are not holding back on the facts, and the narrative contains ZERO propaganda. There's no undermining the fact this was an attack on a religious group and Western ideals. This surprises me a bit........

.........Dear Diary. What I'm about to say next could be misinterpreted. It's for that reason I want to be clear that I find these horrific attacks in Sri Lanka absolutely revolting! I believe those personally responsible were manipulated cowards who will spend eternity rotting in Hell! The group that trained and armed those men should be eradicated like cockroaches, and used as an example to the world to thwart further attacks.

However, I am personally delighted by the scope and magnitude of the attacks. Why?!?! In the past few hours the entire world has just pulled together and announced that the war on Christianity and Western ideology exists.

I'll say that again in case you missed it; even the leaders who are puppets of the globalist order are speaking publicly about the war on Christianity. News reports indicates that some of the people killed came from powerful families..... Western and European families...... With loads of wealth and influence on the planet.

So far the world has been ignoring the attacks on individual Churches. In Africa there are reports of hundreds of Christians being killed or taken captive. Christianity has been bluntly under attack in many Asian countries. South America is being ripped to shreds with many Christians being personally targeted due to thier religion. Churches all over North America are being torched to the ground. NONE of these made barely any headlines or caused the leaders of the world to come together as one to declare in one voice that Christianity was under attack.

People were stunned when the Cathedral in France burned to the ground a few days ago. I told you then, Dear Diary, that I believed it was NOT an accident as the mainstream media claimed, but rather, a direct attack on Christianity. Now that I glance back at my notes I am more certain than ever that the Cathedral was specifically targeted during Holy Week. I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it.

Again, Dear Diary, please understand that I am devastated that so many lives were lost and so many more were injured in the eight separate attacks in Sri Lanka. I'm just glad that the world is FINALLY waking up......

......on the flip side [Dons his Devil's Advocate hat] Many of those world leaders speaking publicly might be doing so due to pressure. These cries of injustice and demands to find the culprits could be mere show for the cameras. Regardless, the masses are finally getting the message that there is a war on Christianity, and that simple factoid pleases me.

My prediction for the immediate future will be heightened security at major religious centers. People will pull together in the wake of this terrorist attack, and the congregation will grow in a few places. Many who haven't been to Church in a long time will attend services, while a few who regularly attend Church will stay home out of fear. Hopefully the governments across the planet draft some sort of Chrisitianphobia measure, and highlight that Western ideals are being attacked from within.


Now that I've gotten all that tragic news out of my system, I want to move on to the good news.....

.....can I have a drum roll, please?

I'm officially in a relationship! We've even made it "Facebook official"!!

She has a beautiful, normal family. Her standards for cleanliness and decor are up to my standards, which is relieving. She's independent and doesn't require the assistance of man, but rather, wants a man in her life for companionship.

We've spoke of "Forever". Both of us has expressed our concerns based on past relationships, and both of us have vowed to do our best to not allow those past relationships to impact ours.

A blossoming romance in the Spring of 2019......

.......My prediction is a Summer of growth, a bountiful harvest of responsibilities, love, and trust in the Fall, Winter magic and dreams, followed by a lifetime of making memories.

And you know me, Dear Diary......

......I'm not usually wrong when it comes to predictions.

The sun is shining and the air smells sweet. My plan for today is to tidy up, spend some time with Hephaestusamazilion, and then go over to Tina's house. I'm bringing my boffers with me, because I'm going to teach her children a few things about wielding a sword.... Mom is perfectly fine with this, by the way. It's a rough-and-tumble game that the kidlets are going to love, while wearing off the sugar and chocolate they received from the Easter bunny.

On that note, I am signing off. Hope you have a wonderful day. We'll talk soon.

May 3rd
Good morning, Dear Diary. I see that my last entry was quite a few days ago. Don't worry, everything is fine... I just happen to be very busy.

Weather is the same as it has been; cloudy, damp, and you can't rub three sunny, dry days together. We had a bit of sun yesterday, but the weather turned foul and it poured rain overnight. Today the clouds are thick and the sun can barely shine through the veil. I swear. I'm starting to grow moss on my ass with all this cold, damp weather.

Hephaestusamazilion and I have moved in with Tina and her kidlets. Even I'll admit it seems rushed, like Tina and I are moving faster than we should. An analogy I could use is that of a train barreling along the tracks with no brakes on; full-speed ahead and don't spare the steam. The weird part is I'm not worried at all when it comes to Tina, as she is brutally honest and wears her heart on her sleeve.

Speaking of my little lizard, the Heffmeister is doing exceptionally well in his new home. He has quite a bit of socialization with the family, and he's eating healthy food. He has a new basking spot... IF the sun would shine.....

......Today is Friday, which means there's no school for a couple of days. I'm looking forward to making breakfast tomorrow morning; pancakes and bacon... YUM! Last night we baked a cake.... And today I have decided to bake bread.

There's a smidgen of laundry to do and some household chores. My day looks to be a busy one.

So.. Yea, I'm basically living with Tina. I still pay rent at my apartment but I rarely go there, and only for a few minutes. Now that Heffy is living in Tina's house there's no reason for me to go across town.

If anyone asks how Tina and I got together, it's very simple; we "Liked" each other Facebook, I came over for a date that involved playing with home-made slime, went back the next day and then I never went home.

Sometimes things just feel so right you don't hesitate or feel the need to ask questions.

Well, that bread isn't going to make itself. I better get crackin'.... Have a great day and a safe, enjoyable weekend.

May 5th
Good morning, Dear Diary. The sun is shining, and temperatures are expected to rise to 18 degrees. Looks like we're in for a decent day, weather-wise.

Heffy is doing great! He's even more sociable (If that's even possible) and his appetite is vastly increased. I'm hoping to get the little lizard outside this afternoon for a nice bask in the sun. He does enjoy sitting in the South-facing window during the day, but lately the sun has refused to shine. With temperatures spiking to near-room-temperatures it will be safe to take him outside for some radiant solar heat.

Since I have been with Tina I have spent barely any time online. While I've watched the daily news, I have not written a single article about worldly events and/or politics. I've spent barely any time on social media, and haven't even thought about trolling other people or organizations. I've only made a few diary entries, and completed NO story-writing. My entire life-style has changed, and with it a noticeable change in my attitude and personal thoughts.

I have no desire to right-the-wrongs or attempt to educate the masses. I'm certain this is only due to all the distractions that come with finding new love, and I'll eventually get into a routine that is more conducive to writing. I do, however, desire to continue to stay away from social media as I find my soul more at peace, as well as, I now have more time to spend doing other things.....

....like, spending time with my new family. I've slipped into the role of chief-bottle-washer and cook. I'm also enjoying cleaning the house and other house-hold chores. The kidlets keep me busier than a cat trying to cover poop on a marble floor, but you won't hear me complain; they are curious, intelligent, and are guided by morals and manners very akin to my own. My relationship with Tina is hip-skipping along smoothly, and everything between us seems so relaxed and.... What's the word? "Normal"...... if there is such a thing as "Normal" in today's society.

I'm very relaxed, happy, looking forward to each and every day. I realized this morning that it has been several days since I had any dark thoughts..... When I made that realization it occurred to me that thoughts of depression or self-harm are exactly the same as a physical wound; when you're in pain it seems to be the only thing you can concentrate on, but when the pain is gone we stop thinking about injury. For example, if you cut yourself the pain is immediate and acute, and even when the wound is healing there is still a lingering pain and it seems like that's all you can focus on. But! Once the pain subsides we humans tend to forget about the wound, even if it's still finishing healing. This is EXACTLY the same as depression, because when you are depressed it seems like that's all that you can see, but once the wound starts to heal and the pain subsides we tend to forget about the pain. Oh, sure! We'll remember the injury, but we don't tend to remember the lingering pain that stayed with us for so long. Time heals all things, and this is true for not only physical pain but emotional pain as well.

I've healed to the point where I now only remember the initiate emotional injury that brought me so much depression, and while my soul still has scars it would appear that I am in a safe place to appropriate heal myself.

There was another realization that hit me this morning, the fact that I may have discovered what I've been seeking all along; real love......

.....1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Time will tell.

Have a great day! My plan for today is to head over to Odessa Park and partake in some sword-fighting with the famn damily. Talk soon.



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